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<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=85 BGCOLOR="#99CC80" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <B>The Crystal Springs Eye</B><B> ARCHIVES</B><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" ><B>   </B></FONT></div> <div> <I><B>Webmasters Eye View Archive</B></I></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=180 BGCOLOR="#990033" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <A HREF="http://www.crystalspringseye.com" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.crystalspringseye.com"><U><B><IMG SRC="4122a2a0.png" border=0 width="42" height="42" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> <div> <B> C- S- Eye</B></div> <div> <B>Home</B></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="https://vpotts129.tripod.com/id36.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="https://vpotts129.tripod.com/id36.htm"><U><B><IMG SRC="4152a2a0.png" border=0 width="42" height="42" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> <div> <I><B>Archives</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Home</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="https://vpotts129.tripod.com/id34.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="https://vpotts129.tripod.com/id34.htm"><U><B><IMG SRC="4132a2a0.png" border=0 width="42" height="42" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> <div> <I><B>Misc.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="https://vpotts129.tripod.com/id19.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="https://vpotts129.tripod.com/id19.htm"><U><B><IMG SRC="4132a2a0.png" border=0 width="42" height="42" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> <div> <I><B>The 'News'</B></I></div> </td> <td valign="top" height=395 BGCOLOR="#AAAAAA" TEXT="#080000"> <div> 2013</div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>In case you need a fix....</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> <iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/U_cB3_1iKYs" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>  </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Already Sold Out!</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="51ec2520.jpg" border=0 width="450" height="594" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>1/13/14</B></div> <div> <B>Winter Dinner!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Our annual attack on The Willows is on the books, and it appears that, once again, Bob and the staff at The Willows proved that we are in the right place! The buffet was fantastic, and we took over the bar as usual! It was great to see everyone there, and I'm glad Gene and Janice showed up for Sunday Brunch, after not being able to make the dinner.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I learned a couple of things at the dinner, this year. </B></div> <div> <B>You can look like a dick head, but actually be a unicorn. Nothing personal, buddy, but I'll say dick head till you come up with magic sparkles and a rainbow tail.</B></div> <div> <B>When dancing on the bar, look between your legs once in a while. There may be a unicorn down there. (I have video, but legal issues prevent it's posting.)</B></div> <div> <B>Remember....every one has a camera! Keep your eyes peeled, there should be photos popping up on this site's photo page, as well as face book.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Here's something to think about....loud raucous cheering for male figure skating is absurd.</B></div> <div> <B>Come to think of it, male figure skating is kind of absurd.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I don't know what the green stuff was in the little water bottles, but it seemed to have a desired effect on it's fans. I should have kept a couple of bottles. You pour that stuff in a donkey, and it'll figure skate!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Sunday, after brunch I went to Wheeling Island Dog Races and Casino with Denise and Kenny and Ruth Ann and Ed. This was my first time at an actual animal race track. The only thing I had done along this line was "A Night At The Races" type fund raiser.</B></div> <div> <B>It was really interesting, and not killer expensive betting on the pups. </B></div> <div> <B>At first, I thought it was a waste of time, because the rabbit always won. But, after a brief explanation, I found that the Rabbit is just an enticement to make the dogs go. The rabbit goes, the dogs blindly chase it in a mad rush. </B></div> <div> <B>Sort of like campers, when you take a keg of beer in the dance hall. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The most fun was with the lady in the betting window, who's name was Ruth. Our Ruth Ann has a gambler's club card for that casino, so we would all use it when we put the bets in. One time, Kenny was there, and Ruth (the teller) saw the name "Ruth" on the card. She asked Kenny, "Are you Ruth?" and said "I really like your hair!" Kenny responds, "My parents were nice to me, there were going to name me Sue!"</B></div> <div> <B>Next race, I go up. I place the card so that she will be sure to see the name. "Oh!" she says, "We have another Ruth!" I said, "Look honey. Don't make me go get my Brother Sue!" She busted out laughing!</B></div> <div> <B>Then, next race, it's Ed's turn. Ed gives her the card, and she says, "So we have three Ruths!" Ed says, "We have a bunch of Ruths...we had a big family, so our mother made it easy on herself and named us all Ruth. When she wanted a certain one of us, she called us by our daddy's last name!" </B></div> <div> <B>She thought for a second and then broke up. By now, both women working the windows were laughing, and there was a line of disgruntled bettors, trying to get their bets down. Luckily, Ed escaped.</B></div> <div> <B>On the next race we all went up together, passing money and the card around to make our bets. I thought for a minute she would be laughing so hard that we wouldn't get our bets down, but we made it. </B></div> <div> <B>We won a little cash, and had a great time! I'm thinking we may have started a new tradition!  </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>As of this writing, there are 108 days till camp. If that sounds like too much, think of it this way:</B></div> <div> <B>Camp opens on a Thursday. There are only 15 more Thursdays to go!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Next on the agenda: Trout Camp!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>12/27/13</B></div> <div> <B>I joined a gym!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>That's right, I've bowed to peer pressure, and enjoying the complements I've been receiving, I decided to go for it.</B></div> <div> <B>(Of course having a discount coupon from my doctor helped!) </B></div> <div> <B>Now, I was never a gym type guy. I hated gym class in high school. It was jock heaven, and all a farm boy could do was defend himself as best he could,  suffer the verbal abuse, and live with the hazing. </B></div> <div> <B>You must understand, that growing up in the country, you didn't get the team/ball sports background that the city guys did. Being out numbered about 15 to 1 made us the pariahs. You did have the friendship and sympathy of the non jock city guys, but the coach led athlete hierarchy still ruled.</B></div> <div> <B>Back then, I didn't know the difference between a guard and a tackle, what the infield fly rule was, or why traveling in basketball had nothing to do with transportation. I still know nothing about hockey, except that they blow an air horn when the puck goes in the net. </B></div> <div> <B>In my own defense, by junior high, I could drive, operate equipment, butcher, shoot a moving target, shoot the push button off a spray paint can at 100 yards, and carry a bushel of tomatoes on each shoulder. </B></div> <div> <B>I knew the major differences between a John Deere B, a Farmall B and an Allis Chalmers B. Not important in gym class, but damned meaningful in Independence township.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So, now with my new adventure, comes a new learning curve, Gym Etiquette. The place where I go hosts "Silver Sneakers" for seniors, rehabilitation services and people who come just for health and happiness. I find, that I sort of fit in all three categories.</B></div> <div> <B>I did go through an orientation to learn how to operate the various machines. These are amazing devices! I like it because it bridges the gap between healthy lifestyle and agro/techno/gearhead mentality. If the school gyms had looked like this, I'd have had straight A's, been healthier, and wouldn't have been pounded into competitive sports that I could care less about.  </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I go in the mornings, and it appears that most of the folks are male retirees at that time of day. That's ok, because I look forward to hearing some great stories in the future. I find that certain rehab folks have the right of way on the machines, which is fine, I am not normally in a hurry. I noticed the sounds of the gym. The humming of the treadmills, the repetitive squeak of the peddle on a stationary bike, the occasional clink of a weight hitting a stop in a machine. I understand why folks listen to music and things via ear plugs while exercising, but I don't think that's for me. The sounds there are unique, and that, to me, gives them an enjoyable quality. When you listen to your environment, you get a baseline sound in your mind. Any change to that sound, and you are instantly alerted to the change, and can adjust your actions or position if need be. (Comes from being a trucker. Problems with the truck are usually heard as well as felt.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Today, I was back in the weight room working with the free weights a bit, when I noticed a change in the sound. It seemed as if each and every person started going faster, harder or stronger. It was noticeable enough for me to investigate. When I stepped into the main gym, I saw the reason. A twenty something year old young lady had came in, and the multitude of retired gentleman, had all kicked it up a notch. Suck in them guts, boys! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I smiled to myself, liking the idea that I wasn't alone on this. I also noticed, that there was a stationary bike available, and I hadn't done my time on one yet, and it just happened to be behind her. </B></div> <div> <B>Ah, the sacrifices we make in the name of good health. </B></div> <div> <B>Call 911 if I drop from the bike!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>12/4/13</B></div> <div> <B>Hunting report.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I thought I'd run down my return to the ranks of the deer hunters, and maybe share some memories. </B></div> <div> <B>I had given up deer hunting a few years back, with all the excuses you could think of. Actually, I was in denial, it was my poor physical condition that made it problematic. Since I have gotten my surgery, and am pawing may way back to some sort of better health, I have taken up the hunt again.</B></div> <div> <B>Now, I never was the do or die, gotta get one hunter. I admire hunters with that kind focus and dedication, but I always had an enjoy myself attitude, and getting a deer or two was a bonus. I believe that luck in the field has as much bearing on the results as the skill level does. I could be wrong, but my experience points that way.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I hunted in the past, for several years, with 2 major groups of people, as well as at home on my own. The first group I was a part of was the George Family, who shared a duplex house/camp in Tyler, Clearfield County,  Pa. with the Belfiore Family. That was my first actual foray into big game, where I learned the basics of the art. It was also where I learned the awesome capability of four wheel drive in Tom George's '72 Bronco. It was like a billygoat on rubber tires, no mountain trail or lack thereof could scare it, or Tom either, for that matter! I never got a deer up there, but along with a lasting love for the sport, and an invaluable education, I had the privilege of seeing 75 to 100 deer, running in herds. Truly amazing! Hunting there was a great experience as a kid, and I will always be grateful.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Several years later, I was invited to hunt with the Conrad Family and friends in the Punxsutawney area. I was older, but not much wiser by then. I by then was in my 20's and full of youth and a little hell thrown in for fun. And fun we had. I had a 1978 F 150 4x4 short bed, and I really put it through it's paces in those woods. Merle Conrad was so impressed with it's performance, he went out and bought a '79 F 250 for the next season. There was a big difference in our operation, however. Tim Conrad and I were following Merle through some brush choked trails, and he stopped while one of his passengers got out and started breaking off branches to prevent paint scratches. After a couple of minutes sitting in the woods, waiting on them, I put on my left turn signal, and passed them, crashing through the brush and trees. When we got to where we were going, Merle asked if I was nuts. I told him, they make red paint every day, buy the barrelful! Next year, after the first scratch, Merle's truck got put to the task and came through just fine.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I did, however, get a trophy while in Punxy. </B></div> <div> <B>Unfortunately, it was my Aladdin/Stanley steel thermos bottle. </B></div> <div> <B>We went into woods on the Sunday before the first day, and scouted for locations. I walked back over the old strip mine and down a pretty good slope to find a great spot. Lot's of deer sign, buck rubs , and feed sources. I rolled a couple of logs around, to make a seat, and cleared branches and dead fall to make a good shooting lane, a couple of hours work, but a great spot. Monday morning rolls around, I walk back with my flash light, and find my spot taken and about 4 or 5 more guys scattered around the area.</B></div> <div> <B>I thought there was no sense in arguing, and shaking things  up. Being pissed and armed, discretion and common sense sent me back to my pick up for a cup of coffee, before I go and look for another spot. </B></div> <div> <B>When I got there, I poured myself a cup and it was ice cold. It was just made 2 hours ago! I was so pissed, I threw the offending bottle against a spoil pile and up with the old .30-30, and drilled it! You know, the first round bounced off! I let fly again and was rewarded by the sight of cold coffee staining the white snow. Merle didn't ask if I was nuts. He pretty much knew it, by then.</B></div> <div> <B>I replaced it with a Thermos brand metal bottle, which, 30+ years later, kept my coffee hot for 10 hours today.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So far, in the 3 days I've hunted here at home, I've seen 7 doe and 2 bucks that were illegal for area 2A. I also saw a flock of 5 turkeys, a couple of squirrels, several chipmunks, and a Ruffed Grouse in flight. I haven't seen a grouse around in years.</B></div> <div> <B>Doe season starts next Saturday, but I most likely won't get out again before Monday. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I did have some kills, however.</B></div> <div> <B>So far, I've killed 2 bags of Brittner's Terrake Beef Jerky, 1 pack of Wright's Hot Meat Stick, and 3 steaming hot bottles of Community Dark Roast Coffee.</B></div> <div> <B>Not to worry, Mr. Thermos. You are doing a fine job. Even if you fail, you won't be shot in the field. </B></div> <div> <B>That Community Dark Roast is just too good to dump, and will be taken home and reheated. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You will be laid to rest with the respect and dignity accorded to a fine and trusted friend, and veteran of many hunts, miles and hours at work. </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>11/10/13</B></div> <div> <B>For Veteran's Day</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"In Flanders Fields" is a war poem written during the First World War by Canadian physician and Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae.</B></div> <div> <B>He was inspired to write it on May 3, 1915, after presiding over the funeral of friend and fellow soldier Alexis Helmer, who died in the Second Battle of Ypres.</B></div> <div> <B>One of the most popular and most quoted poems from World War One, speaks of the red poppies that grew over the graves of fallen soldiers. This resulted in the Remembrance Poppy becoming one of the world's most recognized memorial symbols for soldiers who have died in conflict.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Wearing poppies in honor of the war dead first occurred in New York City on November 9, 1918.</B></div> <div> <B>A YMCA volunteer,  American professor Moina Michael of Athens Georgia, distributed poppies to a group of men attending the 25th conference of her organization.</B></div> <div> <B>Inspired by "In Flanders Fields", Miss Michael resolved at the war's conclusion in 1918, to wear a red poppy year-round to honor the soldiers who died in the war. Additionally, she wrote a poem in response called "We Shall Keep the Faith".  </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>After the war was over, Michael returned to the University of Georgia and taught a class of disabled servicemen. Realizing the need to provide financial and occupational support for these servicemen, she pursued the idea of selling silk poppies as a means of raising funds to assist disabled veterans. In 1921, her efforts resulted in the poppy being adopted as a symbol of remembrance for war veterans by the American Legion Auxiliary.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="18" CELLSPACING="18" WIDTH="1133" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 523 ><NOBR><div> <B>"In Flanders Fields"</B></div> <div> <B>By Doctor John McCrae, </B></div> <div> <B>Lieutenant Colonel, Canadian Army</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>In Flanders fields the poppies blow</B></div> <div> <B>Between the crosses, row on row,</B></div> <div> <B>That mark our place; and in the sky</B></div> <div> <B>The larks, still bravely singing, fly</B></div> <div> <B>Scarce heard amid the guns below.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>We are the Dead. Short days ago</B></div> <div> <B>We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,</B></div> <div> <B>Loved and were loved, and now we lie</B></div> <div> <B>In Flanders fields.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Take up our quarrel with the foe:</B></div> <div> <B>To you from failing hands we throw</B></div> <div> <B>The torch; be yours to hold it high.</B></div> <div> <B>If ye break faith with us who die</B></div> <div> <B>We shall not sleep, though poppies grow</B></div> <div> <B>In Flanders fields.</B></div> <bR> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="547"><div> <B>"We Shall Keep the Faith"</B></div> <div> <B>By Professor Moina Michael</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Oh! you who sleep in Flanders Fields,</B></div> <div> <B>Sleep sweet - to rise anew!</B></div> <div> <B>We caught the torch you threw</B></div> <div> <B>And holding high, we keep the Faith</B></div> <div> <B>With All who died.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>We cherish, too, the poppy red</B></div> <div> <B>That grows on fields where valor led;</B></div> <div> <B>It seems to signal to the skies</B></div> <div> <B>That blood of heroes never dies,</B></div> <div> <B>But lends a lustre to the red</B></div> <div> <B>Of the flower that blooms above the dead</B></div> <div> <B>In Flanders Fields.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>And now the Torch and Poppy Red</B></div> <div> <B>We wear in honor of our dead.</B></div> <div> <B>Fear not that ye have died for naught;</B></div> <div> <B>We'll teach the lesson that ye wrought</B></div> <div> <B>In Flanders Fields.</B></div> <div> <B>In Flanders Fields we fought.</B></div> <bR> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Information for this article was researched on Wikipedia.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/19/13</B></div> <div> <B>Dog almighty.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Since camp has closed, I have been away from my desk top computer, where I have the program that updates this website. Aside from that set back, I didn't really have much to say, anyway. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I spent a good weekend with Frank and Frank Jr. at Pittsburgh's Pennsylvania Motor Speedway (PPMS), attending the Pittsburgher 100. The race was a 3 day event on the "Monster Half Mile", with top name dirt late model stars from all over the country. Those of you who are in to dirt track racing will know what a great show this was.</B></div> <div> <B>The track was perfectly prepared, the cars were running 19.5 second laps, with 3 and 4 cars wide. For the uninitiated, NASCAR Sprint Cup cars run Martinsville's half mile in 21 seconds. So we're not talking about jalopies in a mud hole, we're talking seriously fast, fun racing! If you've never done it, check out any dirt track in the area, you'll enjoy it! </B></div> <div> <B>By the way, Speedway 7 is just 15 miles from camp on Ohio route 7, north of Pierpont. They run on Friday nights, and it is a good track and something different to do at camp next summer.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>This past week, I spent my time maintaining my brother's farm animals and dog sitting, while he and my sister in law took a much needed vacation.</B></div> <div> <B>Let me start by saying I was glad to do this, have done it before, and would again, if needed. The story isn't so much about the animals, but about how I am set in my ways. That's ok too, because I am getting to the age where I have earned the right to do so.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The farm animals were a breeze. No milk cattle, just beef, some pigs and some goats. Feed and water twice a day, and you're good to go. </B></div> <div> <B>Ike, the dog, is another story.</B></div> <div> <B>Most everybody at camp knows I like dogs, and most dogs like me. I know that pets become family members, sort of surrogate furry children, or in my case surrogate furry nieces and nephews. Like the regular nieces and nephews, I enjoy having them around, and at the end of the day, I enjoy not having them around. This is what I call "Avuncular Prerogative", or the right to ship the  little darlings home, as I am only an uncle, and I like it that way.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Most everyone knows that I am optimistically unattached, and have been for many years. Add that to many more years of running big rigs over the road, I have attained the ability to sleep alone and enjoy the doing of it. Stepping into the situation of having another living entity in my bed was quite disruptive to my sleep patterns, and (dare I say it), a bit annoying.</B></div> <div> <B>The bed moves, and I wake up. Ike runs in his sleep and I wake up. He sees something out the window at 2:45, has a barking session, and yes, I wake up.</B></div> <div> <B>Tell me, why is it that he wants to sleep on top of me? My Brother and sister in law have a king sized bed, and I am used to sleeping on a single, so I only use 1/3 of the area. No mater where I place myself, Ike wants that spot. And that pillow. And that blanket.  And that air that I am breathing.</B></div> <div> <B>Then there are the night time piss calls. He stands on your chest and nudges your head with his nose, at least 30 or 40 times a night, so you can get up and take him out to bark at a shadow, squirt 3 drops on every blade of grass, and top it off by pissing on my car tires.</B></div> <div> <B>Of course, you have to give him a doggie treat after each time. </B></div> <div> <B>Good dog. Thanks, my tires needed that.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So tell me dog owners, is this normal, or is he taking advantage of me? </B></div> <div> <B>You can't tell me that this is your life. When do you sleep? </B></div> <div> <B>Why haven't you sold them to a North Korean?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I don't know, maybe I'm being a whiny bitch. But, you look at this and you tell me:</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="518f4770.jpg" border=0 width="500" height="375" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>Is he up to something in his demented little mind, or what?</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/1/13</B></div> <div> <B>The Slab Man Lecture Series.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Need I say more?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> <iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/U_cB3_1iKYs" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>   <iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/zTdBHL6eFfM" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>  </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Now who could argue with that?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I've noticed that the parties get more intense as the season winds down. Gotta get that last blast in, and the liquor cabinets need emptied.. </B></div> <div> <B>I'm not complaining, the entertainment value is priceless!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Now that I have sobered up from the Wine Tasting, I will go on record as stating that it was a major success! As much as we like to do things that involve the kiddies at camp, it was a wonderful time having an over 21 event. I hope that all will support this event in the future, because chances to be an adult behaving badly are few and far between! Be sure to tell Judy you liked it!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I'll post the few photos that I have on the </B><A HREF="http://pub19.bravenet.com/photocenter/album.php?usernum=1571871776" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://pub19.bravenet.com/photocenter/al"><U><B>Photo Page</B></U></A><B>, and hopefully if anyone else has some, they'll post them, too.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So how many liked the entries that Kenny and I made, Southview Vineyards Chrome Rose', and the Washington County Gravy? </B></div> <div> <B>Could you identify the subtle difference between the two?</B></div> <div> <B>The wine was a mixture of two old recipes, which we combined to come up with the offerings. Since Kenny and I like everyone, we have decided to share our secret.</B></div> <div> <B>Here are the two haves of the mixture:</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="51620580.jpg" border=0 width="800" height="600" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Dump the two bottles in an empty plastic gallon, and shake for 23 and 1/2 seconds. (Timing is crucial.) Pour mix into a fancy bottle and adorn with a chrome duct tape label, with a pretentious name. Leave the extra in the jug, and serve it, too.</B></div> <div> <B>The subtle difference?</B></div> <div> <B>One was in glass, the other in plastic.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Regardless of it's ignominious beginnings, Chrome Rose' was quite a hit, and was quickly emptied. Thus the point is proven...it's not the wine or it's pedigree, so much as having a good time, and giving your friends something they enjoy. There were many great wines and complimentary snacks served, so all tastes were satisfied. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The Breakfast set up by Heather was a success, too. Thanks for doing that Heather, and keep up the good work!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I wish I could say the same for the movie night. I suppose that the movie just couldn't compete with the nice weather we were having. </B></div> <div> <B>This is strike 2 for a movie night. We tried one years ago, and it pretty much flopped, so we can't fault this attempt. I'm afraid that modern technology has overcome the allure of the theater type movie show. Thanks, Heather, for the attempt!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Oh, and Tony burned the garbage pile. </B></div> <div> <B>I won't give it the honorable status of being a bon fire, it's a goddamn garbage dump. </B></div> <div> <B>If you had to sleep with the foul smell of it's smoldering wafting into your trailer for two nights, you wouldn't call it a bon fire, either. </B></div> <div> <B>I wonder if the management knows it cost them $60 to burn it? I understand that our arson wannabe bragged of using 15 gallons of $4.00 per gallon diesel fuel to light it.</B></div> <div> <B>Between that, the hacked in ditches, the waterway encroachment, and unfinished trench work, I'm beginning to believe he is a one man environmental hazard. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>But, that's just my opinion.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>9/22/13 </B></div> <div> <B>Don't whine, drink wine! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Were you at the wine tasting? No? Do you know what you missed? Well, let me tell you.</B></div> <div> <B>Not that I am a paragon of virtue, or even a positive roll model, but I displayed a part of my character that many haven't seen since 2005. I am under the influence of alcoholic beverage. Yup I am. Even as I type. </B></div> <div> <B>To prove such a thing, I have several witnesses, as well as this:</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="51230a40.jpg" border=0 width="560" height="420" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>This is where my bottle of water landed in a wonderful and perfectly coordinated fall from my table. You couldn't write the irony of this event if you were O. Henry.</B></div> <div> <B>And trust me, O. Henry, on his best day, could not edit these drunkard ramblings. Nor, on his best day, would the bastard empty the water from my shoe. (It was open when it hit the insole.) </B></div> <div> <B>Lucky for me, the shoe is water proof, and held the entire contents so that I could pour it back in the bottle. There were no instructions on the heel, either.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Yet, here I am, 2:10 in the morning, rattling away like some sort of besotted magpie, placing myself on the level of O. Henry, and sloshing around with one wet shoe, just because someone had a bottle of "Dago Red" at the wine tasting. I am a victim of my own weakness and ancestry. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>As I was swilling the nectar of the grape, I made sure that I told most everyone that I was half Italian, and essentially raised on wine. It's never too early to start laying the ground work for poor excuses.</B></div> <div> <B>Not that I blame anyone else, living or dead. I drank the 70 or so sips that started my fall from grace, and leveraged beer and moonshine from astounded friends who had never seen me in this state. They gave me what I asked for, and they saw that I was able to walk back to my trailer in my dysfunctional condition. That's just the way we roll at the Springs. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I was breaking all the rules! I was intoxicated! I smoked a Virginia Slim cigarette, and didn't care! I drove my golf cart after curfew! I stood by the road, and tried to sell a loaf of Wonder Bread to an Amish guy! </B></div> <div> <B>It was, I think I said (40 or 50 times), a seminal moment in the camping season. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Best part of the deal? I use oxygen when I sleep. That virtually eliminates having a hang over. </B></div> <div> <B>I hope you don't have one either. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I'm going to sleep, because this is getting really hard to do....</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>9/16/13</B></div> <div> <B>Round up!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Harkening back to our western heritage, fall brings the annual cattle round up to the ranches through out the land. We here at Crystal Springs support the beef growers in our area by carrying on our own version of the Fall Round Up. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Of course, being good right thinking campers, we round up people, eat the beef, and party afterwards! </B></div> <div> <B>It may not be quite the same, but without folks like us, there'd be no reason to round up the cattle anyway.</B></div> <div> <B>Thanks go out to Kenny and Denise, and to all their helpers for their hard work of making a fine meal for us, and thanks to the Crystal Springs owners for providing the meal, free of charge to all the loyal members! </B></div> <div> <B>After dinner, DJ Distant Tymes played the tunes and put on his laser light show. The dance crowd was a little light, but after that dinner, it's not hard to understand a little lethargy.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Words you may never hear again: "Hand me that shed."</B></div> <div> <B>But then again, maybe you will, if you commonly pick up sheds and carry them around. We are not talking model railroad stuff, here. We are talking a genuine, bona fide, store your lawnmower and gas can building!</B></div> <div> <B>(The shed's new owner, however, can store her gas can anywhere, because there is never any gas in it.)</B></div> <div> <B>It was also a fine display of parental brilliance in entertaining teens. </B></div> <div> <B>"Go carry a building!" </B></div> <div> <B>It beats "Go play in traffic!", I guess.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Gas? Gas? What is that? It's that miracle liquid that chivalrous men pour into young lady's golf carts to make the cart, and hopefully, his romantic mojo, function. </B></div> <div> <B>It usually works on the cart. As for the mojo, not yet.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I'm not one to fault people who work for a living, nor will I fault someone who has a job to do that is out of his area of expertise. But I will say, maybe you should ask someone who has a background in the area before you dive in. There is a full spectrum of experience in this campground's membership. Use it.</B></div> <div> <B>Five will get you ten, we will have two ponds in the campground next spring, one planned, and one not.</B></div> <div> <B>I hope I'm wrong, and will state it publicly if I am. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>This may sound a little cryptic, but sometimes I have to play things close to the vest.</B></div> <div> <B>You may wish differently, but I was not naked, just shirtless. It was dark, and I had on black sweat pants.</B></div> <div> <B>Next time you think I'm naked, peel your clothes off, and join me, then I can giggle too!</B></div> <div> <B>Don't feel bad though, I'm not upset.</B></div> <div> <B>I was once confused for a minister, a man who ran off with another guys wife, Santa Claus, as well as being a naked guy.</B></div> <div> <B>So far, being thought naked was the easiest to deal with!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>9/3/13</B></div> <div> <B>Rodeo time!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Not that I like to pat my own back, but all who participated in the Golf Cart Rodeo said that they had a great time! To all the thanks I say you are welcome, and thank you for your support and participation! </B></div> <div> <B>Be sure to recommend this to your friends who didn't join us and tell them to come on out next year!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The winners of the Poker Run segment were Fred and Sherry, who took the whole pot except for Al's entry fee, who got the dreaded Joker! </B></div> <div> <B>For those who are not familiar with my system, we tour the campground making stops at 5 checkpoints, where each cart draws an envelope with a playing card in it. At the end, the envelopes are opened, and the best 5 card stud hand wins. If a Joker is drawn, the participant's entry fee is returned and his hand is void. The only other difference is if you get 5 of a kind, (as there are 5 complete decks), it is played as 4 of a kind, and the extra will be used as a high card. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>After the Poker Run, we moved up to the field to the Field Events..</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>First was the slow race, which was won by Ryan, at a snail like pace of 1:18.03 seconds, beating his closest competitor, Al, by 21.79 seconds. Congratulations Ryan!</B></div> <div> <B>The carts run one at a time over a mostly straight course, driving as slow as possible, without stopping. Stopping disqualifies the entrant, and the longest time wins.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Next was the Barrel Race.</B></div> <div> <B>The winner, Jimbo, set the pace at a blistering 1:53.77 seconds, narrowly shaving Frank by only 6.29 seconds. Well done, in a close outcome!</B></div> <div> <B>The Barrel Race is run in the same pattern as a Western Horse Barrel Race, except instead of riding around barrels, the cart drive around trees in the clover leaf pattern while pushing a plastic barrel. The carts are not allowed use reverse, so if the barrel gets stuck against a tree, you have to think fast! It brings about some ingenious maneuvering to the show, as the barrel tends to run anywhere but where you want, plus the barrel makes gravity driven escapes toward the pond! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The Jewel of the Field Events is the Blindfold Race.</B></div> <div> <B>Winner of the event was Ryan teamed with his Navigator, Amanda. Their time was a blinding 1:41.55 seconds! Second place was Al driving with Henry navigating at 1:54.94. The course is laid out in a slalom pattern, and the driver is blindfolded, while the navigator directs the driver's actions. </B></div> <div> <B>Only two trees were struck during the competition, and no animals were injured. (Except for a snake that was accidentally painted fluorescent orange when I laid out the course.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>An honorable mention goes to Little Joe, who at the age of 14 was given 2 attempts at the course, creating an average time of 1:50.24! Congratulations, buddy, and look out next year, adults!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The section winners all received hats compliments of Glick Fire Equipment and Castrol Lubricants, including Joe for his honorable mention!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Over all trophy winner of the Field Events was Al, who edged Ryan by 1 point at 25 - 24! Al gets to hold the trophy and the bragging rights until next year's competition.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#006633" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Be sure to look on the Interactive Photo Page for the quality pictures taken by our visual chronicler, Janelle!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I also had the pleasure of providing Bev, Ruth Ann's sister, with her very first poker run experience. Even after years of motorcycling, she never was in a poker run. You might say, I got her poker run cherry. She said that is was a quite exciting, wonderful, and inspiring occasion! </B></div> <div> <B>I found this interaction to be very rewarding, myself. </B></div> <div> <B>It would seem than the dollar that I spent at a yard sale for a copy of "The Complete Unabridged Translation of The Kama Sutra" is already beginning to pay off!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Enough about tantric golf carting.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>How about that D.J.? It seems the band scheduled to appear at the Labor Day Dance broke up and left Judy and company on the ropes. She happened to attend a party where D.J. "Timmy" was working and hired him to fill the gap, pretty much on a moment's notice. I think he did a great job, playing all types of music, with a nice light show, to boot.</B></div> <div> <B>Expect him to return next year, for another show! </B></div> <div> <B>Judy asked me to thank everyone for their support of the dance!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Al, the happy winner of both the "Redneck Of The Year" and the "Golf Cart Rodeo" trophies, had a problem holding on to his prizes. It seems, some of his disgruntled opponents exacted their revenge by hiding his trophies, and sent him on a scavenger hunt throughout the campground to get them back. After his multi stop journey, the final clue was, "Where E.T. phoned to." </B></div> <div> <B>You guessed it. The trophies were at his trailer the whole time.</B></div> <div> <B>It warms my heart to see people with the same demented sense of humor gathering together to create their own moment of schadenfreude.</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>See that big old word? If you don't know what it means, look it up. You will have learned a new word, and I will have proven that, contrary to popular belief, this site does have some redeeming social value!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>8/19/13</B></div> <div> <B>Bocce Tourney!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The sixth annual Bocce Tourney was played under pristine skies and comfortable temperatures, which caused many complaints about playing in the inclement weather! As we all know, here at the Springs, Bocce is a winter and/or wet weather sport as was proven in four out of five previous events.</B></div> <div> <B>Not to be deterred by perfect weather, seven teams vied for the gold, under a new, and as usual, controversial single elimination system.</B></div> <div> <B>'Something Good' was the early favorite as they handed defeat (and dehands, for that matter), to 'Hellifino", 'Oh My', and 'Cathy's Killer Cupcakes' ( Editor's Note: Mention of a brand name does not constitute endorsement by this website. They are, however, quite good cupcakes.), until they were upset in a late game rally by 'Never Before'. 'Never Before' went on to sweep 'F n K's ' and late entry 'Sack O Nuts', to win the coveted Gold Color Anodized Metals and Representative Winner's Cups, along with a major cash prize of $17.50 for each team member!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Congratulations, team 'Never Before'!</B></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="50c12fe0.jpg" border=0 width="530" height="510" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>I have mentioned the Representative Cups. The original Bocce Champion Trophy is being held by the Captain of last year's winning team, 'Three Dagos and a Pollock', who is currently in military service, overseas. In my estimation, there is no more honorable place for the trophy to reside.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Honorable mention goes to Stagger D, who won the 50/50! Anyone wishing to collect back debts, now is your shot!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Surrounded Department.</B></div> <div> <B>Note to Tom....If you are surrounded by females, and the only other male in the camper is the dog, don't kick him, he is your only ally. The dog knew it, that's why he bit you back.</B></div> <div> <B>Funny thing, I know another Tom, who used to camp here, that lives with the same predicament. In his case, and with his dog, if Tom kicks him, Tom loses a foot.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>As your intrepid reporter and leader of the moral and mental decline of this campground, I am occasionally called upon to use my vast intellect, computer skills, and excess time due to having no life for searching out valuable, and educational information on most any subject one can wrap one's head around, or on devices which have been wrapped around one's skull in fits of rage.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I was requested this weekend to ponder Stagger D's question, "How do they make small Hummingbirds?"</B></div> <div> <B>A list of quick answers springs to mind:</B></div> <div> <B>"Aren't they all small?"</B></div> <div> <B>"Same way they do the big ones."</B></div> <div> <B>"Ask your parents, or a doctor. Not only will you know, but you will understand the meaning of The Birds And The Bees"</B></div> <div> <B>"Hummingbirds are the result of unprotected sex between the birds and the bees."</B></div> <div> <B>"Hummingbirds hum because they don't know the words." (Off point, but you know it will be brought up by someone.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The base question here is, how do hummingbirds do the horizontal hokey pokey? </B></div> <div> <B>Exhaustive research (1 website) has led me to some interesting conclusions. The male humming bird has no penis. </B></div> <div> <B>That's right, none, zip, zilch, nada. If you listen closely, the poor bastard is probably humming show tunes.</B></div> <div> <B>He does have a cloacal protuberance, instead. It is more aerodynamically efficient, but for my money, I'll keep my junk and get to the feeder late.</B></div> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="0" CELLSPACING="0" WIDTH="1063" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 315 WIDTH="567"><div> <B>Hummingbirds fly back to Canada and North America from their winter homes in Mexico and Central America, and mate up here. The mating ritual is started by males battling for a territory, and then the usual preening and showing off to impress the females, including an 100 to 150 foot, 60+ MPH dive, pulling out inches before striking the ground! </B></div> <div> <B>The female chooses her mate based on the amount of food sources in the male's territory. And that's it.</B></div> <div> <B>The process is consummated on the ground, not airborne, as there is no hummingbird mile high club. The male protuberance and the female protuberance are rubbed together, and the act is completed in 3 to 5 seconds.</B></div> <div> <B>(She said, "Is it in?" He said, "I'm done!")</B></div> <div> <B>(Let me correct that...She said, "Hmmm? He said, "Hmmm!")</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <B><IMG SRC="50394250.jpg" border=0 width="404" height="293" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>I wonder...If the male knew that he had flown over 2000 miles, fought for his life, and only got 3 to 5 seconds of bliss, why would he bother to pull out of his 100 to 150 foot, 60+ MPH dive?</B></div> <div> <B>Research and conjecture have provided the answer. The male, after the sex, leaves the female, abandoning her with the eggs, and becomes a dead beat "Eggy Daddy". He proceeds to mate with as many females as possible, screwing around till winter comes, and then heads back to Cancun.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>He must have picked this behavior up from a seedy bunch of gangsta hummingbirds in Mexico.</B></div> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="0" CELLSPACING="0" WIDTH="1045" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 205 WIDTH="599"><div> <B>As to the smaller bird question, I can only assume that, nature rolls the size dice for hummingbirds the same as it does for everything else. Diet, genetics, environment, all team up to make the diversity (Liberal buzz word alert!) that is pervasive in the planetary ecosystem. </B></div> <div> <B>Diversity is normal, natural, and needed. </B></div> <div> <B>Where would David be without Goliath? Oz without Munchkins? Mutt without Jeff? Little without Bighorn? Biggy without Smalls? Monte without Slabman?</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <B><IMG SRC="507b3880.jpg" border=0 width="179" height="136" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>Rare photo of a hummingbird egg, enhanced to</B></div> <div> <B>show the shell's covering of the unborn bird's proboscis.</B></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Let's face it. If you are a member of the smallest race of birds in the world, you'll need someone to pick on.</B></div> <div> <B>Insects just won't fill the void.</B></div> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="0" CELLSPACING="0" WIDTH="744" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 151 WIDTH="441"><div> <B>And now, it's time for me get my cloacal protuberance out of here!     </B></div> <div> <B>See you next week!</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=CENTER WIDTH="303"><div> <B><IMG SRC="50bb48e0.jpg" border=0 width="180" height="142" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>8/12/13</B></div> <div> <B>Pool Paarrrgh-ty!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The weather co-operated this year, making a beautiful day for the Pool Party! A good crowd was there, and Dystant Times DJ did a great job of entertaining. The theme this year was "Pirate". There were quite a few Pirates running around, both swash bucklers and baseball. I didn't get the names of the prize winners, but I'll post them when I do.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Be sure to send your best wishes to Gina, who was brutalized by a massive insane killer frog! (About the size of a quarter!) It sneaked into their trailer and waited to attack. When the time was right, it leapt for her juggular vein, but missed and landed on her head! </B></div> <div> <B>Gina is recovering well from the trauma, mostly due to liberal self medication with alcohol enriched anodyne elixirs. (Booze.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Speaking of enrichment, her beau Kenny learned that you cannot enrich a campfire by tossing in a butane lighter. Ask to see his scar, let me know if you think it's sexy.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>And, while we are on the subject of out of control fires, allow me to rant once again about the dangers of the practice of lighting Chinese Flying Lanterns. When (or if) they burn out and crash land, the metal can be ingested by farm animals causing sickness, and even death! They could also come down and start forest fires or burn someone's barn or home.</B></div> <div> <B>Just stop, cow killers. Besides, the Chinese get enough of our money. </B></div> <div> <B>Ok, rant over.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>How can you find out if you are a popular guy? Just announce at the pool party that you need a nurse. Gene, who had a rough time with a Dorito, called for some help from Becky, but when the word went out, half the Pool Party gang bolted for his trailer. There are plenty of medical workers and EMT/Paramedics/Fire fighters around, and they deemed that Gene would be fine. The ambulance was cancelled, and everyone is happy that Gene is well.</B></div> <div> <B>But, I still have dibs on his new pick up truck.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>More campers to the rescue! Miss Terri had two problems, and the gang came through again! </B></div> <div> <B>She had electrical problems with her trailer, causing her refrigerator to shut down, spoiling her creamers, and preventing her morning coffee.</B></div> <div> <B>Ever the chivalrous gentlemen, (with no thought of looking favorable in her eyes), I arrived Johnny on the spot with Cremora, saving the morning, and feeling smugly heroic. </B></div> <div> <B>But the best laid plans...well, you know the rest. </B></div> <div> <B>John, Henry and Joe showed up with meters, and tape and connections, promptly trumping my attempt to earn the favor of the fair lady. Finding a short or two, they quickly fixed it. (Show offs.)</B></div> <div> <B>Now some may say my intentions may have been low, and that I was striking when Terri was vulnerable, but that's not true. I'm not a bad guy, not like John, Henry and Joe.</B></div> <div> <B>They actually removed her shorts.  </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Sunday afternoon, Joe, Ed and I decide to romp about in the woods with our golf carts. Well, mud being mud, Ed got stuck. While Joe worked to get Ed free, I took off blazing a new trail. I blazed until I went down in flames and got stuck in some more nasty mud.</B></div> <div> <B>Now Ed and I were just in some mud, and lost traction. When Joe got stuck en route to rescue me, he took the art of being stuck and turned it into an engineering masterpiece! He bounced his cart over a 15" log, and just as his back wheels went over, his massive front bumper hit a tree, just about dead center. It was as perfectly wedged as if you would have dropped it in there by helicopter! Now what are the odds of, in 200 acres of woods, finding a log and a tree that are precisely the length apart that you need to wedge a golf cart in there tighter then a bull's ass in fly season? </B></div> <div> <B>Your ability is a gift, Joe. Enjoy it. </B></div> <div> <B>We got the log rolled away, and Joe and his cart were running wild again. As they should be.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Sunday night, a few folks gathered at Larry and Randy's fire and spent some time looking for meteors from the Perseid Meteor shower. We saw several meteors, a few GPS Satellites cruising by, omnipresent aircraft, and a beautiful panorama of the heavens. Joe even spotted a "Dancing Star" that seemed to move about erratically in a specific area. I did see the movement, and so did others. I have no explanation for it at this time, but I think that we can safely rule out that we were witnessing another Miracle Of The Sun.</B></div> <div> <B>But we were, in fact, blessed. We got to sit by a fire with good friends, and look at the stars on a clear night.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>My opinion? That's as good as any miracle.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>7/31/13</B></div> <div> <B>Running late!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>This is no way to treat my readers, and I apologize! I've been so busy around home, I've been pretty much bushed when I get in.</B></div> <div> <B>Oh well, a poor excuse is better then none, I guess.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The weekend left us rained out for the Bocce Tourney, so we'll go on August 17th. Heather has also picked September 7th for Halloween, Trick or Treat times will be announced later. (It's usually 4:00 to 6:00)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>What do you do when boredom strikes? Some of us turn to our golf carts. In impromptu and unplanned "Follow The Leader" started, involving up to ten carts, with woohooing and horn blowing. </B></div> <div> <B>One of the highlights was to see how many carts would fit in Judy and Mike's motorhome port. We got 8 in there, loosely parked and not stacked. Naturally, I took pictures and sent them to Judy. </B></div> <div> <B>After that things got a little hairy when the oval track race started around the dance hall (3 laps). To save lives and property, we moved up to the field for a few spinout's and one fly out.</B></div> <div> <B>You see, Al told Henry, "Hold my beer and watch this!", well with Al's beer in one hand, and his own in the other, Henry had no hand left with which to hold on, so he did in deed, fly out.</B></div> <div> <B>Not to worry. Henry is a tough old trooper, and was injury free, and, in true Crystal Springs fashion, did not spill the beer even after sliding down the hill 50 feet or so. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The guy's a pro.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Well, look for me friends, on pool party weekend.  I have a major party to attend at home, this weekend. Prep for this party is what has been wearing me out, but it will be worth it. </B></div> <div> <B>See you in a week!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>7/21/13</B></div> <div> <B>Girls Weekend</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Once again it was time for Ro's annual all girls weekend. (Hence, the pink font!) Although I am usually allowed the privilege of being the Lone Ranger in the all girl drink off, this year my time with them was short, as I had to go home for other commitments.</B></div> <div> <B>Not to worry, however. When this gang gets together, there is always a story, or two, to be told!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Let's start with Tammy's mother. </B></div> <div> <B>Now Tammy is actually the all girl party team member, but her story starts with a phone call from her mother that includes a sentence that says "....oh, and I was a little bit struck with lightning!"</B></div> <div> <B>Now that phrase has landed high on the Words You Never Hear list. I think it comes in just above "Does this ass make my dress look big?" and just under "Hand me that hemorrhoid." </B></div> <div> <B>Last report that I had she was patiently waiting for paramedics, and planning a trip to Walmart to replace her lawn chair that was welded into an aluminum lump. She said she felt fine, in fact, practically glowing!</B></div> <div> <B>Honestly, though, I do hope that she really is fine, and has no ill effects.</B></div> <div> <B>By the way, Tammy is from Donegal. For the education of my readers, the locals pronounce Donegal, "Dunnagail". Truckers, however pronounce it "Done a Gal". Yes, I was a trucker.</B></div> <div> <B>Tammy, you have 2 excuses to drink.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So does Shelly.</B></div> <div> <B>Shelly happily loads up, and rides off to camp with Ro, our hostess. She's looking forward to a relaxing weekend with no phone service, surrounded by friends and bathed in the warm and fuzzy feeling of adult beverage bliss.</B></div> <div> <B>Ro, however drives too slow. The phone rang before they reached the Xanadu of privacy, the "No Service" area.</B></div> <div> <B>Shelly, ever the good and generous friend, lends her pick up truck to her X hubby, to do a little task for their child.</B></div> <div> <B>Call # 1.  The truck, which had been fine until she left, wouldn't start. </B></div> <div> <B>Call # 2.  Have the mechanically inexperienced gay gentlemen give him a jump. The truck battery, I mean.</B></div> <div> <B>Call # 3.  How do I open the hood?</B></div> <div> <B>Call # 4.  Ok, it's running.</B></div> <div> <B>Call # 5.  We went 1 block, it died.</B></div> <div> <B>Call # 6.  Hello Triple A? I need a battery....HOW MUCH ?!?....Jesus, Mary and Joseph...</B></div> <div> <B>Call # 7.  I took the keys back to your mother, she is not happy, and I have no way home. Do you think she would be upset if her ex son in law asked to stay over night?</B></div> <div> <B>Call # 8.   -No Service-  (finally!) Thank you, Jesus, Mary and Joseph!</B></div> <div> <B>Shelly, you are covered. Pour it on baby!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So what's Jen's excuse?</B></div> <div> <B>Our favorite southern belle didn't have any issues, that I had heard, that provide her with a plausible excuse for drunken revelry. Not to worry Jen. Your buddy Sharron from last year is in camp, and will be ready to talk some trash, show off his prowess and hump your leg, just like he did last time. Remember, I won't be there to cock block for you, so hang on the best you can! My advice is to drink heavily, keep your legs crossed, and tell him you are married to a professional wrestler!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Lori. That explains it.</B></div> <div> <B>Lori has been elected as the official poster girl for this weekend's party. Lori partied until 3 am Friday night, did a fast turn around and loaded up to come to camp, just for the Girl's Weekend. (A real trooper!) About one half or three quarters of the way up, she remembered  her luggage. It was, of course, still at home. </B></div> <div> <B>The make up and miscellaneous other mysterious things that are forbidden to be viewed by a man's eyes, are kept on hand, in abundance by Janelle, and are readily available for her use. The forgotten clothing, however, is another issue. </B></div> <div> <B>So remember, dear campers, if you see a 38 C blonde in an over stuffed 44 D D, or in a bathing suit with knots tied in it and lots of safety pins, give her the respect that she is due. She is the greatest of partiers, one who sacrifices all, to be with her friends in their time of need. </B></div> <div> <B>Applaud her loyalty, and give her a beer!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Ro, hostess with the mostess!</B></div> <div> <B>What of Ro's reasons? The calm in this torrent of dysfunction, Ro happily drives to camp, undaunted by the countless phone calls and lightning bolts striking where they may. She is on a mission...giving her friends the best weekend possible. How can she function among the tumult? Quite simple. She was at camp not more than 10 minutes and began making margaritas like Julio on a Mexican party barge.</B></div> <div> <B>When I joined the girls, I received a bottle of pure water, my drink of choice. While I enjoyed that, 2 blenders full of margarita had been drained, and a third spinning! You see, Ro has learned that, she who drinks the fastest, drinks the most.</B></div> <div> <B>Being a good bartender, Ro must sample each offering, and therefore, does not need a reason. It's just good work ethic.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Oblivion is a nice place to visit, but anywhere with friends is pretty good, too. Even if you don't remember!</B></div> <div> <B>I am missing being there, and I hope you have fun!</B></div> <div> <B>Oh, and think of me, once in a while, while you party on. </B></div> <div> <B>Preferably while you're naked.</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>Like the sign in the picture says..."Drink up, yinz Bitches!"</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4fa269d0.jpg" border=0 width="550" height="413" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>7/7/13</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Independence Day!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>In honor of the Fourth, here are a few bits of unknown history.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Of the 56 who signers the Declaration of Independence, nine died of wounds or hardships during the war. </B></div> <div> <B>Five were captured and imprisoned, in each case with brutal treatment.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Two wives were brutally abused.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Several lost wives, sons or entire families. </B></div> <div> <B>One lost his 13 children. </B></div> <div> <B>All were at one time or another the victims of manhunts and driven from their homes. </B></div> <div> <B>Twelve signers had their homes completely burned. </B></div> <div> <B>Seventeen lost everything they owned. </B></div> <div> <B>Yet not one defected or went back on his pledged word. </B></div> <div> <B>Be sure to honor these people who gave so much for your freedom, and do your part to help keep this nation free!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Our spider hating friend, Janice (see the post on 6/10/13), apparently fell off her cart, and received some road rash and a broken toe. Hope you are feeling better, Janice, and get well soon!</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>I was just wondering....did the spider win this time?</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>(I offered to apply lotion to her harder to reach scrapes and bruises, but hubby Gino said he'd handle it.)</B></div> <div> <B>I spent the week practicing for the fishing tournament, and it proved totally useless in the actual contest. After using a literal buffet of fish bait to entice my aquatic targets, I had came to the conclusion that it would be better to sit on the bank, and eat my bait.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I got to meet some new friends, Katy and Andy, who pulled up to the field to tent for the holiday, and promptly sunk their car into the muddy abyss. Once again, it's E-Z Go to the rescue! They are friends of Matt#1 and Cory, and seemed to blend well with the normal insanity of the campground. Welcome, and we hope you come back!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Speaking of stuck, Critter managed to get his golf cart stuck in the woods. I was happy to help once again, but my friend, you are zero for two in the off road this year. One more incident could open you up for some serious ridicule!</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Like the prophet says, "Go forth, and spin no more!"</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>The annual Fishing Tourneys went off well, with near perfect co-operation from Mother Nature in holding off the rain! The kids caught over 100 fish in total!.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>The adults were held to 8 contending fish, the smallest being 12".</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>The winner was a 26" carp, landed by Mike N., from the Cleveland area! Congratulations Mike!</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Video of Mike's awards ceremony are available on the Facebook Crystal Springs Campground group, and will be here as soon as I get somewhere where there is enough internet connection to be able to upload it inside of a week!</B></div> <div> <B>Thanks to all who donated money, prizes, time and labor to make this a success!</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>A welcome back and a thanks to Smitty, who came to camp, despite his busy schedule.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>With limited time to spend, Smitty volunteered to work as the Judge for the kid's and adult's Fishing Derbies, giving up so much of his time at camp, that he has so little of. </B></div> <div> <B>A special thanks to Giant Eagle for providing the foods used in the cook out after the kid's derby!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So, how about that Vegas band? I thought they really did the job! Those who missed the show, missed a fine program of early - mid eighties dance music, not to mention the $150 + 50/50 raffle!</B></div> <div> <B>Kenny and Gina had the Beer Pong World Championships at their trailer, the other night. The winners were Katy and T.R., who received matching T shirts proclaiming their Beer Pong expertise. T.R. promptly got his shirt  ran over with a golf cart. No, he wasn't wearing it! </B></div> <div> <B>After the Pong, they moved on to Flip Cup, making sure to round out the night, and causing a butt load of hangovers!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Let's talk about good old Tom, a hard working cement mason who had a rough week at work, and looked forward to celebrating the birth of his country by enjoying a fine steak.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Tom got all the fixings together, and went to the grill, to create his masterpiece. However, the grill had other ideas. (Namely, early retirement.) </B></div> <div> <B>Tom couldn't cook his steak, so it went back to the fridge. Tom dejectedly ate a tossed salad and went to bed.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Next bright and early morning, Tom and his lady, Patty, pile into her little car and go off to the stores to do a little shopping. Tom wanders into Home Depot and spies the grill of his dreams, and promptly purchases it.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>To his chagrin, a huge gas grill does not fit into any part of a small car. So, it is back to camp from Meadville, hop in his pickup, then back to Home Depot, to discuss heatedly with the tellers and managers why he had to check out a product already purchased.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>After the delays, wasted trips, and general starvation, Tom arrives home to set up his new darling, and in the process, unceremoniously tosses the old dysfunctional grill into the pickup to be dumped on the scrap pile.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>So enters an enterprising webmaster, who spy's the old grill at the dump, and thinking it not too shabby, drags it back to his miserable hovel, hooks up a tank, and lights the grill. First try, and every try after that! Tom must have jarred loose what ever the problem was and the grill is functioning fine, now.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>"All's well, that ends well" or so the stories go.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Tom finally got his steak, a day late. He did make some beans on the convenient side burner, making the test complete. Tom, you may be out several hundred bucks, and a day late on your steak dinner, but think of it this way...</B></div> <div> <B>Watching me cook a hot dog on your old, yet still functioning grill, is indeed, priceless!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>6/22/13</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Sinking feeling?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>In my last report, I was remiss in not telling of some of the unintentional mud bogging in the field.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Let's start with the Critter.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>He was innocently trying to haul a few sticks and limbs to the burn pile on his trailer. After unloading he attempted to circle the pile and return. Very bad move, friends. The Job Rated Dodge Ram 1500 Hemi Charger 4x4 Off Road Special Assault Vehicle sunk like the legendary lost continent of Atlantis.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Adding insult to injury, it was pulled free by a Yamaha and an EZ-Go Golf cart. Like I said, Critter, you're set up for asphalt, not dirt. We did, however, save him the ultimate embarrassment of having to be towed by a Toyota or (heaven forbid) a Ford!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>On to Ray.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Ray who's always spotless Bad Boy cart came home not quite so spotless. Ray, the intrepid explorer apparently was seeking the head waters of a stream flowing from the middle of the field. He found it. It was located in the middle of a quarter acre of finest quality top soil gumbo. Suffice to say, the natural slop and suction stopped him in his ever growing deeper tracks. I almost got swamped trying to effect his rescue, but with some luck, large amounts of fuel consumption and some nice rooster tails, we got free.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Ray had her back home and cleaned up in no time, but I thought the Bad Boy wore it's mud with style!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>On to the Redneck Party and Olympics.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>The all most annual Redneck Party and Olympics were held, beginning promptly at 6:29 pm and continuing to the wee hours. </B></div> <div> <B>First was the traditional 830' 1 13/64" beer can torch relay. </B></div> <div> <B>Then the games began with Kenny's Belly Smack Diving Demonstration. It was a big splash!</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Next was Battle Shots, where Ted went down after striking Kenny's "Nuclear Cherry Bomb".</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>The field games were Goose Hunting with Croquet Balls and Mallets, Pickup Bed Hand Fishing, Toilet Seat Corn Hole, The Tire Roll, and The Hubcap Toss.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>The tie breaker finally was the Bobbing for Pigs Feet competition, which was neatly won by Allan, using his legendary 2 pigs feet in 1 mouth maneuver, which let him to be the point leader and overall Champion!</B></div> <div> <B>There was plenty to eat and drink, including hotdog's cooked on the lawn rake wienie roaster, and Kenny's Secret Recipe Venison Stew.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Late night activities brought us Bobbing For Beer, and the Traveling Cold Water Hot Tub, which was the water filled pickup, with the fish returned to the pond of course!</B></div> <div> <B>Everyone had a great time, and is looking forward to the next one!</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Special thanks to Kenny and Gina for all their work, genius, and hospitality, and to anyone whom I didn't mention that helped put on this extravaganza!</B></div> <div> <B>Click here to check out the photos >>> </B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#0000FF" FACE="Ebrima" ><B>The Crystal Springs Eye Photo Page</B></FONT></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>6/16/13</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Animal conspiracies.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Along with my on going battles with deer, and Matt #1's being surrounded and trapped by three raccoons last year, I think the animal kingdom has kicked the battle up a notch.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Last night, they launched an attack with a chemical weapon of mass destruction.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>They sent a skunk to our lot.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Trust me, it was hazardous. I awoke to a strange smell, wafting to my olfactory, even after passing through the filters of my C-PAP! Lucky for me, I have an oxygen tube feeding in. Last night, that oxygen saved my life.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>I did have a concern, at first, that the mixture of oxygen and skunk stink might be explosive. Logic, however, told me that wasn't a problem, as I have, on the rarest of occasions, had a noxious discharge (or two) of my own, with no explosive problems. </B></div> <div> <B>But what of the striped stink bomb? I decided that the best plan was to lay in bed and wait him out, as upsetting him could bring whole new meaning to the words, "Pissed Off". It seemed to have worked, the morning found no residual contamination.</B></div> <div> <B>You may have noticed the "Matt #1". This year, both of my next trailer neighbor patres familias have the name, Matt.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Since I rarely use last names in these posts (unless, of course, the person or persons do something outstanding for the good of the campground and it's members) I have designated Matt #1 and Matt #2, based solely on seniority.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>For the good of the campground and it's members:</B></div> <div> <B>When you see how nice the mowing job is around the pond, you can thank Frank George, John Getzy, and to a smaller extent, myself. Frank noticed that it was like fishing from a duck blind! </B></div> <div> <B>With the fishing tourney coming up, and thinking that by then the grass would be high enough to loose children, he started mowing, with a push mower. John and I retrieved our mowers and pitched in. We did about 3/4 of bank, and left the steeper parts for the camp to do. Ralph, saving you this labor is your father's day gift, enjoy it while you can!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>6/10/13</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>I'm back!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It's good to be back at camp, after a 40 day late start! First off, I'd like to thank Frank, Karen and Frank Jr. for maintaining my camp and helping with the opening. The folks here greeted me with heart warming exuberance, making me feel quite special. It made my day, and I look forward to seeing the rest of the folks soon! </B></div> <div> <B>Arriving on a Sunday, I expected a quiet day. Oh, contraire! There was a wine, cheese, wine, golf cart, wine, stuck in the mud, wine, wine and wine party, in full swing! </B></div> <div> <B>Of course they did have a mission. The were in search of a runaway tennis ball, somewhere in the field. Four pretty ladies and one dog, a muddy golf cart, and still no balls.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>What they did fine was a fairly large and aggressive spider, who obviously wanted to attack by eating his way through the windshield to get his prey.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Note to Janice: Be sure the cart comes to a complete stop, before bailing out to escape the attack of the killer spider.</B></div> <div> <B>Note to Spider: Do not molest drunk women. Leave that to me. </B></div> <div> <B>Note to Charlie Dog: If you can't find your tennis ball, don't expect four women who have been over served with wine to find it. Especially at top speed in a golf cart!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Angling ability department.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Ebrima" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Congratulations to Ed for landing a 15 to 20 pound snapping turtle on a 6 pound test line! He said it was a snap!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>5/18/13</B></div> <div> <B>Guess what I herd?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The camp is in sheep shape!</B></div> <div> <B>Nobody pulls the wool over my eyes!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4f61db00.jpg" border=0 width="541" height="688" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>5/7/13</B></div> <div> <B>Hi ho! Hi ho! </B></div> <div> <B>It's under the knife I go!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>That's right my friends, I report for my surgery at 5:30 in the morning for a 7:45 surgery. I must say, I'm looking forward to the benefits, and to the challenges that I have in my follow up. I hope that I will be able to do what I have to, to make it all worthwhile. Naturally there is a bit of anxiousness, as there should be, but I have faith in my maker and trust in my surgeons. So I ask of my friends, this weekend, eat your favorite camp style food in my behalf! </B></div> <div> <B>Rest assured, I am looking forward to when I get back up to camp, and that I miss you all!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Here is something for you to ponder:</B></div> <div> <B>Where was the Seven Dwarf's work place, if they passed a bunch of Ho's along the way?</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>4/24/13</B></div> <div> <B>Miscellaneous info.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Big John Cattley had his first chemo procedure last Thursday at Presbyterian Hospital. The procedure went well, but on Sunday, he was having some breathing issues, and some pain. We shipped him to Sewickley Hospital, where he is much improved, and getting some tests. He should be out in a day or two, and says thanks for your thoughts and prayers!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I talked to Bob Grossman, our auctioneer. He too is fighting a battle with cancer, and is not at this time doing any large scale auctions. He is hoping to be in better shape and possibly do ours, but I told him his health is job #1, and I would hold his date until he tells me otherwise. Please remember Bob and his family in your thoughts and prayers, too! (I'm getting to be quite the evangelist!)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I see the countdown at this writing is 6 days, 15 hours. I am like a fire horse, smelling the smoke of I fire I can't go to. This will be the first time since I became a member that I will not be available for opening day. The withdrawal is starting already, and may last for several weeks. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Must....not....loose....control !</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>4/15/13</B></div> <div> <B>Surgical update:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I have pre-testing on May 2nd, and I'm getting gastric bypass on May 8th. It may take 4 to 6 weeks for my digestion to stabilize. I will be on all liquid, then pureed diets, and then a bland diet. The outcome of this regimen will require, if I may be so indelicate, a close proximity to sanitary facilities. Now I will be loosing weight after a while, but during this crucial early time, I still will not fit properly in the miniscule toilet in my trailer. Of course, waddling fully clenched to my golf cart and trying to get into the men's room is not only a logistical impossibility, doomed to fail, it is also something that most people, having seen it, would wish they could un-see it.</B></div> <div> <B>Therefore, in an effort to save myself personal embarrassment, possible trauma to young children, and scaring away my new neighbors on their first week, I have opted to maintain home field advantage during this trying time.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>When I do get to camp, remember friends: "Please don't feed the fat guy!"</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>Received today! I'm sure everyone got it, but here it is, just in case!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4f3c7840.jpg" border=0 width="711" height="900" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>4/14/13</B></div> <div> <B>Trout weekend.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I haven't heard much feed back from the trout fishers, but I have stolen a few photos from Gary Mitchell's facebook posts. I'll put them in the </B><A HREF="http://pub19.bravenet.com/photocenter/album.php?usernum=1571871776#bn-photocenter-1-1-1571871776/57463/1/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://pub19.bravenet.com/photocenter/al"><U><B>"Fishin' Album"</B></U></A><B> on the photo page.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>My updates and time at camp will start late this year, as I am having Gastric Bypass Surgery early in May, so I don't think I'll be around there much, for awhile. Once I do come back, I will be on a special diet. </B></div> <div> <B>I say this, because I know the generosity and kindness of the folks at camp, and I hope you won't be offended if I turn down your kind offers for vittles. Trust me, it saddens me to do that,there are many superb cooks at camp.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It is a necessary thing for me to do, under the advice of my physician, my pulmonary doctor, my gastric surgeon, and my interior decorator. (Let's face it, I'm hard on furniture.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I will post a few notes about what's going on, maybe some will find it interesting. </B></div> <div> <B>I know I am getting older. It just seems right to say, "Let me tell you about my surgery!" </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>3/31/13</B></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>A happy and blessed Easter to one and all!</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4f1e0680.jpg" border=0 width="480" height="360" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>3/24/2013</B></div> <div> <B>Just received word that Charles Zeidler has passed away. </B></div> <div> <B>His daughters, Marlene Marree and Karen Toia, were members of Crystal Springs for many years. </B></div> <div> <B>Our thoughts and prayers are with them at this time.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>3/20/13</B></div> <div> <B>First Sign Of Spring!</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4eea2860.jpg" border=0 width="674" height="902" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>3/18/2013</B></div> <div> <B>Charles Dehanna</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I am sad to announce that passing of Charles Dehanna, better known in camp as "Uncle Chuck".</B></div> <div> <B>Chuck was the Uncle of Sandy Whipkey, but most every one called him Uncle Chuck, too.</B></div> <div> <B>Uncle Chuck was a likeable guy and a friend to me, one of the first outside of my core group to befriend me at camp. He always loved a good joke, and told me quite a few. He also had an opinion on most anything, and would share without to much trouble. Not that it was a bad thing! Like most, some were bad, some were good, but all were interesting, if not outright entertaining! </B></div> <div> <B>Just a few days ago, Sandy posted his picture, which I will add below. The twinkling eyes and winning smile were there, like always! </B></div> <div> <B>So, Chuck has gone on to heaven. I can hear him now: </B></div> <div> <B>"You know, God, if you move that throne a little to the left, the reflection of the Pearly Gates won't glare in your eyes so much!  By the way, did you hear the one about the Priest, Minister and Rabbi on a fishing boat?"</B></div> <div> <B>We already miss you, buddy. Keep them Angels on their toes!</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4ebf4400.jpg" border=0 width="500" height="576" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>3/10/2013</B></div> <div> <B>Congratulations, well done and thanks!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>We have at our campground two young men who have recently proven themselves to be heroes in a life or death situation. </B></div> <div> <B> On March 3rd, Josh and Nick Speigel, along with two friends, </B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#006633" FACE="Ebrima" ><B>Zack Madarrafi and Aimee Scholl, discovered a car with the driver entrapped, crashed off the highway, on it's roof, in </B></FONT><B>Connoquenessing Creek. They stopped, investigated, called 911, and assisted fellow volunteers in rescue efforts that saved the life of the driver. Their unassuming humility is a trait of all true heroes, and their devotion to the fire service and their care for their fellow man makes us all proud!</B></div> <div> <B> I happy to know that there are young people like them, that will ensure the safety and peace for Americans in the future.</B></div> <div> <B> George Jones had a song about a worry for the future of country music, "Who's Gonna Fill Their Shoes?". The song mentioned several passed country artists, and asked the title question.</B></div> <div> <B> Well George, I don't know about the country singers, but I know of four pairs of feet that are already able to fill the shoes of the brave protectors of their fellow man. </B></div> <div> <B> I'm glad to know two pairs of those feet, and have watched them outgrow shoes over the years at Crystal Springs.</B></div> <div> <B>Guys like that, will never outgrow the shoes they just filled. They are a perfect fit. </B></div> <div> <B> Thank you, Nick and Josh.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>3/5/13</B></div> <div> <B>At least that's how Baltimore teachers see it...after suspending a grade school kid for eating his pop tart into the shape of a pistol.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4e958400.jpg" border=0 width="600" height="320" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>3/2/13</B></div> <div> <B>Don't worry Cindy, the site will be here when you get here!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>2/27/13</B></div> <div> <B>Bridge Update!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>My roving off season eye (Special Ed), sends word that signs have been posted saying that </B></div> <div> <B>the Finley Bridge will close in 2 weeks!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Remember, this is the bridge on Route 6 between Crystal Springs and Mallard's Landing.</B></div> <div> <B>Coming from Linesville will be no problem, coming from Ohio, you will have to follow a detour.</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4e7492c0.jpg" border=0 width="841" height="556" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4e875180.jpg" border=0 width="1141" height="536" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>2/15/13</B></div> <div> <B>I'm not saying that I'm ready for the alien conspiracy/tin foil hat crowd, but I feel a little skeptical about this </B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#990033" FACE="Ebrima" ><B>Asteroid 2005 YU55 </B></FONT><B>flyby and meteor explosion in Russia.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Start with the fly by. The name of the asteroid tells us they have known about it since 2005, so it's not a surprise. I saw on the news today, that it was over the Indian Ocean at it's closest point.</B></div> <div> <B>Okay, so what I want to know, why are there no good pictures of it anywhere? The only one I saw on the news looked a lot like the blip on a screen that used to show where Paul Shannon's north pole rocket was, when it took kids letters to Santa Claus.</B></div> <div> <B>If it was under all the satellite orbits, why didn't they get a couple pictures with those spy satellites that can take a picture of a dog pooping in the Kremlin? </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Conspiracy Theory: They don't want you to see the alien vessel on it's bombing run.</B></div> <div> <B>Now you know what happened in Russia. </B></div> <div> <B>Hitler was an alien, and he was picked up in 1945 by the mothership, after faking his death. He had been in suspended animation, so he could make the round trip to Planet X, where his software was updated. He has been thawed, and came back to get vengeance on the Russians for kicking his ass on the Eastern Front.</B></div> <div> <B>Either that, or the Terminator just landed in Russia. I'm glad my name isn't Conner.</B></div> <div> <B>Anyway, I'm sure the Internet will be loaded with nutty theories, blurry videos, and photo shopped masterpieces.</B></div> <div> <B>I thought I'd get mine out there, and beat the rush. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>By the way, I saw a note that the Mayan calendar end of the world has been postponed to September 3, 2015. </B></div> <div> <B>Bastards could have waited until camp closed.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>In another unrelated story, Facebook has been declared out of control, and will be shut down May 15,2013.</B></div> <div> <B>Go ahead, Google it.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>2/12/13</B></div> <div> <B>Just a reminder!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The future closing of Finley Bridge, located on State Route 6, between Beaver Center Road and Footsville Road (Mallard's Landing).</B></div> <div> <B>The bridge will undergo complete reconstruction, which is scheduled to begin in April of 2013.</B></div> <div> <B>The intersection of Footsville Road and Rt. 6 will also be closed during reconstruction.</B></div> <div> <B>The westbound detour will turn north on to Beaver Center Road, to West Center Road, then turning west to Phelps Road, and then south  to reach Rt. 6 in Penn Line.</B></div> <div> <B>For those traveling from Ohio, the detour will turn north in Penn Line on Phelps Road, then east onto W. Center Road to Beaver Center Road, then south to Rt. 6. </B></div> <div> <B>A tentative completion date is scheduled for August of 2013.</B></div> <div> <B>Be aware of higher traffic volume passing the camp!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>1/27/2013</B></div> <div> <B>Don't Forget!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>2013 NASCAR Fantasy League log in:</B></div> <div> <B>Group Name: Camptown Racers</B></div> <div> <B>Group ID: 1964</B></div> <div> <B>Password: gofastturnleft</B></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="http://racing.fantasysports.yahoo.com/auto" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://racing.fantasysports.yahoo.com/au"><U><B>http://racing.fantasysports.yahoo.com/auto</B></U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>1/14/2013</B></div> <div> <B>Congratulations!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>To fellow camper Paul "Smitty" Smith, for receiving the Muse Volunteer Fire Department's Chief's Award for outstanding dedication to the safety of his community and fellow firefighters in the year 2012. Smitty is the Vice President and Safety Officer for the department. </B></div> <div> <B>For those who may not know, the Safety Officer, when on a fire scene, watches over the entire scene and crew, making sure that all are working in the safest possible manor.</B></div> <div> <B>The Safety Officer has the power to countermand the orders of the Chief, or any other officer, if the orders they have given cause an unsafe, or untenable situation. </B></div> <div> <B>The Safety Officer must have a strong working knowledge of fire suppression, building construction, search and rescue, hazardous materials, incident command, fire ground procedure and logistics, as well as many other disciplines too numerous to mention. The job is one of, if not the most important jobs in the emergency services. Believe me when I tell you, they do not fill this position without serious consideration. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>M.V.F.D. has chosen well.</B></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="http://canon-mcmillan.patch.com/articles/paul-smitty-smith-honored#photo-12941172" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://canon-mcmillan.patch.com/articles"><U><B>Click here for this story in the Canon-McMillan Patch</B></U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>1/8/13</B></div> <div> <B>Ok, I'm a slacker.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Let me start by saying thanks to all who showed up for the Winter Dinner! The owner of the Willows was glad to see us, and looks forward to our return. At least that's what I heard, but I left early. I assume the joint is still standing.</B></div> <div> <B>As usual, the food was outstanding, and we took command of the bar after dinner. </B></div> <div> <B>I have posted what pics I took, and have gleaned what I could from Facebook. Don't forget, you can upload to our photo page, too!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I did miss the folks who didn't show. I just hope they were absent for non-serious reasons. I'd rather we were blown off, then them blown up, ya know what I mean? </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I did catch a little hell from folks about not posting here. Like I said...slacker. It does warm the cockles of my heart that you guys think enough of me and my ramblings to read this. I'll try to stay on top, and if I have nothing new, I may dabble in a little fiction, just for fun. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>As most had heard, I was late and had to miss breakfast, as I was helping my brother prepare for and ship his cattle to the butcher shop. I'll also send thanks to my faithful friend and neighbor, Terry, for helping out Sunday morning with the loading. The job went basically fine, although, we didn't ship the crazy heifer. She just was too spooky to even come in the barn. To help her settle down, we took one back off the truck to keep her company. Cows are herd animals, and prefer company. We did load enough cattle to fill the orders, so that's good enough. We'll give it another go in spring.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Heard this one the other day...</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer."</B></div> <div> <B>"Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!"</B></div> <div> <B>God replies, "You better send them up here immediately."</B></div> <div> <B>Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them."</B></div> <div> <B>God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you."</B></div> <div> <B>Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> 2012</div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <I><B>Friday, December 21, 2012</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The End Of The World!</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>12:00 midnight</B></I></div> <div> <B>Brought to you by:</B></div> <div> <B>The Ancient Mayans</B></div> <div> <B>"Destroying Ourselves, </B></div> <div> <B>and Trying to Take You With Us!"</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>12/2/12</B></div> <div> <B>Sleeping on the job, no other word for it.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>What can I tell you? Post election malaise? Seasonal affective disorder? Camp separation anxiety? Out right laziness? The latter sounds correct.</B></div> <div> <B>I suppose I could blame my failure on facebook. You post things on there, and the ole' website gets forgotten. You have to remember, when I started this, there wasn't even a thing called a Blog. </B></div> <div> <B>>>(For extra credit: Who knows what the term "Blog" was derived from?)</B></div> <div> <B>So let's cover some info, even though many may have already heard about these things.</B></div> <div> <B>1. Memory and Jeff got a new camper. (A great big son of a gun!)  Jeff, true to his word,said he would by a new camper when the Browns won 4 games.</B></div> <div> <B>2. I rolled my golf cart. I was testing the structural integrity of the roof structure, not just being an ass. (That's my story and I'm sticking to it!)</B></div> <div> <B>3. Trish and J.R. got engaged, best wishes for them!</B></div> <div> <B>4. The pool repairs are complete! The water should stay in, and possibly have a chance to then warm up!</B></div> <div> <B>5. A bunch of people are planning on attending the Winter Dinner. Looks like it's getting bigger every year! Gotta love it!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I took a ride up yesterday, and ran across Tim visiting Patty and Denny's campfire. It was a great day for it, considering it was the first of December, and it always fun to see a few folks in the off season.</B></div> <div> <B>I took a lap around, and everything appeared normal, which is always good news. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>For those who come up via Greenville and Jamestown, there are two new gas well sites close to the road to keep an eye on. Most know my stance on gas drilling, bring it on! It will be interesting to keep track of. One will be on Halfway Road, about 500 feet off of Rt. 58 between Greenville and Jamestown. The other will be on Linesville Road, not too far from Livingston's Meat Packing. It's real close to the road, and will offer a great chance to observe the progress.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>One more thing, my opinion on the Jovan Belcher tragedy, or more so on the pundits who are crying for gun control. If he was unstable enough to shoot her  and himself, then he was unstable enough to beat her to death, or stab her, or drive off of the nearest cliff. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Depending on source, 30 to 80 people die each day from gun shots.</B></div> <div> <B>Over 850 die each day from obesity.</B></div> <div> <B>Don't take my gun, take my fork.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>11/4/12</B></div> <div> <B>I really feel important.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I'm sure most anyone who has a land line phone does at this time.</B></div> <div> <B>It's satisfying to know that all the politicians need me till Tuesday. After that, well, I guess I'm back down in "Flyover Country". </B></div> <div> <B>I have heard from all the greats; Mitt Romney, Barack Obama, Newt Gingrich, Bill Clinton, Mark Critz, Raja, Mrs Raja, all the little Rajas, Tom Smith, Mrs. Tom Smith, the N.R.C., N.R.A., NAACP, A.F.S.C.M.E., I.U.O.E, U.S.W., N.C.I.S.,  Rainbow Coalition, George Takei, Citizens for Obama, Citizens for Romney, Paul Ryan, Joe Biden (who said, "Sorry, wrong number! ") and even from 425,000 dead Philadelphia voters who refuse to show their I.D. at the polls.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The only saving grace is that after rising to a crescendo, it will be over for a month or so. Of course, then they start up again for the primaries. </B></div> <div> <B>All this political hash can be overwhelming and confusing, if not outright intimidating.</B></div> <div> <B>All I ask, is that as a good American Citizen, you wade through it, make the best sense out of it that you can, and above all, vote.</B></div> <div> <B>I would rather see a good politician from a good vote, then a bad politician from a bad vote.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>My opinion? Well, most of you know it already. I won't want to become another mundane recording transcribed from the answering machine, to this page.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Wait, the phone is ringing....it's Barack. </B></div> <div> <B>Did you have any last words, or shall I just tell him good bye? </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/27/12</B></div> <div> <B>Good day, bad day.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The ancient Chinese called it the yin and the yang. Good, bad; happy, sad. I spend the evening celebrating my niece's 30th birthday with family and friends. This alone was bitter sweet as she turned a mile stone, and I pondered the march of time. </B></div> <div> <B>I am lucky to have a great family member like her to carry the torch forward.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>After I get home, I check my messages to find that Jesse Molchen passed away in his sleep that day. Jesse was 30 years old. </B></div> <div> <B>When Jesse was born, I was there. I was dating his Aunt Kris at the time, and she was excited about the birth, her first nephew. As the dutiful boy friend and hoping to impress the family, I waited through Bonnie's whole delivery at Sewickley Hospital. You might say I was the designated smoker/pacer, as Jerry was on the road that day. As I look back now at the path that my life has taken, this would be the only time that I actually waited in a hospital for a child to be born. Jesse provided for me a great, memorable experience, from day one.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Life's twists and turns lead me away from Kris in the romantic sense, yet not in the friendship sense. Jesse grew up, and as a friend of his family our paths crossed at functions, get together's, and of course, camp. He was a soft spoken gentle giant most times, but mess with his loved ones, and you would soon learn the wrath of hell. He was always kind and pleasant to me, and to virtually everyone that he knew.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I cannot begin to fathom the loss that his family is feeling, even as I feel a great loss myself. I can only offer prayers that God will ease their suffering, and watch over them in their time of mourning.</B></div> <div> <B>The angels have a new soul among their numbers, use him wisely, Oh Lord. </B></div> <div> <B>He brings great things to you in heaven. But, I suppose, you saw that from day one, too.</B></div> <div> <B>Godspeed Jesse. You are missed here, you are blessed there.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/21/12</B></div> <div> <B>Good news!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Got word that the plumbing and concrete phase of the pool refurbish is complete! This will make a bunch of sun worshipers happy!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Never was much of a pool guy, myself. I grew up with a creek in the back yard, but in the summer, most places in it wouldn't wet your ankle. There are a few deep holes in it, but not much room there for swimming laps. </B></div> <div> <B>It was nice to jump in after bailing hay in the summer, but you had to respect the neighbors, and share with them. That would be miscellaneous snakes, frogs, turtles, fowl-both water and land, deer... the list goes on. </B></div> <div> <B>I may not have learned to swim, but I did learn other things of value, like the amazing transformation that occurs when you blend cold water, girls, and white T-shirts. What guy wants to go face down in the water after that?</B></div> <div> <B>Not to worry, their virtue was safe. Their father and brothers being there helped that. I was, of course, always the gentleman, a bit shy, and most of all, I underwent a transformation of my own that required I stay in the water a bit longer.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I noticed, not everybody swims at the pool. I see a lot of roasting and frying going on, also something I try to avoid. It is the quintessential social melting pot, however (Emphasis on 'melting'). The folks who frequent the pool share a bond of friendship and kindred spirit. That bond even extends to an impromptu roll call, and checking to see why someone is absent, and if they need help.</B></div> <div> <B>That alone makes them special.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So my hat's off to the pool people! Enjoy your social roasting next summer! </B></div> <div> <B>I will sit back, in the shade, cool and comfortable, watching you turn into crisp bacon. </B></div> <div> <B>And while I do that, I'll think, "Now, I know why they fence them in!"</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/15/12</B></div> <div> <B>So ends another season.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The air compressors sang their one note song again, as water lines were getting blown out, a sure sign that the end is near. We can look back with fond memories of 2012, as we look forward to more fun in 2013. </B></div> <div> <B>That is, unless those stupid Mayans are right.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Most everyone has seen the extensive reconstruction occurring at the pool. Some, however, refuse to give up, regardless how late the season, or condition of the pool. There were three at the pool this weekend. One frog swimming on the bottom, one floating upside down, and, of course, John.</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4e358c20.jpg" border=0 width="600" height="450" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>No, this has not been photo-shopped.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You have to admire his dedication. </B></div> <div> <B>I just wonder if he just went there, or have they been working around him?</B></div> <div> <B>Not only is this like sunbathing in a bombed out Turkish Bath in Afghanistan, it is only in the high 40's! </B></div> <div> <B>I guess you also have to admire the anti-freeze capabilities of what ever he is sipping from that can in his hand. </B></div> <div> <B>One other thing. </B></div> <div> <B>It may just be me, but, doesn't it seem completely normal to see John surrounded by "Caution" tape?</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/7/12</B></div> <div> <B>Winding down.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>One more weekend to go, and we can bag the 2012 season. Did it fly by, or what? I mean, didn't I just open? Getting older I guess. </B></div> <div> <B>"Life (and camp) is like a roll of toilet paper. </B></div> <div> <B>The closer to end you get, the faster it spins." -Anonymous</B></div> <div> <B>Truer words may never have been spoken. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So it's time to root through my program files and dig out the count down timer, so we can all be depressed as it slowly counts down the days until camp opens. Funny thing about that timer...It runs slow as smoke all winter. Four years ago, I put it in summer on to show the time left until camp closes, and it ran wild! Never again! It made the summer go so fast, Big Tom's tequila bottle was empty before the cap hit the fire! </B></div> <div> <B>No wait...that was this year. Anyway, it made the summer go faster.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It was "Happy Birthday, Heather!" this weekend. A nice little party was going on, lots of adult beverage getting abused. Couple of kinds of vodka, and that miserable swill, Jagermeister. </B></div> <div> <B>Now, most of you folks know that I rarely imbibe, but have been known to savor the occasional shot for medicinal and/or celebratory purposes. </B></div> <div> <B>As much as I love you Heather, there is no way I'm going to break regimen by drinking Herman Goring's schnapps. That stuff is the fruit cake of liquor, you either love it or hate it. No, I don't like fruit cake, either.</B></div> <div> <B>Trust me, after the nuclear destruction of the world, cock roaches will be eating fruit cake and marshmallow peep eyes (I think they are made of sugar and cast iron), all the while chasing it down with Jagermeister. </B></div> <div> <B>Those are the only things that will survive, unchanged. </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B> </B></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>Winter Dinner!</B></div> <div> <B>Saturday, January 5, 2013 at 4:00!</B></div> <div> <B>At The Willows Inn!</B></div> <div> <B>Make motel reservations soon if you plan to stay!</B></div> <div> <B>Buffet Breakfast on Sunday!</B></div> <div> <B>724-643-4500</B></div> <div> <A HREF="http://www.willowsinnpa.com/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.willowsinnpa.com/"><U><B>www.willowsinnpa.com</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <B>9/30/12</B></div> <div> <B>Happy Impromptu Halloween!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>In a last minute decision, Heather and her gang decided to go ahead and have their Halloween Party. Deanna put on a Halloween crafts program for the kids, there was a camp wide Trick or Treat, and a party with dancing and keggery! (Free beer.) The Red Bull was fully ghoulishly decorated, which is something in it's self to see! The amount of Halloween decorations here just bumps the edge of abnormality. Thanks to all who helped and participated!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Can't be unseen department.</B></div> <div> <B>Speaking of abnormal, did you see Rocky's costume? Insanely hilarious, yet disturbingly repulsive. I guess in the world of Halloween, it's right on point. I have decided not to post it here, but to put it on the photo page. This way, before you view it, you can remove children and pets from the area to avoid injury, just like it says to do with your lawn mower. Believe me, this is the visual equivalent to airborne projectiles!</B></div> <div> <B>To view the photo, </B><A HREF="http://photos.bravenet.com/157/187/177/6/06CE0E9BB5.jpg" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://photos.bravenet.com/157/187/177/6"><U><B>Shield your eyes and click here!</B></U></A></div> <div> <B>Cupid hasn't been this dangerous since I married my ex-wife</B><A HREF="http://photos.bravenet.com/157/187/177/6/06CE0E9BB5.jpg" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://photos.bravenet.com/157/187/177/6"><U><B>!</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <B>Co-Winners of the costume contest were Jeff & Memory, for their depictions of Romney and Obama.</B></div> <div> <B>Runner up was Michelle as Groucho. </B></div> <div> <B>Honorable mentions go to any women showing gratuitous cleavage. (It's my mention, and I know what I like!)</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>9/21/12</B></div> <div> <B>Technological blues.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Last Sunday, I debated and finally decided to update on Monday from home. When I got there, I found that I had left my wireless modem at the camp. Rats. So, I study the situation, and since I was half assed shopping for phone, I figure that getting a smart phone, I can use the wi fi hot spot, and do my deal.</B></div> <div> <B>Down to Verizon I go, and I landed a pretty good deal on the cutting edge Droid Razor M. It is a really sweet phone! Back home I go, I sit in front of my computer and try to figure out how to work the phone. After a training/practice session, I needed a break, so I started playing Free Cell. I put the computer to sleep during supper, and when came back, I had The Blue Screen of Death!</B></div> <div> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="882" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="LEFT" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 488 ><NOBR><div> <IMG SRC="4e058e20.jpg" border=0 width="856" height="482" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="488" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="-2" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 16 WIDTH="865"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="865" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="16" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="-2" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> <B>So much for on time, on point commentary on camp functions for last week! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The Round Up Dinner was great! Good food, and plenty of it! Thanks to everyone who donated, and to the campground for putting it all on for free!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Later on the D.J. did his thing, with a good light show. </B></div> <div> <B>Only thing I can't understand, he was asked to play a little country music, and he said he wasn't allowed. Seems a bit strange, I mean shouldn't a D.J. be able to adjust to his audience? It's not like he has to go back out to the van, and carry in 40 or 50 records.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>After the dance, I was invited to Lee and Ruth's to enjoy their fire. After a bit, they decided that it was bed time, and as usual, that I was welcome to stay, enjoy the fire and burn as much wood as needed. After a bit, here comes Ruth with a bottle of water and a roast beef sandwich! </B></div> <div> <B>Now that, my friends is camp-style hospitality! </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>9/11/12</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>From Heather: Halloween is back on! Come join the fun September 29th. There will be the same ghoulish party from 7 -12, keg, costume contests and 50/50. We are thinking 4 PM for Trick or Treat but are open to all suggestions. I'll post more info as we figure it out! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Update!</B></div> <div> <B>We will have Halloween crafts for the kids at 1:00 in the Hall on Saturday the 29th. Thanks Deanna </B></div> <div> <B>Sahady Byrnes!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>9/3/12</B></div> <div> <B>Happy Labor Day!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The last holiday weekend of the season! I wonder where the summer has gone?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Like all good traditions, the loss of a utility on a holiday was handled early this year, as a water leak was discovered and repaired on Friday. I wish now that I had kept track over the years, as I am sure there is some sort of record being set.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>We launched the weekend with thirteen carts entered in the Golf Cart Poker Run, where </B></div> <div> <B>the top 2 poker hands win the pot, and split the prize money.</B></div> <div> <B>Congratulations to Judy and Mike with three of a kind, and Cindy and Lenny with a king high two pair.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Following the poker run we adjourned to the field for the Rodeo.</B></div> <div> <B>The first event was the Slow Race, where the slowest speed over a 100 foot straight course wins.  </B></div> <div> <B>Below are the times and speeds:</B></div> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="803" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 168 ><NOBR><div> <B>1. Judy: 57.16 sec; 1.06 mph</B></div> <div> <B>2. Frank: 55.32 sec; 1.10 mph</B></div> <div> <B>3. Terry: 50.77 sec; 1.21 mph</B></div> <div> <B>4. Ann: 47.27 sec; 1.29 mph</B></div> <div> <B>5. Ray: 43.98 sec; 1.39 mph</B></div> <div> <B>6. Denise: 40.82 sec; 1.52 mph</B></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <B>7. Justin: 39.44 sec; 1.55 mph</B></div> <div> <B>8. Joe: 27.41 sec; 2.24 mph</B></div> <div> <B>9. Dana: Wheels stopped</B></div> <div> <B>10. Lenny: Wheels stopped </B></div> <div> <B>11. Jim:  Wheels stopped  </B></div> <div> <B>12. Lee: Wheels stopped  </B></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> <B>The next event was the Barrel Race. An empty 55 gallon plastic drum must be pushed around a clover leaf pattern, with the lowest elapsed time winning.</B></div> <div> <B>Below are the times in minutes:</B></div> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="603" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 115 ><NOBR><div> <B>1. Vic - 2.06.81</B></div> <div> <B>2. Frank - 2.11.40</B></div> <div> <B>3. Ray - 2.28.07</B></div> <div> <B>4. Terry - 2.30.41</B></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="296"><div> <B>5. Lee - 2.35.08</B></div> <div> <B>6. Jim - 2.38.96</B></div> <div> <B>7. Joe - 3.56.74</B></div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> <B>Last was the legendary Blindfold Race. The driver of the cart is blindfolded and the navigator gives verbal instructions to the driver, guiding the cart through a set course between traffic cones. Lowest elapsed time is the winner. Times in minutes are listed below, with the driver's name first:</B></div> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="803" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 115 ><NOBR><div> <B>1. Amy & Jim - 1.13.26</B></div> <div> <B>2. Josh & Jannell - 1.27.59</B></div> <div> <B>3. Terry & Vonda - 1.41.30</B></div> <div> <B>4. Ray & John - 1.59.80</B></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <B>5. Jim & Ann - 2.07.26</B></div> <div> <B>6. Joe & Denise Schulte - 2.29.08</B></div> <div> <B>7. Lee & Ruth - 2.58.42</B></div> <div> <B>8. Denise Spragg & Ray - 3.27.53</B></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> <B> The trophy for best over all performance went to Terry and Vonda, who had the best aggregate finishing positions from all three events.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Thanks to all who joined the fun, and a special thanks to Lee for supplying the trophy, traffic cones and prizes!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Mystified Band brought in a nice crowd at the Red Bull Dance Hall. They played a wide variety of music, rock, country, old and new. The lead guitarist is extremely talented, and if you weren't there, you should make a point to see them next time. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>There was a weekender here that most likely will go down in the history of camping legerdemain. Although I didn't catch his name, this young man has become one of my heroes, and gives me faith in the future of camping.</B></div> <div> <B>He had a window air conditioner mounted in the wall of a tent camper. It was a smart, clean, workman like installation.</B></div> <div> <B>Better, in fact, then a certain air conditioner installation in a camp store that shall go un-named.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So there he was, the intrepid, dedicated, camper, mowing his lawn as it is an intrepid, dedicated, camper's wont to do. Time is of the essence, (there is only a month and a half left to the season, you know) so in an effort to save time, our hero multi-tasks by pulling the running mower as he moves his golf cart out of the yard, there by saving the time needed to restart the mower if he shuts it off. </B></div> <div> <B>And of course, there is no sense in walking all the way around to the driver's side of the cart, when the passenger seat is handy. </B></div> <div> <B>Let us discuss the dynamics of the situation. The golf cart is 4 feet wide, the mower is 1 foot away from the passenger side of the cart, and is 2 feet wide. To reach the center of the mower for best control (we don't want to miss any grass), while driving the cart, our intrepid, dedicated, camper needs to be approximately 7 and 1/2 feet tall. </B></div> <div> <B>Unfortunately, our intrepid, dedicated, camper is just a bit under 6 feet. This, however, is not insurmountable. The problem is, a pine tree, that obviously wasn't there before, managed to grow to a height of 40 + feet in the 2.7 seconds that it took the golf cart to achieve maximum speed in reverse.  </B></div> <div> <B>To make a long story short, the cart struck the tree so hard, that it blew the hub cap off of the lawnmower, and shortened the left side of the cart by 5 inches! The tree is fine.</B></div> <div> <B>This would not be a real big story, except that our hero is a 2 year standing champion of a Tractor Trailer Rodeo.</B></div> <div> <B> He has come to a decision about this issue.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Does anyone know where he can get a golf cart that bends in the middle?</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>8/27/12</B></div> <div> <B>Ok, I got nothing.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>8/20/12</B></div> <div> <B>Auction update!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I just talked to Bob Grossman, our auctioneer. He regrets to inform us that, due to health issues, he has cancelled all of his events for this summer, but will see us again, Labor Day weekend, 2013.</B></div> <div> <B>Please keep Bob and his family in your thoughts and prayers!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Saturday 9/1</B></div> <div> <B>Golf Cart Poker Run and Rodeo!</B></div> <div> <B>Line up 1:00 at the Red Bull</B></div> <div> <B>$5.00 per cart entry for Poker Run, </B></div> <div> <B>all cash paid out to top 2 hands, no ties!</B></div> <div> <B>All other events free, Bragging Rights awarded!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So an adult camper finds a dead opossum in the back yard. He quickly convenes a study group to set a course of action.</B></div> <div> <B>The first point of order is to ascertain weather the opossum is in fact dead, or if it is "Playing 'Possum", which is an opossum's number one defense mechanism. It is decided in a 5 to 3 vote to poke the opossum with a suitable stick, to elicit a reaction. Several pokes were applied, causing the opossum to roll to it's back, with it's legs pointing stiffly at the sky. It is decided that the opossum has indeed passed on, as opossums playing 'possum do not normally fake rigor mortis.</B></div> <div> <B>Since the carcase must be dealt with, a committee is appointed to retrieve a shovel to be used for the disposal. The opossum is loaded onto the shovel, and is promptly flung over the hedgerow, into the farmer's corn field, and much satisfaction is felt for a job well done. </B></div> <div> <B>Couple of days later, "I smell something dead."</B></div> <div> <B>Huh. Wonder what?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I just wanted to thank Diane for the riveting play by play commentary of the Pirates 19 inning game, as hollered out of Tammy & Art's trailer. The insights and observations were akin to the classic baseball play by play styling's of Myron Cope.</B></div> <div> <B>Problem is, Myron, as we all know, never did play by play for the Pirates. Triple Yoy!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>My sides still hurt from laughing, and Bob Prince is spinning in his grave! We had them alllll the way!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Need and education in living life? </B></div> <div> <B>Spend a couple of hours with Big Tom.</B></div> <div> <B>Designated as an official natural treasure of Crystal Springs!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>8/12/12</B></div> <div> <B>Pool party!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Never let a cool, cloudy day ruin a good pool party, and certainly, don't let it interrupt the Co-ed Synchronized Cannon Ball dive competition! (How Olympian!) </B></div> <div> <B>No gold medals available, however.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>As with all the pool parties, adult beverages are the order of the day. Most everywhere you looked there was a bottle or two, not to mention the keg. I also noticed there were several cooler jugs with miscellaneous concoctions in them. Drinks named things like "Spring Water" to beguile you, "Hawaiian Punch" to sooth you, or "Goon Juice" to blatantly destroy brain cells. I saw some test tubes full of clear liquid that folks were sipping. I can't say for sure, but I think it may have been distilled by a West Virginia Chemical Set. There were also the usual Jello Shots and Gummy Candies. I noticed one Jello Shot had something small and dark imbedded in it, which looked like for all the world there was an errant fly in it. I was reassured that it was a Gummy Bear. </B></div> <div> <B>A flying Gummy Bear with 6 legs and wings. </B></div> <div> <B>Of course, lest we forget the "Cherry Poppin' Daddy" with his magic fruit!</B></div> <div> <B>There was also a great spread of food, for which I would like to extend thanks to all who contributed!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The costume judging found Kenny S. and Brenda the best representatives of the '60s Flower Power theme. I don't know who the judges were, but Brenda's micro mini-dress was sure to garner the male vote!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Music by "Contradiction" kept things moving until Karaoke by Ron started up. Lot's of folks took their shot at musical immortality. Joe even had his debut, as he assisted Ron on the stage!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So how many folks stayed up to see the Perseid meteor shower? I had the bright idea to park on the slope of the pond damn, facing north east figuring to have a lounge chair view of the shower. Unfortunately, I found that most of my friends don't have functional parking brakes on there golf carts. So the streak you saw may have been a runaway golf cart! </B></div> <div> <B>We did see a few meteors, but did not stay up late to see the peak.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>One thing we all agreed upon:</B></div> <div> <B> Any night staring at the stars with your friends, is a great one!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>8/6/12</B></div> <div> <B>Quiet weekend, again!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>This just reinforces my thoughts that everyone is holding out for the pool party. It looks to be a major blow out, when it cuts loose!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Congratulations to Marcus and Michelle on the purchase of their Club Car golf cart! </B></div> <div> <B>Now, Marc, ever the right thinking conservative, laid down the rule that the cart shall not visit the woods. Oh, you poor  misguided soul. </B></div> <div> <B>I ran down the cart, cruising around the pond, and said "Follow the leader!", which they agreed to.</B></div> <div> <B>Naturally, I went straight to the woods for short trip through some of the easier trails, and, oh, I might mention, one teensy-weensy mud hole.</B></div> <div> <B>Michelle has been baptized, friends, as she pushed out her first stuck golf cart!</B></div> <div> <B>(If I had known she was so easily led astray, I'd have had something more interesting planned!)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Sunday found me in a literary mood, so I decided to try to read a book that Vonda lent me.</B></div> <div> <B>Yup, "Fifty Shades of Grey". </B></div> <div> <B>Not normally a romance novel fan, the hype and the polarized opinions of the story piqued my curiosity. I had heard that some women were nearly swooning, some dragged their men off to provide release, and others promptly labeled it pornography and trash.</B></div> <div> <B>I thought maybe, if I could force myself to read at least some of it, that I may be able to intelligently comment on it.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I sat down Sunday afternoon, knowing that I have a rule that any book I start to read, I finish, weather I like it or not, out of appreciation for the work that the writer has invested.</B></div> <div> <B>I'll probably hate myself for spending several long days of forcing down my testosterone just to complete this book.</B></div> <div> <B>I finished it Monday at 11am.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>First off, from a literary stand point, the book reads well. As each chapter ends, you are compelled to continue. The characters are developed in a way that you feel you have learned so much, yet still know nothing. That is basically what the heroine is going through in the story, so an empathic connection can be made.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It is, however, a book about a women, written by a women and aimed at female readers. As most of you know, I am male, and heterosexual. The biggest problem for me is, I can't relate fully to the heroine, so I cannot say, based on personal experience, whether her thoughts ring true. I can only assume so.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>As for the leading male character, I cannot relate to him, at all. As a normal man, I know that he is an over the top fantasy man whom, no matter where women look, they will not find. That man, as constructed, can not exist. </B></div> <div> <B>As for the erotic aspect, there is loads of sex, a view into the Dominant/slave life style, with a view toward sadism/masochism. There is no surprise there for me, as I know that the author is British, and these types of eroticism are endemic in their society. </B></div> <div> <B>I'm sure it will be explored further in the sequels. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>This is the first actual erotic romance novel that I have read. I find, that no matter how sexual the acts in the story are, as a man, I don't seem to feel the same amount of arousal that the women with whom I have talked, have felt from the story. The stirring descriptions of Mr. Grey have no effect on me, as they shouldn't.</B></div> <div> <B>The self descriptions of our heroine all ring to me as, "My hair is a mess!", and "Does this paragraph make my ass look big?" (There is, as most men know, no right answer to that question.) So I get no great amount sexual arousal from her. </B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>It's just genetics, I guess. Right or wrong, men don't want to read all the mental turmoil and confusion that goes with it. She spends myriads of time trying to guess what he is thinking. I can boil it down. He's thinking, "I'm gonna get laid tonight!"</B></div> <div> <B> Maybe I'm obtuse, but even when she explains why she's crying, I still don't know why she's crying. (Could be why I'm no longer married.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Let's face it. This not a book for men. </B></div> <div> <B>It could, in our eyes, be replaced by Penthouse Forum.</B></div> <div> <B>Rest assured, it's fiction, too.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I hope the ladies liked the subtle innuendo and color co-ordination of the gray font!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>7/30/12</B></div> <div> <B>Time flies...</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>...when you're having fun. I hope everyone is having a blast, because I think I sneezed and missed July! </B></div> <div> <B>Looking forward to the pool party. The theme this year is '60's Flower Power. Funny, you have to be almost in your sixties to know what that is! Nothing, says the prophet, is new under the sun. Tie Dye clothing has had a resurgence, so costuming should not be a problem.</B></div> <div> <B>I plan to be wearing a genuine article from the sixties, important in it's scope, but actually subdued when you look back at the Hippy/psychedelic style of the time. If I can find it, I may have a matching article to adorn my golf cart. I'm sure it will be unique! </B></div> <div> <B>I will also be wearing something iconic, that spans time, and had a moment in the sun, in the sixties. Feel free to guess, but I doubt if anyone will get it right!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It was pretty quiet this weekend. Possibly everyone is building torque for the pool party. I know there has been some test and tune work on adult beverages, and a tequila shoot out going on. I patiently wait for the tequila to make the clothes fall off. </B></div> <div> <B>I also understand that a bottle of Black Velvet, properly applied, can have that same effect on some folks.</B></div> <div> <B>I have one thing to say about that.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"To the State Store!"</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>7/22/12</B></div> <div> <B>Girl's Weekend Redux </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Ro's Raiders have returned! And, what may disturb me the most, they have made me an honorary member! </B></div> <div> <B>I must look into medication, I may be suffering from what the commercials call "Low T", but I am still comfortable with my manhood, and have come to terms with my inner pig. </B></div> <div> <B>They are a fun group of gals, and I have been associated with infinitely stranger groups in my lifetime. </B></div> <div> <B>( I still suffer the Gorean Lifestyle nightmares!  </B><A HREF="http://www.goreanliving.com/lifestyle.php" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.goreanliving.com/lifestyle.ph"><U><B>http://www.goreanliving.com/lifestyle.php</B></U></A><B> )</B></div> <div> <B>I'm sure I could do a lot worse.</B></div> <div> <B>So they called upon me once again to provide sexist comments, veiled obscenity, blatant pandering, outright solicitation, and sundry other tasks (Weather reporting, for instance.) that would help them to enjoy their weekend.</B></div> <div> <B>Happy to be of service!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>One of the requests was to provide rules for a game of Strip Bocce. I realized that this could be a monumental task for just one man, with the last minute request and the vast number of issues to deal with. I threw myself into the project, pot of coffee ready, yellow legal pad and pen in hand, fully intending to stay on the job until it's finish, recklessly without regard for my personal well being.</B></div> <div> <B>It took me the better part of 15 grueling, heart breaking minutes.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>When I arrived they were already playing clothed Cornhole.</B></div> <div> <B>Have I ever played Cornhole?</B></div> <div> <B>Not since I got out of prison. </B></div> <div> <B>Not to be daunted, I presented the rules anyway, sort of " planting a seed" for the next time they show up. The rules will be presented below.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I enjoy my position as lead schmooze, but I do have to fend off usurpers who attempt to take over. Usually, younger Cougar hunters give it a go, and I sometimes have to use all of my powers to stay on top. </B></div> <div> <B>Last night's attempt was a no brainer. When he attacked with his younger age of 37, I parlayed with my 38 year old underwear. When he bragged of his high paying job, I swept him aside by taking my new golf cart (paid for) up and bringing back my new Expedition (also paid for). When he made a lecherous comment about the youthful, silky thighs of one of my lovelies, I countered with the helpful suggestion to rub water on the thighs of one who was being burned by sparks from the fire. When he tried to regroup, and relaunch his young age bit, I delivered the smashing blow, "You were born the year I graduated High School!"</B></div> <div> <B>From that point, he was reduced to talking sports with Chris.</B></div> <div> <B> Another one bites the dust!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Alas, my angels had to leave on Sunday. Too bad, Monday is massage day.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4e5346e0.png" border=0 width="820" height="1134" ALT="Microsoft Word Document" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="60" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>7/15/12</B></div> <div> <B>1961 Ford.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>That's what John was yesterday, as he celebrated his 50th birthday. A day at the pool, some adult beverages, a bocce game party, and a brick to throw at your tormentors. The 4 basics of retaining your youth. </B></div> <div> <B>Retaining youth in this scenario, however, is dependent on which end of the brick you are on. </B></div> <div> <B>For instance, I was on the receiving end of the brick, and I got just a little bit older. John and his co-conspirators gained youthfulness because they got a massive dose of laughter, which is, as we all know, the best medicine.</B></div> <div> <B>"Priceless!" It was said. "Hilarious!" It was said. "Should have had video!" I agree. I'd split a $10000 pay day for winning on America's Funniest Video.</B></div> <div> <B>I could use the money to replace my ruined underwear.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Happy Birthday, John. May you have 100 more. </B></div> <div> <B>(By the way, the brick was fake.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Just eat department.</B></div> <div> <B>When Critter and Jeffery get to cooking, you can expect a lot of something good. This time, there was some of the biggest shrimp I ever saw! (Biggest shrimp...kind of an oxymoron.)</B></div> <div> <B>The shrimp were rated 3 to 5 pieces to the pound! (Jumbo shrimp are generally 15-20 per pound.) That averages to 1/4 pound of shrimp per piece!</B></div> <div> <B>Grilled over an open fire, add in 80 or so shish kabobs, cooler corn, hot sausage, and that my friends, is good eating!</B></div> <div> <B>Thanks a ton, guys for inviting me!</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4d758c20.jpg" border=0 width="600" height="450" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>That's a shrimp! </B></div> <div> <B>There is a Jumbo on the skewer in the fore ground.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>7/8/12</B></div> <div> <B>I'm melting!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Sweltering our way through the week of the Fourth, the Independence Day delayed celebration arrived. The Kid's Fishing Derby was a big hit, with loads of prizes for the kids and a cookout for every one! Thanks to Ken and Denise for all they have done, as well as Jeffery, Critter, Ed, and all those, too numerous to mention, who helped and donated! You can do nothing better in this world, then creating good memories and good times for kids.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>And the Adult Fishing Derby? Well, let's just say that the kids showed us how it was done.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The band, Rythm Nation, did a great job! A very talented group, hope to see them again! Thanks to all who came down to the dance hall for their support. Better crowds = better bands!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Of course, along with the traditional fishing derby, certain other traditions were carried on here this weekend. Yes, it was the Annual Holiday Loss of Utilities!</B></div> <div> <B>This year, done in grand style, the game room was flooded from a broken water pipe, conveniently timed for the middle of the dance. A power outage was then caused by the attempts to shut down the well that was flooding things. Throw in some septic issues and sewer gas, and we have us a Grand Slam!  </B></div> <div> <B>Lot's of squeegee work got things under control, but the water is still touch and go until repairs are made.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Some folks were a bit disgruntled this morning. In the grand scheme of things,however, we are still pretty fortunate. There are other camp grounds around who's wells are dry. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>With my age and my introspective mind, I have arrived at the theory that one must watch how much he is disgruntled. I believe that you are only afforded so much disgruntle in life, so you can't just go willy-nilly about, being disgruntled. Don't waste your disgruntle on things that will eventually fix themselves.</B></div> <div> <B>For instance, why be disgruntled about the weather? It'll change. </B></div> <div> <B>Why be disgruntled about an inconsiderate driver when in traffic? They'll wreck. </B></div> <div> <B>Why be disgruntled about somebody playing music that you don't like? Play your own radio.</B></div> <div> <B>  </B></div> <div> <B>Use your disgruntle as motivation to help you deal with events that are worthy of a good disgruntle.</B></div> <div> <B>Like not having any water.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>6/30/2012</B></div> <div> <B>Forth of July week</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Fridays here are like juggling bottles of nitro-glycerin. Things go up into the air, and inevitably, land with a bang.</B></div> <div> <B>It's easy to explain. Highly stressed and compressed folks hit here after a miserable week at the grindstone, and begin to juggle. As the night wears on, more nitro is added, and the jugglers do the near miss bit, (Whoops!) just to give you a little shock. More and more nitro, and Superman shows up, trying to save the day. A nipple makes an appearance. An ass gets displayed. Someone does and unnatural act on a picnic table (Thank God for Lysol). </B></div> <div> <B>Finally, like our metaphorical juggler, somebody tosses up one too many bottles, and they come crashing down, exploding on impact.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>My part in this? I put out some fire, sweep up some glass, and answer phone calls from Jerry Springer. </B></div> <div> <B>"Yes Jerry, it's all true. No, you can't film here."</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Pay attention! If you don't, people die.</B></div> <div> <B>For instance, Terry says, "My cart came back."</B></div> <div> <B>Mindy hears, "Paul McCartney died." </B></div> <div> <B>You know, I haven't heard that rumor since 1969. You kiddies may have to google it to see what I'm talking about. Relax, Mindy. Paul is alive as of this writing. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Sunday night was south of the border night at Ruth Ann's with a truck load of Mexican food, and enough tequila to kill ya! Ed was making margaritas that could cripple a carload of banditos, and Frank had his Cactus Cooler punch, so folks got two fisted fired up!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Ruth Ann, likes to win. They were playing a dice game, "Left, Right, Center", and she did a happy dance and a woo-hoo every round! Going to the casino with her must be a real hoot! When she hits at Presque Isle Casino, the mayor of Linesville hears her woo-hoo all the way over here and calls to congratulate her!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>6/24/2012</B></div> <div> <B>Girl's Weekend.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Always an interesting proposition, the classic "Girl's Weekend". </B></div> <div> <B>And, of course, being the camp designated unwed male/dog, it is my duty to interject double entendre, innuendo, and outright sexual deviancy into the equation. Let me just say, I am a professional on a closed course, and this should not be tried at home.</B></div> <div> <B>One thing I have learned: In every group of partying girls, there is at least one who can interject double entendre, innuendo, and outright sexual deviancy every bit as good, if not better, then I can. </B></div> <div> <B>It can make one hell of a parlay, with tons of laughs when it gets going! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Ro's gang, however, is a deviation from the norm. </B></div> <div> <B>They can </B><I><B>all</B></I><B> interject double entendre, innuendo, and outright sexual deviancy, as well as any designated dog! What a crew! They'll call a bluff so fast, they could make Kenny Rogers fold a full house!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>There was one single unattached babe in the mix. Miss Jeanie, (Please forgive me if I got your name wrong, but I was so intoxicated with your beauty, I almost had me a little ole' swoon!), who was transplanted to Pennsylvania from Virginia. The very fact that she is available tells me all of the men in her current neighborhood are gay, or all of the women in her old neighborhood ran her off! You're welcome here, Miss Jeanie, anytime!</B></div> <div> <B>I just want to apologize to the group, and specially to Miss Jeanie for the designated dog situation. See, the reason for adding a single/available women to the Girls Weekend is to provide for fail/safe protection incase the designated dog looks like George Clooney, Kenny Chesney, or someone like that. The single female allows for the possible capture and rapture of the designated dog, and creates romantic anecdotes with intimate details, to reveal at the next Girl's Weekend. </B></div> <div> <B>A good job, most places, but not here.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It's Crystal Springs, baby. You get me.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>To our "Metro-Sexual" camper friend: If you get your toe nails painted, make sure you have nail polish remover. That way, when you want to rejoin the manly men team, you can clean them off. </B></div> <div> <B>(Nail polish remover also comes in handy when you super glue things that shouldn't be super glued.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>One more thing: Contrary to popular belief, I can indeed, read English. But only if I can see it.</B></div> <div> <B>(Sorry, I had to say it!) </B></div> <div> <B>All is forgiven. Go forth, and dis no more.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Public service announcement:</B></div> <div> <I><B>"It's 12:30am. Do you know where your golf cart is?"</B></I></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>6/17/2012</B></div> <div> <B>Can you find me now?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Yes we can, Mr. Cell Phone. Of course, with 20 or so people, and an 8 hour search spanning 2 days, we can.</B></div> <div> <B>Heather, while doing a golf cart novena to Our Blessed Lady of Holy Acceleration, slung her phone off the cart like a science project about centrifugal force gone mad. The search was on. There are 20 or so people who now have an intimate, inch by inch knowledge of the entire field.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>We called her number until the phone died, hoping to hear the ring, or see the phone light. Do you know how much a lightning bug looks like a phone at night, when it's 50 yards away? </B></div> <div> <B>First time I chased that many lightning bugs since I was 11 years old.</B></div> <div> <B>Working by cart until the curfew, and then by car and on foot, the night and the bugs won. "Tomorrow", sayeth the prophet, "is another day."</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The Sunday morning half of the search started earlier then I did, but the searchers were kind enough to pass the phone up until I got there to find it. Thank's folks! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So I got my reward....hugs daily at camp, and I am exempt from being "It" in golf cart tag all year!</B></div> <div> <B>That, my friends is a sweet reward....specially the hugs part!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Since carting time has been trimmed, we just have to pack more into our days. I will be having a Golf Cart Poker Run, with a cash prize, and our Golf Cart Rodeo in the near future. Watch here, facebook, and the marquee sign for further info!</B></div> <div> <B>Speaking of the curfew, some folks are brain storming for loopholes in the rule. They are coming up with some ingenious ideas, all of which are bound to fail. But, I like the helicopter one just for it's audacity.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Congratulations to Janice and Gino on their new trailer! Boy, it's a beauty! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Now a word from our sponcer:</B></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>Direct from Crystal Springs!</B></div> <div> <B>Golf Cart Parking Wars!</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4d515900.jpg" border=0 width="533" height="400" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>This cart really is a BAD BOY!!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>6/12/2012</B></div> <div> <B>Just ranting insanely.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So, I missed the big Chinese Lantern launch. Probably best I did. I would have ranted about it all weekend, and just P.O.ed some folks, or made others feel bad. It is indeed, one of my pet peeves. I just hope none caused fires or got ingested by farm animals.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I did vent on FaceBook, citing several news items from all over. I hope, if you are FB friends with me, that you read some of them. If you aren't on FB, just search for "Chinese Sky Lanterns cause fire", you'll see the articles. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Many countries are banning them. I agree with that.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I also heard, via the grapevine, that golf carts will be shut down by 12:30. I'm sure this will cramp a few folk's lifestyles. It is what it is, I guess. </B></div> <div> <B>Wise up golf cart riders. Police our own ranks, use common sense and courtesy, watch the speed in the camp ground. Remember, the carts can go away with the stroke of a pen!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Memorial Day</B></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>We promised not to forget.</B></div> <div> <B>Take time to remember.</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4d32c770.jpg" border=0 width="300" height="375" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>5/28/12</B></div> <div> <B>Memorial Day Weekend</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The season's first long weekend swung into action, with some tenters and weekenders bolstering our ranks as we looked forward to some good times to wrap around our tribute to those who have gone before.</B></div> <div> <B>The Bocce Tourney went off mostly as planned, but also went off the tracks, here and there. The elimination process chart was still being written, even as the balls were being tossed. </B></div> <div> <B>The chart that I designed seemed to confuse some of the players, and I can't understand why. </B></div> <div> <B>It's as perfectly simple as splitting the atom, quantum mechanics, and warping the time/space continuum, in one easy to read chart:</B></div> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="511" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="LEFT" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 381 ><NOBR><div> <IMG SRC="4c7f4770.jpg" border=0 width="500" height="375" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="4"><bR> <bR> <div> <B> </B></div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> <B>Now, who could argue with this? It seemed perfectly logical to me, but I realize that on the odd occasion, I may be on a different plane of comprehension. It would seem that this was the start of any problems, so I'll take my lumps for the confusion. For the next tourney, we have come up with a plan which we shall call "Random Sudden Death". It will be fair, less confusing, and will allow for any number of teams, as well as presenting a time estimate for when your team will play. </B></div> <div> <B>I would also like to address the fact that the tourney officials may have been partially under the influence, and were suffering various aches and pains, as the day length wore into the 12 hour mark, for some of them.</B></div> <div> <B>It would seem that a decision to disqualify the "Cupcake Goon Squad" may have been a bit hasty.</B></div> <div> <B>After reviewing the instant replays, security camera footage, and satellite imagery, we decided to rescind the disqualification and have the final round roll off on Sunday.</B></div> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="578" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="RIGHT" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 380 WIDTH="71"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="380" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="71" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <IMG SRC="4c9f3760.jpg" border=0 width="499" height="374" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> <B>The Winners: "Three Dagos and a Pollock"!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I won't hazard a guess as to who is what.</B></div> <div> <B>The game was won by the senior team lynchpin, Norm, with the Bocce equivalent to the walk off home run. The team voted that Norm was their M.V.P., as they received their gold medals, and title to the trophy, which will be displayed in their name in the store.</B></div> <div> <B>Additional Bocce and camp photos can be found at the </B><A HREF="http://pub19.bravenet.com/photocenter/album.php?usernum=1571871776" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://pub19.bravenet.com/photocenter/al"><U><B>The Crystal Springs Eye Photo Page</B></U></A><B> . </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>There is no truth to the rumor that a wading pool and spray park is being constructed next to the game room. </B></div> <div> <B>It was just another Crystal Springs tradition being upheld this year, with a water main break by the well next to the game room. It seems that we have one every holiday. There was low pressure at times, but I did not hear of any complete loss. They are doing their best to upgrade as they go along.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Dark humor department.</B></div> <div> <B>My ole' buddy Critter brought to my attention that I should rush to the front of the campground, for a photo opportunity of a twisted bit dark humor, involving and innocent looking black Nissan. So, off I go, ever the intrepid reporter. I found just that, the car, nothing else.</B></div> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="525" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="LEFT" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 408 ><NOBR><div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="578" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 380 ><NOBR><div> <IMG SRC="4cbf3760.jpg" border=0 width="499" height="374" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="380" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="71" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="18"><div>   </div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> <B>I was introduced to the Byrdman of Crystal Springs, </B></div> <div> <B>Dustyn.</B></div> <div> <B>Dustyn, being a reasonable young man, had removed from the grill of the car, the object of the dark humor, a dead bird, lodged in the grill of the car.</B></div> <div> <B>Commendable, right?</B></div> <div> <B>Well, yes, but Dark Humor Department was not to be denied. Our hero, being a good, right thinking Crystal Springs Camper in training, agreed to remanufacture the display for the viewing pleasure of our group.</B></div> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="511" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="RIGHT" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 344 ><NOBR><div> <IMG SRC="4d0c2520.jpg" border=0 width="450" height="338" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="4"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="344" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="4" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Sort of brings a tear to your eye, when a young member of the campground grasps an understanding of the humorous spirit and tradition of our group, fondly referred to as "The Worlds Largest Dysfunctional Family"! </B></div> <div> <B>Doesn't it look like the bird is flipping us off in a last great act of defiance?</B></div> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="544" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="LEFT" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 344 ><NOBR><div> <IMG SRC="4d2c2520.jpg" border=0 width="450" height="338" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="37"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="344" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="37" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <div> <B>Now to those of you who are animal rights types or find this type of thing rude, crude, or socially unacceptable, you may just have to click off to some place else. </B></div> <div> <B>Please refrain from whining to me about "the poor dead birdy". </B></div> <div> <B>Bird death is a part of bird life.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Besides, no one is worried about all the poor dead bugs on the bumper.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>5/20/12</B></div> <div> <B>Feeling the effects of bad Karma.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Being a smart ass sometimes has it's rewards, but most times, it has it's Karmic retribution.</B></div> <div> <B>After sneakily towing away Bertha last week, Karma has paid me well with getting stuck four times,two of those in the same hole, all requiring tow and/or pushing. To add injury to insult, the cart has developed a leaking cylinder base gasket, which places it (and me) firmly on the disabled list, going into a holiday. Woe unto the sinner, who breaches the etiquette of golf cart muddery!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I saw Lee and Jim hard at work today, prepping Peanut's Playground for the Bocce Tourney, next Saturday. The weather looks to be excellent! We may have to relearn the game, for playing in dry weather! Check in with Lee if you are not on a team and wish to be, or want to register a team in the competition. Play begins at 4 pm!</B></div> <div> <B>FYI- There is not going to be a dinner, per se...bring snacks!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Things I do on a Monday at camp:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>8:00 am - Rub eyes, make coffee.</B></div> <div> <B>9:00 am - Watch BFI truck empty dumpsters.</B></div> <div> <B>10:00 am - Fish.</B></div> <div> <B>11:00 am - Fish.</B></div> <div> <B>12:00 noon- Lunch.</B></div> <div> <B>1:00 pm - Nap time.</B></div> <div> <B>2:00 pm - Go for a ride on local side roads, and look for lingerie on Amish clothes lines.</B></div> <div> <B>3:00 pm - Fish.</B></div> <div> <B>4:00 pm - Fish.</B></div> <div> <B>4:30 pm - Nap time.</B></div> <div> <B>5:00 pm - Fish.</B></div> <div> <B>6:00 pm - Order Pizza.</B></div> <div> <B>7:00 pm - Computer stuff.</B></div> <div> <B>8:00 pm - Watch movies, nap.</B></div> <div> <B>11:00 pm - Good night!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>5/13/12</B></div> <div> <B>Happy Mothers Day!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>To all the good mothers in the world, God bless you and thanks! </B></div> <div> <B>To all the bad mothers....no more bar fights.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Most of you know, or hopefully, believe me to be a man of integrity. I will always correct myself if I've make a mistake, which I have, and will correct here and now.</B></div> <div> <B>I was recently in a spirited conversation with some friends at camp, discussing the legalizing of marriage for same sex couples. This being a politically charged subject, I won't mention the names of the folks, or their take on the issue.</B></div> <div> <B>My point was that, while I do not care if they marry or not, they should be allowed to do so if they want to.</B></div> <div> <B>My fully logical opinion is, that homosexuality, in it's self, is not natural. This is what is in dispute, and needs correction. Here's the logic:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>If you place 2 straight men and 2 straight women on a deserted island, and come back in 100 years, you will find a small community of people.</B></div> <div> <B>If you put 4 gay men or 4 gay women on a deserted island, and come back in 100 years, you will find 4 graves.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I freely admit, that this logic is flawed. </B></div> <div> <B>Come back in 100 years to the homosexual island, you will find 3 graves and 1 skeleton. </B></div> <div> <B>I hope this clears things up.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Swing by Lee and Ruth's place and eyeball the new deck, and bocce court bleacher! </B></div> <div> <B>Go to the  </B><A HREF="http://pub19.bravenet.com/photocenter/album.php?usernum=1571871776" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://pub19.bravenet.com/photocenter/al"><U><B>Photo Page</B></U></A><B> and look at the 'Red Neck Mega Movers' album, to see a couple of photos of the installation!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Tarp's off! Pretty soon pool time!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So Jimbo decides to build a fire. </B></div> <div> <B>Fill fire ring with wood, check! </B></div> <div> <B>Add liquid accelerant, check! </B></div> <div> <B>Light and watch accelerant burn out, check! </B></div> <div> <B>Add liquid accelerant, check! </B></div> <div> <B>Light and watch accelerant burn out, check! </B></div> <div> <B>Add liquid accelerant, check! </B></div> <div> <B>Light and watch accelerant burn out, check!</B></div> <div> <B>Decide fire is out of the question, and go for a golf cart ride, check!</B></div> <div> <B>Return at bedtime to nicely burning, self ignited fire!</B></div> <div> <B>Check!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>F.Y.I. - Causeway Boulevard is open!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>5/6/12</B></div> <div> <B>Opening weekend!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Good to be back, huh? All that wonderful rest and relaxation....but wait, some folks just can't stop working! There are at least 3 decks under construction, one being cut up and burned, lawn care, repairs, all kinds of insanity!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The "Enterprising Entrepreneur Award" goes to Russell, who mowed 13+ lots and did countless other chores! Keep it up, Russell Hustle!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The "Energizer Bunny Award" goes to Kenny, who mowed at least 5 lots, and then went around the camp as a topless sales person, pushing gun tickets! </B></div> <div> <B>Lawn care, door to door sales, and erotic entertainment all in one! That's as good as it gets!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The "Holy Crap, I Don't Believe It Award" goes to me! I mowed 4 lots with Killer, the worlds most unmaintained lawnmower! </B></div> <div> <B>I don't believe it, either!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Yes, even yours truly had to break down and do some maintenance, after I recovered from mowing.</B></div> <div> <B>Along with reinstalling my porch roof, that had gotten blown off, I had to clean my coffee pot!</B></div> <div> <B>I'm telling you, I'm exhausted! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A big thank you to Ed, for making emergency repairs on the wrecked roof, in my absence, and to Frank and Terry for their help in the repair!! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I screwed up and washed my humble trailer last year, breaking my record stretch of being maintenance free. I'm afraid I may have spoiled my trailer, and may now have to pay attention to it. Should have stuck to my guns as hard as the green fuzzy stuff stuck to my trailer.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Bill the fire wood guy was busy this week. He has changed his mode of delivery, as he has bought a new truck. He now delivers a 5' by 12' trailer load for $100.00. </B></div> <div> <B>It is plenty of wood for the money! He will not how ever, deliver less then a full load. If you want a smaller amount, you can split a load with someone, he's ok with that. Make sure you have your co-buyer deal is in place, before you call! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Has anyone seen Bertha? </B></div> <div> <B>Maybe, with the bright moon, Martians saw her, and beamed her up?</B></div> <div> <B>Repo man got her, perhaps?</B></div> <div> <B>No and no.</B></div> <div> <B>Pirates!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The woods, we find, is more water and mud then dry land. Since the ratio of water to dirt is so high, maritime laws apply. If you break and abandon your golf cart, roving bands of Golf Cart Pirates may claim it for salvage, and make a claim for reimbursement of the salvage costs! Since I have a "working" relationship with the pirate band, I can assure you that the repayment may include adult beverages and/or nudity. You have been warned!</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>By the way, Bertha was returned safely. The Pirates will be billing the owner! </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Golf cart rule #1:</B></div> <div> <B>Remain upright.</B></div> <div> <B>It would appear that needed clarification.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Last, but not least.</B></div> <div> <B>To all the shiny golf cart people:</B></div> <div> <B>Mud is not contagious. You have to go out and look for it!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B> </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>4/30/12</B></div> <div> <B>PANCAKE TIME!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>This Saturday, May the, at the Summit Township Fire Hall, I'm sponsoring a Boy Scout pancake breakfast! </B></div> <div> <B>It would be awesome if some of you could come! :) </B></div> <div> <B>It starts at 6:30 and ends at 12:00. The price is $6.00 for adults $4.00 for kids and free for kids six and under, and it's all you can eat! :) </B></div> <div> <B>The only two things I ask, if you go:</B></div> <div> <B>1. </B><I><B><U>Make sure you mention my name at the door!</U></B></I><B>  It helps me earn money! </B></div> <div> <B>2. Enjoy the food! </B></div> <div> <B>I can't wait to see you all at camp for the opening weekend :)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Thanks, </B></div> <div> <B>Rob J. Kean</B></div> <bR> <div> Summit Township Fire Hall</div> <div> 10870 East Plum Street</div> <div>  Harmonsburg, Pa. 16422</div> <div>  814-382-1300</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>4/29/12</B></div> <div> <B>Sneakers</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It seems some folks have snuck up to camp for a bit of an early start. Good for them! I expect to get there Tuesday, and expect the bulk if the folks to appear Friday. Finally! We will be back!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It was reported to be pretty cold up there, in fact, I heard there were some stiff hoses around. </B></div> <div> <B>I wonder if it was from the cold or the Viagra?</B></div> <div> <B>I suppose, no matter what the cause, they found a way to thaw them out!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Looking forward to seeing every one!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>4/15/12</B></div> <div> <B>Good Job!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Josh, son of Jim and Tammy, and nephew of Lee and Ruth has completed his senior</B></div> <div> <B>project, by raising $1000 in donations for the Callery V.F.D.! </B></div> <div> <B>Josh orchestrated a spaghetti dinner which was held on Saturday at Callery V.F.D.</B></div> <div> <B>Congratulations on a job well done, Josh, you have made your family and your camp friends proud!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>4/8/12</B></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>Happy Easter, to you!     Happy Easter, to you!</B></div> <div> <B>Happy Easter!    Happy Easter!</B></div> <div> <B>Happy Easter, to you!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> -The Zombie Peep Chorale</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4bbd0c00.jpg" border=0 width="720" height="960" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>4/6/12</B></div> <div> <B>Our thoughts and prayers are with Camp Member Memory Irwin and her family, at the passing of her mother, Beverly Stanley.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved." -- Erich Fromm</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>3/27/12</B></div> <div> <B>Our thoughts and prayers are with Camp Member Joe Schulte and his family, at the passing of his father, Walter Schulte.   Mr. Schulte was 83.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"My Father taught me how to be a man – and not by instilling in me a sense of machismo or an agenda of dominance. He taught me that a real man doesn't take, he gives; he doesn't use force, he uses logic; doesn't play the role of trouble-maker, but rather, trouble-shooter; and most importantly, a real man is defined by what’s in his heart, not his pants." </B></div> <div> <B>--Kevin Smith</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>3/17/12</B></div> <div> <B>From the pages of The Community News:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>In April of 2013, the Findley Bridge on route 6 will be closed through August of 2013. This is the bridge at the end of Beaver Center Road. The detour will be right past the camp, left on Center Road, then back down to 6 in Pennline. I suppose we will see a major traffic increase!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Click here to read the entire article:   </B><A HREF="http://www.communitynewslinesville.com/News-Linesville-Espyville-Harmonsburg/findley-bridge-closure.html" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.communitynewslinesville.com/N"><U><B>Findley Bridge closure topic at hearing.</B></U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>3/12/12</B></div> <div> <B>Get 'er done Smitty!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> <iframe width="420" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/8QPXfxBsa54" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>  </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>2/14/12</B></div> <div> <B>Happy Valentines Day!</B></div> <div> <B>Here is my favorite Valentine story:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>On the morning of Thursday, February 14, 1929, St. Valentine's Day, five members of the North Side Gang, plus gang collaborators Reinhardt H. Schwimmer and John May, were lined up against the rear inside wall of the garage at 2122 North Clark Street, in the Lincoln Park neighborhood of Chicago's North Side, and executed. The murders were committed by gangsters allegedly hired from outside the city by the Al Capone mob so they would not be recognized by their victims.</B></div> <div> <B>Two of the shooters were dressed as uniformed police officers, while the others wore suits, ties, overcoats and hats, according to witnesses who saw the "police" leading the other men at gunpoint out of the garage after the shooting. John May's German Shepherd, Highball, who was leashed to a truck, began howling and barking, attracting the attention of two women who operated boarding houses across the street. One of them, Mrs. Landesman, sensed that something was dreadfully wrong and sent one of her roomers to the garage to see what was upsetting the dog. The man ran out, sickened at the sight. Frank Gusenberg was still alive after the killers left the scene and was rushed to the hospital shortly after police arrived at the scene. When the doctors had Gusenberg stabilized, police tried to question him but when asked who shot him, he replied "Nobody shot me", despite having sustained fourteen bullet wounds. It is believed that the St. Valentine's Day Massacre resulted from a plan devised by members of the Capone gang to eliminate George 'Bugs' Moran due to the rivalry between the two gangs.</B></div> <div> <B>George Moran was the boss of the long-established North Side Gang, formerly headed up by Dion O'Banion, who was murdered by four gunmen five years earlier in his flower shop on North State Street. Everyone who had taken command of the North Siders since O'Banion's rule had been murdered, supposedly by various members or associates of the Capone organization. This massacre was allegedly planned by the Capone mob in retaliation for an unsuccessful attempt by Frank Gusenberg and his brother Peter to murder Jack McGurn earlier in the year and for the North Side Gang's complicity in the murders of Pasqualino "Patsy" Lolordo and Antonio "The Scourge" Lombardo – both had been presidents of the Unione Siciliane, the local Mafia, and close associates of Capone. Bugs Moran's muscling in on a Capone-run dog track in the Chicago suburbs, his takeover of several Capone-owned saloons that he insisted were in his territory, and the general rivalry between Moran and Capone for complete control of the lucrative Chicago bootlegging business were probable contributing factors to this incident.</B></div> <div> <B>The plan was to lure Bugs Moran to the SMC Cartage warehouse on North Clark Street. Contrary to common belief, this plan did not intend to eliminate the entire North Side gang – just Moran, and perhaps two or three of his lieutenants. It is usually assumed that they were lured to the garage with the promise of a stolen, cut-rate shipment of whiskey, supplied by Detroit's Purple Gang, also associates of Capone's. However, some recent studies dispute this, although there seems to have been hardly any other good reason for so many of the North Siders to be there. One of these theories states that all of the victims (with the exception of John May) were dressed in their best clothes, which would not have been suitable for unloading a large shipment of whiskey crates and driving it away – even though this is how they, and other gangsters, were usually dressed at the time. The Gusenberg brothers were also supposed to drive two empty trucks to Detroit that day to pick up two loads of stolen Canadian whiskey.</B></div> <div> <B>On St. Valentine's Day, most of the Moran gang had already arrived at the warehouse by approximately 10:30 AM. However, Moran himself was not there, having left his Parkway Hotel apartment late. As Moran and one of his men, Ted Newberry, approached the rear of the warehouse from a side street they saw the police car pull up. They immediately turned and retraced their steps, going to a nearby coffee shop. On the way, they ran into another gang member, Henry Gusenberg, and warned him away from the place. A fourth gang member, Willie Marks, was also on his way to the garage when he spotted the police car. Ducking into a doorway, he jotted down the license number before leaving the neighborhood.</B></div> <div> <B>Capone's lookouts likely mistook one of Moran's men for Moran himself – probably Albert Weinshank, who was the same height and build. That morning the physical similarity between the two men was enhanced by their dress: both happened to be wearing the same color overcoats and hats. Witnesses outside the garage saw a Cadillac sedan pull to a stop in front of the garage. Four men, two dressed in police uniform, emerged and walked inside. The two fake police officers, carrying shotguns, entered the rear portion of the garage and found members of Moran's gang and two gang collaborators, Reinhart Schwimmer and John May, who was fixing one of the trucks.</B></div> <div> <B>The two "police officers" then signaled to the pair in civilian clothes who had accompanied them. Two of the killers opened fire with Thompson sub-machine guns, one containing a 20-round box magazine and the other a 50-round drum. They were efficient, spraying their victims left and right, even continuing to fire after all seven had hit the floor. The seven men were ripped apart in the volley, and two shotgun blasts afterward all but obliterated the faces of John May and James Clark, according to the coroner's report.</B></div> <div> <B>To give the appearance that everything was under control, the men in street clothes came out with their hands up, prodded by the two uniformed police officers. Inside the garage, the only survivors in the warehouse were Highball, May's German Shepherd, and Frank Gusenberg. Despite fourteen bullet wounds, he was still conscious, but died three hours later, refusing to utter a word about the identities of the killers.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>2/7/12</B></div> <div> <B>A conversation.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <I><B>"You know, you should write a book."</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <B>"Me? What are you talking about?"</B></div> <div> <I><B>"A book! A book! You know what a book is! Write one! Get it published!"</B></I></div> <div> <B>"I don't know anything about writing a book."</B></div> <div> <I><B>"What's to know? You think stuff up, write it down, people buy it! Piece of cake!"</B></I></div> <div> <B>"It's a bit more complicated than that. Plot outline, character development, setting…"</B></div> <div> <I><B>"Nah, lots of sex and violence! End of the world trauma! Vampires! Vampires are huge right now!"</B></I></div> <div> <B>"If I did write a book, there would be no damned Vampires. They suck!"</B></div> <div> <I><B>"See? You are the master of the pun! Vampires are indeed damned and do suck! I'm telling you, it's a gift!"</B></I></div> <div> <B>"Just why are you selling this idea? What's in it for you? You have never given me advice that wasn't in some way self-serving!"</B></div> <div> <I><B>"Let's just say that I long to be the associate of a celebrity, and you are my only option."</B></I></div> <div> <B>"There it is! Your only option? Damn right! I don't see anyone else talking to you! What makes you think that when I achieve this celebrity status, that you will even be mentioned? Your relationship to me is not one that I brag much about!"</B></div> <div> <I><B>"You can't function without me, you twit! If I left you right now, you'd wonder where I was in two minutes! Rest assured, you will find me very helpful as you write that book."</B></I><B> </B></div> <div> <B>"Back to the book again. Ok, genius. Skip what you told me before, and give one good idea for a book."</B></div> <div> <I><B>"You could write about me."</B></I></div> <div> <B>"Here we go: This is a story of a near useless sidekick, who tortures his only true friend with useless observations and ridicules ideas, all the while hiding from any retribution or abuse that his twisted thinking creates. Um, fun!"</B></div> <div> <I><B>"Perfect! A tried and true plot synopsis! Martin and Lewis! Abbot and Costello! Crosby and Hope! Lone Ranger and Tonto! Jekyll and Hyde! We could be the next great team! I can see it all now! The book! A movie! A Broadway play! A big Vegas show with lots of Showgirls! It can't fail!"</B></I></div> <div> <B>"It might possibly work in a book, but you can forget about the rest of it. There is no way. I'd be lucky if I could write a book, let alone a script. And who would perform? Nobody would pay to see us, and no actor would want to commit career suicide."</B></div> <div> <I><B>"Ah, you're crazy! It will work, I'm telling you! Maybe I'll leave YOU behind and do it myself! That would show you!"</B></I></div> <div> <B>"Forget it. You could never even write one paragraph, let alone a book. You can't type. You can't dance. You can't even walk. You speak, but no one hears you. I hate to rain on your parade, but facts are facts. You just don't have the skills needed to do any of it."</B></div> <div> <I><B>"Bullshit! You aren't a critic! Why can't I do that stuff?"</B></I></div> <div> <B>"Must I remind you? You are not a person. You are just a voice in my head. I can't do any of it, so neither could you. Sorry, but that's how it is."</B></div> <div> <I><B>"Huh. A voice in your head. Imagine that. So that's it. No matter what I am, you still may be able to write something. Give it a try?"</B></I></div> <div> <B>"If it will shut you up, I'll try it."</B></div> <div> <I><B>"Good. Hey! I can be your consultant! You have to hear me, even if you don't listen, and I can do what I do best!"</B></I></div> <div> <B>"What's that?"</B></div> <div> <I><B>"Torture you with useless observations, and ridicules ideas!"</B></I></div> <div> <B>"I hate my own head….."</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>1/22/12</B></div> <div> <B>Took a ride to camp, yesterday!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It was an investigative trip, to study a rare metrological event: Crawford County had less snow on the ground then Beaver County! Yes, it was true! Snow at my home was 7" while at camp, about 4". </B></div> <div> <B>I rode up with Frank, who wanted to pick up his golf cart, and bring it home for some maintenance. I did a few laps of the campground with the golf cart, playing in the snow a little. It was fun, but I wasn't really dressed for the occasion. </B></div> <div> <B>I do know, that I most likely would not own a snow mobile, which would require a multiple hour/day ride commitment in all that cold. I'll pass. A couple of hours, ok, but that's plenty! </B></div> <div> <B>Not to fault snowmobilers, now. I know a lot of them who would never get on a bike, and I love knowing that they enjoy their God given freedom, as a true American, by burning fossil fuels for fun and profit! </B></div> <div> <B>Anti-American environmentalists may complain, other countries may damn us about wasting resources. Piss on them, like a Marine on a Taliban. </B></div> <div> <B>When Americans run out of fossil fuel, we'll invent something else. It's just what we do.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Speaking of pissing on the enemy: </B></div> <div> <B>Piss on the enemy. </B></div> <div> <B>The animals behead and butcher our soldiers on Al-Jazeera TV, and broadcast it to the world. They beat and torture prisoners. Yet, people are appalled when our guys piss on some dead bodies or we dip them in water at Git-mo. What the hell are they? Cats? Can't take a little water? </B></div> <div> <B>Remember, folks. They prefer blood, our blood, spattered on their bodies.</B></div> <div> <B>Piss on them? Damn right!  And piss on anyone who doesn't like it!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>1/15/12</B></div> <div> @ AGH Trauma/IC</div> <bR> <div> There is a lot of pain here, on both sides of the door. They have brought in a college aged youth, of which I have no further info. The waiting area is overflowing with his young friends, along with the "regulars" who have been here the 4 days or our visit. </div> <bR> <bR> <div> Everyone among the patients side of the equation is equal, the playing field leveled by our fragile grip on life. On the other side, is the hardworking, intelligent, and caring staff. The ability to face the daily onslaught of damaged humanity with a smile and with professional skill takes dedication of the highest order. </div> <div> Please everyone, say a prayer today for the sick and injured, their loved ones, and for the hospital staff who work and train so hard to help us. </div> <bR> <div> Another helicopter has landed.</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>1/8/12</B></div> <div> <B>Winter dinner!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Once again, the Crystal Springs campers met at The Willows for our annual Winter Dinner and bar takeover! </B></div> <div> <B>A crowd of over 40 met for a great meal and get together, and about half stayed to take over the bar afterwards, most of them staying the night and attempting to stand the call for the Sunday Brunch.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>By take over, I do mean that we literally take over the bar, filling it to close to capacity, driving off the locals, commandeering the juke box, and giving the bartender, Tony, a run for his money! </B></div> <div> <B>The dinner was early, but the gang stuck with the bar to the end and beyond!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Have you ever gone Swedish fishing? You take the Swedish fish candy, soak it in vodka, and eat them direct, or dump them in your cocktail and fish them out with a swizzle stick. </B></div> <div> <B>I will say, that if you offer them to anyone, define what the fish are, so you don't get the look of revulsion that bartender Tony had when he was offered some. His face had vodka soaked sardines written all over it!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>We did notice a smell of burning hair, wafting into the bar through an open window. We never found the source, but by geometric logic, we know for sure that it was not from Marcus.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It could be, that some folks may have been, just possibly, a bit inebriated. I've heard of seeing double, but to see three moons, one in the sky and two in a window, just might be proof of it.</B></div> <div> <B>No, it wasn't a reflection, they were all genuine.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Pick 'em up and dust 'em off department:</B></div> <div> <B>I don't want to mention any names (her initials are Deanna), but if Karen is standing, you can't sit in her lap. The fact that she was still actually able to stand should be impressive in it's own right!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Insanity breeds insanity department: </B></div> <div> <B>Some ground work was laid, and some seeds of ideas planted. If it all grows right, this year's Pool Party may be one sets a new level for partying! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Special thanks to Heather, who with all of her charms, cast a spell on Tony the bartender, and kept us from being thrown out to the cold streets of Industry, Pa.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Here are a few pictures that I took. Please excuse the quality, but remember the situation!</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4afb1050.jpg" border=0 width="689" height="517" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Start out with repetitive Kamikazes for the girls....</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4b1b1050.jpg" border=0 width="689" height="517" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>....which, of course, makes the guys happy....</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4b3b1050.jpg" border=0 width="689" height="517" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>....load up, and crank up the juke box....</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4b5b1050.jpg" border=0 width="689" height="517" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>....everybody get their dance on....</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4b7b1050.jpg" border=0 width="689" height="517" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>....commandeer the Orthodox Christmas decorations,</B></div> <div> <B>and just when the mix is right....</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4b9b1050.jpg" border=0 width="689" height="517" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>....you get up on the bar, </B></div> <div> <B>and help the bartender change a few light bulbs!</B></div> <div> <B>(Anyway, that's our story and we're sticking to it!)</B></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>See you at camp!</B></I></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> 2011</div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>12/7/11</B></div> <div> <B>Pearl Harbor Day</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It is the 70th anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor, which plunged the U.S. into World War 2. Be sure to offer a moment prayer (or silent retrospect for you heathens) for those who lost their lives, their families, and those who survived.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I was invited by my father to attend his Senior Citizens Group for their monthly, Christmas theme meeting and luncheon. It was fun to see a few of his old friends as well as some of mine. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I can understand his wanting to attend, as the women appear to out number the men by about 4 to 1. Of that low number of men, about half attend with their wives, so a single male is a prime commodity. The women doted over him, and he thoroughly enjoyed it. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Being the second youngest male in attendance, (there was also a boy of about 4) I was treated with lots of attention, too. I was hugged numerous times, kissed a few times, and groped once. I've spent hundreds at "Gentleman's Clubs" and never got that kind of action! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I did look over the crowd, and noticed one lady, brunette, nice figure, thirtyish, looking a bit out of her element, like me. I thought maybe she was also escorting a loved one and may have a commonality with which I could strike up a bit of conversation.</B></div> <div> <B>I went to her table, and she asked me to sit. </B></div> <div> <B>She asked how old I was, being under the age to actually join the club, I explained that I was a guest. I asked what brought her to the meeting  and she said, "Roll up your sleeve and I'll show you!" </B></div> <div> <B>My blood pressure is 127 over 72.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I'm sure most have heard jokes about Grandmothers in the future with perfectly rebuilt breasts, and tattoos. Well, my friends, the future is now. I saw a few displays of both.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I did learn something special. They brought up a cruise that they were planning, discussing weather they would need passports, the cost, the launch date, etc. </B></div> <div> <B>When I asked an old fellow where the cruise was going, he shrugged his shoulders, and said "Who cares? I'm going, no mater what!" </B></div> <div> <B>"Listen boy, the best way to a long life, is to live each minute. Anything you do to make the next minute better, or at least different, from the last, is a good thing!"</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So, do you want to look younger? Hang out with old people, once in a while. You'll not only look younger, you'll learn tips on how to stay younger.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>11/20/11</B></div> <div> <B>Happy Thanksgiving!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Naughty Things You Can Only Say At Thanksgiving:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>1. Talk about huge breasts!</B></div> <div> <B>2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.</B></div> <div> <B>3. It's Cool Whip time!</B></div> <div> <B>4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!</B></div> <div> <B>5. That's one terrific spread!</B></div> <div> <B>6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.</B></div> <div> <B>7. I only want white meat, if it's real hot.</B></div> <div> <B>8. Its a little dry, do you still want to eat it?</B></div> <div> <B>9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!</B></div> <div> <B>10. Don't play with your meat.</B></div> <div> <B>11. Just spread the legs open & stuff it in.</B></div> <div> <B>12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?</B></div> <div> <B>13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!</B></div> <div> <B>14. You still have a little bit on your chin.</B></div> <div> <B>15. How long will it take after you stick it in?</B></div> <div> <B>16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up</B></div> <div> <B>17. Are you ready for seconds yet?</B></div> <div> <B>18. Don't give the bone to the dog, it makes the carpet sticky.</B></div> <div> <B>19. Are your giblets in that little sack?</B></div> <div> <B>20. What's that white stuff on your buns?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The naughtiest would be not saying "HAPPY THANKSGIVING"!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>11/9/11</B></div> <div> <B>Congratulations!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>To all the graduates of the DCI Institute's Medical Assistants class, more especially, our fellow camper, Trisha! </B></div> <div> <B>She not only graduated, but was also named "Student of the Month"!</B></div> <div> <B>I was honored to join Trish, her family and fellow students for a celebration luncheon at the Willow's Buffet Restaurant in Industry, Pa. which is also where we have our annual Winter Dinner.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I wish Trish the best of luck in her chosen field!</B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#993300" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B>In all the media, the big story is the Penn State sex scandal. I have, like most people, a profound disgust for child abusers. But I can't help but notice that as the media frenzy lands on Joe Paterno, how quickly the rest of the people involved are being pushed to the background. Does the word, "Scapegoat" come to mind?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The state police commissioner said Paterno fulfilled his legal requirement when he relayed to university administrators that a graduate assistant had seen Jerry Sandusky attacking a young boy in the team's locker room shower in 2002. People say Paterno merely passed the buck up to his bosses, and could have done more. True, bad judgment on his part. </B></div> <div> <B>But, on the same token, if he messed up, should not Senior Vice President Gary Schultz and Athletic Director Tim Curley passed back an order to fire Sandusky? What about the graduate assistant? Could he not dial 911? </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Let's remember who faced the Grand Jury. Let's remember who got arrested. </B></div> <div> <B>None of them was Joe Paterno. Let's not loose sight of the real criminals. </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/31/11</B></div> <div> <B>Happy Halloween!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Once again, we were overwhelmed by no trick or treaters. None? You may ask? How can that be overwhelming? </B></div> <div> <B>Well, I'll tell you. You never know, out where we are, if you'll get any kids or not, so you get prepared anyway. The overwhelming part is when you get none and now have a bunch of Reese's Cups sitting around, taunting you. That's overwhelming!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Took a loop through the camp Saturday, getting some stuff I forgot when I closed. Everything looked ok up there, so far. Saw Mike and Dean there working on a porch roof, so we had us nice visit. Plus I caught up with Ed, and we went to lunch down at the Sportsman's Club. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>If things keep up like they are, I'm liable to run out of people to sign me in to that club. Why don't I just join? I don't drink, normally, so there is no enticement there. The food there is as good as any "Bar Food", but I think there are better restaurants in the area, you pass a good one, the Forest View, to get there.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>They sort of pissed me off about 10 years ago. I joined, when I stopped in to get my regular card, I didn't have my temp card. The bartender wouldn't give me the new card,without the temp card, even though I had 2 photo I.D's. and knew my number, unless the secretary was there. </B></div> <div> <B>"When will he be here?" "Weekdays until 5."  </B></div> <div> <B>I was working then, and couldn't make it. They didn't want to make any other arrangements, so I said fuck 'em.</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>So, left to my own devices, I eat in places where the door is unlocked and the entry is free. As far as the book at the club: </B></div> <div> <B>I buy a lottery ticket, and my dad gets a free bus ride.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/23/11</B></div> <div> <B>A message to a friend, who thought her life sucked.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Your life isn't that bad, sweety. </B></div> <div> <B>I spent Saturday night at home, sucking on an oxygen hose, writing about tits on facebook. </B></div> <div> <B>A clean T-shirt and a good piece of ass would probably kill me. </B></div> <div> <B>I'm not allowed to drink anymore, so I sniff the lid and hit myself on the head with the bottle. </B></div> <div> <B>I used to drink, smoke cigarettes, and party all night. Now, salt and sugar kick my ass and I'm in bed by 10:30. </B></div> <div> <B>I couldn't get laid if I was an egg in a hen house. </B></div> <div> <B>I'm so fat, I have to take a 10 mile detour to visit my neighbors because of a bridge weight limit. </B></div> <div> <B>I'm so pathetic, the Jehovah Witnesses stand at the end of my sidewalk and warn away salesmen and Hari Krishna's. </B></div> <div> <B>My ex-wife used to give me money for prostitutes. </B></div> <div> <B>My dog used to chase cars; when he finally caught one, he left. </B></div> <div> <B>I called a guy I knew in Zanesville and told him I was coming out to see his exotic pets. I guess you know the rest of that story...</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/17/11</B></div> <div> <B>Dear "Occupy Pittsburgh & New York" members,</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Since it is obvious that you have no jobs to report to, or family to be responsible for, why don't you, instead, occupy yourself by volunteering at a food bank, VA hospital, women's shelter or some other well deserving charity?</B></div> <div> <B>I suppose it's possible that you are all worth millions, since you hate banks, you evidently pay cash for your homes and cars. But if you hate big corporations so much, don't you think you are being hypocrites by owning things like cars, TV's, computers, cell phones, and clothing, all products of big corporations, sold to you by big corporations? </B></div> <div> <B>Well, I think you are hypocrites, so just fucking go home.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/10/11</B></div> <div> <B>Tailgating.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>What an interesting word. It is a verb with multiple definitions.</B></div> <div> <B>1. Following a vehicle very closely.</B></div> <div> <B>2. Partying from the rear of a vehicle, usually outside the venue of a sporting event.</B></div> <div> <B>3. Spreading aggregates from a dump truck, by dumping them through the gap of a partially opened tailgate.</B></div> <div> <B>4. An unauthorized person following an authorized person through an electronically controlled security entrance.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>What, you may be asking, has this to do with camp? Well, I'll tell ya.</B></div> <div> <B>Some of the best things in life were created when a brilliant thinker combined two things that became another thing, or became so mated that they were thought to be inseparable.</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>For example, the Combine, is a combination of a reaper and a thrasher. The Automatic Transmission is the combination of a gear box and a hydraulic drive. The Gentleman's Club is a combination of a naked women and a metal pole.</B></div> <div> <B>Our fellow camper and brilliant thinker, Critter, has discovered a way to combine three definitions of the word tailgating, in one weekend.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>First, he tailgated his trailer tailgate, by loosing it on the highway. I'll bet that caused a little stress for anyone who was tailgating him at the time.</B></div> <div> <B>He later, loaded his golf cart, which became the Season's End Float in the world's shortest parade. People tailgating along the parade route would have to have a beer bong in order to finish their drink before the parade ended!</B></div> <div> <B>He rode the cart, on the trailer, as he was the Grand Master of the parade. (No, he didn't toss out any candy, beer or cigarettes. What a cheap parade.)</B></div> <div> <B>You can see the parade in it's entirety, all 24 seconds of it, here: </B><A HREF="https://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#!/groups/79340116428/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="https://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=ho"><U><B>Crystal Springs Group on Facebook</B></U></A><B> (You will have to be a group member.) </B></div> <div> <B>He has the possibility of making a Grand Slam, by adding the forth definition, if he pushes someone with an Easy Pass through a toll booth on the Turnpike, on his trip home. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I can hear the State Trooper now, as he writes the tailgating, and toll violation tickets: </B></div> <div> <B>"Didn't I see you picking your tailgate off the highway, on Friday?" </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Soup De Jour Department:</B></div> <div> <B>Is drowning in your soup the same as crying in your beer? Apparently not. Rob is a happy guy, from what I have seen. Being face down in his din-din is just a manifestation of his celebration of life and happiness! Eat, sleep and party on Rob! We've all been there, and we will be there again. </B></div> <div> <B>Just avoid the Campbell's.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It was good to see all the season's cardiac patients up and around. Most everyone saw Smitty. Most missed Doug H. as he was up early Friday to get his trailer closed, and had to get home to take care of some "Honey Do's".</B></div> <div> <B>Both were looking good and in great spirits! Welcome back, guys!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/3/11</B></div> <div> <B>Yuck.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It's cold, raining, windy, and pretty much over all sucky.</B></div> <div> <B>The only shining thing this weekend: Ed got his cart back!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A bunch of the gang got together at the Rec room and hung out and played Wii bowling Saturday night. Kathy was gracious enough to stop by my place, and invite me join them. </B></div> <div> <B>"If you are just in your trailer to keep warm, come down to the Rec room and keep warm with all of us!", she said.</B></div> <div> <B>That was a good idea, and I appreciate the thoughtful invitation, but I didn't go. </B></div> <div> <B>I can keep warm and play video games in my trailer.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>In my under wear.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>9/26/11</B></div> <div> <B>Bocce Tourney!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Saturday night was the forth annual Bocce Tournament and covered dish buffet at Peanut's Playground, brought to us by Lee and Ruth, and countless other great campers who assisted, cooked, and donated to make the event a success!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Congratulations to the winning team, "Irish", and to the Second place team, "Shit Faced". (No, I  didn't make that up!) The winning team won genuine artificial gold anodized aluminum medals, and the team's  name will be added to the trophy, which will be displayed in the store until next year's tournament.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Congratulations to Frank and Karen on winning the 50/50! They generously donated the winnings back to the bocce court maintenance fund!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A few comments about the tourney:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The referee's measurement is always final, because that's the rules, not because he has passed out. The inability of the referee to properly read a tape measure is acceptable, as both teams have to play under the same handicap.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Bribery and promises of sexual favors aimed at tournament officials is illegal, but appreciated anyway.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>When the referee calls "Hold your balls!", that means </B><I><B>do not pitch the bocce balls</B></I><B>, not grab your groin. (Yes, women too. They may not own a pair, but they are equipped to get as many pairs as they want.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>All tossing is to be underhand, Jeff. There is no four seam fastball in bocce.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The winner and first runners up were not doping before the match. The giant green beer mug hats they all wore may have given them the look of being on illegal drugs, but they were not.</B></div> <div> <B>In urine testing, they all passed by hitting the toilet.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>9/18/11</B></div> <div> <B>Fall Round Up</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The annual Fall Round Up Dinner, provided by the campground owners, was a big hit, as usual, with John and Deb Cattley doing the cooking, with special help from our old buddy, Ron Toia! </B></div> <div> <B>The owners served up Livingston's roast beef, fried chicken (A tip of the hat to Wal Mart, where the chicken came from!) plus taters, beans and John's special chili! Round that out with all the excellent covered dishes, and if you left hungry, well it's just your own fault!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Later that night was the Round Up dance at the Red Bull. I didn't catch the name of the DJ, but he played a great dance mix and had an awesome light show! </B></div> <div> <B>He showed his real skill in setting the volume levels. </B></div> <div> <B>You could talk, and yet, he still managed to drown out the people who were trying to sing along!</B></div> <div> <B>He played all the dance favorites, line dances, slow dances and even some Village People! I would like to mention that some camp dancers may need to practice their hand motions. It's Y M C A, not Y M A C. I think this may be the first documented case of dyslexic dancing.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Second best of show was Pocky's break dance. It looked more like a broke something dance. It turned out well for him, however. Word is, he is on the short list to star in the next  "I've Fallen, And I Can't Get Up!" commercial!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Stagger D. asked if I knew of any golf carts for sale. She must be serious about getting her own, I saw her driving Art's and she already has a crash helmet!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>9/16/11</B></div> <div> <B>This is a test.</B></div> <div> <B>This is only a test.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>This is a test of the Webmaster Failure Alert System.</B></div> <div> <B>Had there been an actual failure of the webmaster's maintenance of the website, the webmaster would have been alerted by the wailing of irate, rabid fans.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You would have been instructed to view Facebook, Youtube, and crystalspringscampground.net for news and official information.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>This concludes this test, of the Webmaster Failure Alert System.</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Update: Smitty is recovering excellently at home!</B></div> <div> <B>See his message to the campers on "Your Eye View"!</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Labor Day</B></div> <div> <B>Competition Weekend!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It all started with the annual Kid's Fishing Tourney, provided by Fishing Tourney Crew, headed by Kenny S. The largest fish for girls was won by Lexi, and the largest fish for boys was a tie won by Joseph and Mike. After the tourney, everyone was welcomed to a cook out at the pool pavillion. All the kids recieved prizes!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Kenny would like to gratefully thank all the people who helped, and all who donated, with out whom, the Tourney would not be possible! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Following the kids, it was the Adult Tourney. The winner with the biggest fish was Ron L.</B></div> <div> <B>Congratulations to all the winners!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I would also like to thank Kenny and his crew for all their work and dedication!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Conspicuosly missing, was Jeff. He said that it would not be fitting for a pro to compete with amatuers. I have felt obliged to provide a list of the top 18 Pro Sport Fishermen:</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B> <div style="width:320px;"><iframe id="RankerWidget" name="RankerWidget" width="320" height="398" frameborder="no" scroll="no" style="border:0px;overflow:hidden;" allowTransparency="yes" src="http://www.ranker.com/list/notable-professional-sport-fisherman_s)/reference?wid=1&w=320&h=398&fgcolor=eb1212&bgcolor=ffffff&transparent=1&rows=7"></iframe><div align="center" style="width:320;word-wrap:break-word;font-family:arial;font-size:10px;color:black;" align="center"><a href="http://www.ranker.com/list/notable-professional-sport-fisherman_s)/reference" target="_blank">List of List of Famous professional sport fishermans</a></div><img src="http://www.ranker.comhttp://cdn.ranker.com/img/wt.gif?listid=101180" border="0" width="1" height="1"/></div>  </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Strange.....Jeff is conspicuously missing in the list, too.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Saturday night brought us the B.G. Sales Auction! Campers competed in auction format for the best deals! On a lower note, the auctioneer and the customers had to compete with loud talking, which did hinder the sales and drove off some customers. Let's try and use a little auction etiquette next time, please?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The proceeds of the auction was split between the Halloween Crew and the Fishing Tourney Crew. Next year, will be the same deal, if more groups set up activities, the money will be split more ways.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Sunday brought us the first, hopefully annual, Chili Cook off! There were 9 contestants, and judging was done by Chad, Jeffry and John. They decided that Uncle Ed's chili was the best over all! Ed recieved a beautiful hand made paper blue ribbon! Congratulations!</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>Thanks to all who participated, and thanks to Sandy who hosted the event at her campsite, and to all who brought food for the buffet dinner that was surved along with the chili!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Sunday night, there was Karaoke in the Red Bull, by D.J. Ron, along with a friendly Texas Hold'em poker game! Thanks Ron, for your work and thanks to all the singers, and especially thanks to all the alcoholic beverage makers who make Karaoke singing possible! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Just a parting observation:</B></div> <div> <B>If your golf cart is being towed by another golf cart, someone should actually stay in your cart and steer. </B></div> <div> <B>I works much better that way.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>8/29/11</B></div> <div> <B>Happy Halloween!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Ghosts, goblins, murder victims,witches, soldiers, hunters, lewd women, lewd men dressed as lewd women, movie stars, movie characters, rock~n~rollers, Devil Dogs, Raggedy Ann, Raggedy Andy, Hot Raggedy Ann (You two can hash out who was who!), Betty Page, and two M&M's (One with nuts, one with out.). Add all that and more with outstanding decorations and a good D.J. and, you have one Hell of a party! Thanks again to the Halloween crew for all their hard work, and thanks to all who donated!   </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The kiddies got to make their rounds, and looked to have some full candy bags! There were some really great costumes! If anyone would like pictures of there kids trick or treating stop down at Lot 35 (next to Fran, by the playground) and see Jim, he took all their pictures when they stopped by for their candy.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>For those who might be wondering, I no longer post pictures of anyone I know to be under the age of 18. You will notice that some of the pictures that were here are gone, as I am searching through the photo page and removing them. Sorry, gang, but these are the times we live in, and we must protect the children. Besides, I maintain that this is a site for mature audiences, and in retrospect, it was wrong to post them in the first place.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>If you feel that you want to post your children's camp pictures on line you can do so on Facebook, at the  </B><A HREF="https://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#!/groups/79340116428/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="https://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=ho"><U><B>Crystal Springs Campground Group</B></U></A><B>.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>8/21/11</B></div> <div> <B>Slow weekend.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>That's right. People seem to be saving up for the Labor Day weekend. </B></div> <div> <B>What to report? </B></div> <div> <B>Sandy lost her dipstick. Terry produced one. Vonda is, well, nonplussed, shall we say. She told him not to wave that thing around in public, there was a viscous fluid flying off the end of it. Not to worry, though. Dougie H. has a spare that Sandy (or Memory, or Joe, for that matter) can use. I wonder if D.J. knows that?</B></div> <div> <B>(I tried to give Sandy mine, but since I have only a 2 stroker, she didn't want it.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>They also talked about screws in the can, and working with caulk. That's when I had to excuse myself.</B></div> <div> <B>Later, Vonda lost one of her tips in the woods. She said she always has two, but came out of the woods with just one. I would think that would be painful. She needs both of her tips to keep her lungs protected. (I thought there were special garments for that. I could be confused.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Kathy G. has been cleared by her doctor, and has made her triumphant return to the woods! The trees are still trembling!</B></div> <div> <B>Bob S. was playing Paul Bunyon, and took the chainsaw to some downed trees, reopening 2 trails. Thanks, Bob!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Smelt that department. </B></div> <div> <B>Give Frank a perfectly good, custom made fireplace log rack, put it in his fire ring, and watch it melt, bending like a limp noodle. No wonder it was removed from the fireplace!</B></div> <div> <B>Melter on one hand, builder on the other. Take a ride past the pool and look at the paint job on his new shed. Camp art at it's absolute best!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Gino reports that he just got a big promotion! He said he is no longer a Journeyman Baiter, when fishing. It will now be done by the hands of a Master. His joke, not mine. I thought my comic reply about the statement "Turn on the lights, I don't want to get hit in the rear end!" being something I heard in prison, was funnier. It flopped like the Master Baiter's bait.</B></div> <div> <B>Some people just don't understand my humor.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I know I told the Euchre players that it was too late to post anything on here, but sometimes, you just can't pass things up. </B></div> <div> <B>Monte can count to four. Not five, four. He said "Thumbs aren't fingers, so they don't count." </B></div> <div> <B>That may be true, my friend, but do not discount the thumb. </B></div> <div> <B>You'll never hitch a ride by giving people the finger.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>8/15/11</B></div> <div> <B>Pool Party</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Sorry I missed it! I understand the hit of the party was a frozen T-shirt contest. For those, like me, who don't know, a T shirt is tied in knots, soaked and then frozen. The object is to thaw the shirt using only body heat, and then untie the knots to determine the winner. I guess, from what I could find out, it is a 2 person team event. I suppose, that getting close together with someone, with something stiff between you, could indeed raise body heat in both the participants and the observers. I understand there will be some pictures to be posted, I'll get that done as soon as I get them.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Speaking of pictures, based on these ones, it turned from a blow out to a blow down!</B></div> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="704" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=CENTER HEIGHT= 246 ><NOBR><div> <IMG SRC="4a040f00.jpg" border=0 width="320" height="240" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=CENTER><NOBR><div> <IMG SRC="4a140f00.jpg" border=0 width="320" height="240" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 246 ><NOBR><div> <IMG SRC="49f40f00.jpg" border=0 width="320" height="240" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><bR> <div> <B>  The  rain, it seems, likes to come to the </B></div> <div> <B>  pool party, uninvited.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>  But when it crashes a party, you know it! </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B> </B></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>8/8/11</B></div> <div> <B>Home Wreckers!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Here are a couple of videos of the demise of Les' trailer:</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B> <iframe width="425" height="349" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/yExEsCQDsu4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>  </B></div> <bR> <div> <B> <iframe width="425" height="349" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/tCYW-I7tA-U" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>  </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I thought I had excellent video of the actual burning, but my phone, in a fit of rebellion, did not save any of it. It has been tried and found guilty, and is condemned to a complete battery death. </B></div> <div> <B>I knew Verizon I.B.E.W. Union members are on strike, but I didn't know that the </B><I><B>phones</B></I><B> were honoring the picket lines.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>This weekend, in preparation of the Labor Day weekend Chili Cook Off, I was doing a test and tune on the recipe that I intend to use for my entry. I believe that I have hit the 4 to 5 alarm heat/sweet spot (with a rekindle) that I was aiming for. Of course, no recipe is carved in stone, and I have made my own improvements. </B></div> <div> <B>To my worthy competitors: take the day off. Spare yourselves the embarrassment.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>This is, in fact, the first time I've ever made chili. I have been known to tune up common baked beans out of the can, I can cook a passable breakfast, or roast an entire pig, but this sudden burst of culinary artistry is a huge leap for me. I mean, I found myself using tin foil the other day! That roll was part of a house warming gift given by my sister, when I bought the trailer in 2000! I have made a "Favorite Recipe" file in my laptop! Rest assured, I am still eons behind camp cookery legend, Freddy Crocker. That guy can do more on a gas grill then all the TV chefs in the country with their fully sponsored, complete TV kitchens!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>They say, one must broaden their horizons. I seem to have opted to do so by broadening my waist line in the process. The pity is, I seem to be halfway good at it. It would be much better for my weight, if I was a lousy cook.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Ah, the sacrifices we make for our art.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>8/1/11</B></div> <div> <B>Quite Quiet.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It was a bit quiet this weekend. Oh, there was a boisterous little birthday party, but they sounded like they had fun, and I heard no complaints. Happy Birthday to Rocky, and who ever else was celebrating. (I forgot who all was listed on their sign!)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>There has been some camper trading going on. I don't think I'll comment until all the dust settles. At least, nobody has pulled out lately.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I mentioned the replacement of Big Ollie last week. The replacement is in place, and I have received a suggestion for a suitable name for the new back hoe: </B></div> <div> <B>"Kubby". Long may he run. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>That's right, he. Most mechanical things get assigned female gender, but it just won't work for a back hoe.  A back hoe is male. It's entire existence revolves around sticking it's dipper in a trench. If it's hose breaks and the fluid runs out before the job is done, there will be down time until the hose is fixed and the fluid refilled, before work can begin again. (Not to mention a possible nasty hazardous spill clean up.) </B></div> <div> <B>You can have the best dipper in the whole county, but if the operator doesn't know what he's doing, it just turns into a fumbling nuisance. </B></div> <div> <B>Ladies, how many guys do you know that are the same? </B></div> <div> <B>And, meaning no disrespect, women, in most normal circumstances, just can't handle the job.</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>If you don't believe me, watch some lesbian strap-on dildo porn. </B></div> <div> <B>They look ridiculous, even after hundreds of viewings.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>7/26/11</B></div> <div> <B>A New Hoe In Camp!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Now, before the men get excited, and the women get angry, I'm talking about a back hoe. (Ok, the men can still get excited if they want to.) </B></div> <div> <B>They have purchased a brand new Kubota B 3300 SU Compact Tractor/Loader/Back Hoe to replace Big Ollie, who is slated for the big junk yard in the sky. </B></div> <div> <B>It's a nice, good quality machine, to the tune of $27,000 (M.S.R.P.)! </B></div> <div> <B>It is in honor of the new hoe, that I choose Kubota orange font, for this update.</B></div> <div> <B>It's a step in the right direction, if the operators and the machine can live through the learning curve.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Some may say that the money is better spent elsewhere. You have to remember this: anything, especially utilities, needs maintenance, and you need the tools to do it. Up until now, they had nothing, so I say, it was a wise move.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>There is a rumor going around that says that they opted not to have power steering on the machine. As far as I know, and according to the Kubota website, power steering is standard equipment. Let that rumor be lain to rest. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Just an F.Y.I....Lot number 71 has been rented, </B><I><B>with the deck</B></I><B>. I have met the folks, and they won't be moving in right away, but they will be, within this season. </B></div> <div> <B>I report this, because I have heard through the grapevine that people are talking of commandeering the deck. The deck is, in fact, mine. I received it from the previous owner, for services rendered. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I like it </B><I><B>right where it is at, </B></I><B>and I will see that it stays there.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>7/18/11</B></div> <div> <B>Collateral Damage</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>That's what I was last night, anyway. It seems that I was struck repeatedly by marsh mallow wielding combatants in an all out war to decide who would use the last Hershey Bar to make a S'More. Let me tell you, if you put a couple of female teenagers and two wine sipping female adults together, armed with Sta-Pufs, and throw a Hershey Bar in the middle, somebody is going down in a hail of sticky missiles.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Speaking of going down, Bambi went down under the front wheel of my Harley on the trip home Monday morning. A fawn darted out of the corn field by the Wilson Boat Launch on Route 6, slid it's butt under the wheel and the rest of the body slammed into the left crash bar, bending it. Minor damage to the bike, no damage to me, and Bambi was last seen heading to Conneautville at a high rate of speed. Didn't I just say to someone, "I've hit most everything but a deer with a bike, I might as well hit one and get that done!"? It's done, I hope that's the last time.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Speaking of going down #2, Bocce team "Oh My!" soundly trounced a picked up team at the Bocce court, in a stunning 11 to 1 victory! Team "Oh My!" has 2 out of 3 Bocce championships, and hopes to do it again this year. Come on down, grab your balls and see if you can stop them!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A special note to all the new campers coming to our beloved home: Please use a toilet. If you must piss in the great outdoors, step away from the campfire, and at least go to the woods. If you use your own toilet, hook up the sewer pipe first. Stupid can be fixed with simple education. Or, with blunt force trauma.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>7/16/11</B></div> <div> <B>Bocce Tourney Announcement!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Bocce Players! Team selection and practice games will be on August 27, 2011 at 6:30!</B></div> <div> <B>Annual Bocce Tourney will be on September 17, 2011!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>7/12/11</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The big light up was this weekend, and with a hot, smokey, smelly good bye, we bid adeau to the tent area central dump and eyesore! The word is that there will not longer be a dump in the middle of the field! There will be designated areas for compostable clippings, limbs, pine needles and leaves, and an area for scrap metals. Hooray! That is a big step in favor of tenters! Remember, seasonals, the income from tenters keeps our rates in check! Also remember as you play in the fields, respect their space and quiet time. </B></div> <div> <B>If you plan on tearing down a deck or a shed, etc., be prepared to have a lot of firewood for YOUR lot! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Now I realize I am making some suppositions here, but just be aware that this garbage pile thing is over. Be sure to stop by the store for official information on where to dump compostables and metals</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>7/4/11</B></div> <div> <B>Happy Independence Day!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>This 4th of July, we kicked of with a "Pool Party Spring Training", featuring </B><I><B>Jimmy and The Gemtones</B></I><B> live at the pool pavilion! It was a pleasant surprise,a good party, and was entertaining no matter how you define it! It appears like we can look forward to Spring Training again next year.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Five of our friends got together and had a Rib Cook Off. Everyone used the same beef ribs, and made their own special BBQ sauce. Factory packed sauces were not allowed, but rumor has it, you can't buy a bottle of Sweet Baby Ray's sauce anywhere in 2 states.</B></div> <div> <B>Judging was handled by Critter, Jeffrey and Steve. (Who better for knowing their way around a  rack of ribs?)</B></div> <div> <B>The Winner was Chad, Second Place went to Joe, and Vonda got Honorable Mention because her's were the most tender, and she was seen passing cash to a judge.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A chili cook off is in the works for Labor Day weekend, look for details on this website!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Survivor-Crystal Springs.</B></div> <div> <B>So let's say you gather 6 reasonably intelligent campers, and tell them to start a fire. </B></div> <div> <B>They did their best, and three hours after they started, they had themselves a camp fire. In honor of their wondrous feat, I asked and received their recipe for a fire.</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <I><B>RECIPE FOR A CAMP FIRE</B></I></div> <div> <B>Starring Janelle, Jim, Roe, Patty, Tom, and Justin. </B></div> <div> <B>Featuring Joe as the Cantankerous Old Man.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Ingredients:</B></div> <div> <B>6 Assholes (See Above.)</B></div> <div> <B>1 Wheelbarrow full wood (alleged to be dry)</B></div> <div> <B>3 soda boxes (empty)</B></div> <div> <B>2 Twisted Tea Cartons (empty) (Duh.)</B></div> <div> <B>1 can Zippo lighter fluid</B></div> <div> <B>6 paper plates (new or used)</B></div> <div> <B>6 rolls toilet paper (new only!)</B></div> <div> <B>1 propane torch with full can (refill as needed)</B></div> <div> <B>2 full tablets of crumbled paper (if spring bound, remove spring)</B></div> <div> <B>1 six pack of beer</B></div> <div> <B>1 cup rum (refill as soon as possible)</B></div> <div> <B>1 kiln dried, fire proofed 2x4</B></div> <div> <B>1 bundle dry wood from camp store</B></div> <div> <B>1 firestarter stick</B></div> <div> <B>1 quart Kingsford Charcoal Lighter Fluid</B></div> <div> <B>1 hammer</B></div> <div> <B>1 cantankerous old man</B></div> <div> <B>2 fire pits</B></div> <div> <B>1 First Aid kit</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Marinate assholes in rum, beer and Twisted Tea, 4 hours before starting. Fill fire pit with allegedly dry wood, with out kindling. Add burning soda boxes to top of allegedly dry wood. Watch them burn out. Stack on and light Twisted Tea boxes. Watch them burn out. Dowse allegedly dry wood with Zippo Fluid and light. Watch it burn out. Abandon obviously flawed fire pit and move to secondary fire pit next door. Fill pit with allegedly dry wood. Toss in 6 paper plates and light. Watch them burn to last ember, and rapidly unroll toilet paper and toss onto dying embers. Watch it burn out. Return to original fire pit. Use hammer to beat on kiln dried, fire proofed 2x4 in an attempt to make kindling. Light propane torch and burn entire can of fuel, to ignite kiln dried, fire proofed 2x4. Use hammer to destroy propane torch when kiln dried, fire proofed 2x4 refuses to burn. Suffer abusive comments from cantankerous old man about general lack of ability to even start a simple fire. Threaten cantankerous old man with hammer. Re-adjourn to camp store and purchase bundle of dry wood, charcoal lighter fluid and fire starter stick. Add dry wood and fire starter stick to pit. Have teenager who can destroy anything light fire starter stick. Watch it burn out. Add entire supply of crumpled tablet paper and empty toilet paper rolls. Dowse with entire quart of charcoal lighter fluid. Light with propane torch and run. Stamp out miscellaneous spot fires from explosion, use first aid kit to reattach fingers severed while retrieving propane torch from pick up truck tool box, and extinguish burning hair and clothing on cantankerous old man. Apply burn salve.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Enjoy your fire!</B></div> <div> <B>Total cost: $84.00</B></div> <div> <B>Fun to be had: Priceless!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Prior to this entire process, Tom was working on the golf cart. He crossed two wires, and the ensuing short circuit caused the wire and Tom's hands to burn. They should have just toasted their marshmallows over the golf cart!</B></div> <div> <B>You know, if this crew was on Survivor, they would all win, because inorder to put out someone's torch, you have to get it lit first!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>6/26/11</B></div> <div> <B>It wuz a good time, I rekkon!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I'z talkin bout that there Redneck Olympic doins that were down yonder ta Kenny n Gina's trailer lot. They uz whollupin amounts o larapin good vittles, plenny of that ol beer ta drink, n sum o them thar city folk shonuf knows how ta cut a shine!</B></div> <div> <B>Folks all come a decked out with they Sunday Go Ta Meatin clothes on, they was sure some purty finerys on them women folks!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>They all thought them mar games n stuff were sumpin special, an they carried on like they uz no tomorry! I cain't rekkon what all the fuss was. Folks act like they ain't never kept minnies in a pickup truck bed afore. Now I ain't sayin I ain't been around some, but some a them thar games just got the best a me. I understand about a chuckin a ear o corn through a big ol knot hole in a board, but I just cain't lay a hold to the ideer of hangin that there sausage from yer belt, and a peltin it ona kiddies plastic play ball. (I rekkon some of them ol boys was a drinkin a mite, whenever they come up that there game.)</B></div> <div> <B>They had one where ya stood back couple a feet and tried to toss a dart at a picture o that there Osama dude. Ifn ya poked him in the eye, why they gived ya a prize. I wanted ta go back a hunnert fity yards or so and pluck it out with my squirrel gun, but folks kept staggerin in front of the target.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>They even had a see-leberdy visit by ol Superman hisself! I don't recollect his uniform a being that skimpy, and I din't see no cape, but they uz sure nuf a big ol "S" on the front! I was a wantin ta ask him why bullets bounces off from him, but he ducks when them crimnals thowz the empty gun at him. He flew off a for I had a chance.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>They had them a display of some modern inventions,boys that was sumpin ta see!</B></div> <div> <B>I liked that there coversion kit what makes yer weed whacker into a trollin motor! I got a lot o them damn whackers a layin round cuz evertime when I buy one, why the damn string busts off, and then I gotta go ta WalMart and get me another! Hell, after a summer ya wind up with 30 ur 40 of them sum bitches!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Course, ya learn somethin new ever day. I got me one of them thar fancy multiple hot dog cookers, and like a damn fool, I been a raking leaves with it!</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>Well, later on they got tagether and gived Miss Vonda a big ol fancy trophy, what said she uz the "Red Neck Of The Year", an they give me a prize fur bein a runner up. When I asked what a runner up was, they said I come in behind her. I'z real thankful, but I spect if I was behind her and tried to run her up, ol Terry'll poke me in the eye!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Any ways, I expect I'll be a gittin some pictures, soz I can post 'em up on that there photo page, then y'all can peruse them for yer selves.  </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>6/19/11</B></div> <div> <B>Can I chop him up just a little bit?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The answer is no, you can not chop up your amateur boat pilot and use him for bait. True, he doesn't know how to steer a straight course. Yes, he wants to re-invent the docks. Yes, he did attract the unwanted attention of the Fish & Game cops. Regardless of all that, you just can't use him for fish bait. I can understand your feelings, though. Behavior like that would be enough to make me ride around the camp on a pre-teen girl's pink bicycle. </B></div> <div> <B>Oh, you too, huh?</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>What's the story with this picture?</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="49a80e00.jpg" border=0 width="640" height="480" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Stuck in the creek? Yes. Going backwards at a high rate of speed into said creek? Yes.</B></div> <div> <B>The girl behind the wheel has no license? Yes, but that's not relevant. She wasn't driving. The smiling black dog was driving, and he is 35 years old in dog years. So that makes it legal! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I also found out while playing Golf Cart Hide & Seek, that the nice young lady that's in the seat, that's in the golf cart, that's in the ditch, has a severe case of arachnophobia. The phobia not only affects the person who suffers it, but also the person sitting next to her, who chokes on the fog of bug repellent being sprayed by the arachnophobe. </B></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>This next video is posted to help alleviate those fears:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> <iframe width="425" height="349" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/wGsQdgFJaTU" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>  </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>A special thanks to Deanna for taking the time to do Father's Day crafts for the kids!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>6/12/11</B></div> <div> <B>It was just innocent fun.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>No, I'm not a swinger as defined by errant spouses. But some people think I'm a damn good swinger, that is, until I break the swing. On top of that, it wasn't my co swinger's swing. </B></div> <div> <B>You see, some of these swings are designed to be part of a far reaching terrorist plot to saw the legs off of American swingers. You sink into a canvas trap, and a metal bar saws your legs off just above the knee. Now, I was alone on the swing when the critical leg damage began to attack my nervous system, and caused a muscle cramp in my left inner thigh that could easily cripple a concrete elephant.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Did you ever try to get out of one of those swings with one leg behaving like it wants to move to Memphis with out you? Let me tell you, it's brutal. I reached up and grabbed the bar that supports the roof thing, swung back as far as possible, and tried to stand on my right leg, while the left was pointing the way to Vermillion, Ohio.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Now I realize that I am not quite a feather weight kind of guy, and I can tell you, there is only so much traction available in a single cross trainer Velcro-closing shoe. I exceeded that practical maximum, my foot slipped, and 350+ pounds of pain crazed webmaster landed butt first in the little canvas seat. It did not, much to your surprise and mine, survive.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>My apologies to Lee and Ruth, our hosts for the evening, for the wanton destruction of their property. </B></div> <div> <B>I will gladly replace it, along with my left leg.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Here is a refresher for the mud buggy gang.</B></div> <div> <B>Golf cart lesson number 368:</B></div> <div> <B>Operating near trees.</B></div> <div> <B>1. Operate carefully near trees. Do not try to climb them.</B></div> <div> <B>2. If you wish to replace the front of your cart, do not use a tree to remove it.</B></div> <div> <B>3. Make sure that limbs you drive under are actually higher then the cart and it's drivers.</B></div> <div> <B>4. When trying to jump over a downed tree, make sure the tree will actually fit under the cart.</B></div> <div> <B>5. Practice </B><I><B>C.I.P.O</B></I><B>. (Carts In Parts Out) Always bring your destroyed parts out of the woods with you.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>6/6/11</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>History shows again and again how nature points up the folly of man. </B></div> <div> <B>- Blue Oyster Cult, "Godzilla"</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You know, they're listening, and laying in wait. They hear you talking, telling of past chilling episodes where friends and family members fall to your blood lust. </B></div> <div> <B>"Now is the time", they think, "to strike back, and avenge our fallen loved ones!" </B></div> <div> <B>They sneak up while you sleep, boldly overcoming their primal fears, so that they can reek havoc and extract their bloody vengeance. </B></div> <div> <B>You'll never know what's happening until it's too late and there is nothing you can do, but suffer your ignominious fate.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>They strike, silent but deadly, and gorge themselves on your bait. </B></div> <div> <B>Yes, it's the attack of the Raccoons.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>Coming to your porch, when you least expect it. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The REDNECK OLYMPICS are back! Saturday 6/25/11, 6:00 PM at Kenny's trailer by the front field. There will be judging for the "Best Redneck Invention"!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>Memorial Day</B></div> <div> <B>Please remember to honor those who have given all for our freedom.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="499a9800.jpg" border=0 width="425" height="384" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Water, water, everywhere, not a drop to drink.</B></div> <div> <B>With no showers or no toilets, the place begins to stink.</B></div> <div> <B>The water's off, twice so far, we don't know what to think.</B></div> <div> <B>All good campers, know what to do, when things go on the blink.</B></div> <div> <B>We party on, with out fail, there's always beer to drink!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Did you see the big footrace? Athletic competition at it's best! The only problem, the finish line was the shore of the pond. They tell me some of the competitors got their feet wet. From the nose down, that is. It was of course, an accident, as they did not appear to be actually swimming. I think one dude was trying to rescue the other. </B></div> <div> <B>You never know where you'll find a hero.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Ok, I know it's frustrating to deal with failed utilities. But,hey, stuff breaks. Sometimes it could be avoided, sometimes not. Just like the current water loss issues. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>One water failure is purely Steve's fault. Steve is like the campground's Jed Clampett. ("Look, Granny, we struck water!") He drove a stake in the ground to roast some ham on a spit, and next thing you know his yard is flooding. Just how deep did that stake go? Call before you dig, Steve. You should have got a One Call utility check! Speaking of digging, Steve, once again, stepped up to the plate and swung a shovel. He did the excavation in his yard to get the water leak fixed as soon as possible.</B></div> <div> <B>You never know where you'll find a hero. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>We can blame Art for another water leak, it seems his hose broke. When he came to Doug and said "I need to fix my hose.", Doug handed him the little blue pills.</B></div> <div> <B>You never know where you'll find a hero.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>5/22/11</B></div> <div> <B>Your attention please:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Doomsday, originally scheduled for 5/21/11, has been postponed. The Doomsday Event staff at Family Radio Ministry has opted to sublet the Doomsday Event to Mesoamerican Long Count Calendar LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Mayan/Hopi Tribal Productions Inc. The decision was made, after the selected doomsday came and went unnoticed by the Holy Ghost. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>This was the second documented attempt to set doomsday by Family Radio's spiritual leader, Harold Camping. On  9/6/94, dozens of Camping’s believers gathered inside the Alameda Veteran's Memorial Building to await the return of Christ, an event Camping had promised for two years. </B></div> <div> <B>It has been rumored that Camping has touted doomsday on dozens of occasions, but to no avail. Camping's failed vigils are second only to Linus Van Pelt's dogged attempts to bring about the return of the Great Pumpkin.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Camping has determined that by farming out the event to a foreign supplier, the end of the world will be more cost effective, and will allow Family Radio to retain deniability if the doomsday event does not occur, yet again.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"Family Radio will not give up it's quest to bring about the end of the world, regardless of how many attempts we need to make." said Camping. "Our followers can rest assured that they will have the chance to enjoy viewing the tribulations and torture of those who oppose us."</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The next tentative Doomsday Event date will be on or about 12/21/2012.  </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>I'm glad the world didn't end Saturday. If it had, I may have missed out on a great fresh fish fry complements of Larry, Randy and Jeff. The menu included fresh Walleye and Crappie, expertly deep fried to perfection by Jeff. Thanks again guys, and if you ever find you have too much fish again, you know where to find me!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Quoth The Old Farmer's Almanac: "April and May will be drier than normal."</B></div> <div> <B>Now, I am a long time fan of the O.F.A., but they have certainly dropped the ball this spring. My Dad, who was quoting his Dad and Granddad (all 3 being genuine old farmers), said  "When you have a late Easter, you will have a late a late, wet spring and a dry, cool summer." His prophesy is better then the Almanac's. Maybe they need to find themselves some new old farmers.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>5/15/11</B></div> <div> <B>Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr Howard....</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Injury is a part of life. Camp is a part of life. Ergo, injury is a part of camp life. Campers always turnout to help the injured party, behavior springing forth from some sort of camper/boy/girl/scout gene that is deep in our natural makeup. I think back over the years, the broken toes, legs, arms, ankles, etc; someone always offered to help. It has been displayed again this week end, with a response of people, equipment, and medication to relieve the suffering of a fellow camper, who, brave as brave can be, suffered through one of the most devastating and painful injuries known to mankind. We can only hope that the recovery will be complete, with no long term effects.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It was a </B><I><B>really </B></I><B>big splinter.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>There is a mouse that runs back and forth between my trailer and Frank & Karen's.  I have to figure out weather he lives under their's and works day shift, or lives under mine and works night shift. I bet it's the latter. Their are a lot of people who are just navigating home early in the morning around here.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>To a new found friend: You cannot contrive to get on this page. It just has to happen in the natural flow of things. You may think you've made it now by virtue of this post, but what you don't know, is how many new friends I have. Just relax and enjoy yourself. Your time will come.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>5/8/11</B></div> <div> <B>Cool nights, clear, crisp mornings. Is this October?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It sure acts like it. At least, for today anyway, it's not raining.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You know, Tom Sawyer could learn a few things from folks around here. I saw somebody else fixing Ron's deck, while Ron watched. I saw somebody else mowing Deny's lawn, while Deny watched. I saw somebody else building Mike's sidewalk, while Mike watched. I saw somebody else fixing Heather's lights, while Heather watched. I saw somebody else stacking Rob's firewood, while Rob watched. What rank amateurs. I watched it all and did nothing!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I'm also glad to report, much to my great shock, Heather finally broke down and got some lights, both head and tail! What an amazing leap in the name of safety! Not only for the Mud Crew Night Shift, but for all the pedestrians and pets in the campground! What next? (Dare we dream!) Brakes? Ahh, don't worry about it Heather, anyone can drive a golf cart with brakes! You know, Club Car contracts Dodge to make their brakes, so good luck with that! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Took a ride through the woods, and saw lots of trees down, and enough mud to make a California mudslide. If anyone is feeling the affects of mud lust, now is your chance to satiate it! </B></div> <div> <B>Speaking of down trees and safety, it's a good idea to go around them, not through them.</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>Here's where it was:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="49880de0.jpg" border=0 width="640" height="478" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>This is another cart, same size, to show the lack of clearance:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="49680de0.jpg" border=0 width="640" height="478" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>And this is the outcome:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="49480e00.jpg" border=0 width="640" height="480" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Custom cart conversion done by:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>BOB'S EXTREME GOLF CART CUSTOMIZING</B></div> <div> <B>Specializing in fast convertible roof conversions!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Our motto:</B></div> <div> <B>"Duck! Or you'll be talking out your ass!"</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>(There may have been alcoholic beverages involved.</B></div> <div> <B>The riders were not wearing helmets or safety belts,</B></div> <div> <B>and possibly no clothing, but we are not sure.)</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>5/1/11</B></div> <div> <B>Hooray! Hooray! The first of May!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Another season of camp is upon us! But, with the cold and rain, it hardly seems like spring. Campers are a tough and resilient group, however. Why, they take hardships like darkness, no heat, and shit weather, like they were made for it.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>In a cost saving effort, the ownership of our beloved campgrounds opted to delay turning on the electric to the actual, official, opening day of May 1st. The sites were powered up promptly at the start of the business day, bright and early, at about 9:53 am. Oh, well anybody can run a little late, right?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Still, all and all, there are highlights that we can look forward to, because word is, </B></div> <div> <I><B>" We will be doing some new things, this year!" </B></I></div> <bR> <div> <B>Ya, boy, you betcha! So in the spirit of the moment, you may see a few changes as I update the website. I have to watch my expenses too, you know. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Don't forget, you are welcomed to post a comment on the </B><I><B>YOUR EYE VIEW </B></I><B>page!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>4/19/2011</B></div> <div> Campground co-owner, Dick has passed away.</div> <div> There will be visitation and a memorial service at the Noga Funeral Home, Friday 4/22/11 from 9:00 to 11:00, with a luncheon to follow. Our thoughts and prayers are with Kristine and her family at this time.</div> <div> <B>Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. - Matthew 5:4</B></div> <bR> <div> Noga Funeral Home</div> <div> 1142 South Mill Street</div> <div> New Castle, Pa. 16103</div> <div> 724-652-6700</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>I spoke with the management, and the word is that the water system will be tested, and if all is well, the water maybe on for Saturday 4/30/11. The electric will be turned on Sunday, 5/1/11. The work in the building is basically finished, with some minor tweaking yet to do. The store will be ready, with a newer look. They also had the main power panel replaced, so the electric will be more dependable.</B></div> <div> <B>Dick's wife Kristine will continue to function as the Campground's accountant, and Shirley Nicholson was helping with getting the store ready. I am glad to see that these fine ladies are staying involved with the camp. What better tribute to the memory of their passed loved ones! This precedent was set by Donna, some years ago, after the passing of her husband, Chris.</B></div> <div> <B>They couldn't find a better group of people to surround themselves with, then the campers of Crystal Springs!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>4/16/11</B></div> <div> <B>If you need me, I'll be in bed.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It's Sunday morning in the Hollow. The more religious members of the family are off to church, while I, being what I call a spiritual heathen, prepare for a busy day of relaxation. The rest of the family, up and out of the house before I am up and out of the bed, kindly leave me a cup or 2 of coffee, which I enjoy at my leisure. My part in the deal is to make a new pot, so that when they come home from devotions, they can enjoy some.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Today, I poured the last of the elixir of awareness into my cup, and started the procedure to make another. Simple, right? Coffee in the basket, water in the pot, dump the pot in the reservoir, feel water filling your slipper. Why is Niagara Falls running off of the counter and flooding my slipper?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It seems, that as fast I as I pour the water into the top, it runs out the little hole where the electrical wire comes out. I unplug the unit before I become a home science experiment on hydro-electric power. Suffice to say, Mr. Coffee gets a truck ride to the country, come Thursday.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Today, we are teetotalers. I take the last cup of coffee, and make my way to my computer. I trip on the steps, spilling the cup. I now have a miniature version of John Joseph Early's "Cascading Waterfall" in my very own home.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Now, that I have cleaned up all the mess and put on dry socks, I am going back to bed to start over. The only problem is, I have to go to the bathroom. I suppose, I may have to sandbag around it before I flush.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Wish me luck.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>4/5/11</B></div> <div> <B>New Band Auditions for Camp!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B> <iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/eUmCat6TlfE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>  </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>3/28/11</B></div> <div> <B>The roof is complete!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Management has told me that the roof and ceiling are finished, and the electricians and plumbers will start their work next week! It looks like all is on track for an on time opening day!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="49280e00.jpg" border=0 width="640" height="480" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>3/16/11</B></div> <div> <B>Building update!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The construction is rolling along, after a few weather set backs. The contractor feels confident that the building will be ready for camp opening!</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="48c80e00.jpg" border=0 width="640" height="480" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="48e80e00.jpg" border=0 width="640" height="480" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It looks like the bulk of the heavy work is about done, and work will go faster now. Myself, I am a man of simple needs. If the store is open, utilities on, and toilets work, I'm a happy camper! </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>3/6/11</B></div> <div> <B>Re-wedding bells</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Congratulations to Ruth and Lee Nanna, who before a group of family and friends and District Justice David Kovach, did renew their wedding vows. It was a touching moment, and Lee really went all out, and bought Ruth the biggest diamond ring that I ever saw! A luncheon was served after the ceremony which was held at the Cranberry V.F.D. Nobody told me they have 2 stations. I went early and had the best parking place, before realizing that I was at the wrong place. At any rate I made it, and was glad I did. I have here what I feel are the </B><I><B>most</B></I><B> important photos of the occasion.</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="48980e00.jpg" border=0 width="640" height="480" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="48a80e00.jpg" border=0 width="640" height="480" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>2/26/11</B></div> <div> <B>I was just thinking.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The Internet lies to us. I received an e mail telling of a website that when you typed in your address, it would show you where all the convicted felons in your neighborhood live. Suspecting a phishing scam, I picked an address near my home that has nothing on it but a few cattle roaming about (They didn't mind). The felon's names and locations came up quickly, and there were quite a few. The problem was, I recognized none of the names, and some of our local felons were missing. So to test further, I entered "Airport Boulevard, Coraopolis, Pa." </B></div> <div> <B>You would be surprised how many felons live in Pittsburgh Airport, some right on the runway! No wonder planes get hijacked.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Here is another new twist: I got an email from "Nardz JR." that can show me how to make big money, yada,yada,yada. At the bottom of the message, was the statement, "This message is sent in compliance with the new email Bill HR 1910". HR 1910 was indeed an anti-spam resolution, however it died in committee in 1999, and never became a law. At the bottom of the message was the address: Talisay City, Cebu, PH 6045. You have to love a Filipino, who is not bound by American law, that obeys American laws that are not enacted, or ever going to be. Here's one for you, Nardz: </B></div> <div> <B>HR 666FU2 -- "All Filipino spammers most go to the nearest active volcano, and throw themselves into the crater." </B></div> <div> <B>Tell us about that hot offer.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Of course, I am always grateful for the hundreds of people who are concerned about the size of my penis, and how well my penis functions. Stop over some time and I'll show you.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>And let us not forget good old Mrs. Nnegi Nmucaberu, the orphan who is dying of some incurable disease, and has $3.2 million that she will give you 35% of, if you bring the money to America, and set up a trust fund for the orphanage she was raised in, so she can die happy, knowing Sally Struthers will have a place to take pictures of starving children.</B></div> <div> <B>Don't you think, if you have $3.2 million, that you could get a taxi to the airport, and fly to the Mayo clinic? And why don't you bring all the orphans with you?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>And, now one of the latest.</B></div> <div> <B>This year, July has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays. This happens once every 823 years. This is called money bags. So, forward this to your friends...blah..blah..Chinese feng shui...etc..etc.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You know, the 5 Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays in July has happened 11 times in the last 100 years, on our calendar. The most recent was in 2005. </B></div> <div> <B>The 7th month in China is called Orchimens, (The Month of The Orchids), and since Chinese New Year was February 3rd, so Orchimens corresponds with our calendar on July 28 thru August 25. It only has 29.53 days, so this year it would have 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 4 Sundays. It would begin a 5th Thursday, but it would only be 12 hours, 43 minutes, and 12 seconds long. (They catch up those lost half days by throwing in an extra month once in a while.) So under strictest application, your feng is shuied before you even start.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>This is what I do on Saturday nights. </B></div> <div> <B>With 5 months in 2011 having 5 Saturdays, well...I need laid or something.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>2/19/11</B></div> <div> <B>Reconstruction To Start!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The contractor has met with the management, and the job, starting with the salvage work, is scheduled to begin on February 28th. The new roof trusses have been ordered, and the roof will be completely replaced, front to back. The new roof will have 50% more trusses then the old one, making the roof stronger then before. They will also replace about 20 feet of wall on the men's room side of the recreation room. Interior inspections have found that the equipment loss inside may not be as severe as originally believed. The contractor believes that the job will be finished in plenty of time for the May 1st opening date. </B></div> <div> <B>I visited the camp today, and noticed that there are several pine limbs down, but saw none  that appeared to damage any trailers. Most of the trailers looked ok,although some of the mobile homes have some skirting damage. </B></div> <div> <B>It appears that the sewer line construction in Linesville is progressing out Route 6 past the ice cream stand. This should make for a few traffic issues, if they aren't done by springtime. </B></div> <div> <B>No, it won't stop me either. </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>2/14/14</B></div> <div> <B>Campfire Recipes</B></div> <div> <B>(Ok, I'm bored and I got nothing else to talk about.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Omelet in a Bag</U></B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>You will need: </B></div> <div> <B>1-3 eggs per person </B></div> <div> <B>A little milk </B></div> <div> <B>Any add ins you might like:</B> <B>cheese, ham, onions, you get the idea</B></div> <div> <B>A Zip-Loc large freezer bag </B></div> <div> <B>Pita Bread (optional) </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Preparation:</B> </div> <div> <B>Bring a pan of water to boil Each person puts 1-2 eggs in a bag and adds a little milk. They can</B> <B>then add any other items they like that you have. Squeeze the stuff in the bag to mix it. BE SURE</B> <B>IT IS CLOSED TIGHTLY!!!!!!! Place bags in boiling water and cook until done, about 3-5 minutes. Instant omelet you can eat right from the bag, or put in a pita bread for a breakfast</B> <B>sandwich. The best part... NO PAN TO CLEAN!</B> </div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Gas Grill Jambalaya</U></B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800006600.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">3 lb chicken pieces</B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800006600.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">3 lb sweet sausages </B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800006600.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">2 lb potatoes, washed and cubed </B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800006600.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">4 green peppers, seeds removed and cut up </B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800006600.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">4 onions, cut up </B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800006600.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">1/4 cup vegetable oil </B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800006600.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">salt and pepper to taste </B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800006600.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Cajun type spice mix, if desired</B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800006600.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Tobasco sauce to taste</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Preparation: </B></div> <div> <B>Combine first five ingredients in a large foil roasting pan. Drizzle oil on top and toss together until coated. Add Tobasco and spices, then toss again. Cover with heavy duty aluminum foil and place on a preheated grill or campfire grate (over hot coals, not flames). Cook for approx 50 - 60 minutes, stirring mixture several times. Check meat for doneness.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B><U>Bread on a Stick</U></B><B> </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Thaw some frozen bread dough (you can also make your own dough). Cut off some strips and roll into</B> <B>elongated segments 10-12 inches long. Cut a green stick, fairly stout; wrap the bread in a corkscrew</B> <B>fashion around one end, pinching the dough against the stick tightly so it'll stay in place. Cook over coals</B> <B>in your firepit. Cook slowly and evenly so the bread doesn't burn and gets cooked thoroughly. You may</B> <B>brush with butter and garlic if desired.</B> </div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Dogs in Sleeping Bags</U></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Ingredients: </B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800006600.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">6 large-size wieners </B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800006600.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">1 package (small loaf size) bread dough </B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800006600.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">3 slices of cheese</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Preparation: </B></div> <div> <B>Pinch off a ball of bread dough about the size of a small apple and flatten inside a folded sheet of aluminum foil until it is longer than the wiener and approximately 6 times as wide. It helps if you coat the ball with a little margarine first. </B></div> <div> <B>Place a wiener at one edge and add half a slice of cheese. Roll up and pinch ends together. Place on a greased pan. In the coals of your morning fire (or even last night's, as long as you still have hot coals) place 3 or 4 stones so that your pan will be supported about 4 inches above the coals, and put the pan on the stones. </B></div> <div> <B>Take a piece of foil (the wide, heavy duty kind works best) long enough to form into a cylinder that will fit over the pan and the stones, and close the top end. This is your oven. After about half an hour to 45 minutes, your cheesy Dogs in Sleeping Bags will be ready.</B></div> <div> <B>You can dip then in condiments on your plate as you dine.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Gas Grill Pizza</U></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>1.5 pounds pizza dough </B></div> <div> <B>16 ounces pizza sauce </B></div> <div> <B>1 pound shredded mozzarella </B></div> <div> <B>olive oil </B></div> <div> <B>parmesan cheese </B></div> <div> <B>4 cloves garlic </B></div> <div> <B>1 onion </B></div> <div> <B>1 green pepper </B></div> <div> <B>black olives </B></div> <div> <B>pepperoni </B></div> <div> <B>mushrooms</B></div> <div> <B>sausage</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Preparation: </B></div> <div> <B>Chop vegetables and saute in a skillet. We used a grill skillet with holes in it to grill the vegetables. Divide dough to make three 8-inch round pizzas. Coat both sides of dough with olive oil and place on the grill. When that side is done flip over and add toppings and cheese. You can really put any kind of toppings you like. The pizza is done when the cheese is melted.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Sausage Gravy</U></B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800006600.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">1 pound pork sausage </B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800006600.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">2 tablespoons flour </B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800006600.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">2 cups milk </B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800006600.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">salt and pepper, to taste </B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800006600.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">12 biscuits</B></div> <div> <B>Preparation: </B></div> <div> <B>Break up sausage into skillet and fry until done. Remove sausage to paper towels or a colander to drain excess grease. Keep about two tablespoons of grease in the skillet and add flour stirring constantly over low heat for about two minutes. Gradually add two cups of milk while continuing to stir. Simmer for a few minutes until the gravy begins to thicken. Add sausage to the gravy and stir slowly over low heat for about two minutes. Split two biscuits in half on a plate and add hot gravy mix. Salt and pepper to taste.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><U>Spider Dogs</U></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>hot dogs </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Preparation: </B></div> <div> <B>You'll need a knife and some roasting forks or sticks. Cut the ends of each hot dog into quarters leaving about 1-1/2 to 2 inches in the middle uncut. You want to leave enough uncut to stick the fork in. Roast the dogs over the fire or hot coals in a grill. The "legs" will curl out as the hot dogs cook. You can also do them in the kitchen at home over a hot stove burner.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>2/5/11</B></div> <div> <B>Snow Load Damages Store and Recreation Room</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Winter snow and ice build up along with possible high winds most likely have caused the roof to collapse on the store and recreation room at the Crystal Springs Campground. </B></div> <div> <B>I have spoken with the management, and they assure me that they are on top of the situation, that they are in communication with the insurance carrier, and plan to be open on the regular date. </B></div> <div> <B>We will update this situation as reports are received.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="47920580.jpg" border=0 width="800" height="600" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>Men's room outside. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="47b20580.jpg" border=0 width="800" height="600" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>View in through front door of store.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="47d20c20.jpg" border=0 width="800" height="450" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>From the dance hall.</B></div> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="435" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 126 ><NOBR><div> <IMG SRC="47ed7780.jpg" border=0 width="215" height="120" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <IMG SRC="481d7780.jpg" border=0 width="215" height="120" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 126 ><NOBR><div> <IMG SRC="482d7780.jpg" border=0 width="215" height="120" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <IMG SRC="483d7780.jpg" border=0 width="215" height="120" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 126 ><NOBR><div> <IMG SRC="485d7780.jpg" border=0 width="215" height="120" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <IMG SRC="486d7780.jpg" border=0 width="215" height="120" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="48880e00.jpg" border=0 width="640" height="480" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Rumors of the ghost of Ron Nicholson jumping up and down on the roof are unsubstantiated.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>1/17/11</B></div> <div> <B>The Crystal Springs Campgrounds roll call in heaven just got it's number one name. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>If there ever was a task that I don't want to do, yet am honored to do, this may be it.</B></div> <div> <B>Ron Nicholson, or maybe better known to some as, "Campground Ron" has passed away.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>One of the original owners of Crystal Springs, Ron was loved by all the campground members. He was the 'go to' guy at the campground,and was always available. </B></div> <div> <B>Easy going, he always had a smile and a wave, was willing to listen whether it was a complaint or kudos.  Most often agreeable, but not without a bit of fire once and a while.</B></div> <div> <B>I can see him running his equipment, which he loved to do and was pretty good at, usually with his grandsons or occasionally, with some other kid on board.  </B></div> <div> <B>He loved a good joke, and a cup of coffee, good or bad (I know, because at one time or another, I gave him all three!).</B></div> <div> <B>Who among us has he not helped at some time?  </B></div> <div> <B>How many times have I seen him on his way up to the field or woods to pull out someone who was stuck? </B></div> <div> <B>How many times was he working on a water, sewer or electric line, getting help from people,occasionally asking,but usually without asking? Why? Love and respect. </B></div> <div> <B>He loved the campgrounds, but he loved and respected the people there more.</B></div> <div> <B>It showed in his attitude and zest for life.</B></div> <div> <B>Everyone looked forward to seeing him, every year at camp. Ron will be sadly missed.</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>The free Fall Round Up Dinner was Ron's idea, his way of giving just a little more back to the members. </B></div> <div> <B>This year's round up will be the toughest.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>God bless Ron and his family,</B></div> <div> <B>From all of us in his camp family.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="40c80e00.jpg" border=0 width="640" height="480" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>1/14/11</B></div> <div> <B>The Ancient Mayans Sucked.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>If they were the know all and see all, where the hell are they? You have to remember that the people who are supposed to be so smart literally exterminated themselves by performing human sacrifice! Granted, their mechanical calendar was ingenious, but let's face it, it's just basic observation and record keeping that makes a calendar. I just don't believe they knew when the world would end, because they couldn't predict their own end.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I'll stick to a more modern method of insuring the continuance of life as we know it. My credit card doesn't expire until 2013. If Citibank thinks we'll be here, who am I to question?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The folks who embrace the Mayan prophecy, usually believe in other "New Age" beliefs. One of the basic belief systems of these folks is about to turn their world over.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>They (whoever the 'they' are that make these decisions) are adding a new zodiac sign. Ophiuchus (pronounced ophiuchus). Maybe they should call it Oh Phuc Us, because it will add to the already ridiculous worry over the end of the world on 12/20/2012. You see, Ophiuchus will be the last full Zodiac period before the Mayan Melt Down, although it will still allegedly occur in Sagittarius. I'm sure the new-agers are glad about that.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So if you have been a water sign all your life, and you get changed to an earth sign, will you be muddy? If you are a fire sign, and change to water, will you be steamed?</B></div> <div> <B>What about your personality? If you have all the traits of your given sign, what happens if it changes? Will the normally stable become lunatics? Will the people with good work ethics, quit their jobs, sell their homes and move in to tiki huts? Will dogs sleep with cats? Birds fly backwards?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The old zodiac:</B></div> <div> <B>ARIES = MARCH 21 - APRIL 19</B></div> <div> <B>TAURUS = APRIL 20 - MAY 20</B></div> <div> <B>GEMINI = MAY 21 - JUNE 20</B></div> <div> <B>CANCER = JUNE 21 - JULY 22</B></div> <div> <B>LEO = JULY 23 - AUGUST 22</B></div> <div> <B>VIRGO = AUGUST 23 - SEPTEMBER 22</B></div> <div> <B>LIBRA = SEPTEMBER 23 - OCTOBER 22</B></div> <div> <B>SCORPIO = OCTOBER 23 - NOVEMBER 21</B></div> <div> <B>SAGITTARIUS = NOVEMBER 22 - DECEMBER 21 </B></div> <div> <B>CAPRICORN = DECEMBER 22 - JANUARY 19</B></div> <div> <B>AQUARIUS = JANUARY 20 - FEBRUARY 18</B></div> <div> <B>PISCES = FEBRUARY 19 - MARCH 20</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The new zodiac:</B></div> <div> <B>ARIES = APRIL 19 - MAY 13</B></div> <div> <B>TAURUS = MAY 14 - JUNE 19</B></div> <div> <B>GEMINI = JUNE 20 - JULY 20</B></div> <div> <B>CANCER = JULY 21 - AUG 9</B></div> <div> <B>LEO = AUGUST 10 - SEPTEMBER 15</B></div> <div> <B>VIRGO = SEPTEMBER 16 - OCTOBER 30</B></div> <div> <B>LIBRA = OCTOBER 31 - NOVEMBER 22</B></div> <div> <B>SCORPIO = NOVEMBER 23 - NOVEMBER 29</B></div> <div> <B>OPHIUCHUS = NOVEMBER 30 - DECEMBER 17</B></div> <div> <B>SAGITTARIUS = DECEMBER 18 - JANUARY 18</B></div> <div> <B>CAPRICORN = JANUARY 19 - FEBRUARY 15</B></div> <div> <B>AQUARIUS = FEBRUARY 16 - MARCH 11</B></div> <div> <B>PISCES = MARCH 12 - APRIL 18</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B> <object width="640" height="390"><param name="movie" value="https://www.youtube.com/v/KaQ9z3CWVug&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&version=3"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="https://www.youtube.com/v/KaQ9z3CWVug&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&version=3" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="640" height="390"></embed></object>  </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>1/9/11</B></div> <div> <B>Winter Dinner</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Another annual Winter Dinner is on the books, this time with 50 campers on hand (A record number!). It's good to get together and catch up with friends, plus, in a few cases, make new friends.</B></div> <div> <B>The food at the Willows was, as always, outstanding! After dinner several of us adjourned to the bar, ruining Tony the bartender's easy night of watching the football game and eating potato chips. The bar room there is a bit small, and we filled 75% of it. One thing for sure, tip wise, he would have had a $2.00 night before we got there!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Then again, Tony the bartender may be working a little program on the side. He did try to pimp the bus boy and a bucket of ice to Kathy. I won't even guess what the intended outcome was. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>About a dozen of the gang who migrated some distance to be there, got rooms and spent the night. A wise decision, and it allowed them to get their party on. </B></div> <div> <B>And not to worry, our own Marcus (The Exterminator) was doing bed bug inspections, and declared the area secure. I didn't know that a bed bug inspection also required a strip search. Safety first, I guess.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Bob wasn't worried abut any bed bugs. He slept half the night in a window sill. </B></div> <div> <B>Outside. </B></div> <div> <B>Not to worry,he did get rescued and tucked in before hypothermia kicked in.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Janelle was worried about two way mirrors in the rooms, so I showed her how to check the mirror. If you put your finger against the mirror, a real mirror will show a gap between your finger and it's reflection. In a two way mirror, that gap does not appear. </B></div> <div> <B>(Don't even ask me how I know that.) </B></div> <div> <B>She also mentioned going across the street. There is nothing over there, but a Baptist church and the river. I couldn't visualize her going in either place. </B></div> <div> <B>At any rate, she did come back dry.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Sunday morning brought about a hopefully new tradition, the Survivors Breakfast Buffet. It was fun watching the campers pretending to be conscious when the church crowd came in, and the church crowd pretending not to be appalled by the recuperating campers! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I did admire the ability of the gang to refrain from building a fire in the parking lot, and mudbogging the back yard. </B></div> <div> <B>The no fire thing was the toughest, because Marcus kept saying, "I have wood!" </B></div> <div> <B>I'm telling you, when he said that, all the campers eyes lit up, not to mention those of Tony the bartender! </B></div> <div> <B>(Have another drink, ya big stud! Now you know why he was trying to get Michelle drunk!)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Yes, ladies and gentlemen, even Ghost the Wonder Dog and the Roaming Gnome showed up! </B></div> <div> <B>(You realize, of course, that if you weren't there, a dog and an inanimate object have a better social life then you do.)</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4742ce10.jpg" border=0 width="300" height="225" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">     <IMG SRC="4762c140.jpg" border=0 width="300" height="276" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>1/1/11</B></div> <div> <B>Happy New Year!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Now is the accepted time to make your regular, annual, good resolutions.</B><FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#660066" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>Next week you can begin paving hell with them, as usual.  ~Mark Twain</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Oh, well, for the Pens...better stay in doors.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Next week-Winter Dinner! Be there, or be square! </B></div> <div> <B>It looks like there are quite a few folks getting rooms, with lots of plans being made. I hope everyone has a good time, but when the campers get together, a good time usually is the result. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The winter dinner was started by me in (I think 1999) to sort of repay my closest friends who kept me fed at camp, me being single and sort of the camp stray dog. It used to be strictly my treat. In fact one year, I was on the road and couldn't attend, so I just gave John & Deb my credit card. I was presented a nice picture of everyone there, so I can enjoy that dinner over and over. </B></div> <div> <B>As the crowd grew larger, it exceeded the size of my wallet, but everyone enjoyed the fellowship, so we went to the Dutch treat format and kept it going. Credit should also go to John and Deb, maybe more then to me, as they picked up the task of getting reservations, and before the days of the Internet, made calls to invite everyone. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The Willows, for those not from the Beaver Valley area, is known for it's good food. When we first bandied about the idea of the dinner, it just seemed the logical choice. The food is good, the location was close enough for our regular gang at the time, and of course, it has a bar.</B></div> <div> <B>So far as I know, no one has left there dissatisfied. It has been, in my opinion, a good decision.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I am looking forward to it, and hope you are too!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> 2010</div> <bR> <div> <B>12/20/10</B></div> <div> <B>I guess it's time.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>To start my Christmas shopping, that is. I usually wait a bit longer, but I have decided started to start early this year. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Of course, this year I get a break. My family has decided to give to a charity, instead of buying gifts. The local school has a double anonymous set up to buy gifts for under privileged children. It give you a list with the ages, genders and clothing sizes for the children, you buy the stuff and drop it off at the school, unwrapped. They have volunteers to wrap and distribute the gifts to the proper places. </B></div> <div> <B>I like to support local folks, like they say, charity starts at home. 100% of the donation is spent on the needy, as opposed to sending to a "save the kids" TV appeal, where who knows how much is spent on the TV ads, and film crew travel to the filming locations.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>My friend Chelsea collected cash and gifts for her boy friend and his Army outfit, which is stationed in Afghanistan. A nice job by this fine young lady, for a group of our finest! It was an honor to help! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I also support the USO, which does a lot for our troops, everywhere. They also have a good expense/service ratio, with 75% of the support being spent on services for the troops.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Finally, I also like to support The Salvation Army. When I was an active fire fighter a few years back, I noticed the  Salvation Army was usually the first to respond with victim support, and with assistance to the emergency personnel regardless of the size of the situation. It seemed to me, that the Red Cross only showed up after the TV crews got there.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Now, it may seem that I am blowing my own horn, but I am proud of myself, my family and friends, and of anyone who steps forward in time of need. You know who you are. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>As I sit by my Christmas Tree with nothing really under it but a small nativity scene, I will enjoy the feeling that this probably the best Christmas of my life. I hope that each and everyone of you has the best Christmas, too. </B></div> <div> <B>God Bless!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>12/12/10</B></div> <div> <B>So I'm sitting at home.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It's been a while since I've done any kind of update. With the wintry weather, I been sort of keeping a low profile, staying inside, because the old lungs don't deal with frigid air real well. To fill the hours, I have been watching the "200 channels of nothing on" that makes up TV. </B></div> <div> <B>Note really nothing, though. The Steeler games are good. Catch the news, maybe a little weather channel, Two And A Half Men, Hawaii 50, Seinfeld reruns. Of course, CSI in all forms.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I also find I have an interest in some of the commercial babes. Not really an obsession, just a curiosity. Like Flo, the Progressive girl. Her real name is Stephanie Courtney, she was a stand up comic with some success and also played a telephone operator in the Mad Men series. Call me crazy, I think she's cute. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The Victoria's Secret ads are good, for the obvious reasons. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The latest ads to pique my interest is the Hyundai Christmas carol ads. The girl in the commercial is actually singing for the ad. Her name is Nataly Dawn, and the guy is Jack Conte, and they form the indie rock/jazz group "Pomplamoose". Miss Dawn has a sweet voice and a unique style that is translated into the TV ads. Those who check in with me on facebook may have seen some of her songs that I have posted there, if not, look her up on Youtube or  </B><A HREF="http://www.pomplamoose.com/ " TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.pomplamoose.com/ "><U><B>www.pomplamoose.com</B></U></A><B>  </B></div> <div> <B>There are covers and original songs there, a couple of my favorite covers by Nataly are Earth, Wind & Fire's "September", "My Favorite Things" from The Sound Of Music, and the Chordetes "Mr. Sandman".</B></div> <div> <B>Well worth your time to listen.  </B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B> <object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="https://www.youtube.com/v/xycnv87N_BU?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="https://www.youtube.com/v/xycnv87N_BU?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object>  </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Stepping away from the ads with sexual undertones, I get a chuckle out of all the Geico ads. The one with R. Lee Ermie as a psychologist slays me! The little pig one is funny, too. Geico has been, in my opinion, been leading the way in funny ads, even before the first Gecko ad in 1999. In 2007, Geico spent $751,000,000 in advertising.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Keep warm my friends! I hope I didn't bore you too much!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> </B></div> <bR> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <I><B>WINTER DINNER!</B></I></div> <div> <B>Saturday January 8, 2011 4pm till ?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> The WILLOWS INN</B></div> <div> <B>1830 Midland Beaver Road </B></div> <div> <B>(Pa. Route 68)</B></div> <div> <B>Industry, Pa. 15052</B></div> <div> <B>724-643-4500</B></div> <div> <B>www.willowsinnpa.com</B></div> <div> <B>Dutch treat smorgasbord! </B></div> <div> <B>Rooms and Bar available!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> <iframe width="425" height="350" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" src="http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&geocode=&q=Willows+Inn,+Industry,+PA&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=34.999041,56.162109&ie=UTF8&hq=Willows+Inn,&hnear=Industry,+Allegheny,+Pennsylvania&ll=40.652082,-80.399913&spn=0.852648,1.33682&output=embed"></iframe><br /><small><a href="http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=embed&hl=en&geocode=&q=Willows+Inn,+Industry,+PA&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=34.999041,56.162109&ie=UTF8&hq=Willows+Inn,&hnear=Industry,+Allegheny,+Pennsylvania&ll=40.652082,-80.399913&spn=0.852648,1.33682" style="color:#0000FF;text-align:left">View Larger Map</a></small>  </B></div> <div> <B>Any questions? Contact: crystalspringseye@gmail.com</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>11/24/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Happy Thanksgiving Eve!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You know what I learned today? Thanksgiving Eve is like "Black Friday" for bars! The folks visiting their family arrive early, kids home from school, folks tired of cooking or the kitchen tied up with Thanksgiving stuff, add one or all of those to a day off tomorrow and you get a trip to the pub! Makes sense to me.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I was once accosted by an animal rights/vegan communist about Thanksgiving. He asked, "How could anyone justify the sacrificial slaughter of innocent turkeys, just to pay homage to a pagan tradition?" </B></div> <div> <B>Simple, my bleeding heart friend. Chickens aren't big enough, ergo, turkeys must die. </B></div> <div> <B>He said "You know that's murder."</B></div> <div> <B>No, murder is listening to whine about it, while having to smell your tofu and humus breath.</B></div> <div> <B>But, hey, to each his own. I hope the next time he swims with the dolphins, he gets the chance to explain his belief system to the sharks.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Besides, we got his share anyway. We will be roasting 48 (yes, forty eight) pounds of murdered turkey down here. We like lots of leftovers.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>No matter what your menu for the day, just remember to give thanks to God that you were able to gather with loved ones, give thanks for being free to argue over murdered turkeys, and as always, ask God to bless our police, EMTs, fire fighters,and troops where ever they serve.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>And if you must eat tofu, at least shape it like a turkey.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>11/14/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Horsing around.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Friday night brought me to the Hopewell Lady Vikings Basketball Team's 'A Night At The Races' fund raiser. Like most events around here, you'll always find the odd camper or two in the crowd. In this crowd, there were 8 seasonal and 1 visiting camper. (They were all a bit odd.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I noticed that the folks get excited and shout at the video screen, encouraging their horses to run faster. A bit of info, folks. The horse can't tell what you are saying when you are live at the track, let alone when they are a 5 or 6 year old recording. But, if you are at a pretend race, you pretend you are at a real race, where you would pretend that the horse can hear you.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I did my share to add to the realism, too. After the horses that I picked lost, I tore my ticket in half and threw it down with disgust, just like I would at Mountaineer Park. Nobody can pick a looser like me. Of all the races, every horse had a boat anchor, or 4 or 5 anvils tied on their tails. Except for two. Of those two, one actually ran the wrong direction! But he was fast! </B></div> <div> <B>I did manage to pick 1 winner, so I was happy with that.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>For the few who are unfamiliar, the virtual horses are sold to real people before the event, which gives the real people the right to name the virtual horses. Some of these names can be entertaining, if not disturbing.</B></div> <div> <B>There were many normal names, Thunderbolt, Shiloh, Dakota, Penn State Proud, to name a few.</B></div> <div> <B>Some were definitely area favorites, like R U For Serious and Sippy, western Pa. slang at it's best. Those names would get a WT F? from a crowd in Des Moines, Iowa. </B></div> <div> <B>The dark side, as usual, provided the most names. Rather then list the names, I have decided to create a little story using some of the names. The horse names will be in CAPITALS.</B></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>A Sordid Tale.</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <B>CODY took the DAYTON FLYER west, hoping THE BIG TRAIN would take him to a place where he could find himself a GYPSY QUEEN with a HONEY POT that could help him satisfy his ITCHY BALLS.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>When the train pulled away, he saw a CHOCHY BABY waiting on the platform, wearing lots of BLING BLING, and with a SMILEY tattoo on her left breast. It was COLLIN'S LUCK to find this PIG IN THE MORNING, maybe he could stay with this SWINGER through out the HARLYM NIGHT. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>He said "Hello MY BABY, WHAT YA DOIN? You know you got my BLOOD PRESSURE RISING? How would you like to ride on a SNOT ROCKET?"</B></div> <div> <B>She said, "R U FOR SERIOUS? Who are you supposed to be, BIG SEXY LOU?" </B></div> <div> <B>He said, " MR LUCKY is ROCK SOLID for your SASSY ASS!"</B></div> <div> <B>"Ok," she says. "It won't cost MAX A MILLION, but I'm not GI # 1O CHEAP!"</B></div> <div> <B>They went to a joint on MADISON that looked like the bar in CASABLANCA. When they got to her room, she said "SHOW ME THE MONEY", and he gave her all he had, even his LUCKY PENNY.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>She had DEEP THROW IT playing on the tv, and he could hear the music going, 'BOO COO DINKY DOW', as she removed her clothes, showing off her BEAR ASS and SIX PACK ABS. He was hoping this wasn't going to be a QUICKIE.</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>She said, "I'm a CRAZY LADY, and EYE SWALLOW, so PUCKER FUCKER and gimme a kiss!" That was just DUCKY with him. </B></div> <div> <B>He asked, "Can I give you a Nasty SANCHEZ?" </B></div> <div> <B>"ON MY FACE?" she replied, " I DON'T THINK SO!" </B></div> <div> <B>He said, "I'll put JUST A LITTLE PETER IN YA." </B></div> <div> <B>"COME ON NOW, BUD, you're gonna ride me like JOHN WAYNE in a rodeo!"</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>To make a long story short, BUSTED BEN came home slow as MOSES, with a bad case of DRAG-N-BALLS, and THE PISTON looked like a SNICKERS bar. </B></div> <div> <B>It turns out DOROTHY'S ROSE was kind of FREAKY REEKY, and DOBEY had a dose of the THORNBERRY.</B></div> <div> <B>  </B></div> <div> <B>"I should have known." He said. "She told me,'Nobody MASTER BATES when I'm done!', THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. Now my WOMBAT feels like it was struck with a THUNDERBOLT!"</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The moral of the story: If you're going to get LUCKY, MR. CASANOVA, make sure you buy a rain coat for ACTION JACKSON.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>And, don't tell your  BUDDY, because RAY TALKS A LOT!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>11/3/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Let's hope...</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>That you were all good patriotic Americans and went to the polls yesterday, to engage in the singularly most important thing that you can do in a free society. </B></div> <div> <B>If you didn't vote, well, don't bitch if you don't like how things are being done.</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>If you didn't vote, look around. Do you sometimes see people who look like they can't tie their own shoes, or spell the word "cat"? They may have voted. If you didn't vote, then the idiot's vote wasn't neutralized by you, so he is running our country!</B></div> <div> <B>Thanks. (Don't look at me, I was canceling a liberal's vote.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I wonder how many dead people turned in absentee ballots this time? You know, dead people voting is a time honored traditional methodology used by voter frauds since voting first started. One thing for sure, the dead, without a doubt, are away from the country on election day, and that is one of the main criteria for using an absentee ballot. It almost lends voter fraud an air of legitimacy!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>From my point of view, the election went well. All the people I voted for, won. I believe that I made the right choices, just like the folks who made the wrong choices believe that they made the right choices. One thing about voting, your point of view is always right, as far as you are concerned. It's a free chance to feel superior, if nothing else.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>If you didn't vote, register and start voting.</B></div> <div> <B>It's a big country and a good country.</B></div> <div> <B>Help me run it!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/26/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Some of you may be jealous.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The rest will probably just wonder w.t.f.?</B></div> <div> <B>You know, after a full summer of doing this you'd think I'd give it a rest. But noooo, not me. Ever forward. Well, as long as I can go forward, anyway. </B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="45baa400.jpg" border=0 width="426" height="320" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>You know, I went up the hill through this mess, no problem.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="45caa400.jpg" border=0 width="426" height="320" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>I should have taken a picture of the surroundings.</B></div> <div> <B>One step back for me here and it's 100 feet to the bottom!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="45eaa400.jpg" border=0 width="426" height="320" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>So, I had to hike out of the woods and come back with a </B></div> <div> <B>rescue vehicle and the trusty come~a~long!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="45faa400.jpg" border=0 width="426" height="320" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>Out of the mud safe and sound! </B></div> <div> <B>The eagle fly's again!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="461ab400.jpg" border=0 width="427" height="320" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>Yuck! Muck! I knew it was there, too! </B></div> <div> <B>I may have to put a pipe across the </B></div> <div> <B>trail where this spring is.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So, what creative things are you doing with all the political flyers that come in your mail?</B></div> <div> <B>Paper air planes? Origami? Camp fire kindle?</B></div> <div> <B>Is it insane, or what? I've pretty much known how I'm going to vote for the last couple of months. It wouldn't be so bad, but each politician sends 1 to every registered voter at the address (4 in our case). On top of that, they come from the same politicians, week after week! </B></div> <div> <B>By the way, if you call, leave a message, because rest assured, all calls go to the answering machine! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The calls I like are the candidate's wives. I answer those!</B></div> <div> <B>"So, Mrs. Partihac, you would like my support for your hubby, Senator Partihac? How about you earn it! You wanna meet me at the Bottom's Up Bar, down in McKees Rocks? That's my girl, you swing that money maker around and get that vote out baby!"</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>All part of the process, I guess. It still beats having a dictator! So, no matter how burned out on the election you get, be sure to go and vote!  </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/18/2010</B></div> <div> <B>It's done till next year.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The pipes are drained, gas is off, the hatches battened down. It's once again time to turn camp over to the forces of winter. </B></div> <div> <B>I believe I am safe to say that the moth balls under the trailer will drive off the mice and squirrels. In fact, there are so many scattered up there, that it drove off the moose in Saskatchewan! (Not to mention the odd camper or two!)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Last Tuesday, just as a little warning from Mom Nature, the camp got a nighttime hail storm just to give us a little feel for the future. The stones were quarter sized at the largest, and pretty much covered the ground. Chilling. Sort of makes you wonder what you did with your summer wages. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>For those of you who were wondering who took Memory's Cleveland Browns Mug, I have photo proof of the thief, and have found from an excellent source that the miscreant attempted to defile and vandalize the mug by applying Steeler logos to it, but did a poor job of it. Oh, well, better luck next time!</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="454aa400.jpg" border=0 width="426" height="320" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>While snapping the photo evidence, the situation turned to a photo-op; as the Summer's leading statuette turned over the campgrounds to the Winter Security Manager:</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="457ab400.jpg" border=0 width="427" height="320" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The Winter Security Manager will keep watch over the campgrounds, using my site as a base of operations. If you are at the campgrounds this winter, do not, for your own good, try to kick him over, and please do not allow your dogs to turn him yellow.</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="459ab400.jpg" border=0 width="427" height="320" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/10/2010</B></div> <div> <B>I'm the dog who gets beat...</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>No, I'm not quoting lyrics. </B></div> <div> <B>Saturday night, I sit peacefully at my picnic table, enjoying a campfire. Others around the fire move chairs around in order to crank up others who have left the fire, and are soon to return. They take a chair from my humble deck, and hide the chair that the missing future aggravated assaulter was sitting in.</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>Now I realize that my unprepossessing little orange chair is not the most comfortable thing to sit upon,certainly not a queen's throne by any stretch of the imagination, but it is strong enough to hold me and has served me well, for lo these many years.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>When our wayfaring firebrand returns, she spy's my little orange friend, patiently waiting to do it's best to keep her butt above the ground, she becomes a bit upset. (Just a bit mind you!) She immediately grabs my hat off of my head, and beats me severely with it, about the head and shoulders. (MY head and shoulders, not the shampoo.) Then, she finds out that I am innocent, grabs my hat and assaults the guilty party.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>After the carnage, my poor little chair is relegated to the lowly job of being a table. If you think that's not an insult, the next time you are planning on cradling a nice, tender bottom, imagine what it would be like to find out you are going to be instead, standing all night with a beer can on your head.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Anyway it all fits. When we sit around a campfire, we tend to discuss world issues, or do something to educate ourselves. In this instance, we have proven the old adage, that you can, in fact, add insult to injury.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I am at camp as I write this, and you know, I already miss the people who have left for the season. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>We have a tentative date for the annual Winter Dinner at the </B><A HREF="http://www.willowsinnpa.com/index.html" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.willowsinnpa.com/index.html"><U><B>Willows Inn</B></U></A><B> in Industry, Pa. Pencil in the first Saturday after New Years Day, and watch here or on the facebook group </B><A HREF="http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=79340116428" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=79"><U><B>Crystal Springs Campground</B></U></A><B> for more info and the confirmed date. For those who haven't been there, it is a motel with a full buffet of great food, very reasonably priced, with adult beverages and a bar. Everybody pays their own way, and we do get a private dining room. It is a good time, and it's always great to see everyone in the off season!</B></div> <div> <B>Just be there!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/3/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Water sports, anyone?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Who needs a pool when your favorite water sport is bocce in a rain storm? Once again, tradition is carried on with the 3rd Annual Bocce Tournament, which was, coincidentally, also the 2nd Annual Underwater Bocce Tournament and Public Bath! </B></div> <div> <B>And, as predicted, team Oh My, consisting of our Co-Host Lee, Kristine and her hubby Tom, myself and my trainer, Jack Daniels, were once again the champions!</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>The second place team was Crystal's Blue Persuasion, with Crystal and hubby Steve, Smitty, and to keep those folks in line, Mom Smith. Everyone had a great time, and the vittles at the pot luck dinner were outstanding! There was also a 50/50, basket of cheer, and a Chinese-oh, excuse me, we must be politically correct- an </B><I><B>Asian </B></I><B>auction. </B></div> <div> <B>Thanks to all who helped out, donated, and played. A special thanks to Lee & Ruth and Linda and the Peanuts crew, who not only set up everything, but also pay the lot rent for the court area!</B></div> <div> <B>Lee would also like to thank all who donate their empty beer cans, which are recycled to help cover the extra lot rent. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Wanting to party department.</B></div> <div> <B>After the bocce wound down, I took a ride up on Chipmunk Hill, and found the Mud Runner crew with a nice fire in the ring, and a couple of tarps strung up to defeat the weather as the enjoyed a little adult beverage and communed with nature. Now that's wanting to party!</B></div> <div> <B>For my listening pleasure,town (or woods, I suppose) crier Rocky shouted out a time and "All's Well" announcement while I was there. I love his style, called not on the hour, but on the whim. Few times in life do we get to exercise the simple freedom of acting on a whim. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So tell me this: How can you confuse a section of concrete block for a piece of firewood?</B></div> <div> <B>Now I can understand how they could be interchangeable as a tire chalk, or a paper weight, or maybe even as some kind of a modern art work. But let's face it, none of these uses would include throwing it into a campfire. Wait, I stand corrected. It could be our art aficionado was attempting to create some art work in the style of </B><A HREF="http://www.allposters.com/gallery.asp?startat=/getposter.asp&APNum=96971&CID=aed330e6389e40749e2bdc3d07e61083&search=&f=P&FindID=&P=&PP=&sortby=&cname=&SearchID=" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.allposters.com/gallery.asp?st"><U><B>Salvador Dali</B></U></A><B>. (Click to see example of Dali's work.) </B></div> <div> <B>Or, possibly, in a more Crystal Springs fashion, he was just really drunk. </B></div> <div> <B>I got a report from Smitty, via facebook. He has proven the biblical statement: "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust." The wood turned to ashes and the block turned to dust.</B></div> <div> <B>So in true camper style, I offer this prose:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, </B></div> <div> <B>The fire ring is covered with rust.</B></div> <div> <B>Wood, stone, or concrete, plastic or tin,</B></div> <div> <B>Give it to Smitty, he'll toss it in!</B></div> <div> <B>Hey! Not that bottle! Oh no, not my mug!</B></div> <div> <B>Dial 911! He just tossed in Doug!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Squiggy, where were you when Smitty needed you most?</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>9/27/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Did you ever wonder?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Did you ever wonder, when you see 4 golf carts pull out of a camp site and go weaving down the main entrance road, if they are going to Linesville Sportsman's, Wally's or Country Corners?</B></div> <div> <B>Did you ever wonder how drunk someone is if Stagger D says "He's really staggering!"?</B></div> <div> <B>Did you ever wonder if Kenny really did take a dump in the flower bed?</B></div> <div> <B>Did you ever wonder if folks will ever stop asking Jeff about the 4 extra long rafters?</B></div> <div> <B>Did you ever wonder why Doug and an innocent helper would try to chop down a tree on Sandy?</B></div> <div> <B>Did you ever wonder why it's a sin for the Amish to wear a button to hold their clothes on, but it's ok to pimp their kids to sell their wares in a campground?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I heard that this web page has been referred to as a rumor mill. I like to think that it's not a rumor mill, but a socially enlightening, educational review and comment on the happenings of this campground, it's people, and certain events in the surrounding area. </B></div> <div> <B>I try to stick to facts, but like they say, when the legend is bigger then fact, print the legend.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Take for instance, Wally's. </B></div> <div> <I><B>Roseanne Staab</B></I><B>'s article in the </B><I><B>Community News   </B></I><B>tells of a Conneaut Twp. Supervisor's meeting, and brings up an issue, and I quote:</B></div> <div> <B>"Citizens have indicated that there is a lot of trash and garbage behind the Center Road Action House  and they were wondering what is going on."</B></div> <div> <B>{Ed. note: Their typo, not mine. It's an </B><I><B>auction </B></I><B>house. Quite the Freudian slip, don't you think?} </B></div> <div> <B>"They brought up a rumor that Wally Bolharsky was seen in Linesville recently, passing out invitations to a private party held Sept. 10th and 11th."</B></div> <div> <B>"The windows in the Center Road Action House {They did it again!} were covered up, and someone may have been living there all week and working inside."</B></div> <div> <B>"Obviously Bolharsky did not want anyone to know what activities were going on inside the Auction House, nor was the rumored party open to the public."</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So what I get from this article, the good and just citizens of Conneaut Twp. do not allow curtains, do not like for you to actually live in a building while working on it, will not tolerate private parties that last (God forbid) up to two days, and sin of sins, publicly handing someone an invitation to that party! Right on the streets of Linesville, no less!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>As for the trash and garbage I wonder how many of the upright citizens' property could pass the same inspection?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You have to watch. Some of these locals can go Amish on you in a Pierpont minute!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>9/20/10</B></div> <div> <B>Fall Round Up</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Hard to believe, but summer is winding down, leaving us to wonder where it went.</B></div> <div> <B>One thing to look forward to near season's end, is the Round Up Dinner. As usual, Big John and Debi Cattley cooked up some outstanding roast beef, with all the fixings. It was nice to have a great, free meal, served and sponsored by the campground owners!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Later, at the dance, folks were doing their best to ring out the season with a party, and, it seems they got the job done. One word, or two of advice: Go easy on the alcohol soaked pineapple chunks, because they won't go easy on you! I had one, but I didn't have any Jack Daniel's to chase it with, so it was rough. There was also a new thing there. Booze soaked Gummy Bears. Now, I may be prejudiced, because I don't like the little bastards anyway (Gummy Bears, I mean), but do you think that's a wise thing to do where kids might get a hold of them? Of course, on the other side of the coin, if junior or juniorette are being little snots, what better way to tuck the little heathens into bed? </B></div> <div> <B>"Eat your Gummy Bears, dear."</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Be sure to meet and greet the new seasonal campers, Pam and Sean, who have taken the lot directly in front of the Red Bull. What a way to get a feel for a new campground, right outside the dance hall with a drunken fiasco going full swing. But hey, they didn't run back out of the campground screaming! They are really nice folks, and did go to the dance, which is a major step on your first night here. It shows they have character, or are characters, either way, they should be a good fit.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>In case you were wondering what all the little red flags around the campground were, there were  not part of the boundary dispute. They were markers for the various games that we arranged for the Golf Cart Wack Pack's Golf Cart Rodeo. There were four games that tested the driving skills, deductive reasoning, vocabulary, trustworthiness and communication skills of the G.C.W.P.</B></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>DO NOT ATTEMPT THESE STUNTS ON A PUBLIC HIGHWAY! </B></I><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B> (Edger Schnieder said I had to post this.)</B></FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B>The first game was the Scavenger Hunt/Word Jumble. The G.C.W.P. had to reason out physical locations from vague clues, gather papers marked with letters at the locations, and form a specific three word phrase from those letters, all the while attempting to match a preset total time on the stop watch. This event was won by Heather and her crew.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Next came the Slow Race. The G.C.W.P. had to drag race on a set straight line course, but the winner was the slowest cart. The wheels of the cart were not allowed to stop. Frank won that race by using ingenuity and good driving skills, although there were some protests from loosing drivers. </B></div> <div> <B>I admire your competitive spirit, but when the wheels stop, the wheels stop. Let's face it, we are competing for a $1.00 kids puzzle from Family Dollar Store. If it's that important, I'll buy you one!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The Tortoise must be followed by the Hare. That means the Barrel Race was next. Now, those of you who have seen actual barrel race at a real rodeo know that the horse and rider run a clover leaf pattern around 3 barrels, competing for the lowest elapsed time. The G.C.W.P. had to use the same cloverleaf pattern, but while pushing a barrel around 3 trees. You are not allowed to back up in this competition, so if you get the barrel in a position where you can't maneuver it without backing up, you are disqualified. To any one who hasn't saw this spectacle, or tried it, but thinks it's easy: the barrel is always at my trailer, and you're welcome to give it a go. The winner was Frank, but I will give Jessi an honorable mention, as had she not had to back up at one point, her time was on track to be a winner.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The grand finale of the event was the Blind Fold Race. (There are three words you never thought you'd see in the same sentence.) The driver is blind folded, and must drive a circuitous route around the field, pull into a marked area, do a three point turn and return to start/finish by the same route. He is given guidance and instructions by his (usually) well sighted passenger. Good communication by the passenger and  complete trust by the driver are what brought Jay and Kathy G. over the finish line with the lowest elapsed time. One thing we have learned. When told to turn right, do not continue to turn left. Oh, eventually, you'll point in the same direction, but it plays hell with your elapsed time. We also learned that pointing in the direction you wish to go, makes absolutely no impression on a blind folded driver. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The events all accrued points, which determined that Frank was the grand prize winner.</B></div> <div> <B>He received a custom embroidered 9/11 Memorial Auto Window Flag.</B></div> <div> <B>I would like to thank all who helped out, all who participated, and a special thank you for Lee, who borrowed traffic cones for us to use.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Be sure to attend The Annual Autumn Bocce Tournament and Pot Luck Dinner at Peanut's Playground (next to the dance hall) on Saturday, October 2. Be sure to see Lee to get your team entered. Play begins at 6:00 P.M. </B><I><B>SHARP!  </B></I><B>Bring a covered dish for the Pot Luck Dinner!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Bocce practice will be held on the evening of Saturday, September 25.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>9/13/10</B></div> <div> <B>Eating at the nut house?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>That's what Special Ed thinks.  Forest View sounds like the name of a secluded sanitarium up in Vermont or someplace, not a restaurant outside of Linesville. He told Critter, Jeffery Neffery and Bryan that, when they were headed there Saturday afternoon. Ed can be silly at times. But, come to think of it, put Critter, Jeffery Neffry and Bryan in there, and I suppose you do have an insane asylum. He may be spot on, on this one!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Speaking of Jeffs, I want to tell you, Trish's friend Jeff is the perfect host. I was visiting on their newly roofed porch, and he watched as Trish gave me a peace right there on the table! The end result of 10 years of flirting, pandering and begging has finally paid off! All that, and coffee to boot! Don't get all worked up, I said peace, not piece. You'll just have to guess what I mean. (It was good, God almighty, it was good!)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>What ever you do, don't ask Colby what he thinks of your new truck, right Doug? He is a dog with strong opinions. Come to think of it, don't ask him about that new camper when it gets here, either! (By the way, I hereby retract any offer I have made for the truck.)</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>9/8/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Running late.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Once again I can only apologize for a late entry, and offer a lame excuse. I wrote a really great update, and left it on my laptop at camp! I usually email a copy home, so that I can update from here, in case I forget to update while at camp. </B></div> <div> <B>Do you think I can remember the contents? Hell, no. Do I know what I had for lunch today? Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. A Grilled Chicken Portabella Salad at Eat-N-Park. So my mind is not clear gone, just sort of packing it's bags.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I know I commented on the irony of Labor Day. (Or would it be more like a diametrical duality? No, irony is more accurate.) That is, the irony that we celebrate the labor and hard work of the average American, by spending a day goofing off. I think there was reference about a Labor Day not working in a Socialist/Communist state, right about here.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>Gee! Humor, irony, and socio-political commentary, all in one spot! </B></div> <div> <B>Boy are you folks lucky! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So how much did you spend at the auction? I got off light this year. One thing's for sure, I always buy a pepperoni stick, so I can engage in juvenile penile humor. I wasn't the only one, either! There were more then enough erect pepperonis flailing about! If Bob ever sells anything that looks like boobs, the place will fall apart!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Speaking of falling apart, the toilets....ah well, what's the use?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I did not attend the dance. I was hiding in the woods, listening to the dogs howl. Now, I'm not commenting on the quality or ability of the band, with that statement. I am neither a musician nor a professional critic, and I could be way off.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>But you can't fool those dogs.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Speaking of man's best friend, Doug and D.J.'s beloved Beto has passed away. He was a cool dog with a great disposition. I liked him, a lot, and I know I'll miss seeing him. I offer my condolences to his human family, and share their sadness.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You know, maybe that was what the howling was all about.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>8/30/2010</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>Who stole August?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I can't believe it's over already! I think it flew by, because there was so much going on and so many places to be. </B></div> <div> <B>Ron T. tells me he was at so many pig roasts, he feels guilty when he orders bacon!</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>With all the activities, there is bound to be "social overlap". As a co-host to one event and an invitee to many others, I know I was not insulted by folks who opted not to attend my function. They are my friends, that's why they were invited in the first place. No matter what a person attends, or doesn't attend, that shouldn't change.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Speaking of events, what a Halloween Party there was! I am always amazed at the ingenious costumes that campers come up with for this event. The prize winner was Ed and Ruth Ann as an Amish couple, complete with uh..."genetically impaired" children. (They are not allowed to be retarded any more.) Thanks to Heather, Joe, and all who helped. </B></div> <div> <B>A special thanks to Jon and Kathy who stepped to the stage when our normal DJ, Smitty, was forced to go to work that day. Tsk, tsk.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B>I understand that one must keep the wolves away from the door. Do you think maybe one could scare them away with loud music? </B></div> <div> <B>That's ok Smitty. There are 3 sections on the 24" gauge, and you have measured up. (If you don't know what that means, trust me, it's good.) I'll bet you'll still have the DJ job next year!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Pray for rain department:</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>Trish had her guy Jeff, with help from Terry, (and, of course, quality consulting by yours truly) finally build the roof on her deck! What a wonderful sight! Now that it's all done...</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>mini-drought! No rain in site for days, even weeks! I even had my bike out, and still no help. We'll have to wait awhile to see if it leaks. (The roof, I mean.We know the bike leaks.) Keep your fingers crossed Trish, there's a hurricane cranking up out in the Atlantic!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A special note to Doug: My Harley, my Jeep, a case of water bottles for Colby, and 6 months of admission fees to Wally's - final offer! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You know, I have been thinking all week about the big question from the ladies, that I was asked last week. (See 8/22) As much as I am a man, wise in the ways of the world, I looked deep into my soul, in search of an answer to this perplexing question. The only thing that I can come up with, is that I cannot give a truly well balanced, well thought, stable answer to the question. Given the actual situation of my sex life, I can only say, that I would be so happy I was getting layed, she could recite the Code of Hammurabi, and I wouldn't care!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>8/22/2010</B></div> <div> <B>More then just a party....</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Wrestling matches too? Sounds like it's true. Now, I'm working off of hear say and gossip, but you've probably already heard it, anyway. So, in the interest of brevity, let us just sum it up and comment. A tenter's dog, runs loose, repeatedly,(in violation of the rules) and a seasonal camper seeks to keep the fleabag away from his LEASHED (per the rules) dog, only to be wrongly accused of kicking said mutt and being physically assaulted by the drunken asshole tenter. </B></div> <div> <B>Disciplinary action: None. </B></div> <div> <B>Comments by management: "Well, you only rolled around a little."</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I don't know about you, but I don't come here to be rolled around by a drunk, unless, of course, it is by mutual consent of an inebriated member of the opposite sex, and in the confines of someone's trailer.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I'm glad I didn't see it. I'd imagine there will be a $25 entertainment fee for the viewers.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Karma, in it's ironic way, punishes the usurper. The drunken asshole tenter broke his ankle, later, in a drunken incident unrelated to his senseless, illegal attack. God gets them all in the end.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>So what's the deal on the extra $50 a month for "staying here all the time"? I hear that someone was charged the $50 for being here 10 days in a row. No wonder summer seems to be flying by! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Dr. Phil doesn't have shit on me. I was invited to a group meeting of ladies for a discussion and Q&A on pillow talk. The premise was that the husband wanted the wife to "talk dirty to him" during sex. I contend, that the answer would vary man to man, and the subject would best discussed with hubby before hand (sic) in a non-sexual situation.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I was asked to give what I thought were good generic statements that would do in the situation. Some of my favorites: "Take it out, it's too big!", "Darling, I love you so much, that I picked up this bisexual college girl, and brought her to bed with us!", "I love to give you oral sex!" and "Take me! Use me! Treat me like the dirty girl that I am!"</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>These are universally sexually stimulating for most men, yet not really dirty. </B></div> <div> <B>The most vile, evil, disgusting, chilling think that a sexually rampant women ever uttered in </B></div> <div> <B>my ear:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"When are we getting married?"</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>8/16/2010</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>Pool Party Reports</B></div> <div> <B>So far, only one of my intrepid reporters has sent any information on the pool party, but word is, I missed a good one. The best Rock Star Impersonators were:</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>First Place: Smitty as Ted Nugent</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>Second Place: Kenny as Jimi Hendrix</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>Third Place: Brenda as Lady GaGa</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>Fourth Place: Michelle as J-Lo (We're not sure on J-Lo's impersonator's real name, could anyone help us with confirmation?)(Tsk,Tsk. I may have to discipline my reporter!)</B></div> <div> <B>I have a few pictures, which I will post. If anyone has any they want to post, you can upload them on our website Photo page, or send them to me.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>Hope everyone had a good time!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I would also like to say congratulations to Tim Shaffer and CH Motorsports for winning the 50th Anniversary Knoxville Nationals Sprint Car Race! Tim is a friend of many of the Beaver Valley area campers, and is running in the All Star Circuit of Champions and in selected World of Outlaws races.</B></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="http://www.timshaffer.com" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.timshaffer.com"><U><B>www.timshaffer.com</B></U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>8/10/2010</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>Snot my fault.</B></div> <div> <B>Ok, so the update is running late. Duties at home kept me away from camp last weekend, and will keep me away this weekend, therefore, I have nothing to comment on.</B></div> <div> <B>I have decided to post a simple do it yourself update, as you all know what you did and didn't do at camp, and can fill it in as needed.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Please select the best ending for these sentences:</B></div> <div> <B>1. This weekend I did things that -</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>a. made me proud of myself.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>b. made me ashamed of myself.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>c. were forgotten because I was drunk.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>2. The first thing I did when I got to camp was - </B></div> <div> <B>a. help my neighbor do his lawn work.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>b. used Round Up to write obscenities in my neighbors grass.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>c. got drunk with my neighbor.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>3. On Sunday morning -</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>a. I got up early and went to church.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>b. I stayed at Wally's so late, I saw people going to church while on my way home.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>c. I got drunk, went to church, and thought I was at Wally's.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>4. Just to show the quality of camper that I am - </B></div> <div> <B>a. I swept the dance hall so it would be nice for the pool party.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>b. I went mud bogging in some schmuck's golf cart while he was sweeping the dance hall.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>c. I got drunk and crashed my golf cart into the dance hall.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>5. In the evening -</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>a. I enjoyed a romantic interlude with my beloved, watching the sun set over the pond.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>b. I watched through the bedroom window as a couple had a romantic interlude.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>c. I got drunk and had a romantic interlude with a State Trooper's K-9 dog.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>6. While in Linesville -</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>a. I attended a Chamber of Commerce meeting and was named "Best Seasonal Resident in the Pymatuning Area."</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>b. I was arraigned before the District Magistrate for prowling and lewd behavior.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>c. I got drunk at The Spillway Bar and threw up in the fish hatchery</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>There you have it! I'll see you as soon as possible!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>8/2/2010</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>Something's burning!</B></div> <div> <B>Exclusive photo!</B></div> <div> <B>The conspiracy theories are a flying, with "Disgruntled Tenters" being the odds on favorite. First runner up is "Radical Muslim Terrorists", closely followed by "Alien Heat Ray" and "Divine Intervention".</B></div> <div> <B>The area is now taped off, in order to preserve the crime scene for C.S.I. (Chester Seen It)., or possibly N.C.I.S. (Nobody Cares, It's Stupid). </B></div> <div> <B>And it is stupid. If someone did it on purpose and they get caught, they are possibly looking at Arson (1st degree felony), Reckless burning or exploding (3rd degree felony), Risking a catastrophe (3rd degree felony), and Criminal Mischief (3rd degree felony). </B></div> <div> <B>10 to 20 years in prison, maybe?</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>If any firefighter happens to die while en route to, or during the response to an arson call (Luckily, this didn't happen.), then the arsonist could face Second Degree Murder charges, which has a life imprisonment with no parole penalty.</B></div> <div> <B>By God, they'll have shown us, won't they? </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>7/25/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Beautiful Wedding Bells (Not Mine!)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I went to a friend's wedding reception last night. You know, there has always been a time honored system to a reception. I find, to my shock and chagrin, that it has been trending toward change in the last couple of years. What I speak of is the cutting of the beautiful wedding cake. Is not the beautiful wedding cake supposed to be the dessert? So why, in the name of all that's holy, do you delay dinner, to cut the beautiful wedding cake first? Shouldn't you wait until later in the evening, so that the cutters and the observers have had enough libation to truly enjoy seeing people get beautiful wedding cake smashed into their beautiful faces? (Another new tradition that I don't care for, unless it's the Three Stooges.) What can be more entertaining then drunk people with cutting instruments? If the beautiful wedding cake smash is planned (and you know they are pre-planned if they happen), why would you do it first, and then look like a sloppy imbecile in all the pictures taken afterwards?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The beautiful wedding cake, in the symbolism of the reception, represents the groom's over all situation in the beautiful wedding scenario. </B></div> <div> <B>The groom has to suffer through all the beautiful pomp and circumstance of the beautiful wedding ceremony, just so he can get a piece of what he really wants, the beautiful bride. </B></div> <div> <B>The guests should symbolically help to shoulder that burden, by waiting through the traditional reception program in order to get a piece of the beautiful wedding cake. If you place the cutting of the beautiful wedding cake ahead of all the other beautiful wedding  functions, just what does that symbolize about our beautiful bride?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Being perplexed about this issue, I consulted my niece, to get the purview of the younger generation. According to her, the DJs are suggesting the change, as many DJs tend to swerve into wedding planning & consulting. It appears to me that the gayer the DJ, the more planning input you get. (These DJs were as gay as pink locomotives, believe me!) I can only wonder what the logic of the change is. Is their any advantage for the DJ? Or is it just a gays in control thing? Possibly militant gay pay back for the lack of legal gay weddings?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>OK, what ever. It's not my big day, right? It's a party, right? They can let gay DJs run the whole show. What the hell do I care if the bridal dance is the Village People's song </B><I><B>YMCA</B></I><B>? </B></div> <div> <B>Just gimme some fricken chicken! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Not be a complete pain, I will say the food was excellent, and I thoroughly enjoyed seeing people swarming the bar, as this particular father of the groom was buying, and that, they say, can be quite rare!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Like most events, you just can't go without seeing current or former campers. Seated at my table were Gary and Merran, who used to own Jim & Tammy's digs. They have gotten a place in the trendy and horse friendly Tidioute area, a much better fit for their equestrian pursuits. They said to say hi to everyone, so...Hi everyone! </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>7/20/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Withdrawal!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>That's what is starting to set in, oh so soon. On Saturday, John & Deb's party helped as a good showing of campers were there, but the pressure of missing another weekend is beginning to take it's toll. I spent last night sitting by my trash burning barrel, sipping on a bottle of water. It's getting pathetic! At least, I have my old golf cart here. With the Pa. Turnpike having built a couple of nice wetlands here, I can get ate by mosquitoes and find a good mud hole to get stuck in.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Speaking of mud holes, how's the new pool water supply system working out? Any green water yet? Tadpoles? Sea-monkeys?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Don't forget to check our </B><A HREF="http://pub19.bravenet.com/photocenter/album.php?usernum=1571871776" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://pub19.bravenet.com/photocenter/al"><U><B>Photo Page</B></U></A><B>  for fishing tourney pics and on our roaming gnome!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>7/15/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Oops! I'm late!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>That's what happens sometimes, when I decide to lounge around at camp a few extra days. The Internet connection was fading in and out, so it made it rough to do an update from there, but I'm home now, so here we go!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>This was fishing derby weekend at the ole' pond, and all the anglers were out giving it their best effort. </B></div> <div> <B>Among the kids, Dylan caught the biggest fish, winning the competition with a 23" Carp. That not only topped the youngsters, but was the biggest fish over all, as the top adult fishes were a tie between Terry G's Catfish and Critter's Large Mouth Bass at 19.5" each. Good job Dylan!</B></div> <div> <B>Second place was Kaleb, with a 12.5" Bass; Third was Nathaniel with a 12" Bass; The first fish was caught by Jimmy; The most were caught by Joey, with 6 fishes; The youngest boy was Cooper, 3 years old, and the youngest girl was Julianna, 2 years old. They caught 3 fish each! The most unique was Ashton, who landed a turtle!</B></div> <div> <B>Rounding out the field was Lillian, 4 fish; Chelsea, 3 fish; Nichol, 3 fish; and Heaven, 2 fish. Congratulations to all!</B></div> <div> <B>We would also like to give thanks to all who donated prizes,to everyone who helped out, and to Kenny and Paul who were the producers of the event! </B></div> <div> <B>Pictures will be uploaded a.s.a.p. to the photo page on this site, in the 'Fishing Spot' album.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You know, the last thing that I was told at camp, was to come home and write a good update. I hope that I achieved that. But, let me tell you something, when a sultry blonde in a bathing suit, glistening with moisture from a recent dip in the pool, tells me to do something, well, me being me, I do it. </B></div> <div> <B>You missed your chance, babe. You should of hit me up for a credit card or something!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>7/5/2010</B></div> <div> <B>H</B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#FFFFFF" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B>a</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#0000FF" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B>p</B></FONT><B>p</B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#FFFFFF" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B>y  </B></FONT><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#0000FF" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B>B</B></FONT><B>i</B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#FFFFFF" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B>r</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#0000FF" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B>t</B></FONT><B>h</B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#FFFFFF" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B>d</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#0000FF" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B>a</B></FONT><B>y</B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#FFFFFF" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B>   </B></FONT><B>U</B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#FFFFFF" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B>S</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#0000FF" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B>A</B></FONT><B>!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Hope everyone had a "bang up" holiday!</B></div> <div> <B>While we were enjoying the great weather here, it seems that Sandy went down for some sun and fun in the North Carolina. She did, of course, leave specific instructions with Doug, outlining his "honey do list", and more importantly, his "honey do not list", and his "honey will die list". Word is, she some clandestine operatives lined up to be her eyes while she was away. Not to worry, Sandy, Doug was a good boy all weekend. He was not too over served with adult beverages, had no carts in the woods, and had no strange, or no stranger then normal, people lurking about.</B></div> <div> <B>In fact, he towed the line so well, he even went to Wally's, to tell Wally to keep an eye on him! Now, that's a good husband!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>FYI: You'll be happy to know that my butt was officially inspected, and received high marks for it's firmness and it's age to sag ratio. </B></div> <div> <B>The tester's name was Suzy, so don't start any malicious rumors! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I guess the pool area will become a trendy, new age, spa area. Either they already have beer soaked massages, or Miller Lite started making sun block lotion.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>An A+ for the band this weekend! It's good to hear something different, for a change!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A suggestion from a concerned citizen: Let's get the guy who finally plugs the leaking oil well in the Gulf to come up and plug the leak in the pool!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Follow the Gnome!</B></div> <div> <B>Keep checking the photo page for "There's No Place Like Gnome!"</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>6/27/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Redneck Olympics</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You read it right, It was the almost annual Redneck Olympics (R.O.), hosted by Kenny, Gina, and Russell, at Kenny's trailer this weekend. From the playing of the National Anthem, to the beer-board chugging in a blinding rain storm, no ancient Greek could hold an Olympic torch to this crowd!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>What a stirring sight to see the R. O. torch being ran around the block by dedicated volunteers. Who would have thought 4 beer can's duck taped end to end, with a petro chemical flame at the top, could stir so much emotion, and increase the carbon footprint of the campgrounds at the same time. Burning fossil fuels for entertainment, an American tradition!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Also featured was pole-less fishing in a pickup bed filled with water. Yup. </B></div> <div> <B>(No fishes were harmed in this event, although the dignity of some of the participants was injured.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The most rigorous event was the R.O. Triathlon. Contestants had to run, push an empty wire spool and dive into a kiddy pool. Extra credit was awarded for not passing out.  </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The R.O. frisbee/hubcap toss was a big hit. I just hope they give back the stolen hubcap.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>And what is a Redneck without their vittles? You can't find good rake-cooked hotdog's just anywhere, let me tell you. I want to give a special thanks to Ed and Ruth Ann for bringing the picked pigs feet! They were excellent! You better believe I had some! </B></div> <div> <B>(Some people play at being a redneck, some people live it.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Thanks again to our hosts, and to all the participants for making it a great time, no matter how hard it comes back to bite them in the ass later!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>6/14/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Now tell me, what would you do?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You are sitting at your camp, entertaining some long time, close friends, when an obviously drunken stranger staggers uninvited on to your lot, sits down, and slurs some words about needing shade. They then proceed to call one of your friends a stalker, and a disease, and then tell you about their last drunken social faux pas, (getting turned in for being a drunken asshole) where upon you and one other member of your invited guests state: "Imagine that!". Of course, you should assume that anything this drunken wretch says, (in her mind), is of earth shaking importance, and how dare you make light of her? Then she says, "I don't care how big you are, I'll slap you down!" </B></div> <div> <B>What would you do? </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Me, I flip right out, foaming at the mouth pissed, and order the lush off my lot, using a loud voice and lots of obscene language, hoping to break through to her alcohol soaked brain cells, so that this vermin will understand that she is no longer welcome here. </B></div> <div> <B>It worked, she left. </B></div> <div> <B>Most of the folks who know me, know that this is not my normal behavior. You have to know me a long time before you can step on my place, and threaten to slap me, even in jest. </B></div> <div> <B>When you are on someone else's lot, they are the lord of the manner, and you should act accordingly. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>How lucky you are, you drunk. If you were a man, you would have had a fat lip to match your fat head. If you tried that at my home and at night, you would be leaving in an ambulance. I hope you hit bottom, and sober up before you wind up hitting the bottom of a six foot deep hole. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>How about the big facelift on the Red Bull Dance Hall? That's really going to be special! </B></div> <div> <B>In fact, it will give me something think about while I stand in the men's shower, waiting for the pitiful dribble of cold water to finally soak my wash cloth. </B></div> <div> <B>I guess my priorities are all wrong. </B></div> <div> <B>It's ok to stink, as long as there is a place to drink. (How soon we forget!)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Ok, ok. Enough with ranting. Saturday night was bocce night at Peanut's Play Ground, where I was honored to meet Lee's kin folk, John and Laura, and their lovely friend Sue. They played well for bocce novices, and proved that they are the pride of Hampton Township! I hope to see them all again here at camp, and soon! </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>6/7/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Ain't love grand?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It's an amazing sight to see all the men busily planting the spring flower gardens for their loving wives! I'm not here to say that it's not right. I understand the need of the ladies to beautify the area, and just would like them to know that their men folk are displaying their true love and respect by assisting in the process.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You know, of course, left to their own devices, a single man would, on the average, spray Round Up and gravel the whole area. (There may be a sand area, if nude beach bunny volleyball is an option.)</B></div> <div> <B>Flower growing, as delineated by the "He-Man Code of Behavior", is only sanctioned if: </B></div> <div> <B>1. An equal amount of edible plants are planted.</B></div> <div> <B>2. If the flowers are planted in bulk form for resale.</B></div> <div> <B>3. Planted according to the guidelines of rule # 1/a.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>And we all know that rule.</B></div> <div> <B>1. All men are pigs.</B></div> <div> <B>   1/a. Men will do anything to get laid.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Ladies, we've done our part.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>6/1/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Some weather, huh?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Just about as good as it gets! Not to worry, though. I did my part to uphold time honored traditions. I got soaked on the ride home.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Piero was asked if he road his bike to camp. The asker didn't realize that he had to haul the star/main course of his picnic up to camp, so he went into a tongue in cheek explanation about hauling a pig on his motorcycle, no helmet would fit it, he'd have to tie it on, etc...etc.  </B></div> <div> <B>He could have explained it very easily, and it would be true. If he gets caught with a pig on his bike, Paula would kill him.</B></div> <div> <B>(Back in the day, I've been known to have a pig or two on my bike, with no problem.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Just when you get Piero's pig roast digested, you start all over at Kenny and D's. That's 2 big spreads of fine food on 1 weekend, life is good!</B></div> <div> <B>Thanks to the hosts and all who contributed! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>For the record, bumpers and wheels on golf carts are considered to be detachable parts. All we have to work on now is the means of detachment. Torn off and knocked off work, but aren't really the best option.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Sunday night brought us the musical stylings of the 'Dystant Times' band, back for their 120,000th visit. I am amazed at how the name of the band is so dead on point. The longer the distance between you and the band, the better they sound, and they have been here way too many times.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Test results: Strawberrys, pineapples and grain alcohol cannot peacefully co-exist after ingestion.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You've heard of Steve, The Crocodile Hunter? Well, we have Chester The Toad Tickler!</B></div> <div> <B>In true Animal Planet fashion, he gave us a demonstration on how to lay a toad on it's back, rub his belly, and watch him piss like a fountain. Valuable information, for sure. </B></div> <div> <B>However, in true Crystal Springs style, he didn't have a toad, he had a tree frog. No one, it seems, showed the script to the frog, so the belligerent frog just grabbed Chester's finger, and pissed in his hand. </B></div> <div> <B>Next week, we will have the Dr. Chester Show: Wart Removal Procedures.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>More wildlife news: In an effort to increase the quality and beauty of the pond area, all the  while striving to maintain expense levels, you may see a faux swan on the pond. (It's a white goose with a fake nose.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Remember, June is "National Accordian Awareness Month".</B></div> <div> <B>Please do not tell the members of Dystant Times.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Memorial Day.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>As we look forward to the long weekend, remember to fly your flags, and honor those who have given their very lives to keep our nation strong, and every citizen in it safe. Take a moment to give thanks to God, and ask for his blessing for these fine heroes and their loved ones. </B></div> <div> <B>'The National Moment of Remembrance' was introduced in 1997 by the national humanitarian organization, 'No Greater Love', and has been recognized by the President and the Members of Congress. </B></div> <div> <B>Since then, 'Taps' is blown at 3 p.m. throughout America to honor the contributions of our deceased soldiers.</B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#333300" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>All Americans are encouraged to pay respect to them by keeping silent for one minute in their memory, on Monday at 3:00 p.m.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="45386c20.jpg" border=0 width="390" height="450" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>5/25/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Blue ribbon oranges?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Not here. Orange ribbon blues? A distinct possibility. It seems there is a pending boundary dispute between the campgrounds and the farm next door. Hold your breath, folks! Not only for the outcome, but for the air. Remember, farmers have strong weapons being produced by their livestock every day. We may literally see just how deep this boundary shit can git!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I'm sure everyone's waiting to see how bad I beat up Kenny about loosing his truck keys. I'll try to be gentile, yet still get the point across. </B></div> <div> <B>I do occasionally take pride in my writing abilities. Of course, a little ability is needed to do something like this, you might even say that it is </B><I><B>key </B></I><B>to the situation. However, what I do here is not really any great, wonderful thing. Not compared to a magic act for instance. Wouldn't be great if you could make something disappear? Like a set of truck keys? Wouldn't that be a skill? No, my friends. That, would be an Art.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>(Actually, I was only easy on Kenny so I can stay on the Memorial Day picnic A-list!)</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>5/17/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Don't forget to vote on Tuesday, May 18!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Congratulations to Smitty, he is the Spring Segment winner in the Yahoo/NASCAR fantasy race! The top 5 teams are within 295 points of each other, so the Championship could still go any way. Thank's again to all who are competing in The Camptown Racers Group!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Be advised! There is a major rule crackdown going on in the campgrounds! Check your rule list!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Anyone interested in the possibility of having WiFi service at camp for a small fee, let me know at camp or via e mail ( crystalspringseye@gmail.com ). If there is enough interest, I will talk to Judy!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Don't forget, Piero is having a pig roast at his camp site (Lot 94 a) May 29! He is asking for $10 and a covered dish, or $20 if over 10 people are in your group. Any money left over after expenses, will be applied to a lamb roast on the 4th of July weekend.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Golf cart riders: Try to run in different locations through the field while it is wet! Running in single file or on the same path all the time will turn the field into a muddy mess! Let's try to keep things in good shape and be courteous for the tenters when they come.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>Things To Remember: </B></div> <div> <B>The best way to avoid a police state is to police ourselves!</B></div> <div> <B>Tenters keep our rent lower!</B></div> <div> <B>Safety keeps the insurance lower, and keeps our rent lower!</B></div> <div> <B>It's your duty to vote tomorrow!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>And most importantly: I accept cash gratuities!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>5/3/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Happy New Camp Year!</B></div> <div> <B>Have you hugged your trailer lately?</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="44c80e00.jpg" border=0 width="640" height="480" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>Which of these people is the "Muffin Man"?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The first of May finally got here, not a moment too soon! Although the crowd seemed a little light, but it's good to be back and see the folks we missed all winter!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Lucky for us, the weather man was 0 for 2 on his "R-word" forecasting. I hope this is the trend all season, as long as he gets the sunny days right!</B></div> <div> <B> I noticed a lot of folks saying that it was windy near my campsite, when there was no wind elsewhere. I say, we get the ocean breeze from the pond. At any rate, I don't think it was nice to say that it was because the people behind us suck. Most of them weren't even there. </B></div> <div> <B>My next favorite theory is that the Montreal Canadiens suck big time, so all winds are blowing north! Go Pens!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So why do they call the Canadiens the "Habs"? Diligent search has found this</B></div> <div> <B>from Brian McFarlane's original six books on the Habs. I quote:</B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <div> "Ambrose O'Brien, who owned the Wanderers, suggested to Jimmy Gardner that he start a French Canadian team and call them Les Canadiens. They went on to form a new league called the National Hockey Association in 1909. "</div> <div> "In 1910, when Montrealer George Kennedy and his partners in the Canadien Athletic Club purchased the Canadiens, the team emblem became a maple leaf with the letters "CAC" imprinted on the leaf. Imagine a maple leaf on Montreal jersey!  The sweater colours became red, white and blue. By 1915 the sweater began to take on the appearance of the modern-day red sweater. In 1917 someone designed a large "C" surrounding a small "H", an emblem which has remained constant, and extremely popular, for almost 80 years. There is a misconception that the letter "H" stands for "Habs" or "Habitants", meaning farmers or people living in the country, stemming from the fact that most Canadiens were French-speaking boys from rural areas. But the "H" in the emblem really stands for "Hockey". The name of the team is actually Club de Hockey Canadien. </div> <bR> <div> <B>There. See? Not as dumb as it sounds! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>For those who vacated early, Big Tom came in Sunday afternoon. He said his work schedule gives him Monday through Wednesday off, so those will be his camp days. He has lost about 40 lbs., and looks great! He said to everyone hello, and he hopes he can see yinz all through out the season!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>4/26/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Last Monday of the off season.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>For lack of a better thing to do, Frank had access to a free rental car, so why not put a couple of hundred miles on it, right? So, off to New Castle for the pulled pork breakfast special at Fat Jimmy's Bar BQ (I can highly recommend this!), and then over to GC Supply to ogle new golf carts. Some nice stuff there, but no cheapys, which was what we were after.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So, when you're half way there and a whole day to burn, here's an idea: Let's go to camp!</B></div> <div> <B>North-ward we go. Now, let me tell you, sometimes you hear what a great deal you can get buying used rental cars. Just remember this when you buy, </B></div> <div> <B>"Nothing runs like a rental hack!" </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Hack away we did. I wouldn't call it outright abuse...but, then again, there is no other word for it, is there? Suffice to say, Frank paid the $17 for additional insurance, and we insured that he got his money's worth...In tire rubber. </B></div> <div> <B>It's amazing what a motivated, experienced driver can achieve in a common mini-van!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Although we may have "tested" the limits of the operating threshold of the mini-van, we didn't hammer it like some more unscrupulous individuals. When it comes time to buy, keep in mind what may have happened before you saw it.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It just may have been two 52 year old guys, giggling like teenage idiots, who melted the front tires!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>4/18/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Fisherman's Paradise?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Sadly, it is time to bring down the curtain on another Trout Camp! Oh, what a time it must have been! I was not there for all the festivities, but I did view a lot of aftermath. (Including a burnt and disassembled camping trailer. I don't know if it was actually a part of Trout Camp, but it looked like it should have been!)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>To the  credit of the anglers, a goodly crew found their way to Harmonsburg to get a good breakfast, and thereby redeemed some of their iniquities by supporting the local Boy Scout Troop. Tammy K.'s and B.K.'s son is one of the scouts, and put in a good days work. I'd also like to say that Tammy was the best egg slinger in the joint, and sure looked swell in a Boy Scout suit! (Boy, what a fantasy that can conger! But, I digress.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I won't outright comment on the complete travels and diversions of the fishermen, but suffice to say, that the local economy was "stimulated" by the gang, much to the pleasure of several terpsichorean ecdysiasts (I'll wait while you look that up...........ok?) at a certain place that some would call "Paradise". </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>They also participated in the time honored tradition of deck swapping. Smitty got Ron Z.'s  old deck, and Smitty's old deck went to lot 95a to our newest campers. Be sure to stop up and pay your respects and meet some nice new folks.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>While the decks were being moved, one of the fellows said "Hey can I sit on your big deck and go for a ride?"  Did I hear that right? I hope I did!</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>What else went on? Here is Squiggy stealing the show:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> <object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="https://www.youtube.com/v/XFIwJPcoUHg&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="https://www.youtube.com/v/XFIwJPcoUHg&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>  </B></div> <bR> <div> <B> <object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="https://www.youtube.com/v/ZeaCCCUtBbM&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="https://www.youtube.com/v/ZeaCCCUtBbM&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>  </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>4/13/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Hungry?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I got this note from B.K.:</B></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>The Harmonsburg Boy Scout Troop will be holding their annual Opening Day Breakfast for the start of trout season. This Saturday, April 17 at the Harmonsburg VFD. Pancakes, eggs, sausage, juice, and coffee. If anyone in the camp fishin’ group is hungry, they can support a good cause by attending!</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <B>There you go, gang! Go get some breakfast before you start drowning worms!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>4/11/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Can't wait?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I hear we have some new folks in the neighborhood. I was going to say, make sure they feel welcomed, but hey, it's Crystal Springs. When hasn't that happened?</B></div> <div> <B>If they are the folks I think they are, then they'll be on bikes this year, too. That's great! Don't expect me to get another case of road rash for their entertainment, however. I have retired my motorcycle stunt show, and will attempt to ride sanely for a change. </B></div> <div> <B>No, really, I will!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Next weekend is the Trout Extravaganza! Not exactly a camp sponsored event, but a group get together that is growing in popularity among the most devout worm and insect drowners in the camp! I am planning to go up, with a load of stuff for the impending season opening, but I think I'll do my fishing at the Forest View, Spillway or Country Corners! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You know what the wise angler does. He buys the fish, and angles for the waitress!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>3/22/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Welcome to the United Socialist States of America.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Last night, the Health Care over haul passed the House of Representatives by 3 votes. The plan, at the </B><I><B>supporter's</B></I><B> best estimate, will cost the tax payers one trillion dollars in taxes for the first 10 years. (That's  $1,000,000,000,000!)  The actual cost of the plan will be over 2 trillion dollars. Where will the other trillion come from? Business. The employers will be forced to pay fees, taxes, fines and other earmarks to come up with the rest. And how will they get the money? That's right! By raising prices, which we pay, or by cutting work force, by which we loose jobs. </B></div> <div> <B>How's that change thing working for you now?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Just to give you an idea of how much the one trillion that we will be </B><I><B>forced </B></I><B> to bear actually is, I've come up with a few exemplars:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>If you began to pay one dollar per second, it would take you 31,388 </B><I><B>years</B></I><B> to pay 1 trillion.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>$1 trillion would be enough money to buy about a 1,000 boxes of Girl Scout cookies for every person in the United States.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>1 trillion dollar bills </B><I><B>stacked</B></I><B> </B><I><B>tightly</B></I><B> would reach 78900 miles high, or 190 round trips to the space station.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>1 trillion dollars would blanket an area of 250 square miles, which would cover a square from Cleveland, Oh.; to Charleston W.V.; to Washington DC.; to Elmira, NY; and back to Cleveland.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>There are around 4000 words in the house version of the health care bill. That legislation will cost us $250 million dollars per word.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>This is affordable health care?</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>3/20/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Spring has sprung!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Everyone enjoy the first day of Spring 2010!</B></div> <div> <B>I heard the spring peepers on Thursday. The old timers say that the peepers have to look through the ice three times before winter is completely over. So, let's hope for 3 cold nights as soon as possible!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>3/6/2010</B></div> <div> <B>SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!</B></div> <div> <B>The snow is melting! Flooding should start next week, and continue through out March in selected areas. </B></div> <div> <B>Then after that, we launch into your favorite and mine, Tornado Season! </B></div> <div> <B>Oh, and by the way we are due for an earthquake, so pencil that in for later.</B></div> <div> <B>What's the best thing about being in a camper doing an earthquake? It's on springs! You may never know it happened! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Q: Who is Tiger Woods' favorite athlete?</B></div> <div> <B>A: Ben Roethlisberger!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I'd like to think in my heart of hearts, that Ben didn't do anything wrong. </B></div> <div> <B>I know how things can go in a club atmosphere, and we all know about the dubiousness of the last incident. The thing that gets me is why, after the last fiasco, would you allow yourself to placed in that position again? Show some smarts, Ben. Keep a lot of witnesses nearby when you are doing the town. Don't let the little helmet cause the loss of your Steeler helmet.</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>2/26/2010</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4475bc40.jpg" border=0 width="603" height="452" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Les keeps the home fire burning! </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>2/12/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Bernie is in the hospital</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Bernie is in Butler Memorial Hospital. His camper is on the first row, his wife's name is Helen. Bernie is in the I.C.U. and is on a vent, which is as much information as I have at this time.  Please keep Bernie and Helen in your thoughts and prayers!</B></div> <div> <B>-Submitted by Tami Kean</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>2/2/10</B></div> <div> <B>I saw my shadow this morning!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>That means 12 weeks and 4 days till camp!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Ok race fans! It's time to sign up for Yahoo-NASCAR Fantasy Racing!</B></div> <div> <B>Click on the link below. </B></div> <div> <B>You will need: </B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Arial" ><B>Group ID #701</B></FONT><B> and The password: </B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Arial" ><B>cscnascar</B></FONT></div> <bR> <div> <U>http://racing.fantasysports.yahoo.com/auto</U></div> <bR> <div> <B>Remember, race day is drawing near - 2/14/2010</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>1/24/2010</B></div> <div> <B>It's my job...</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It's my job to report on what the campers are doing. </B></div> <div> <B>In order to do that job, these days anyway, I have to be like the old Model T, chugging along as the Corvette goes flying by. </B></div> <div> <B>What are the campers doing? Look on FaceBook.</B></div> <div> <B>Yes, like all the other lesser web sites, I am being pushed on to the burm of the information super highway, by the FaceBook snowplow. </B></div> <div> <B>Some may call me a hypocrite, and maybe I am, as I do my share of FarmVille on FaceBook, and I am one of the administrators for the Crystal Springs Campgrounds group page. You might even say I am writing my own epitaph there.</B></div> <div> <B>Well, maybe I am. I can dig my cyber-grave whenever I want, but I'll not be knocked into the proverbial hole until I'm damn good and ready!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>This old site has a few pluses. </B></div> <div> <B>I don't care, nor can I tell you, who has been Googling you.</B></div> <div> <B>I will not tell you what 3 vegetables will tighten your abs.</B></div> <div> <B>I will not promote an all gay Caribbean cruise.</B></div> <div> <B>I will not make your taxes easy this year for only $9.95.</B></div> <div> <B>I will not sell you the inside secrets to all your favorite games.</B></div> <div> <B>I will not hawk the B.J. Penn diet.</B></div> <div> <B>I don't have a razor that will change the way you shave forever.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Just wait till Spring, FaceBook.</B></div> <div> <B>They all come back here, just like they do to camp.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>1/16/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Explanation & clarification!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>In the article posted below, it states that a medium sized dog eats 1.5 pounds of meat by-products and cereals per day. </B></div> <div> <B>After being verbally and mentally assaulted by indignant dog owners, who say they feed their medium sized mutts only a few ounces of dog food per day, I did a little more digging. </B></div> <div> <B>The 1.5 pounds is an accurate figure. Like all the restaurants say, that is a pre-processed, pre-cooked weight. </B></div> <div> <B>I'm sure that information is arbitrary too, which is kind of the point of the article anyway. Who sets the standard, and who checks their work? </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>1/11/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Want to help save the environment?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Everybody should go out and find their local environ</B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#0000CC" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><I><B>mental </B></I></FONT><B>ist, and toss them into the nearest snow drift! It's snowing in Florida! I thought the north pole ice cap had to melt, dilute the Atlantic Ocean, and stop the Gulf Stream before that happened? Didn't nature get the message?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I have been reading a few things on "carbon footprint". That's the enviro-term that sets a benchmark to calculate the amount of so called greenhouse gasses (carbon dioxide being the main culprit, with methane in close second) that are alleged to be destroying the Earth. Everything, living or not,and every activity, has a carbon footprint. You too, unless you have figured out how not to exhale, or how not to fart. Anyone who has been to camp on an average weekend knows we haven't learned that yet. </B></div> <div> <B>Who are the weenies who decide these numbers? I'm sure no none elected them. I'm sure they answer to no one if they are wrong. Still, when it's all said and done, we'll pay for and suffer with it.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A good case in point: Victoria University of Wellington, New Zealand architects have put out a statement that the carbon foot print required to feed a medium sized dog is more then that of LARGE sport utility vehicle!</B></div> <div> <B>The average medium sized dog consumes 360 lbs of meat byproducts and 210 lbs of cereals in 1 year (About 1.5 lbs total per day). They claim that amount of food stuff requires 2 acres of land to produce it. ( I wonder if they factored in the dog's farts?)</B></div> <div> <B>They also say the energy required to build, fuel and drive a 4.6 liter Toyota Land Cruiser 6200 miles in a year can be produced on 1 acre. Just half of what that dog takes.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So you want help save the environment? Buy a new Land Cruiser, and run over a few dogs. If you hit one dog you save the footprint of 2 acres. You will have a 1 acre credit, which allows you to buy another Land Cruiser. If you run over 20 dogs, you can live for another year. (This is how "Cap & Trade" works!)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>And just before the point of impact--hold your breath! </B></div> <div> <B>Al Gore will love you.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>For more info: </B><A HREF="http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20091220/sc_afp/lifestyleclimatewarminganimalsfood" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20091220/sc_"><U><B>Click Here</B></U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>1/05/2010</B></div> <div> <B>Happy New Year! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Be sure to go to our photo page, and check out the pics Les took of the camp covered with 2 feet of snow. They look not just cool, but outright cold!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> 2009</div> <bR> <div> <B>12/29/2009</B></div> <div> <B>These are the very talented children of my friend Shawn Doty's family. </B></div> <div> <B>I hope you enjoy them!</B></div> <div> <B>If the video does not start, click here: </B><A HREF="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDbcBSCjIo0" TARGET="_top" TITLE="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDbcBSCjI"><U><B> Cousin's Canon - You Tube</B></U></A></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B> <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="https://www.youtube.com/v/ZDbcBSCjIo0&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="https://www.youtube.com/v/ZDbcBSCjIo0&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>  </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>12/28/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Winter Dinner</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>As always, the buffet at the Willows Inn was the tops! If you were not there, well you just missed a heck of a meal, and we missed you. There were 25 of us this year, down from the 40+ last year. It's tough to compete with a Steelers game, I guess.</B></div> <div> <B>Speaking of which, we had 2 mixed marriages there. One was a Steeler/Ravens couple, and the other was a Steeler/Browns couple. True love may win out, even if game night does have a whole new dynamic.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I talked to Les and Kathy at my place Christmas Eve. They made the trip down, and stopped by while in my neck of the woods. I double checked with him, and he reassured me that Chester is valiantly clinging on in his fight to remain alive, no matter what Critter says.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>12/23/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Now this, my friends, is the best Chester story of all!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Rumors of Chester's death are greatly exaggerated!</B></div> <div> <B>It appears he is alive and well and was chopping wood this morning, according to Les.</B></div> <div> <B>And I wrote such a good obit, too. Aw, heck, here it is anyway, thoughts and prayers are good for the living, too!</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="43990cf0.jpg" border=0 width="400" height="207" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I don't know if everyone at camp knew Chester, but those of us up at my end knew him. He was a comical little guy, long time friend with Big Tom Williams, which made him one of the summer regulars in my neck of the campgrounds. </B></div> <div> <B>Chester lived with his wife in one of the humble trailers on Beaver Center Road, just before the camp. He would come to the campgrounds, hunting, fishing and hanging around with Tom. Chester was truly a one of a kind sort of guy. Most everybody saw him around, wearing big floppy rubber boots and a mariner's storm hat, having the look of the Gordon's Fisherman. Chester didn't mind if you laughed, he was all to happy to provide a smile. </B></div> <div> <B>I remember the time he was riding a bicycle down through the field, and did the perfect 'Laugh In' stop, coming to a complete halt, pausing for just a second, then forgetting to put his feet down. He landed on Tom's picnic table, with a crash of empty beer cans and tequila bottles. ('Empty' being the operative word.)</B> </div> <div> <B>Suffice to say, alcohol may have been a factor.</B> </div> <div> <B>Another of my favorites was when he took Tom's quad for a ride. He lit out across the field, full speed, looking more like a rag tied on the handle bars, then a rider. When he returned, his clothes were half torn off, and shredded a little. It seems, he had learned how to make it go, but hadn't learned how to make it stop before he hit the woods.</B> </div> <div> <B>Once again, alcohol may have been a factor.</B></div> <div> <B>Chester passed away on Friday, December 18th, 2009. </B><FONT SIZE="6" COLOR="#FF0000" FACE="Arial" ><I><B>(NOT!)</B></I></FONT></div> <div> <B>I always watched for him on the way in and out of camp, and will miss seeing him wave, as well as his visits to the camp. Someday, I hope to see him wave again.</B></div> <div> <B>Please remember Chester and his family in your thoughts and prayers.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You have been lucky enough, to have been here when I was blessed by a Christmas hope coming true! It appears, that I have hoped to see him waving at me again someday, and now I will! Now that is a genuine Christmas miracle!</B></div> <div> <B>On behalf of my dubious sources, I wish to apologize for any problems created by our mistake. Alcohol may have been a factor.</B></div> <div> <B>Sometimes, it's good to be wrong!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Here is the obituary that caused all the stir:</B></div> <div> <U>E-mail</U><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT><U>Visit Guest Book</U><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> GILLILAND CHESTER L., JR. "HERKY"</div> <div> Peacefully on Friday, December 18, 2009 in Hamot Hospital Erie, of Linesville, Pa formerly of Pgh. Age 67. Beloved husband of Ruth Ann (Starr) Gilliland; father of Don (Vana) Gilliland of Roy UT, Tom (Margie) Gilliland of Springboro, PA, Joe Gilliland of Pgh and Debra (Steve) Monzi of Hopewell Pa; brother of John L. "Sonny" Gilliland of Auroura, Pa and Charlie Wilson of Sacramento, CA; also survived by 6 grandchildren. Friends will be received Tuesday 2-4 & 7 until time of closing prayer at 8:30pm in the EDWARD P. KANAI FUNERAL HOME, 500 Greenfield Ave.</div> <div> Send condolences at <FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#0000FF" FACE="Arial" ><U>post-gazette.com/gb</U></FONT></div> <div> <B>What a coincidence!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Here is Smitty's retraction:</B></div> <bR> <div> For those of you that do not have facebook, and have not seen my posts on there, here goes. Chester is alive and well. I received a call from my brother Critterdawg yesterday and he said he read in the Post Gazette that a "Chester Gilliland", aged 67, formerly of Pittsburgh, now living in Linesville, had passed Friday, Dec. 18th at a hospital in Erie.I read the obituary, not knowing Chester and his family that well, took it as gospel that indeed that was him. I know he has had past health issues,and jumped to conclusions. I phoned Doug Whipkey, Kenny Spraggs,and Trish and told them the sad news. Not  thinking beforehand, I should have called Les.</div> <div> Here is where the saga unfolds.</div> <div> Doug phoned Les this morning and asked about Chester. Les was unaware, and took it upon himself to drive down to Chester's trailer on Beaver Center Rd. to see if indeed this news was true. It so happens when Les pulled in the drive, there was Chester splitting logs.</div> <div> To make a long story short, I jumped to conclusions and reported his death via the Internet. Who would have thought the following:</div> <div> 1) That there was another Chester, formerly from Pittsburgh, living in Linesville, in his 60's. Doug told me Chester turned 65 on Monday.</div> <div> 2) All the information I had at the time pointed in the direction that this was true.</div> <bR> <div> Call it a classic example of "Make sure your brains are loaded before you shoot off your mouth"</div> <div> This was a huge FUBAR on my part, and I apologize to everyone.</div> <bR> <div> Can't wait to see Chester at camp and have at least another beer with him, and hear his fishing stories.</div> <bR> <div> God Bless, and Have a Merry Christmas and Healthy and Prosperous 2010.</div> <bR> <div> Smitty</div> <bR> <div> ps. I am sure I will be jagged big time at camp.....................</div> <bR> <div> <B>Brother, it has only began!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>12/18/2009</B></div> <div> <B>2010 Schedule Announced! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Click on the 'Camp Info' page to see the 2010 schedule!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>12/15/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Ho - Ho - Oh - No!</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B> <div style='background-color:#e9e9e9; width: 425px;'><object id='A64060' quality='high' data='http://aka.zero.jibjab.com/client/zero/ClientZero_EmbedViewer.swf?external_make_id=lNrzz1Dxn13WrrIe&service=sendables.jibjab.com&partnerID=JibJab' pluginspage='http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer' type='application/x-shockwave-flash' wmode='transparent' height='319' width='425'><param name='wmode' value='transparent'></param><param name='movie' value='http://aka.zero.jibjab.com/client/zero/ClientZero_EmbedViewer.swf?external_make_id=lNrzz1Dxn13WrrIe&service=sendables.jibjab.com&partnerID=JibJab'></param><param name='scaleMode' value='showAll'></param><param name='quality' value='high'></param><param name='allowNetworking' value='all'></param><param name='allowFullScreen' value='true' /><param name='FlashVars' value='external_make_id=lNrzz1Dxn13WrrIe&service=sendables.jibjab.com&partnerID=JibJab'></param><param name='allowScriptAccess' value='always'></param></object><div style='text-align:center; width:435px; margin-top:6px;'>Try JibJab Sendables® <a href='http://sendables.jibjab.com/ecards'>eCards</a> today!</div></div>  </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>12/13/2009</B></div> <div> <B>The Holdman Lights!</B></div> <div> <B>To view in full screen mode,</B></div> <div> <B>right click on the start arrow.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B> <object width="400" height="226"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="movie" value="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=440885&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" /><embed src="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=440885&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="400" height="226"></embed></object><p><a href="http://vimeo.com/440885">Jingle Bells - Computer Controlled Christmas Lights</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/user318047">Richard Holdman</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.</p>  </B></div> <div> <B> <object width="400" height="226"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="movie" value="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=440868&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" /><embed src="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=440868&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="400" height="226"></embed></object><p><a href="http://vimeo.com/440868">Carol of the Bells - Computer Controlled Christmas Lights</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/user318047">Richard Holdman</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.</p>  </B></div> <div> <B> <object width="400" height="225"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="movie" value="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=435084&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" /><embed src="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=435084&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="400" height="225"></embed></object><p><a href="http://vimeo.com/435084">Music Box Dancer - Holdman Christmas Display 2007</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/user318047">Richard Holdman</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.</p>  </B></div> <div> <B> <object width="400" height="225"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="movie" value="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=440842&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" /><embed src="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=440842&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="400" height="225"></embed></object><p><a href="http://vimeo.com/440842">Amazing Grace Techno - Computer Controlled Christmas Lights</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/user318047">Richard Holdman</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.</p>  </B></div> <div> <B> <object width="400" height="226"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="movie" value="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=440892&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" /><embed src="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=440892&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="400" height="226"></embed></object><p><a href="http://vimeo.com/440892">Winter Wonderland - Computer Controlled Christmas Lights</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/user318047">Richard Holdman</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.</p>  </B></div> <div> <B> <object width="400" height="226"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="movie" value="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=440854&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" /><embed src="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=440854&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="400" height="226"></embed></object><p><a href="http://vimeo.com/440854">Miracle from 34th Street - Computer Controlled Christmas Lights</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/user318047">Richard Holdman</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.</p>  </B></div> <div> <B> <object width="400" height="225"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="movie" value="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=634983&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" /><embed src="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=634983&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="400" height="225"></embed></object><p><a href="http://vimeo.com/634983">Space Walk by Lemon Jelly - Christmas Light Display</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/user318047">Richard Holdman</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.</p>  </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>12/10/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Am I hearing things?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Late Thursday night, I am sitting, working at my computer. I have the window open a small amount, letting a chill winter breeze freshen the air in my room. </B></div> <div> <B>Above the low whisper of the breeze, I here a familiar voice chanting, "Who let the dogs out? Who? Who-Who, Who Who?" I must be crazy! Can it be real? I'm over 100 miles from Cleveland! I suppose it could be a dream.</B></div> <div> <B>But, this is not a dream! </B></div> <div> <B>It's a Memory!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>12/5/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Time for dinner!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>That's right come join the gang at the Willows Inn for our winter get together!</B></div> <div> <B>Sunday, December 27th 2009 at 2:00 PM.</B></div> <div> <B>They feature a full buffet of great food, a bar room, and motel rooms.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The Willows Inn</B></div> <div> <B>1830 Midland Beaver Rd.</B></div> <div> <B>Pa Route 68</B></div> <div> <B>Industry, Pa. 15052</B></div> <div> <B>(724) 643-4500</B></div> <div> <A HREF="http://www.willowsinnpa.com/index.html" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.willowsinnpa.com/index.html"><U><B>www.willowsinnpa.com</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <B>Location "A" on this map:</B></div> <div> <B> <iframe width="640" height="480" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" src="http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode=&q=willows+inn,+industry,+pa&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=34.450489,56.25&ie=UTF8&s=AARTsJoVNeVyRkyotvwZuiHCwLuSHGhwCg&ll=40.672046,-80.397949&spn=0.124989,0.219727&z=12&output=embed"></iframe><br /><small><a href="http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode=&q=willows+inn,+industry,+pa&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=34.450489,56.25&ie=UTF8&ll=40.672046,-80.397949&spn=0.124989,0.219727&z=12&source=embed" style="color:#0000FF;text-align:left">View Larger Map</a></small>  </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Everything else that was here has been moved to the Archives, and any thing else that goes up for this month will go there, for a clean slate to start 2010. </B></div> <div> <B>You'll never know how hard it is to hit that delete button even after I know the page is save to the archive. A little work and a lot of fun disappeared when I hit it, so make sure you all do something next year to help me fill it back up again! (To tell the truth, some folks are hard at it all ready!)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I have heard there are issues with the photo page. I will try to resolve them as best I can. The photos and the Your Eye View are hosted by a subscription service that I hooked up  with a few years ago. I can control the content, look and feel of the page, but not the function. I'll send in a bitch ticket and see if it helps. Sorry for any inconvenience.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>11/25/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Happy Thanksgiving!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Tomorrow is the day when we, as a God fearing nation, give thanks to the Almighty for all that we have. For those who do not believe in God, modern society has coined the term Happy Turkey Day! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So, in that light, I say to my non-believing friends, Happy Turkey Day! </B></div> <div> <B>(This is your day!)</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="42f90900.jpg" border=0 width="400" height="400" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>         It sucks to be a turkey.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>11/22/2009</B></div> <div> <B>NASCAR Fantasy Finish</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Let the bragging begin! After a season of ups and downs, poking and prodding, crowing and crying, our fantasy racing season comes to and end. Congratulations to Terry and his "driving me crazy" team, for capturing the overall championship! After a neck and neck battle, following behind Smitty and the "LOT 88 JUNIOR FAN" right up to the end, Terry has over taken and passed Smitty in the final two races. </B></div> <div> <B>Smitty's team is the fall seasonal winner, edging Terry by 84 points. </B></div> <div> <B>I'd like to thank all who participated and hope to have you all back next year, and I hope we get more teams!</B></div> <div> <B>There was talk of pitching in for some prizes, so that may make next year even better!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Here are the full year results:</B></div> <div> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="529" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 19 WIDTH="205"><div> <B>  Team</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>Points</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>Top 10 </B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>Top 5</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>Wins</B></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 19 WIDTH="205"><div> <B>1. driving me crazy</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>8990</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>35</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>31</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>8</B></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 19 ><NOBR><div> <B>2.LOT 88 JUNIOR FAN</B></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>8885</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>35</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>32</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>5</B></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 19 ><NOBR><div> <B>3. Potts Hollow Panthers</B></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>8450</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>35</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>22</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>7</B></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 19 ><NOBR><div> <B>4. The Power of Dreams</B></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>7803</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>33</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>28</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>2</B></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 19 ><NOBR><div> <B>5. Representing Honda in Nascar</B></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>6424</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>32</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>23</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>4</B></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 19 WIDTH="205"><div> <B>6. heaven48</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>6122</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>33</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>16</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>5</B></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 19 WIDTH="205"><div> <B>7. The Mudslingers</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>5789</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>31</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>22</B></div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="71"><div> <B>4</B></div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>11/11/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Thanks and God Bless to all of our Veterans!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I am being eaten alive by Facebook. I am drawn there, and held as if by an hypnotic trance. I work like an automaton, unable to do anything but slave over a cyber farm that operates without regard to any real world physical law. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>What is the draw? It is a slow running program, chugging along on overloaded servers, wasting time and gigabytes of band width. Yet, like millions of others, there I am.</B></div> <div> <B>Oh, here is something special! "How many Victor Potts' are there?" "Click here!"</B></div> <div> <B>Ok. Gee swell. It says I am alone, the only one there is! How special! But wait, let's check with Facebook's find friends .... which says there are 7 Victor Potts' just on Facebook alone! </B></div> <div> <B>It would appear that the left application does not know what the right application is doing.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>What a world of minutia Facebook presents for our voyeuristic pleasure!</B></div> <div> <B>"I'm doing my laundry!" "I'll be having a sandwich for lunch!" "I scratched my ear."</B></div> <div> <B>"I pick my nose at red lights." "My dog humps the couch pillows."</B></div> <div> <B>Jim commented on Nancy's status. George commented on Brenda's status. Dick commented on Jane's status. Batman commented on Spiderman's status. Tom commented on Fred who commented on Sally who commented on Carol who commented on Milford who commented on Paula who commented on Nick who commented on Trixie's status.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I see folks who have a farm on 3 different applications, run a restaurant, build aquariums, belong to 4 different mafia families on 2 continents, run football, baseball and hockey teams, collect jewelry, hunt mice, go on safari, fight Vikings, nights, warlords, aliens, gang members, pirates, and Methodists, gamble, play games, and dabble in world domination. </B></div> <div> <B>All that, and they can still hit me with a cyber snow ball. </B></div> <div> <B>Now I have a gigabyte of electronic snow in my ear.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>11/2/2009</B></div> <div> <B>It's still there.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I did a drive by at the camp Sunday. You know, no matter how much I plan, I always think of something at camp that I desperately need at home during the Winter. This time it was 6 coffee mugs and a gallon of RV anti-freeze. I knew I couldn't last the winter without them.</B></div> <div> <B>Besides, I had to check on the place, right? ( OK, it's an excuse to go up.)</B></div> <div> <B>Not to worry, my friends. Set aside your frets and fears, the camp is still there, patiently waiting for Spring to spring.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Everyone should venture up to camp during the late Fall or Winter.  It gives you the impression of a large field of seeds, quietly waiting in a dormant state for the temperatures to trend back upward. </B></div> <div> <B>It's nice to just sit there in the solitude and listen for the faded echoes of the laughter that are drifting in the cold wind, the only thing that may be left from the summer's fun. Is it really there, or it just a memory?</B></div> <div> <B>You hear it, you feel it, you know it. If you don't think so, your proof will be next spring, when you get to camp, and everyone greets you with a smile. </B></div> <div> <B>The laughter is there, it never goes away.</B></div> <div> <B>It is bound there by the affection for all in our extended camp family.</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/25/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Next year, it gets ugly.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="42e2c2c0.jpg" border=0 width="300" height="300" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/23/2009</B></div> <div> <B>What about Bob?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Most of the older, or shall we say, longer term campers will remember Debi Cattley's father, Bob Henisch. Bob was around when Debi and John had their first trailer at Crystal Springs.(Which was, by the way, when I got there.) He was a retired mechanic, and put together what was, for some time, the fastest golf cart in the camp.(He named her Rosebud.) </B></div> <div> <B>As the quad era came and went,the trails were beat in pretty good, so, on a whim, Bob loaded Debi in his Olds Cutlass, and off into the woods they went. After Debi walked back out, we went to Bob's rescue in my F 250 4x4. But Bob's Olds was mired in the "Sippy Hole". That spot, my friends, would make a mud turtle shudder. I went in to pull him out, but could not, and it was touch and go for a while as to whether I could get myself out. In the end, Ron and Big Ollie the back hoe came to the rescue. The only damage to Bob's car was he lost his fog lights to the hole, never to be found. (Some say you can still see them glowing in the night.)</B></div> <div> <B>Bob's sense of humor made things like the Sippy Hole incident just part of being Bob. He laughed with all of us after the incident, and liked to tell the story himself. He was a lot of fun, and always had a big smile for you whenever you saw him.</B></div> <div> <B>I'm sure you noticed, I said was. </B></div> <div> <B>Bob passed away, Thursday, 10/22/09. He will be sadly missed by his friends and family.</B></div> <div> <B>One thing's for sure, he has made a fine contribution to Crystal Springs lore.</B></div> <div> <B>He made a fine contribution to my life, as well. </B></div> <div> <B>God's Speed, Bob. There's no mud where you are. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="42dbb140.jpg" border=0 width="187" height="276" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/18/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Hang In There!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Most every camper I chat on line with, or talk too, says they're missing camp already. I can understand that, it seems weird to actually be at home on the weekend. </B></div> <div> <B>As a matter of fact, if I get up late at night to go to the bathroom, and I'm sort of groggy, I have to be careful  of what I do. If I forget where I am at, one of two things could happen. I could fall down a flight of steps, or I could walk the 8 feet or so that I would normally walk in the camper, and piss on my computer. </B></div> <div> <B>Come to think of it, by the time you read some of the stupid stuff I put on here this winter, you may want to piss on my computer, too. (Make sure the power is off!)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>One advantage this year: the weather for the first week after camp pretty much sucked. That always helps you make the conversion to the off season. The real test is next week, if it gets nice out, like it's supposed to. Like I said before, just hang in there!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/12/2009</B></div> <div> <B>The Bitter Sweet End</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Another season is in the books at the old campground. The buzz of air compressors filled the air as most of the campers used this weekend to winterize and batten down their hatches. </B></div> <div> <B> I noticed that the campfire get together's were subdued, but not in a bad way. Lots of toasts were made, as most folks were remembering good times from this season, as well as from past seasons. </B></div> <div> <B>I love the reminiscing, and I love the memory of those who are no longer with us to reminisce. A toast to them, where ever they may be. May the fire they sit beside be the friendly light of love, not the fires of perdition.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I was hanging around the rec-room Saturday night, watching the video players and the card players. </B></div> <div> <B>I wonder why they call the game Texas Hold 'Em? Nobody holds their cards, they leave them lay on the table. Wouldn't it be better to call it Texas Leave 'Em? Or, better yet Texas Lay 'Em? (They'll lay anything in Texas.)</B></div> <div> <B>Why Texas in the first place? </B></div> <div> <B>Maybe it should be called X-Wife Leave 'Em. You play along fine, then all of a sudden, you look up and the queens are gone with all of your chips. </B></div> <div> <B>How about Hold Up Lay 'em? Every card lies face down on the table, nobody moves. When you finally turn them over, the dealer is gone with all the chips. </B></div> <div> <B>How about Obama Hold 'Em? The dealer gives all the chips to the video gamers to be used in broken video games, and bills you in April for all your confiscated chips.</B></div> <div> <B>How about Webmaster Hold 'Em? Just give me all your chips, and I'll post pictures of them on the Internet!</B></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="40ec8b20.png" border=0 width="200" height="178" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A quick note: During a period of mental lapse, I burned my notes from the Golf Cart Rodeo. I tried to report from memory, but I have failed. My apologies. </B></div> <div> <B>1. Frank and Karen teamed up to win the Barrel Race. I mistakenly reported that it was Bob, the former PAT bus driver who won.</B></div> <div> <B>2. Bob, the former PAT bus driver's name is actually Beau, the former PAT bus driver. He came in second in the blind fold race.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So let the countdown to opening day begin! Check here through out the off season, as I will try to keep the site fresh with some sort of BS, drivel, or ranting and raving. We also will be planning our annual 'Around Christmas/New Years/Mid Winter Dinner' at The Willows Inn, in Industry, Pa. Those who have been there can tell you how great the food is, and how much fun it is to see everyone!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Have a safe winter! If I don't see you before, I'll see you in spring!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/5/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Brrrrr</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Just a little cool snap to let you know the 'W' word is coming, and bringing 'S' with it.</B></div> <div> <B>I have found it's easier to start a golf cart on a cold morning, then it is to start a camper.</B></div> <div> <B>The noon launch time for the golf cart rodeo got pushed back to 3:00. I can understand why folks hate to leave a warm bed on a cold Saturday morning. We had a good turn out for the action, even with the light crowd at camp.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I'd like to thank Lee for providing a beautiful trophy for the first event, The Ribbon Rally.</B></div> <div> <B>I'd also like to congratulate the winner of The Ribbon Rally, Lee. He actually had to let go of the trophy for just a little over 38 minutes.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>After the Rally, we moved up to the field for the next event, The Slow Race. Take 8 golf carts, place them on a 35 foot wide x 50 foot long box. No backing up allowed, your wheels must not stop turning, you cannot cross any boundary lines, you can turn in any direction, and the last one to cover the 50 ft is the winner. What you have here is a recipe for low speed mayhem, or maybe a ten mile an hour demolition derby. It actually reminded me of the Parkway at rush hour. ( I-90 at Deadman's Curve for the Clevelanders.) Congratulations to Special Ed. He wasn't the slowest, but he was the survivor!.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Next was The Barrel Race. Now the horse people may think they know what's going on, but campers always have their own twist. For the uninitiated, picture a 3 leaf clover. The start finish line is at the bottom of the stem. You leave there, make a right turn around the right leaf, a left turn around the left leaf, another left turn around the top leaf, then run back to the stem for the finish, the best time wins. On a horse, barrels represent the leaves, and you ride around the barrels. On a golf cart, trees represent the leaves, and you </B><I><B>push a barrel</B></I><I> </I><B>around the course, and no backing up is allowed. If you think that sounds easy, stop up at my camp, the barrel is always there! Congratulations to our winner, Frank, with fine co-driving by Karen.  </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The grand finally was The Blindfold Race. The driver is blind folded, the navigator must use verbal commands so that the driver can maneuver the golf cart around a set course of orange cones in the shortest amount of time. Now this is a learning experience. </B></div> <div> <B>1. Hand signals do not work on blindfolded people. You can point the right direction all you want, but it just doesn't work. </B></div> <div> <B>2. Both driver and navigator have to know right from left.  </B></div> <div> <B>3. Screaming the directions louder, will not cure the failure of rule #2.</B></div> <div> <B>4. Trust. You have to trust your navigator, no matter how many trees, traffic cones, pot holes, fire rings, woodland animals, or lakes you run into. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>On the first go around, I and my trusted navigator, Piero, did the first run. However, my trusted navigator, did not navigate me back through the gate, he aimed me at the crowd! Now, since we are both of Italian descent, I'm sure some folks thought that this was one of those, "Make it look like an accident..." scenarios, but it wasn't. It was just a mistake. No, really, it was! One advantage of our shared roots, we could curse each other in Italian, and no one else knew what we were saying.</B></div> <div> <B>Everyone was gracious enough to let that be a demonstration run, and we took another turn later, which did give us the winning time. Then we split took the best time team and the worst time teem and switched their navigators. That made me the driver, and Karen T. my navigator. She was very good when she wasn't giggling and snorting. </B></div> <div> <B>The winners were Debi C. and Piero. Congratulations to them, for not only did they win the playoff, they also had the best elapsed time of the event!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Thanks to all who participated and helped out! Next year, we will do this again, but a little earlier in the season!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>9/27/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Bocce Tourney Weekend</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>There were 2 good days of weather this weekend, Friday, and Sunday. What</B></div> <div> <B>day is the tourney? You know it had to be Saturday. Do you know what being</B></div> <div> <B>an intrepid, died in the wool, hard core camper means? Drinking and playing</B></div> <div> <B>bocce in the rain! Damn right!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Eight teams met at Peanut's Playground, ready to rock, weather be damned!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>In the first big upset, the 'C Team' got the coveted Horse's Ass Award for</B></div> <div> <B>being the first team eliminated from the tourney. They will hold the trophy</B></div> <div> <B>until next year, when hopefully, they can pass it off to another deserving</B></div> <div> <B>team. The winning team, 'The Pool People' (Sort of like the village people</B></div> <div> <B>without homos.) came through with a strong showing, not at all bothered by</B></div> <div> <B>the rain, as being pool people, they are usually all wet anyway. 'C Team' was,</B></div> <div> <B>however, the best dressed team, with matching T shirts, tres chic for</B></div> <div> <B>bocce, corn hole, or evening trips to Wally's.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>In the second game, last years champions, the 'Oh My!' team was usurped</B></div> <div> <B>of a rightful win by the lowly, cheating 'Keggers', who's team captain Mark</B></div> <div> <B>freely admitted, in fact boasted, of the cost to bring ringers to the</B></div> <div> <B>tourney! Wait till next year, buddy!</B></div> <div> <B>Of course, we members of team 'Oh My!' were forced to wear our heavy gold </B></div> <div> <B>medals from last year's tourney, which may have thrown off our balance.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>In game three 'Yinz Guys' lost to the 'Commish's Gang.'</B></div> <div> <B>“What did you say was the name of the game three losers?”</B></div> <div> <B>“Yinz Guys!”</B></div> <div> <B>“We didn't loose! We didn't even play! So, who lost?”</B></div> <div> <B>“Yinz Guys!”</B></div> <div> <B>“I told you, we didn't play! Repeat after me –'You didn't play!' ”</B></div> <div> <B>“You didn't play.”</B></div> <div> <B>“So who lost?”</B></div> <div> <B>“Yinz Guys!”</B></div> <div> <B>"Listen. If I walk up to the loosing team and ask if they lost, what team is going to</B></div> <div> <B>tell me they lost?"</B></div> <div> <B>"Yinz Guys!"</B></div> <div> <B>“I give up!”</B></div> <div> <B>"I Give Up? There is no team named that!"</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>In the last game of the first round, it was 'Snob Hill' vs. 'Jagoffs'. (A</B></div> <div> <B>fine representation of a truly Homeric class struggle.)</B></div> <div> <B>Despite the fine efforts of the 'Snob Hill' crew, the game delaying, heckling</B></div> <div> <B>and otherwise inane acts (i.e.: Shot putting, line fouling, tossing balls into the</B></div> <div> <B>electrical connections) of the 'Jagoffs', proved to upset </B></div> <div> <B>the game plan of the 'Snob Hill' group. Better luck next year! At least you </B></div> <div> <B>get the pleasure of heckling your neighbors for getting a Horse's Ass Award! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>In round 2, the 'Keggers' were hoisted on there own pitard, as their ringers</B></div> <div> <B>missed some major shots. (Karma always gets them cheaters in the end.) This</B></div> <div> <B>gave the lead to the'Pool People', who didn't look back from there, unless</B></div> <div> <B>you count Memory's looking at the back side of Tommy the referee, every</B></div> <div> <B>time he had to measure a ball. (She claimed to be trying to read the tape</B></div> <div> <B>measure. Yeah, right.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>In the second game of the round, no matter how they wiped the balls and</B></div> <div> <B>tossed them off, the 'Jagoffs' just couldn't seem to get a grip on the stiff </B></div> <div> <B>competition erected by the 'Commish's Gang'. It seemed the 'Jagoffs' lacked </B></div> <div> <B>proper training, and should have came early and played with themselves a bit for</B></div> <div> <B>practice. I'm sure Lee could arrange for there to be balls for them to play</B></div> <div> <B>with.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Finally, in the big game, the 'Pool People' shut out the 'Commish's Gang' 11-0,</B></div> <div> <B>winning the prestigious Bocce Trophy for 2009! There was much hoopla,</B></div> <div> <B>fanfare, and puddle splashing. (Pool people, what do you expect?) The </B></div> <div> <B>celebration was made even more intense by the fact that there was a </B></div> <div> <B>Cleveland Browns fan who actually got to cheer a winning team!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I would like to thank Lee, Ruth and Linda for hosting this event. Thanks to</B></div> <div> <B>all who pitched in with food, and to the campground for allowing the use of</B></div> <div> <B>the hall for setting up the buffet. </B></div> <div> <B>To all the winners congratulations! </B></div> <div> <B>To all those who were defeated, remember: </B></div> <div> <B>THE WINNERS SUCK AND NEXT YEAR THEY ARE COMING DOWN! </B></div> <div> <B>Not very sportsman like, but hey, we're competitive!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Didja notice?</B></div> <div> <B>There were a few people who claimed to have never played the game who</B></div> <div> <B>made some excellent shots, and a proportionate number of experienced</B></div> <div> <B>players who played like idiots? Must be that Karma thing again.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Didja notice 2?</B></div> <div> <B>There is always someone (or 2) who won't tow the line?</B></div> <div> <B>And that one of them was a Jagoff? Not surprised?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Didja notice 3?</B></div> <div> <B>The meatballs made this year weren't hermetically sealed in the cooker like last year?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I've heard of men who were big enough to go bear hunting with a switch.</B></div> <div> <B>But this was the first time I'd ever heard of a guy kicking a fish out of a</B></div> <div> <B>stream. Now after thinking on this and doing a little discrete investigation,</B></div> <div> <B>I came to the conclusion that speed and accuracy were not the major</B></div> <div> <B>factors used for fishing in this manner. I comes down to the size of the</B></div> <div> <B>tool, or weapon, depending how you look at things. If you drop a toy boat in</B></div> <div> <B>the water, you make a little splash. If you drop one of Monte's barges in</B></div> <div> <B>the water, you make a small scale tsunami. Tuna and swordfish could get</B></div> <div> <B>washed out, let alone a few dozen pan fish.</B></div> <div> <B>I hear from a good source that woodland creatures, up to and including</B></div> <div> <B>deer, are targets for this fish and game leviathan. Bear hunting? Who</B></div> <div> <B>needs a switch? Just kick the furry bastards out of the woods!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Next weekend, we a planning a Golf Cart Rodeo. Have your carts, and co-drivers</B></div> <div> <B>ready to perform some fun skill tests! Meet at the Red Bull Dance Hall at noon on </B></div> <div> <B>Saturday!</B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#008100" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B>We have heard that Les Porter's father has passed away. Our thoughts and</B></div> <div> <B>prayers are with Les and his family at this sad time.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>9/21/2009 </B></div> <div> <B>Autumn Begins </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I know you don't want to hear it, but it happens anyway. As always, autumn is welcomed at Crystal Springs with the annual Round Up Dinner and Dance for the seasonal campers. </B></div> <div> <B>As usual, the food was abundant and excellent. </B></div> <div> <B>Thanks to all who contributed, the owners for footing the bill, and a big thanks to Deb & John Cattley who did the bulk of the work in preparation and clean up.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>If you didn't eat there, you missed a good one. Those who didn't miss, made a good show of themselves. </B></div> <div> <B>We packed away 51 pounds of roast beef, 250 pieces of chicken, 18 pounds of potatoes, 5 gallons of whole kernel corn, and countless amounts of things brought in for pot luck, which covered 28 feet of table. By the end of dinner, and after the dance, it was virtually all gone! That's pretty good for just over 100 people!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Heather and Rocky are planning on starting up the Camper's Association again. </B></div> <div> <B>One way to help out, and prevent the burn out of the association leaders, is for campers to get groups together, pick an event, and put it together, like Rocky and Heather do for Halloween or Lee & Ruth with the bocce tournament.</B></div> <div> <B>I plan to set up some golf cart events, more so for next year, but if I get anyone interested, we can do something the weekend after the Bocce Tournament. Which, by the way, is next weekend. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Saturday night's cool temps brought on some major fire hugging. Just to let those who left know, Sunday night was in the 60's all night. In fact, Sandy, as well as I, ran our air conditioning.</B></div> <div> <B>How typical. Just like the weekends that it rains, it always clears up at 4pm Sunday. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Our little buddy Willie is in Children's Hospital, room 705. He'll most likely be in there until Wednesday. You can send him an e card at:</B></div> <div> <A HREF="http://www.chp.edu/CHP/ecards" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.chp.edu/CHP/ecards"><U><B>http://www.chp.edu/CHP/ecards</B></U></A><B>   I'm sure he'd like a lot of them.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>There wasn't to much funny in this report. I did observe some funny stuff, though. </B></div> <div> <B>Not funny(ha-ha), but funny(strange). After my many years as an internet pundit, I find that reporting funny(strange) stuff as funny(ha-ha) stuff is not always funny(ha-ha) to the funny(strange) people. So, I have to be very careful what I post, because there are those who will tell you that my idea of funny(ha-ha) is sometimes funny(strange) to them, but completely hilarious(guffaw) to me. </B></div> <div> <B>So I have a funny(strange) sense of humor. That's funny(ha-ha) to me.</B></div> <div> <B>At any rate, I'm not saying anything about anything, even if I was there. It's your golf cart.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>In an unrelated event, I will mention the towel. This is a completely new towel event, and not related to the last towel event. Wild horses will get no more out of me then that.</B></div> <div> <B>I know that sounds funny(strange) to most of you. But, to a limited few, it's funny(ha-ha).</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>9/14/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Slow weekend.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>That it was. Not a large group of folks, but we still managed to have a few laughs. Or cry's. It depends on weather you are a Steelers or Browns fan.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It would seem the two-way radio craze is ramping up at camp. Nothing is new under the sun. It seems the little FM jobs are reliving the CB radio craze of the 70's, or at least in our little microcosm. Handles, channel nick names, location nicknames, etc., are coming around again. Everybody be sure to learn your ten-codes! </B></div> <div> <B>Excuse me for not leaping into the fray, but after 25 years in trucking, with the CB as a necessary evil, I tend to be a bit jaded. </B></div> <div> <B>Anyway, fun is fun, and if it's fun for you, enjoy them all you can! </B></div> <div> <B>Just remember, </B><I><B>I am not now, and never have been, anyone's good buddy.</B></I></div> <div> <B>A good buddy is a man who will go out and get 2 blow jobs and bring you back one. It is a supreme insult to most truckers.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Among the new code names is "The Post". Oh, I'm sorry, was that secret? Ok, I won't tell where it is.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>We played a few good rounds of Golf Cart hide and seek, which I always like. Speaking of carts, Special Ed got himself a Yamaha, after a summers long quest. Congratulations, my friend. Let's hope you have a bit more luck then the Little Princess (another secret radio handle). She is striving to have the most towed golf cart in the camp. Take it easy, honey. When I said the G-1 Yamaha's were virtually indestructible, I was using a bit of hyperbole, not throwing down a gauntlet! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Speaking of towed, it helps the tow-er if the tow-ee releases the brakes. Got it Monster John? And while we are on the subject of the Woods Monster of Crystal Springs, it would appear he has struck again with the same results. 'Spontaneous physiological reaction' they call it. (Having the piss scared out of you.) Always an entertaining guy, he gave us quite a display of golf cartery, with a big finish in the creek. </B></div> <div> <B>You should turn the lights on before you drive into the ditch, not after. But hey, I didn't have to tow him out of the ditch, he pushed it himself. Good job. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I heard a few grunts and grumbles about the lot rent deposit invoices being sent already. What's the difference if it came now? Did you think you wouldn't get it? It isn't going to go down in October.</B></div> <div> <B>Look at it this way. </B></div> <div> <B>You can leave your camper sit there from Oct. 15 to May 1, for about $15.38 a month.</B></div> <div> <B>Outdoor storage at a self storage location is about $50.00 a month</B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#FF0000" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B>*</B></FONT><B> and you have to tow it there. </B></div> <div> <B>If you get a nice day in the winter, you can take a ride up to camp,and see some wonderful wintry scenery, for $100.</B></div> <div> <B>Or you can go sit inside of a chain link fence and stare at the little roll up  doors for $325. Mmm, fun.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#FF0000" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B>*</B></FONT><B> source: </B><A HREF="http://www.rt22selfstorage.com/3.html" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.rt22selfstorage.com/3.html"><U><B>www.rt22selfstorage.com</B></U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>9/8/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Labor Day!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The last holiday of the season. It looks like the campers made the best of it. </B></div> <div> <B>Thanks to Kenny and D for the big spread they put on at their place, which I didn't attend.</B></div> <div> <B>Not out of any animosity, of course, it's just that I hade made a previous commitment. Which brings me to comment on Tommy's gyro dinner. I swear, they were the best gyros, I've had in a long while. It stands to reason though. Kris says Tom looked like a Greek god when they married, but now he just looks like a goddamn Greek.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Auction time again! What a deal! How much stuff did you buy? I got out light this year. </B></div> <div> <B>I was glad he had the good old pepperoni sticks. Ah, the penile humor! You just can't pass it up! And then, when he sold the horse clocks, well, let's just say I thought he already </B><I><B>had</B></I><B> sold them.</B></div> <div> <B>You never know about that pepperoni.</B></div> <div> <B>No one bought the 'Amazing, Vibrating, Tired Muscle Soothing Massager'. He should have</B></div> <div> <B>sold them before the pepperoni and horse clocks.</B></div> <div> <B>And didn't you just love Lee's new stainless steel serving tray? It has a unique handle on the bottom, which is big enough to be a horse clock it's self! You know, you never can tell about Lee. He's liable to do something completely crazy and inappropriate with that tray. Like using it to spread spackling compound on the dry wall! What a nut!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I didn't make it to the dance. I did hear some reports, and it would appear that the usual hi-jinks were going on. The change in entertainment was acceptable to everyone I talked to. I heard that one of the band members of Wild Turkey had a heart attack, which was why they canceled. I hope he is doing well.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>While you were twisting the night away, a few of us were studying the theory that the proper mixture of soil and water can increase the earth's gravitational pull on a golf cart. Maybe we can get a government grant to study this further. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>While on the subject of golf carts, we are planning to get together a little golf cart rodeo. We  were trying out a new driving skill game this weekend, which brings us to the black 55 gallon empty drum that was in the field. The object is to push the drum around a set obstacle course with your golf cart. A few folks tried it and had fun with it, so I think it will be in the program.</B></div> <div> <B>A few others tried some alternative activities with the drum. Hey, it's at your own risk, and I don't really care, you can't hurt the drum. Just keep it out of the lake. </B></div> <div> <B>I still haven't figured out why it was up in a tree, or how it got there.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>And for those of you who haven't heard:</B></div> <div> <B>Sometimes you leave your mark on the world.</B></div> <div> <B>Sometimes the world leaves it's mark on you.</B></div> <div> <B>Yes, I dumped my motorcycle. I made a mistake.</B></div> <div> <B>To the nice folks I was riding with and the nice folks in Geneva On The Lake, Ohio who rushed to my aid, I say thank you, very much.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>To the guy who stopped and asked, "Did you have an accident?",</B></div> <div> <B>I say, "Of course I did you dope, do I look like a friggin' stunt man?"</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>8/31/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Erie trip redux.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So it was back to Erie this weekend, finally completing our mission to view Admiral Oliver Hazard Perry's flagship, the Brig Niagara. We saw her at the dock as she was preparing to move to the public pier for some sort of beer tasting yuppie thing. Once at the public pier, she was only open  1 hour for touring, before she sailed on a day trip. I envisioned </B></div> <div> <B>one hour divided by 100+ people = 39 seconds per person to tour the ship. Don't sneeze.</B></div> <div> <B>At any rate, the Maritime Museum where she docks is well worth the trip and very interesting. Check the pictures that we have so far in the 'Road Trips' album.</B></div> <div> <B>Even Randy liked it.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Who's Randy? Well, you'll just have to ask Lee. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>We also made a stop at the politically correct Tom Ridge Environmental Center, near Presque Isle. It has displays of the flora, fauna and eco-system of Presque Isle and the Bay. The building is all environmentally low impact and of an enviro-weenie green design. It has a 75 foot observation tower, which provides and excellent view overlooking the trendy and tolerant Beach # 1, which is the beach of choice of the persons who choose an alternative (homosexual)  lifestyle. (It's none of your business how I know that.)</B></div> <div> <B>A true liberal paradise.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>There was a campfire on Heather Hill on Saturday night. I'm glad the folks had fun, and I was also glad to see they had a big bucket of water with them to control their campfire.</B></div> <div> <B>An  A+, folks, thanks for protecting the woods and the campgrounds.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>After returning from a cart ride through the woods, Karen discovered she lost her cigarettes. Back to the woods we go, given the cost of the demon weed, it's cheaper to burn the gas and find them. We were watching for a white and gold pack. Do you know how much stuff looks white and gold in those woods right now? Tons! </B></div> <div> <B>But, we found them, strangely enough, on the road to Heather Hill!</B></div> <div> <B>Which, by the way, was named for our Queen of Halloween, Heather.</B></div> <div> <B>(Click below to cue back ground music:)</B></div> <div> <B> <embed src="HTMLobj-1062/twilightzone.wav" autostart="false" width="145" height="70">  </B></div> <div> <B>A strange coincidence? What went on up on that hill? A cigarette sucking vortex? Some sort of 'smoke signal'? Strange incantations? Weird noises? Why was it circled by black helicopters for 2 hours? Does any one really know?</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>8/24/2008</B></div> <div> <B>History has been made!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>That's right, those of you who have been here a while can remember how many</B></div> <div> <B>times campground co-owner Ron has gone into the woods with the dozer, tractor,</B></div> <div> <B>or Big Ollie the back hoe to retrieve a camper's stuck vehicle. Well, in a unique</B></div> <div> <B>change of events, I was able to return the favor, quite possibly for the first time</B></div> <div> <B>in camp history! I am honored, and was glad to be of service!</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="40c80e00.jpg" border=0 width="640" height="480" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>How about that Halloween Party! Thanks to Heather, Rocky, Ron, Hazel, Joe, </B></div> <div> <B>D.J. Smitty and all who helped! There were, as always, great decorations, and </B></div> <div> <B>great costumes on both adults and kids. Congratulations to all the winners! My </B></div> <div> <B>personal favorite was Neptune's hot little mermaid. Then again, a scantily clad </B></div> <div> <B>babe will always get my vote! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Doug is having an identity crisis. He kept saying "I'm Rick James, bitch!".</B></div> <div> <B>I'm thinking he can easily solve his crisis. Just look in a mirror. Rick James is black, </B></div> <div> <B>and the last time I looked, Doug was white. Pale, even. But the biggest difference</B></div> <div> <B>is, Rick James died in 2004. Every thing that was dead on Doug was revived in </B></div> <div> <B>1998, with the introduction of Viagra.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Sage advise department: If you are going rock collecting, make sure that the collector</B></div> <div> <B>can actually collect said rock without staggering, and is straight enough to use edged </B></div> <div> <B>tools safely. Lucky for all of us, her fast thinking friend dislodged the rock while her </B></div> <div> <B>back was turned, because I was beginning to worry about her hatchet striking accuracy.</B></div> <div> <B>Daylight would work wonders, too.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Doug, his lovely wife D.J. and I took a bike ride to Erie to check out some touristy things </B></div> <div> <B>in the lake port city. We took the elevator ride to the top of the Bicentennial Tower in</B></div> <div> <B>historic Erie Bayfront Park. The tower's observation deck is 168 feet in the air and </B></div> <div> <B>offers quite a view of Presque Isle, the Bay, and the city. It's a neat feeling to look down at seagulls as they fly around getting fed by the tourists, and then promptly digesting</B></div> <div> <B>their meals and flying over to shit on the tourist's cars. One had his sights set on Doug's </B></div> <div> <B>Fatboy. Doug says payback is a bitch, Mr Seagull. I would imagine a man shitting from</B></div> <div> <B>168 feet in the air and trying to hit a seagull could get him banned from the park.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Chivalry is not dead. A 20 mile detour is nothing to a knight on a shining iron steed, to </B></div> <div> <B>help a damsel avoid distress. If you know what I mean.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"Happy birthday to Ru, "</B></div> <div> <B>"Happy birthday to Ru, "</B></div> <div> <B>"Happy birthday to Ru - u," </B></div> <div> <B>"Happy birthday to Ru!" </B></div> <div> <B>(Sounds like a Chinese sing a long.)  </B></div> <div> <B>We love ya, baby. Thanks for the cake!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Now that's entertainment. Pierro told jokes for at least an hour and a half at Trish's</B></div> <div> <B>campfire. Too bad I heard them both before.</B></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>CHECK THE SCHEDULE  FOR UPCOMING EVENTS ON 'CAMP INFO'!</B></I></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>8/18/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Since I was unable to attend camp this weekend, I am entering a couple of "Best Of The Eye" stories from the archives. Hope you enjoy them!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Top Ten Signs You're at a Bad Camp</B> </div> <div> <B>10.</B> Lifeguard is a David Hasselhof standee with a whistle.</div> <div> <B>9.</B> Many of the counselors are still wearing their prison uniforms. </div> <div> <B>8.</B> At the end of the tether ball rope is a sun-bleached human skull .</div> <div> <B>7.</B> The bonfire is fueled entirely by documents from old law suits..</div> <div> <B>6.</B> At meal time, they send you into the woods with a hunting knife and say,   "Don't come back empty handed!" </div> <div> <B>5.</B> Golf cart parade has a "Death Mobile" entry. </div> <div> <B>4.</B> The mosquitoes gang up and kill a horse. </div> <div> <B>3.</B> Dead horse + 1,000 volts = 8 seconds of horseback riding. </div> <div> <B>2.</B> They give you a special repellent to prevent bites by copperheads. </div> <div> <B>1. </B>Entrance sign; "CAUTION: BIOHAZARD!"</div> <bR> <div> From the news:</div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <I><B>Korean Ambassadors Meet</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>Linesville, Pa. </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>  </B></I>Ambassadors from Communist Bastard North Korea met this week with representatives of the Pennsylvania Fish Commission, to discuss unilateral nuclear disarmament of the Communist Bastard State of North Korea.</div> <div>   "It's a matter of survival." said Communist Bastard North Korean Ambassador, Duk Phuc Dink.</div> <div>   "Communist Bastard North Koreans are living in a state of squalor. Our people are starving, our economy failing, so our Glorious Leader, Duk Dik Suk, says we must spend 300 billion Communist Bastard Korean dollars to build nuclear weapons." </div> <div> (About $87.50, U.S.D.)</div> <div>   Family names are listed before the individual names in Communist Bastard North Korea. After several CIA and State Department studies, The U.S. discovered that 75% of Communist Bastard North Koreans have the surname, Duk.</div> <div>   "Who better to deal with irate Duk's that the Pa. Fish Commission, with it's long time relationship with rogue ducks in the Pymatuning area?" said Senator Ted Kennedy (Drunk, Mass.)</div> <div>    "With the help of Gov. Elect Ed Rendell (Lush,Harrisburg.) and the Pa. Fish guys, we should be able to negotiate a treaty with the Communist Bastard North Koreans right here in Linesville." said Kennedy (Drunk, Mass.)</div> <div>   "Not only will it secure our place in history, but it will give us a great chance to say 'Nyaa-Nyaa' to the Bush administration. And if the Communist Bastards won't comply, just load them in my Oldsmobile, there's plenty of bridges and water around."</div> <div>   Linesville, in north west Pennsylvania, is in the ancestral back yard of Former Pa. Governor and Capo de Tutti of Homeland Security, Tom Ridge (Republican, by God, Washington D.C.) It is known far and wide for it's tourist attraction 'The Pymatuning Spillway, Where the Ducks Walk on the Fish'.</div> <div>   "Any group of people that can get wild ducks to perform in public, and create a viable income source from it, is who we want to work a deal with the Communist Bastard North Korean Duks." said Gov. Elect Rendell (Lush, Harrisburg). </div> <div>   After a fine sampling of the seafood buffet at The Driftwood Restaurant, the Communist Bastards were given stale bread to feed the fish and ducks at the Spillway. </div> <bR> <div> Related Story:</div> <bR> <div> (Linesville Pa.) A Communist Bastard North Korean assistant ambassador was arrested and charged with criminal trespass and attempted fish abuse by Pa. Fish Commission officers, when he jumped into the spillway waters to make a sandwich from stale bread and live carp.</div> <div>   "Sounds gross to me, but those chink sons a bitches all eat their fish raw." said Pa. Fish Commission officer, Abraham Byler. The Communist Bastard Assistant Ambassador, Duk Soop Lik, was fined $5oo and is being detained in Byler's barn until deportation proceedings are completed by Homeland Security Capo de Tutti, Tom Ridge (Republican,by God, Washington D.C.)<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Georgia" > </FONT></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>8/10/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Pool, no...Lawn,no...Rain Party!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The best way to see that everyone gets wet is to have a pool party in a blinding rain storm!</B></div> <div> <B>Look at the money you save in chemicals! Suffice to say, rain can not and will not dampen</B></div> <div> <B>the party spirit of the Crystal Springs campers! The turn out this year, even with the</B></div> <div> <B>weather reports, was larger than the 4th of July crowd.</B></div> <div> <B>What a display it was! Strange clothing, strange behavior, strange brews, wait, I must</B></div> <div> <B>remember who I am talking about! This place is bizarro world on pool party day! Everything</B></div> <div> <B>is normal. (Well, maybe not bestiality, or live sacrifice.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Take for instance, Rocky auditioning for the Village People 'Rainbow Fireman' position.</B></div> <div> <B>He found the cowboy, and was looking for an indian and a construction worker. </B></div> <div> <B>Or, then there was Big Denny the Hoochie Coochie Hula Boy. What a costume! Such a </B></div> <div> <B>colorful bra! Some would say that he is secure in his masculinity, to wear a get up </B></div> <div> <B>like that. I hope so, but I think his security was a large amount of the afore </B></div> <div> <B>mentioned strange brews.</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>Let us not forget Memory. (If you forget Memory, that would be a loss of memory,</B></div> <div> <B>and we don't want to lose Memory, or memory of Memory. But if you loose memory, would </B></div> <div> <B>you remember losing memory of Memory?) </B></div> <div> <B>Mem has perfected the art of ambush dancing. It doesn't matter if you want to, don't want to, or can't dance, she dances with you anyway. It was fun to watch, I wish I had a dollar to stick down her bra.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Trish was Trish. What more can I say?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Did the Disc Jockey ever let a song play to the end? I understand some overlap, but loosing whole verses? </B></div> <div> <B>'Blame it all on my roots,</B></div> <div> <B>'I showed up in boots,'</B></div> <div> <B>'And ruined your black..'</B></div> <div> <B>'Tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree,'</B></div> <div> <B>'It's been three long..'</B></div> <div> <B>'Long time ago, and I can still remember how that music used to make me smile.'</B></div> <div> <B>'And I knew..'</B></div> <div> <B>'(I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew) She could make me happy! (Happy..)</B></div> <div> <B>'Happy trails to you! 'til we meet again!'</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Oh, Smitty, where for art thou?  </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Better save some of those band aids on the golf cart for Pierro's noggin, once Paula gets the repair bill.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I'm still trying to find out what Stagger D is going to do with the 2 quarters she has. </B></div> <div> <B>I hope she's ok. She was twisting at the dance, and over torqued her twister.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Eyeing up the bar maid department: You were being observed by a pro, baby. I have been</B></div> <div> <B>strategically seating myself at bars for over 30 years, all over the United States.</B></div> <div> <B>Few, however, match the amazing views to be had here.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Later in the evening, most of the party animals moved into the Red Barn for Karaoke and poker.</B></div> <div> <B>It was sort of like a poor man's Vegas style casino. Live entertainment, and gambling. Well, we assume they were alive, but most likely just pickled beyond recognition.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Speaking of pickled, did anyone survive flip cup?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"What time is it?" </B></div> <div> <B>"11:35."</B></div> <div> <B>"Woo Hoo!"</B></div> <div> <B>"What time is it?" </B></div> <div> <B>"11:36."</B></div> <div> <B>"Woo Hoo!"</B></div> <div> <B>"What time is it?" </B></div> <div> <B>"11:37."</B></div> <div> <B>"Woo Hoo!"</B></div> <div> <B>(Repeat until Midnight!)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>One last bit of advice. It's nice to know you were willing to share your talent</B></div> <div> <B>with as many folks as possible, and by gosh, we sure appreciated it! </B></div> <div> <B>But if you are going to ride around the campgrounds on a golf cart</B></div> <div> <B>and puke on the roads, please don't puke on Kenny's new asphalt. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>8/4/2009 </B></div> <div> <B>Reality TV is not reality</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The big campfire discussion was about the 'Wife Swappers' reality show,</B></div> <div> <B>and how some of the campers would react if they tried it. Don't try this at home kids.</B></div> <div> <B>It was discussed for about 2 hrs and 3 couples had swapped, divorced, swapped again,</B></div> <div> <B>divorced again, reconciled, fought, and offered their services to a single guy who was</B></div> <div> <B>originally just an observer. Maybe there is a show there!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Yet another golf cart gets boinged to the rarified air of a lift kit. Bob and Jules gave</B></div> <div> <B>the trusty EZ Go six more inches by using an aftermarket device. (Come to think of</B></div> <div> <B>it, I saw a porno flick along those same lines!) They also found out rule number 1 for </B></div> <div> <B>lifted golf carts. The lift kit does not prevent getting the cart stuck. It just enables </B></div> <div> <B>you to go farther in to the woods and find deeper mud holes.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Lend me your ears? Marlene said she heard a spider walking around on a her tent last week.</B></div> <div> <B>Darling, darling, after all these years with a trailer, haven't you learned not to go out </B></div> <div> <B>and sleep in a tent? The spiders walk around in the trailer too, but the insulation and </B></div> <div> <B>upholstery absorb the noise of them stomping their feet. If, that is, spiders actually </B></div> <div> <B>have feet.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>While we are on the subject of ears, make sure look at Vonda's ear rings, so you can help </B></div> <div> <B>identify them when they get lost. She's been having a hell of a time with that problem, </B></div> <div> <B>lately. Maybe the spiders are stealing them. At any rate, the poll results are in, and a </B></div> <div> <B>pencil eraser is the number one choice for an ear ring clutch replacement.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A new rule for hide and seek: If your children are riding along in the game, make sure </B></div> <div> <B>they are on YOUR cart. I, for one, do not want the liability or responsibility. Not that</B></div> <div> <B>I don't like kids, but that's the way it is. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Here is another valuable tip: After midnight, keep your woohoos in the woods. You have </B></div> <div> <B>the inalienable right to your woohoo, much like free speech, but you can't call "Here Kitty, Kitty" in a Chinese Restaurant, cry out "Pull your pants up!" in a confessional, or woohoo in a safety zone after quiet time. It's just not polite. Funny, but not polite.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Tripod/Lycos crisis update!</B></div> <div> <B>After many complaints, logical arguments, temper tantrums, threats, black mail, and outright bribery, Tripod has opted to continue to accept Trellix and CuteSite uploader files for it's paying customers! (That's us!)</B></div> <div> <B>Now this may not mean much to you, but it will insure that the graphic quality (?) of this website will retain the same high standards to which you have grown accustomed. </B></div> <div> <B>The quality of the subject matter, however, will remain unchanged. It's a computer program, not a comedy writer. (Or for that matter a miracle worker!)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>7/27/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Whoopie ti yi yo! Get along little dogie!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It's always nice to hear about someone expanding their horizons.</B></div> <div> <B>Now mind you, Carol and Gary have not given up on their cats, but </B></div> <div> <B>while on a local outing they tried their hand at cattle herding. Well,</B></div> <div> <B>make that cow (1) herding. It seems that Bossy went for a hike and </B></div> <div> <B>decided to stop in the middle of the highway, and then, enter our heroes.</B></div> <div> <B>Carol, ever the fearless animal lover, held Bossy at bay while Gary </B></div> <div> <B>checked at the nearest house for the owner of Bossy. He struck out.</B></div> <div> <B>So, with the help of some other motorists, they herded Bossy into the</B></div> <div> <B>field by the roadside. </B></div> <div> <B>I hear, to celebrate the event, they went home and had a fine steak dinner.</B></div> <div> <B>Bossy is looking for you, Carol. And, boy is she pissed.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Russell 'Hustle' finally got his lift kit! The "boing" installation was handled</B></div> <div> <B>by Frank, Frankie and Tom, with contributions from Big John and Les. </B></div> <div> <B>Russell is celebrating the kit addition by offering free tours of the</B></div> <div> <B>campgrounds, woods and all points in between!</B></div> <div> <B>(Licensed drivers only.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Another big bocci and corn hole match at Peanut's Playground, Saturday night.</B></div> <div> <B>That, once again, brought out a nice crowd. If only somebody would just take </B></div> <div> <B>care of that fire.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Sunday night was cream sickle night at Memory's place. Mem, Ro, Stagger D,</B></div> <div> <B>Sherry and Sandy were sipping some sort of pastel slurry that resembles and</B></div> <div> <B>allegedly tastes like a melted cream sickle. I didn't try it, because I don't </B></div> <div> <B>do ANYTHING pastel, no matter how much vodka is in it.</B></div> <div> <B>I will say it seemed to be creating the desired effect, but, pro's that they</B></div> <div> <B>are, none fell off the golf cart on the ride home.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>7/21/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Screw the dolphins.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>We got to see the rare occasion of Bonnie being up after midnight!</B></div> <div> <B>Those who were around a few years ago will remember the last time</B></div> <div> <B>Bonnie was up late and just tenderly on the edge of complete</B></div> <div> <B>inebriation. That was the time she gracefully slipped from the back</B></div> <div> <B>of Tommy's golf cart and into the pond, doing the Crystal Springs</B></div> <div> <B>special activity 'Swimming With The Carp'. (Not to worry. Her cigarette</B></div> <div> <B>stayed dry and she didn't spill her beer. What a camper!)</B></div> <div> <B>Bonnie follows a more conservative behavior pattern these days.</B></div> <div> <B>The toughest act to follow, is your own. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Speaking of tough acts to follow, you have to see this one:</B></div> <div> <B> <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="https://www.youtube.com/v/BJPtj76oUqo&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="https://www.youtube.com/v/BJPtj76oUqo&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>  </B></div> <div> <B>This is Gibsey. Gibsey and his family have been here a couple of</B></div> <div> <B>weekends, and are searching for a trailer to become seasonal members.</B></div> <div> <B>That, my friends is a tough act to follow! Don't even tell me they</B></div> <div> <B>won't fit in!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Contrary to what you may have heard, we do not play 'Hide the Drunk Girl'</B></div> <div> <B>here. We prominently showcase all of our drunken folks!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I'm sure most everyone has seen the movie "Caddy Shack". Mr. Squirrel, </B></div> <div> <B>the gopher's cousin, is doing his thing at Special Ed's place. He stole </B></div> <div> <B>a waffle before our very eyes. You gotta watch those squirrels, give them</B></div> <div> <B>a waffle and who knows what's next?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Finally, I just want to clarify something.</B></div> <div> <B>Does Pumpkin know he is Pumpkin?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>7/14/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Jersey Kickin'</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>That is what the game was this week end. </B></div> <div> <B>Poor Danny, who buy the way, hasn't lived in New Jersey in over 10 years, took the blows and stood proud for his home state. The abuse ranged from his accent to his alleged sexual preference, and both were verified by his "I'm no homino sexual!" statement.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>To Danny's credit, he did show his sense of humor, absorbing the good natured abuse of a rather large group of fellow campers, and returning as well and as much as he could. </B></div> <div> <B>In his defense, he has moved away from the 'Land of The Sodomites' to Aliquippa, and has learned what chipped ham is, that steak salads have french fries in them, and that making 7 slices in a round pizza produces 8 cuts. He is still learning to deal with 'yinz' n nat, still prefers Budweiser over Iron City, and may not know the difference between 'Dahn Tahn' and 'Dahn Street' but we hold out hope for his future.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I hope we have all learned a little more about our eastern neighbors this week.</B></div> <div> <B>Do you know what a Waa-Waa is? </B></div> <div> <B>The answer, my friends is in New Jersey.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I was looking at the schedule for Raceway 7, which is just 15 miles or so north of Andover, and saw that they were going to have a special show on Friday, July 31. They are planning, for the first time ever, to jump over a swimming pool with a motor home. </B></div> <div> <B>Now, that's entertainment for campers! Anything the involves airborne camping equipment and large volumes of water, has to be fun. </B></div> <div> <B>Even more so, to a group with a track record like some of our gang!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>7/7/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Fourth of July Aftermath</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Another Forth under our belts, with little or no injuries! Imagine that! Of course there was a missing person. Little Carl was last seen at Wally’s. We think one of those Amish backslider women toted him off. He’s either lost in the bliss of forbidden love, or doing laundry. For his sake, after seeing some of those Wally Girls, I hope it’s laundry.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I was asked, “Is it possible to wake up drunk?” </B></div> <div> <B>Now there could be a couple of answers to that question. If you drink a lot, and sleep a little, you could wake up drunk. If you drink an entirely ridicules amount and pass out, you could wake up drunk.</B></div> <div> <B>There is a sure fire way to answer the question, all by yourself. </B></div> <div> <B>Wake up sober. Once.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I was also asked, “How can I wake up a drunk?”</B></div> <div> <B>That’s simple. Don't, and give us all a break.</B></div> <div> <B>By the way, if you're going to wake up, drunk or sober, in someone else’s trailer, make sure it’s by invitation.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>And don't complain about me being a non-drinker kicking the drinkers around. Everything I write about drinking is backed up with extensive personal experience.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Please refrain from making crop circles in the farmer’s fields. Remember, it was pissed off neighbors that got the Linesville Police’s dim view on fire works aimed our way.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>There was a ‘Smart Bug’ spotted at camp. What is a smart bug you ask? They are spotted by where they land on a women’s body. It’s just smarter to land some places instead of others. And a true gentleman is always ready and willing to dive right in to the rescue when he hears, “Get it! Get it off me!” Chivalry, my friends, is not dead.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Fish beware when the Crystal Springs little fishers hit the pond! Today was the Jr. Fishing Tournament, and 21 kids tried to catch prizes as well as fish. Here are the winners:</B></div> <div> <B>1. Alex G. 10 years old - 26.5” carp - rod & reel</B></div> <div> <B>2. Robbie R. 9 years old - 22.5” carp - rod & reel</B></div> <div> <B>3. Christopher C. 8 years old - 7 fish, 46.5” total - rod & reel</B></div> <div> <B>4. John W. 13 years old - 4 fish, 26.25” total - tackle box</B></div> <div> <B>5. Austin F. 11 years old - 2 fish, 13.75” total - T shirt</B></div> <div> <B>6. Tony R. 9 years old - 2 fish, 13.5” total - T shirt</B></div> <div> <B>7. Nathaniel K. 4 years old - 2 fish, 12” total - rod & reel</B></div> <div> <B>8. Mikah B. 11 years old - 2 fish, 11.75” total - T shirt</B></div> <div> <B>9. Nathan N. 10 years old - 1 fish 7” - T shirt</B></div> <div> <B>10. Micheal W. 11 years old - 1 fish 6.5” - tackle box</B></div> <div> <B>Honorable mention:</B></div> <div> <B>Nichole D. 16, tackle box; Samantha A. 4, towel; Heaven W. 7, hat; Carly W. 7, hat; Tyler T. 10, hat; Max Y. 11, hat; Jude S. 11, hat; Jasmine C. 10, T shirt; Travis C. 4, hat; Maddie V. 6, hat; Sam V. 9, T shirt.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A special thanks to Kenny, Denise, Niki, Little Kenny, Smitty, Gail, Paulette, Jeff, Russell, Steve, Crystal, Ruth Anne, and all the others whom I may not have named, that worked to arrange and present this event. They would also like to thank all those who donated to the prize pool. Pictures will be posted as I receive them. Kenny assures me that next year’s tourney will be even better!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>7/1/2009</B></div> <div> <B>I wasn't there.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Injuries happen. Aren't they all a case of 'Wrong place at the wrong time'?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Wait, I hear of two injuries? Two different people, and two distinct body areas? Now that could be right place at wrong time, or wrong place at right time.</B></div> <div> <B>Most likely it is any place at any time. Could be anybody, too. </B></div> <div> <B>Just get well, friends.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I also hear the big Kubota trail pounder is in town. Lookout trees!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I need a boing. "A what?" you might ask? A boing. Frank has a boing. He bought a cart for Karen and 'BOING' it was lifted! That's a neat tool!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The Fourth is nearly upon us. Let's try not to destroy anything valuable. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>By the way, check out the 'Archives' link on the home page. This is the first page that I have built under the new soft ware. If you don't know my old editing software is obsolete and will not be functional after July 31st. I should be able to maintain the content and quality (or lack there of) that you have grown accustomed to. I ask that you please bear with me through this upcoming crisis. I will be tapping the Jack Daniel's in August.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>6/22/2009</B></div> <div> <B>What a weekend.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It was quiet. How quiet was it? It was so quiet, when John lit a citronella candle, campers gathered around it and got drunk! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Talk about scary stories by the fire light-picture Rocky walking up to your fire and saying: "I'm sorry but I was 'triple dog dared' to do this!" </B></div> <div> <B>That will strike fear in the heart of any man. I was expecting a naked mambo dance on my picnic table, but we lucked out and got a fireside belly dance instead. I wish I had a video camera, that would've have worked nicely in a </B><I><B> "Rocky Gone Wild "  </B></I><B>video. Somebody should follow him around, they could make a mint.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Speaking of around, I saw Ron Learch (forgive my spelling if it's wrong) and he thankfully is still around after a bout with some cardiac problems. We're glad it's going well for him. He told me he can go back to work Monday, but he can't lift over ten pounds. Please refrain from making comments about lifting any hoses.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I was perv-ing around the pool fence Sunday, and was glad to see pool patrons observing the new rules. Every one was drinking Pepsi Lite in the newly restyled cans and chewing bubble gum cigarettes with realistic looking powdered sugar based artificial smoke. It was an amazing sight seeing people standing motionless in the pool so as not to be rough housing, horse playing, splashing, making loud noises or disturbing other patrons while they waited for the organized, controlled athletic games to start.  I think maybe one rule was broken, however. I don't know who for sure, but someone, it is rumored, took a bath before entering the pool instead of the required cleansing shower. </B></div> <div> <B>Tsk, tsk. You're going to ruin it for everybody.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>By the way, the pool party will now be known as a lawn party. Please mark your calendars.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>6/15/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Just tell them it can climb.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>That's right, my loyal fans. As it says on the home page, no one is immune. Not even me. </B></div> <div> <B>Let me say in my own defense, that anyone can drive a golf cart on the ground. Being your webmaster, and sometimes ring leader it is my job, no, </B><I><B>duty  </B></I><B>to push the envelope for the good of all campers.</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>I am here to report that under the right conditions, it is possible to get a golf cart to climb a tree. And I, my friends, was sober when I did it. </B></div> <div> <B>It's the tires. I was testing a new set of agricultural-style lug tires in one of the mud holes in the woods, and I got hooked by a limb laying in the mud, that was leaning against the tree. The cart followed the limb like an inclined railroad, and up the tree we went. I was stuck there until Terry and Vonda stopped laughing enough to rescue me.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>But, hey, a minor set back never stops me. Further into the woods we go, blazing new, uh, hiking and biking trails. While watching for cart swallowing quick sand, I failed to notice a low hanging branch which caught on the roof of my cart, clothes line style. For those not familiar with my cart, as with all G-1 model Yamaha's, the roof is attached only behind the seats, and the entire rear of the cart opens up to access to the engine. Well, when the tree hit the roof, the roof moved up, along with the engine cover and, you guessed it, the seat. Of course, with me in it. I was lifted so high, that my foot left the gas peddle, and the cart came to a stop with me sitting about 5 feet off the ground.</B></div> <div> <B>Once again, Terry and Vonda howled so long that I had to save myself! Don't ask me about it. Nobody tells it better then Terry and Vonda. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I thought I had the golf cart stunt of the weekend, but Sandy upstaged me by laying hers on it's side in a ditch. The same ditch, and only 10 feet from where Doug landed that time he flew out of my cart. I love families that do things together.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I hear it was amateur night at Wally's. I won't mention any names. But I understand that the pole was used more for holding up the dancers, not for dancing. They came away with aches, pains, bruises, and an unaccounted for ten bucks. Don't you love these senior citizen outings?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Casting Call! There is apparently going to be a remake of Alfred Hitchcock's movie, "The Birds". One of the little feathered maniacs attacked Special Ed's forehead while he was sitting at the picnic table. Not to worry, Ed. It wasn't an acid flashback, it really happened, and we have a witness.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A toast to the Penguins! Let me just say, that no matter what, or how much you drink in celebration, your hangover is not Lord Stanley's fault. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>While on the subject of celebration, I hate to tell you that the official word on fireworks in the campground is "No".</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Happy Birthday Trisha. I remembered your birthday this year, did you?</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>6/8/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Hey, the pools open!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Make sure you read the new State/Insurance required pool rules. They cover most everything except: No Farting or Picking Your Ass; and No Baby Ruth Bars.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Sage wisdom and insight heard at a campfire: God is great, Beer is good, People are wack-jobs. Good stuff, and true. I have noticed that the wack-job wackiness goes up as beer goes down. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>If Sandy has a wide mouth, that's ok. Wide mouth jar, that is. Jeez, get out of the gutter, already! It's a canning thing! That doesn't mean you  can comment on her can, either.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>There is no rule against Tonga torches in the woods, but carrying burning cans of flammable  liquids  on a golf cart may not be the best idea. (See 'Sage Wisdom" above.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Five of the best questions you can hear on a Sunday Morning:</B></div> <div> <B>Have you seen my golf cart?</B></div> <div> <B>Who's camper did I sleep in last night?</B></div> <div> <B>So, did you run naked in the corn field last night?</B></div> <div> <B>Have you seen my flag?</B></div> <div> <B>Where did I throw my cooler? (Don't worry, it was empty. He wasn't that drunk.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Welcome to Kathy, John and Jason, weekenders that were hangin' with the crowd. They told yours truly that they really liked the camp, the people, and the good time they had.</B></div> <div> <B>I would be nice if they became seasonal. They seemed to fit in real well, and maybe the Texas Hold 'em gang will have a shot at getting their dough back. That's right! Jason cleaned their clocks! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Bocce closers? Yuppers, we got them. When part of the green team left for the casino, Karen T.and I stepped in, bowled 2 rounds for a total of 5 points, and closed the game. We are entertaining offers for the Bocce Tourney at the end of the season. Bid high.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Last, but not least, real valuable info.</B></div> <div> <B>Listerine, dryer sheets, etc. do not repel mosquitoes. Your best bet is to use a Deet based repellant. It repels mosquitoes and ticks, the little blood suckers that can make you ill, and have caused death. For more information on Deet go to: </B><A HREF="http://www.deet.com" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.deet.com"><U><B>www.deet.com</B></U></A></div> <div> <B>You're welcome.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>5/31/2009</B></div> <div> <B>All hail the Sofa King!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>For the first time in my life, I was wished a most lugubrious evening. Now I realize that sometimes the old random access memory isn't what it used to be, and I thought I knew the definition of lugubrious, but I could have been wrong. I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken. At any rate, being wished a most lugubrious evening is in fact one of life's few self-fulfilling prophases. After being wished a lugubrious evening, I was overcome with a lugubrious frame of mind, and did indeed have a lugubrious evening. So, my friend, you may have started something, by using the word lugubrious in a sentence. Hundreds of people are now looking up the definition of lugubrious, and their enlightenment will be thanks to you. A true renaissance man, that Sofa King. But, I am the Webmaster. He may have used lugubrious once in a sentence, but I have used it nine times in one paragraph. I'm good. In fact, I'm Sofa King good!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I looked to be a quiet weekend, with the low attendance. But, never fail, campers always come through. A man standing with an alleged stuck zipper and a kneeling women trying to fix it. Picture that. Was it stuck going up or coming down? Must have been going up, he was smoking a cigarette.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I was sitting up in the field, and took a head count of the geese. There were 124 of the feathered shit machines there, that I could see. They out numbered the campers this weekend about 2 to 1. They didn't out number the mosquitoes, however. I wonder if we can train the mosquitoes to eat the geese, instead of us?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>We had an intrepid lone tenter this weekend. One man, one car, one tent. The theory was raised that maybe he was a fugitive in flight, hiding out at the camp. Possible, I suppose. </B></div> <div> <B>But,the average criminal doesn't lie low with a 1967 GTO. </B></div> <div> <B>I'm thinking maybe he was doing his bucket list. The car he always wanted, and one last camping trip. I hope not. It gives me a lugubrious feeling. ( That makes 10 times on a web page.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A big thanks to Doug W. When I slipped into a mental lapse, and left my luggage on my porch, Doug came to my rescue. I owe you a beer, buddy.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Today I noticed that I, like most folks, have a unique group of things in and around my trailer. After quizzing myself on why I keep some of this stuff, I began to wax philosophical.</B></div> <div> <B>"Sometimes, the best possessions in life have absolutely no reason to be kept, but keep them we do."</B></div> <div> <B>That will give you something to think about this week. Plus, it may stop a divorce or two.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>5/25/2009</B></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>God of our fathers, known of old--</B></div> <div> <B>Lord of our far-flung battle line--</B></div> <div> <B>Beneath whose awful hand we hold</B></div> <div> <B>Dominion over palm and pine--</B></div> <div> <B>Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,</B></div> <div> <B>Lest we forget--lest we forget!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="40afa3a0.jpg" border=0 width="250" height="314" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <IMG SRC="1e0f4140.jpg" border=0 width="500" height="20" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <div> <B>Check out Russell Malloy's award for a state champion record Steel head on the Photo Page "Fishin' Spot"! Congratulations Russell! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Now I may have seen everything. Maggie the dog is a ventriloquist. She snarled, growled, and barked at Rich and never moved her lips!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Patty's Swamp ain't the La Brea Tar Pits, but it will suck in a golf cart and keep it there. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A statement: "I was sitting in the field, alone, in the dark, staring at a tree that I couldn't see. Two golf carts went by, loaded with 5 guys and two girls. Do you think the five guys and two were girls were up to something odd?" Define odd for me. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>That noise you heard late Friday night was a weekender parking his motor home, right behind you. You always knew it could happen someday.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Young love. A trip to the woods on a golf cart, soiled and grass stained clothes on return. "We brushed against a tree limb!" Ok, what ever you say. Brook needs a brother, anyway.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>How do you play Golf Cart Hide and Seek? Same as any hide and seek, basically, except with a few variations. How do you play Golf Cart Hide and Seek in the field? Don't go in the woods. (Best for children under 10 and adults over 50 who are afraid of the woods.)</B></div> <div> <B>First of all, you start out on a golf cart. Most players stay on their carts to the end of the game. Some exit the cart for various reasons, like monster attacks, team woods peeing, or accidental ejection. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Team spirit in hide and seek is a good thing. </B></div> <div> <B>Visiting camp virgin, Gail, says "I'm not leaving my team! They are the best!" </B></div> <div> <B>That whooshing sound was her abandoning her team and my cart when the tenters called out "Party Time!" </B></div> <div> <B>Gail had never experienced anything like our hide and seek, or, I suppose, any kind of off roading. I've had riders pray before when I was driving, but never after I had stopped and was hiding. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Hide deep in the woods in total darkness, add unidentified grunting and snorting noises, and you have a good reason to want to get caught. I wasn't scared, but Sandy wanted to go, so I did. Quickly.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I hear there was a Corn Hole tourney this weekend. Is it presumptuous to ask who is the best corn holer? That, I suppose, is a lifestyle choice, and none of our business.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I also hear that the crowd at the band was a bit subdued. Same old - same old. ( Stop yawning! Have a little respect!)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Maybe we'll start a pool on how many miles Russell puts on his Craftsman Tractor. At least he is doing something productive. I just transport tipsy campers to and from their beer supply's. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>By the way, our milk carton camper has been found, and the reward paid. If you want to turn in cute chicks anyway, that would be fine.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Did you ever notice, when you finally get the mosquito bites from last night to stop itching, the first bite on the next day makes them </B><I><B>all</B></I><B> start to itch again?</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>5/18/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Correction.</B></div> <div> <B>Please excuse my mistaken identification of one of the campers in last weeks report. I called Niki by the wrong name, and have changed it, after receiving her e-mail. The name was wrong, but apparently, everything else was right. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Ok. First you get a golf cart. Then you get busted for no lights. Then you get lights. Then you get 3 friends to help install then. Then you borrow  tools from 2 more. Then you receive a donation of reflectors. Then you pick up 1 more helper and a consultant (yours truly). Then they all work diligently in the rain for 3 hours, installing and testing the lights. Then, and only then, do you </B><I><B>not</B></I><B> drive the golf cart at night. </B></div> <div> <B>I'll bet you don't come home on time for romantic dinners, either.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Congratulations to Special Ed! He won 70 matchsticks at the Texas Hold 'em card tourney. That's right matchsticks. We would never gamble illegally here. I understand he was able to sell the matchsticks to a collector, completely unrelated to the card game, for a dollar a piece. That's our story and we're sticking to it.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I heard someone say their dog was smart enough to know the difference between it's sock and it's ball. Big deal. I've been able to do that for years.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Helpful information department: </B></div> <div> <B>Sitting around a campfire, exchanging obscenities in foreign languages.</B></div> <div> <B>Sitting around a campfire, planning ways to get your look a like brother in trouble.</B></div> <div> <B>Sitting around a campfire, (this is more common then you think) telling every one "What I would do if I owned this place!"</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I come to praise Brian, not to bury him. I'm here to tell you, that his 'Super Brian Burger' is one of the best burgers I have ever eaten. No kidding!</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>Has anyone seen this missing person?</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="40948cf0.jpg" border=0 width="328" height="463" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Last seen near New Castle, Pa., crying over a Sportster.</B></div> <div> <B>Known associates: Hockey Moms, Bikers, Campers.</B></div> <div> <B>Has been known to visit Crystal Springs Campground.</B></div> <div> <B>May behave erratically while under the influence of alcohol.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Report any sightings to:</B></div> <div> <B>crystalspringseye@gmail.com</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>5/11/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Hocus, Pocus! May I Never Focus!</B></div> <div> <B>The toast of a true camper. Keep drinking that spiced rum, my friend, and you won't!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Once again, that most famous question: Will I make the website?  </B></div> <div> <B>Yes, </B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#CC0000" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B>Niki</B></FONT><B> darling you did. Being the party ring leader, almost always gets you here. "Ring leader? Me?"  'fraid so. You were lobbying heavily for a trip to Wally's, that makes you the vanguard of the approaching onslaught of this year's display of bad behavior. Fear not, my love. You are walking on a well trod path, worn in by legions of campers who have gone before you.</B></div> <div> <B>It sort of brings a tear to my eye to see the youngsters flexing their wings.</B></div> <div> <B>Or bending their elbows, at least.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Next question: Were we there?</B></div> <div> <B>Yuppers! I understand that gold old C.S. was well represented at Wally's Saturday night-uh, make that Sunday morning. It's like a regular thing to get together a slightly impaired gang, (did I say slightly?), and make the trip. Just be careful, and use a D.D. Remember, Les offered to haul all of yinz' there in his Wally Van.</B></div> <div> <B>If you really want to be wild, go there sober. That'll fix ya!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Still another: Shall I bleach my porch post?</B></div> <div> <B>Nah, I think it will be ok. The alcohol fueled stripper trainees were off in their calculations. They thought they were seductively dancing and rubbing the pole, when they were actually clinging to it, trying to remain upright. Just hose it off, if you're really worried.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>One question for the parents: "Can I go frog hunting with my boy (or girl) friend?" Sure, just be careful, and behave yourself. (I'll bet the frogs had nothing to worry about.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I have a question: Do you know why they sell that hat in pairs? To put it politely, the second one is to cover it up with. To quote Rodney Dangerfield- "What a hat! If you buy a hat like that, they should give you a free bowl of soup! Oh, it looks good on you, though!"</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="40845050.jpg" border=0 width="325" height="261" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>One last question from an inquisitive lady: Do men have 'cycles'?</B></div> <div> <B>Yes, some do. Harleys if they're lucky.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>I have just learned that John Ford's mom had passed away, Sunday May 3. Let our prayers and thoughts be with his family in their time of sorrow.  </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>5/4/2009</B></div> <div> <B>First official weekend.</B></div> <div> <B>Yes, here we go again! Camp is official for the 2009 season. It's good to see all the campers coming back for another go-around. It would have been the perfect weekend, had the cold wind left us alone. Not that the chill dampened any spirits, or stopped said spirits from flowing. Everyone was in a "Let's get the party started!" mood. And start it they did.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>What did we learn this weekend? Well for one thing, when the little women wants hot water for her shower, by God, she wants it now! Of course we can't fault her old man, he's usually in hot water for one thing or another, so he didn't notice. Ain't love grand? </B></div> <div> <B>Any way, if you bring me in to the fray as a character witness, make sure I'm up to speed first. </B></div> <div> <B>When called upon, I gave the wrong answer. If I don't know what's up, I'll find a polite way to throw you under the bus. </B></div> <div> <B>It was self defense, your honor. (I know I'll get hit on the head anyway.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>After all the rain the last few days, there is a nice crop of mud holes out in the woods. It is not an area for the faint of heart (or lungs, for that matter). If you need pushed, try to avoid the heart and lung patients, thank you.</B></div> <div> <B>You know, it isn't a place for the faint of golf cart, either. In fact,after only one trip through the woods, one cart turned green and fainted. Oh, it was green, already? Imagine that. You would think I'd have noticed, after it was washed 20 times by the labor crew. (Who do, in fact have their green cards.)</B></div> <div> <B>Come to think of it, the tow rope was green, too.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I see the fishers were out at the pond, doing their stuff. Did ya ever notice a lot of times you'll see Smitty fishing with a gang of kids around? It's great to see a wonderful sport being passed on to a new generation. You go, bro.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Speaking of fishing, make sure you fishers check out Russell's hand tied flys and lures. They are works of art, and there is proof that they work. Just ask Russell about the monster Steelhead he caught! I'm sure Russell will sell a few of them, and someday, when he replaces Bill Dance, you will own one of his original hand tied flys! </B></div> <div> <B>"Yep, I knew Russell when he was just startin' out..."</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>If you are more interested in live bait, you can always catch the frogs and tadpoles in the pool cover.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>And a parting shot: </B></div> <div> <B>If you want to increase your primitive camping numbers, get rid of the garbage pile in the middle of the field. Make a compost pile for the limbs, leaves, clippings and pine needles, (over by the top soil pile would be good), and put the garbage in the dumpster. Maybe, fellow campers, we should start doing this on our own. The more tenters we have, the less our membership cost goes up.</B></div> <div> <B>What a concept.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>4/27/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Spring Training</B></div> <div> <B>The optional spring training weekend has passed, with about 35-40 campers attending. The training exercises were not mandatory, but each camper selected the practice that they felt would improve their experience through out the year.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Here is a list of the offerings:</B></div> <div> <B>1. Utility Failure</B></div> <div> <B>Campers prepare for loss of water, electric and/or sewage.</B></div> <div> <B>2. Intra-Camp Sports Team Participation</B></div> <div> <B>Campers practice performing while inebriated, verbally abusing opponents, and first aide.</B></div> <div> <B>3. Operation and Maintenance of Golf Carts.</B></div> <div> <B>Campers drive through various track and weather conditions, discuss performance upgrades, compare past operations and current conditions.</B></div> <div> <B>4. Competitive Sun Bathing (weather permitting)</B></div> <div> <B>Female campers dress in bathing suits and get a jump on the tanning season. Male campers practice wolf calls and binocular use.</B></div> <div> <B>5. Pond Fishing</B></div> <div> <B>Campers sit on the bank of the pond, and watch fish jump near the opposite bank of the pond.</B></div> <div> <B>6. Campfire Overview</B></div> <div> <B>Building and maintaining campfires. Applying dynamics that combine a group of campers, fire and alcoholic beverages, and studying the outcome. </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>4/17/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Here fishy-fishy.....</B></div> <div> <B>Good luck to all the trout. </B></div> <div> <B>That's right the trout. The fisherman usually create their own luck, through skill, perseverance and technology.</B></div> <div> <B>Yet where would we be, with out the wily little trout, and his finned friends? </B></div> <div> <B>-Massive sporting supply and support industries would be in the toilet. </B></div> <div> <B>-Television shows, and possibly cable networks would be silent. </B></div> <div> <B>-Beer brewers may have to wait another week to sell their million gallons. </B></div> <div> <B>-Bill Dance would be a greeter at Wal-Mart. </B></div> <div> <B>One more straw on the broken camel's back of the economy? Not on my watch.</B></div> <div> <B>Good luck, little trout. Make the fishers earn their keep.</B></div> <div> <B>And fishers one and all:</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>Give thanks for the one that got away,</B></div> <div> <B>That you may fish another day.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>4/13/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Just for the record.</B></div> <div> <B>I know most of you have an inkling of my political views. The current President was not inline with what I think is the best path for this country.</B></div> <div> <B>Be that as it may, I am sitting and chuckling as the liberals are now squaring off to attack each other as they find out that their own sub section of the party is not at the top of the list, as promised it would be during the campaign.</B></div> <div> <B>I point out the latest outcry over the Obama's new dog. The President promised his daughters they would get a dog, after the election. As anyone with children knows, this type of promise must be fulfilled, or suffer the indignation of the little bast...er, ah, darlings.</B></div> <div> <B>Bo, the dog in the lime light is a Portuguese Water Dog (PWD). The bread does not shed, so it is good for the Obama children's allergies. The dog was adoption arranged by Senator and Mrs.Ted Kennedy (Dem.Rad.Lib.,Massachusetts), who have dogs from the same breeder.</B></div> <div> <B>Now comes the attack of the liberals. The animal rescue groups are all up in arms, because the Obama's didn't rescue a dog from the pound, and may create a rush in the seedy puppy mills for PWDs. Conspiracy theorists claim the dog is just one more payback by party hack Kennedy, and that the dog's story was to be that it was a rescued dog. Well, the real story got out, and you can bet the dog didn't talk.</B></div> <div> <B> The spin is, that the 'original owner' of the dog couldn't keep it, so the Obama's, via Kennedy, took the dog. Therefore, it is a (get this) "Quasi-Rescue", according to Wayne Pacell, Humane Society CEO. </B></div> <div> <B>The dog came from The Stern Kennels in Texas, and the original purchaser was contracturally bound to return the dog to Texas, if it didn't work out. The Kennedy's stepped in to get the dog for the Obama's.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So lets look at what the Democrats and liberals will have to whine about:</B></div> <div> <B>1. The dog came from the dreaded state of Texas, ancestral home of George Bush.</B></div> <div> <B>2. The dog was not a rescued dog, to the chagrin of the animal rescue gang.</B></div> <div> <B>3. The dog is being held against it's will, to the chagrin of the animal rights gang.</B></div> <div> <B>4. The dog is not politically correct, as an animal of color. It has too much white on it.</B></div> <div> <B>5. The dog is the symbol of on going American domination over the Portuguese.</B></div> <div> <B>6. The dog is political payola from a United States Senator.</B></div> <div> <B>7. The dog will be fed meat and/or meat by-products to the shock of the vegans.</B></div> <div> <B>8. The dog has been neutered and will have to have psycho-analysis to assuage the stress.</B></div> <div> <B>9. "The dog doesn't know he just moved in with the President of the United States"</B></div> <div> <B>        -Nat. Geo. Channel's Dog Whisperer, Cesar Millan</B></div> <div> <B>10. The dog issue will most likely be ignored as waste of time by most Republicans.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I guess I'm not most Republicans, but it was my time to waste.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>3/30/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Official Website</B></div> <div> <B>Yes, campers our campground has it's very own </B><I><B>Official Website!</B></I></div> <div> <B>Check it out at </B><A HREF="http://www.crystalspringscampground.net/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.crystalspringscampground.net/"><U><B>www.crystalspringscampground.net</B></U></A><B> , your new location for </B><I><B>Official Camp related news and information!</B></I></div> <div> <B>Ahh, but not to worry, my beloved fans! The Crystal Springs Eye will remain in all it's wasted band-width glory for your entertainment and edification! Also, the www.crystalspringseye.com address is again functional, and will bring you here!</B></div> <div> <B>Don't forget, there should be a good sized group at the camp for the Trout Season opener, Saturday, April 18th!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>3/14/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Early Starters</B></div> <div> <B>In a generous display of self sacrifice, several campers went to Wally's this weekend to help raise an economic uplift in the area. It was reported that there was, in fact, no federal stimulus money involved, but there was a lot of money driven stimulus transpiring.</B></div> <div> <B>One camper, who wished to remain anonymous, said "We just went to see what was up, and by the time we left, it was!" </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Rumor has it that a section of roof in the dance hall has caved in under the weight of the snow. I had dispatched reporters to the sight, and they promptly got their official reporter van stuck in the mud. Les was called to the rescue, and our intrepid reporters got the scoop! The hall is still standing, with a little roof sag.</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="40380e00.jpg" border=0 width="640" height="480" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B> Stuck Intrepid Reporter Van</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>3/10/2009</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="40280e00.png" border=0 width="640" height="480" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>2/21/09</B></div> <div> <B>Fishes and loaves.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I suppose most of you have heard, but I'll tell you anyway. The Pa. D.E.P. has rescinded the law that banned the tossing of bread to the fish at the spillway. You should savor the moment! It is rare that the state ever changes their position, once they have enacted any sort of assholery.</B></div> <div> <B>Of course it is obvious that it was bad for the fish, because you only see one or two of them there, after over 70 years of feeding. </B></div> <div> <B>Now that tradition has been returned, make sure you stop and feed the fish. Just don't leave any trash around. </B></div> <div> <B>Here's a tip: take your bread there in a paper bag. Should you accidentally drop it in the lake, it degrades faster then plastic. If you don't drop it, it's easier to use to clean goose shit from your shoes. </B></div> <div> <B>No thanks needed. Happy to help!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>2/18/2008</B></div> <div> <B>Yahoo - NASCAR Fantasy Racing</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Might as well join the fun! </B></div> <div> <B>Go to the link, sign up your team, and join our group, </B></div> <div> <B>"The Camp Town Racers"! </B></div> <div> <B>Go Here to sign up: </B><A HREF="http://sports.yahoo.com/fantasy" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://sports.yahoo.com/fantasy"><U><B>http://sports.yahoo.com/fantasy</B></U></A><B>  </B></div> <div> <B>Then click on the NASCAR Fantasy Racing link. Follow the instructions, and once you are ready, our group number is: </B><I><B>33179</B></I><B>  and our password is:   </B><I><B>gofast </B></I></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>2/13/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Winter wind blows.</B></div> <div> <B>(Both a statement and an opinion.)</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3fd80e00.jpg" border=0 width="640" height="480" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3ff80e00.jpg" border=0 width="640" height="480" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4014d050.png" border=0 width="589" height="517" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>2/7/2009</B></div> <div> <B>So I'm slipping on the job. It's icy,OK?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Hey, it's winter time, ya know? Bears and bear like critters (yours truly), like to hibernate during this time. So if we do wake up on occasion, we don't always rush out and start tearing up smaller animals and property right away. We have to work ourselves up to it, sort of. </B></div> <div> <B>If I was gonna tear up a small animal, I'd go after that furry little bastard, Punxy Phil. Six more weeks of winter. Jeez. Why weren't his handlers hung over after the Super Bowl like everybody else? They could have skipped it, just out of respect.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Clean up on aisle 4 department.</B></div> <div> <B>Speaking of winter doldrums, rumor has it my favorite retired Master Plumber has major league cabin fever. For those who don't know, Don used to own the trailer next to me that Karen and Frank have now. Don has bought a house in Espeyville, and is enjoying (sic) his first winter of retired bliss. So far he has shoveled his driveway 400 times, just to while away the hours. </B></div> <div> <B>Some advise for Sandy, Don's sweetie: Applying for a job at Ray's Market is a warning sign. If he apply's at Wally's Bait Shop, Amish Bakery, Fireworks, and Exotic Dancing Paradise, seek help immediately!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B> </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>1/20/2009</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I sadly received news today that </B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B>Katherine Weist had passed away.</B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Katherine was the Grandmother of Tammy Gardener who, with her husband Jim, had purchased the Metz's trailer in the campground last year. Most of you also know her sons, Nick and Josh Spiegel, the twins who visited at camp with their Aunt and Uncle, Ruth and Lee Nana.</B></div> <div> <B>Although I did not know Katherine, I do know a little about folks in general. The "Apple and Tree" theory is all too often used in the case of poor character, but it also applies to good character.</B></div> <div> <B>Fine and good people create more fine and good people.</B></div> <div> <B>I can vouch that Katherine Weist's legacy is running true, as most of us know, in her granddaughter and great grandsons.</B></div> <div> <B>And heaven has, most assuredly, gained another angel.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>May our prayers and thoughts be with Katherine's loved ones at this time.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>1/7/2009</B></div> <div> <B>Service with a smile!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I became confused when I heard these terms </B></div> <div> <B>with reference to the word 'service'. </B></div> <div> <B>Internal Revenue 'Service' </B></div> <div> <B>U.S.Postal 'Service' </B></div> <div> <B>Telephone 'Service' </B></div> <div> <B>Cable 'Service' </B></div> <div> <B>Civil 'Service' </B></div> <div> <B>Customer 'Service' </B></div> <div> <B>State, City & County Public 'Service' </B></div> <div> <B>This is not what I thought 'service' meant. </B></div> <div> <B>But today, I overheard two farmers talking, </B></div> <div> <B>and one of them said he had hired a bull to </B></div> <div> <B>'service' a few cows. </B></div> <div> <B>BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those </B></div> <div> <B>'service' agencies are doing to us. </B></div> <div> <B>I hope you are as enlightened as I am. </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> For all of our friends that like to say, </div> <div> "You're not really camping if you are in a trailer."<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="3fcae130.jpg" border=0 width="430" height="275" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> ALWAYS REMEMBER: BEARS LIKE TENTS. </div> <div> BEARS DO NOT LIKE TRAILERS.</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Time for dinner!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>That's right come join the gang at the Willows Inn for our winter get together!</B></div> <div> <B>Saturday January 3, 2009 at 4:00 PM.</B></div> <div> <B>They feature a full buffet of great food, a bar room, and motel rooms.</B></div> <div> <B>The Willows Inn</B></div> <div> <B>1830 Midland Beaver Rd.</B></div> <div> <B>Pa Route 68</B></div> <div> <B>Industry, Pa. 15052</B></div> <div> <B>(724) 643-4500</B></div> <div> <A HREF="http://www.willowsinnpa.com/index.html" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.willowsinnpa.com/index.html"><U><B>www.willowsinnpa.com</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <B>Location "A" on this map:</B></div> <div> <B> <iframe width="640" height="480" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" src="http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode=&q=willows+inn,+industry,+pa&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=34.450489,56.25&ie=UTF8&s=AARTsJoVNeVyRkyotvwZuiHCwLuSHGhwCg&ll=40.672046,-80.397949&spn=0.124989,0.219727&z=12&output=embed"></iframe><br /><small><a href="http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode=&q=willows+inn,+industry,+pa&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=34.450489,56.25&ie=UTF8&ll=40.672046,-80.397949&spn=0.124989,0.219727&z=12&source=embed" style="color:#0000FF;text-align:left">View Larger Map</a></small>  </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>HAPPY NEW YEAR!</B></div> <bR> <div> 2008</div> <bR> <div> <B>12/30/2008</B></div> <div> <B>I hope everyone had a great Christmas, and wish one and all a Happy New Year!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The website will be going through some minor technical upgrades over the next couple of weeks. If you access the site via the  www.crystalspringseye.com domain, you may not get through to the site until I'm done. You can always use the URL address: </B><A HREF="https://members.tripod.com/vpotts129/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="https://members.tripod.com/vpotts129/"><U><B>https://members.tripod.com/vpotts129/</B></U></A></div> <div> <B>That should still work through the repairs.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I thank you for your visits, and hope not to be too long with my work.</B></div> <div> <B>See you at the Willows!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>12/20/2008</B></div> <div> <B>The Band Schedule Is Out!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>That's right! The 2009 band schedule is official. I'm sure most of you got yours in the mail like me, but make sure you check the camp info page to see if they are the same.</B></div> <div> <B>(I made you look!)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>For those of you who like to save this page, don't forget, I'll be archiving it after the first of the year. You can just copy and paste, and dump it in a file. Not only will you have your very own copy, but you can have the ultimate pleasure deleting it, moving it to the recycle bin, or saving it and printing it out so you can throw it in the trash again and again! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Want to see & hear some really unique guitar playing, check this out: </B><A HREF="http://http://www.wimp.com/crazyguitarist/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://http://www.wimp.com/crazyguitaris"><U><B>Andy McKee</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <B>Pauly's family is at dinner, the 10-year-old daughter isn't eating much, and she just keeps her head down... After a few minutes, she says, "I have something to tell you." Everyone gets silent and they all listen. "I am no longer the virgin I used to be." And she begins to cry.</B></div> <div> <B>A long silence, and Pauly speaks to Mrs. Pauly: "It's all your fault, you know? Always dressed and made up like a bimbo! You think that's an example for your daughter? Always wallowing on the sofa all day watching soap operas! That's why problems like this come up!</B></div> <div> <B>Then Mrs. Pauly lights in on Pauly: "And YOU! Do you think that you're a good example? Wasting your scrawny paycheck with your drinking buddies, chasing that tramp who lives down the street! Do you think that's a good example for a little girl 10 years old?"</B></div> <div> <B>Then Pauly charges back in: "And her sister, the town slut, with her dope-crazed boyfriend, always with their hands all over each other and screwing in every room in the house! You think that's a good example too?" And it goes on and on, back and forth.</B></div> <div> <B>Then the grandmother hugs the little girl to console her and asks, "Now, darling, how did this happen?</B></div> <div> <B>And the little girl answers, trying to hold back her sobbing: "Father Michael chose another girl to be the Virgin in the Christmas pageant this year!"</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Merry Christmas!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>12/14/2008</B></div> <div> <B>Time for dinner!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>That's right come join the gang at the Willows Inn for our winter get together!</B></div> <div> <B>Saturday January 3, 2009 at 4:00 PM.</B></div> <div> <B>They feature a full buffet of great food, a bar room, and motel rooms.</B></div> <div> <B>The Willows Inn</B></div> <div> <B>1830 Midland Beaver Rd.</B></div> <div> <B>Pa Route 68</B></div> <div> <B>Industry, Pa. 15052</B></div> <div> <B>(724) 643-4500</B></div> <div> <A HREF="http://www.willowsinnpa.com/index.html" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.willowsinnpa.com/index.html"><U><B>www.willowsinnpa.com</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <B>Location "A" on this map:</B></div> <div> <B> <iframe width="640" height="480" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" src="http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode=&q=willows+inn,+industry,+pa&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=34.450489,56.25&ie=UTF8&s=AARTsJoVNeVyRkyotvwZuiHCwLuSHGhwCg&ll=40.672046,-80.397949&spn=0.124989,0.219727&z=12&output=embed"></iframe><br /><small><a href="http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode=&q=willows+inn,+industry,+pa&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=34.450489,56.25&ie=UTF8&ll=40.672046,-80.397949&spn=0.124989,0.219727&z=12&source=embed" style="color:#0000FF;text-align:left">View Larger Map</a></small>  </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>12/10/2008</B></div> <div> <B>My latest rant.</B></div> <div> <B>This may seem funny, but when you think about it....</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>First read this: </B><A HREF="http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081205/ap_on_bi_ge/farm_scene_cow_tax_2" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081205/ap_o"><U><B>http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081205/ap_on_bi_ge/farm_scene_cow_tax_2</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <B>The EPA and the environmentalist/communists are getting out of hand. If this goes through, YOU will pay more for milk and food! That food will most likely come from a foreign country! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Once they tax farm animals for emissions, your pets will be next! Maybe not by directly taxing the owner, but taxing dog and cat food. How much will it be for all the horse owners? Let's go a bit further-you land owners may be responsible for the wild animals on your land! </B></div> <div> <B>And, let us remember, that WE also emit the unholy methane and the dreaded carbon dioxide that is going to KILL US ALL!!! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Yes someday, you will pay a breathing tax, unless, of course, you can hold your breath, and not fart for 80 years.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Liberal environmentalists have been shoving their diatribe down the throats of Americans for years. One thing I notice about them, they love all the trees, that is until they grow up and block their view of the lake.</B></div> <div> <B>I often wonder if the methane gas that gets emitted from the 3 wetlands that they forced the citizens of our township to live with, is somehow different from the dreaded cow fart? </B></div> <div> <B>Read the article at the link above. You will find that the issue is being pushed by P.E.T.A.- People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. They think you should all stop eating meat, and just eat vegetables.</B></div> <div> <B>Quinn's Axiom tells us that liberalism always does the opposite of it's stated intent.</B></div> <div> <B>In other words, if we all eat veggies like P.E.T.A. wants us to, the typical human digestive tract will create MORE gas. But, maybe that's the good methane, like from a wetlands.</B></div> <div> <B>You know, something stinks around here.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>12/1/2008</B></div> <div> <A HREF="http://www.letssaythanks.com/Home1024.html" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.letssaythanks.com/Home1024.ht"><U><B>Click here to Send a Thank You Card to a Soldier</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <B>That's right! Click on the link above, fill out a simple form, and the Xerox Company will do the rest! It's fast and easy, and greatly appreciated by the troops! </B></div> <div> <B>Do it now! The Web Master has spoken!!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I took a ride up to camp Saturday. Everything looked ok on my drive by. </B></div> <div> <B>I gave Don Fennell (Master Plumber) a call and we met for lunch at the Spillway. Don, as most of you will remember, used to own the trailer next to me that Frank and Karen are in now. Don, originally from the Avalon (Pittsburgh) area, bought property and a mobile home over near Espyville. He retired last week and is looking forward to spending time with his lady, Sandy, and considering getting a pontoon boat. Fishing, I think, is mandatory after retirement. Congratulations to Don, and good luck!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>No more breakfast with Elvis. That's right, the Driftwood Restaurant, one of Linesville's icons, auctioned off everything, and closed the doors. It is a sad time for diners in the area. I'm going to miss the place, it's just been a "Go To" place for me as long as I have been going to the lakeland area. That's over 20 years! Boy, are you guys getting old!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Don't forget, deer slayers, to post your hunting pictures on the photo page! Better hurry! We already have 208 photos posted, that only leaves 9,792 photos we can upload!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>11/26/2008</B></div> <div> <B>Happy Thanksgiving!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Say it fast, it won't be here long. The "Sparkle Season" has launched it self upon us, even earlier this year. I'm already warming up my humbugs. The pity is, Thanksgiving and Christmas are steadily being buried by the hype. People wonder why I don't shop until after December 23. That's because I Christmas shop. Not Thanksgiving shop. Or Sparkle Season shop. Or even Festavis shop!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>We had a gang get together at the Fire Mountain Restaurant last Saturday. In the crew were 18 campers. Trust me, we gave it our best shot, but they just keep the food coming at that place!</B></div> <div> <B>Cold? I'll say! It was about 20 degrees outside, and 23 degrees inside our 'VIP Dining Suite'. The manager claims a faulty furnace blower was the problem, but I disagree. I could tell by the steam from my breath, that his frigging furnace blows. He's lucky the food is so good.</B></div> <div> <B>Next time, I'm sitting by the steak & barbeque grill.  </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>May all of you enjoy your traditional holiday, what ever it mat be. Remember to give thanks to God, this and every day, for all the blessings we have in our lives.  </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>11/14/2008</B></div> <div> <B>You Can't Escape!</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>Guess who thought she could turn FIFTY years old, unnoticed?</B></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="4171f920.jpg" border=0 width="287" height="402" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>Over the hill, October 24, 2008</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A note from Jannelle Ford, about her brother's new gig!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Shank Named Competition Director of O’Reilly All Star Late Model Series</B></div> <bR> <div> CAMARGO, Ill. --<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > The O’Reilly All Star Late Model Series announced today that Jason Shank of Pennsylvania will be the Competition Director for the series. Shank comes to the O’Reilly All Star Late Model Series with a wealth of experience and talent that will make for a smooth transition into 2009.</FONT></div> <bR> <div> 2009 will mark Shank’s sixth season working with Late Models. In previous seasons he has served as a consultant to tracks, drivers, and series, helping to put on some of the best shows with the best talent.</div> <bR> <div> “The O’Reilly All Star Late Model Series is a great series to be working with,” stated the editor of Dirt Track Digest. “I feel that with our point’s fund and our Rookie of the Year program this will be a huge success.”</div> <bR> <div> Shank has posted his reputation in the Late Model community by being a part of many different media formats. As mentioned, he is the editor of Dirt Track Digest, is co-host of Pennsylvania’s #1 racing talk show, and has served as a media liaison. Shank’s efforts garnered him the 2007 Bill Steinbach Memorial Media Award.</div> <bR> <div> “I feel that my reputation within the Late Model community will turn into a great relationship with drivers and fellow staff members,” adds Shank. “The biggest thing in this sport is respect; and that along with our schedule and point’s fund will help make for a great season.”</div> <bR> <div> The O’Reilly All Star Late Model Series will be launching their new website very shortly and will have all of your O’Reilly All Star Late Model Series news and information.</div> <bR> <div> <B>Congratulations to Jason and keep up the good work!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A question to the masses:</B></div> <div> <B>Now that we have a Muslim President Elect, has the Christian Holiday of Thanksgiving been canceled? I noticed the  "Sparkle Season" displays have already overrun the stores. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A friend stated the other day that Mr. Obama will take his oath of office on a Bible, not the Qu'ran, to prove he is not Muslim. </B></div> <div> <B>I agree, he will use the Bible, but it proves nothing. </B></div> <div> <B>What better way for a Muslim to assuage the guilt of ignoring his oath? A Muslim swearing on the Bible is the same as a Christian swearing on a stack of blank printer paper. The Bible  has no meaning to a Muslim, so the oath is worthless. </B></div> <div> <B>Beware, my friends as Sharia Law creeps in and your freedom creeps away.</B></div> <div> <B>It's already happening at taxpayer expense. </B></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="http://creepingsharia.wordpress.com/2008/08/11/minneapolis-enables-sharia-law/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://creepingsharia.wordpress.com/2008"><U><B>http://creepingsharia.wordpress.com/2008/08/11/minneapolis-enables-sharia-law/</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <I>CHANGE? That's what's left of your paycheck after Obama "spreads the wealth"!</I></div> <bR> <div> <B>11/6/2008</B></div> <div> <B>Top 10 Reasons I'd Make a Better President Then Obama:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>10. With 4 years of Air Force Jr. ROTC while I was in High School, I have more military training then the next Commander in Chief.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>9. With 20 years service as a Volunteer Fire Fighter, I have more disaster preparedness training and experience the President Elect.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>8. With 10 years as a small business owner, and 5 years as Vice President of the Campers Association, I have more executive experience then the President Elect.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>7. With a certified birth certificate, I can prove that I am a citizen of the U.S. </B></div> <div> <B>The President Elect has yet to do so.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>6. None of the people I spend time with have blown up any buildings (on purpose), or have been on the FBI's 10 most wanted list.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>5. None of the clergy that I know have ever uttered the words "God Damn America."</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>4. None of my siblings live on $1.00 a month.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>3. I don't want a health care system that is run with the same bureaucratic efficiency as Housing Projects.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>2. I do not have the support of any Marxist/Communist dictators, or any terrorist organizations. The President Elect does.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>And the number one reason: </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I think you should be allowed to keep the money you have made, no matter how much it is!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>11/01/2008</B></div> <div> <B>15 Minutes of Fame!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Click on the link below and watch for little camper Haylee shmoozing with Diane Sawyer!</B></div> <div> <B>Hint: She's wearing a white Pirates ball cap!</B></div> <div> Voting Is Elementary</div> <div> <A HREF="http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=6155216" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?"><U><U>http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=6155216</U></U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/29/2008</B></div> <div> <B>God Called.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Bill Nye answered. </B></div> <div> <B>I was first introduced to Bill at the Bocce Tournament. Lee introduced him to every one as "Turtle". He watched from the sidelines that night, from his wheelchair near the score board. This was his first year at Crystal Springs. He said he was having a great time at the Tourney, and at camp in general, and he was already looking forward to next year. As I spoke to him some that night, I learned he had a great sense of humor. He had noticed that I would share my bottle of Jack Daniel's, but also pointed out that NOBODY got seconds. Maybe he wasn't so funny after all. </B></div> <div> <B>(He would've appreciated that comment.)</B></div> <div> <B>Bill did not let his physical condition damage his love of life, or his natural affinity for people. It is a lesson that we would all do well to learn. Although our time together at camp was short, he will leave a large void.</B></div> <div> <B>Let our prayers and thoughts be with his family at this time. </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/25/2008</B></div> <div> <B>Caution! Campers are everywhere!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A Utah sheriff's office has found that it shouldn't underestimate the golf cart as a getaway car.</B> </div> <bR> <div> A suspect in a souped-up golf cart managed to elude officers who pursued him last month through an alfalfa field.</div> <div> The incident happened in August when officers saw the golf cart spinning out in a city park in Morgan. </div> <div> "I lit them up with a spotlight and everybody fled," Morgan County Sheriff's Sgt. Scott Peay told the Standard-Examiner newspaper. Peay said three people were in the golf cart and two on foot, all fleeing the scene in separate directions. </div> <div> The golf cart took off into an alfalfa field and jumped irrigation ditches that the Sheriff's cruisers couldn't cross. </div> <div> "Normally, golf carts can't jump irrigation ditches," Peay told the newspaper. "It wasn't any faster than us, but in the alfalfa field it was actually jumping irrigation ditches. We couldn't get through the ditches."</div> <div> The Sheriff's office has exhausted all leads in the case.</div> <bR> <div> <B>Which one of you guys and/or gals is spending the off season in Utah?</B></div> <div> <B>I'll bet it's Doug. Nobody can fly over ditches like he does.</B></div> <div> <B>The Morgan County Sheriff's Office will catch them, sooner or later.</B></div> <div> <B>The deputies are out-standing in their field.</B></div> <div> <B>(Sorry, I couldn't help myself!)</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/19/08</B></div> <div> <B>Social Retraining</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I was a guest at a wedding last night, the daughter of close friends, and the son of a another friend. It was one of those settings where you knew virtually everyone, or at least their ancestry. </B></div> <div> <B>I was suffering some social anxiety, caused by a bit of camp withdrawal, but we did sit at a round table, so that helped. Being in town, I guess a fire ring was out of the question.</B></div> <div> <B>You know, you still never get away, a camper always turns up. I looked over the crowd, and saw, thankfully, Stephanie - our Flip Cup organizer, and Gary and Merran, who sadly just sold their camp.</B></div> <div> <B>You just can't go anywhere, ya know?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The wedding was nice, but definitely Independence Township Style. Yes, we do have our own style here. Jeff Foxworthy would love us.</B></div> <div> <B>"If the bride and groom ride from the church to the reception in a classic Kenworth, you must be from Independence!"</B></div> <div> <B>"If guests at the wedding are wearing Real Tree camo vests, you must be from Independence!"</B></div> <div> <B>"If you have to schedule the wedding around milking time, you must be from Independence!"</B></div> <div> <B>"If the minister has to stop and spit during the service...."</B></div> <div> <B>Well, not really, but it would be a hoot.</B></div> <div> <B>Best of all: " If your church, at your wedding,is filled to capacity with people standing in the isles and outside, you must be from Independence!"</B></div> <div> <B>And well loved. </B></div> <div> <B>Congratulations to Mandy Oros and Jerry Brunton, the new Mr. and Mrs. Brunton. </B></div> <div> <B>May their lives be blessed with peace, happiness and lots of little farm hands!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Here's something to think about:</B></div> <div> <B>Last year at this time, Sarah Palin looked like Tina Fey...</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/14/08</B></div> <div> <B>Another season gone by.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Adios to good friends, with the hope we will see you next year, if not sooner. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>What do you have when 5 golf carts go in the woods and 10 people come running out?</B></div> <div> <B>A Sasquatch sighting.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>How fast do you have to be to out run a bear?</B></div> <div> <B>According to Sharon, faster then Rich.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>If everybody gets stuck in the same mud hole, what makes you try it?</B></div> <div> <B>I don't know, I was first.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Have you ever seen a Sasquatch in a cowboy hat?</B></div> <div> <B>We have now.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It was an interesting season. Lots of exciting games were played. Bocce. Golf Cart Hide and Seek. Musical Campers/ Let's Make a Deal. Flip Cup. Fooze Ball. Corn Hole. No Water Polo. Name That Tune For The Fiftieth Time. Mud Bogging. Face Painting. Cross Dressing. Name That Rodent. Duck, Duck, Goose Shit. </B></div> <div> <B>And my favorite, Spontaneous Physiological Reaction.</B></div> <div> <B>The list is going down hill, I better quit.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Now comes the time of the year where I run short on material for this web site. I try to keep something new and entertaining going on as much as possible. Keep checking in!</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>If you do anything stupid, please e mail a complete description.</B></div> <div> <B>Your help is greatly appreciated.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>10/05/08</B></div> <div> <B>Bocce-palooza!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>What great time! Good food, healthy competition, fellowship, and just a little adult beverage consumption. A near perfect evening, and perhaps the only reason to look forward to the end of the camp season next year.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Kris fought for and won the right to do the "Happy Dance" as Team OH MY topped Team THEM for the Championship. The winning team members were Kris Steuer, Tom Steuer, Lee Nanna (one of  our hosts, and all around event head snake) and, most humbly, ME!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Team THEM members were Karen Grimm, D.J. Hyberg, Frank George, and Doug Hyberg.</B></div> <div> <B>Thanks to them and all those who participated to make the pile of the defeated that team OH MY triumphantly, and of course, </B><I><B>most humbly</B></I><B>, stood upon to receive the trophy and gold metals which we so richly deserved!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Did you ever see vacuum packed Swedish meatballs? They need to sell the seal on Judy's slow cooker to NASA! </B></div> <div> <B>It may have been a shrewd marketing ploy. Folks had decided they were going to eat those damned meatballs, once they were opened, no matter what they tasted like! Luckily, like all the victuals, they were great! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Was that a happy dance? Electric Slide? Nope. Just walking over to get another beer.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I appreciate the attention, but I'm sorry, I cannot look like the Gordan's Fisherman, when I'm wearing a hoody. He had one of those big floppy rain hats, which Chester also has, so he was long ago elected the Gordan's Fisherman of Crystal Springs.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You might say, however, that I look more like a Ghetto Buddah. </B></div> <div> <B>I can handle that. I was already told I look like a minister, and after last night, a buttocks inspector.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>All that, and I can cure hiccups,too.</B></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>Stop! </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>BEFORE YOU READ FURTHER, CLICK  </B></I><I><B>> HERE <</B></I><I><B> ,</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>TO GO BACK AND READ THE WARNING!</B></I></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>From 'The Bill Of Rights' Which amended the U.S, Constitution on 12/15/1791:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Article I</B></div> <div> <B>Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or</B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#990033" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B> </B></FONT><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#FF0033" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><I><B>abridging the freedom of speech or of the press; </B></I></FONT><B>or the right of the people peaceably to assemble and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"The wicked flee when no man pursueth..."  - Proverbs 28:1</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The gender neutral</B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#3300FF" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B> Poem.</B></FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B>Somebody's knockin, should </B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#FF0033" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B>they</B></FONT><B> let </B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#FF0033" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B>them</B></FONT><B> in?</B></div> <div> <B>Is </B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#FF0033" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B>it</B></FONT><B> the devil, lookin for sin?</B></div> <div> <B>Maybe </B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#FF0033" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B>they're</B></FONT><B> bored, and lookin for fun.</B></div> <div> <B>Don't </B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#FF0033" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B>they</B></FONT><B> know, it's 10 after 1? </B></div> <div> <B>They're</B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#3300FF" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B> not going to answer, that's how it must be,</B></FONT></div> <div> <B>They</B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#3300FF" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B> don't need </B></FONT><B>their significant other</B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#3300FF" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B> gunning for </B></FONT><B>them</B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#3300FF" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B>.</B></FONT></div> <div> <B>They</B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#3300FF" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B> turned </B></FONT><B>them</B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#3300FF" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B> away, but </B></FONT><B>they're</B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#3300FF" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B> not a prick.</B></FONT></div> <div> <B>"Just go up three doors, and ask for Vic."</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>There was originally a reference to two people by name in this poem. One was me, the other, whom I won't mention at this time, has asked that their name be removed. I have done so. To set the record straight, that person </B><I><B>did not know of the poem </B></I><B>before it was published, and </B><I><B>did not talk to me </B></I><B>about the event that had transpired, which I have described in the poem.</B></div> <div> <B>To my point of view, he is innocent.  </B><I><B>I saw the event with my own eyes. </B></I></div> <div> <B>I do not know what transpired before, during or after the event, except for what I actually viewed. </B></div> <div> <B>I will not describe the event any further, but I will say, the  action of the event would be seen as perfectly innocent, had  it transpired on a Sunday afternoon, anywhere in the world. Make it 1:10 in the morning, at camp, add alcohol, and it is what it is. </B></div> <div> <B>A Fucking Joke. </B></div> <div> <B>Get over it.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>9/29/2008</B></div> <div> <B>See you next Saturday at Peanut's Playground for the first annual </B></div> <div> <B>BOCCE-TOBERFEST CHAMPIONSHIP!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Easy, now!</B></div> <div> <B>We have got to be a little more careful on the golf carts, folks. We are breaking bones out there. Let's not give the insurance company a chance to outlaw the carts.</B></div> <div> <B>Get well to all the injured! </B></div> <div> <B>Yes, Doug, I'll watch out for ditches.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Congratulations on the coronation of the "Mud Bogger Queen"! Long may she reign! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>There's Dolly. She's all fucked up. Funny, though, she went every where the golf cart did and she didn't get stuck.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>There's a reason it's a dead end department...</B></div> <div> <B>Sunday morning, I was reviewing the sight where Carl got stuck, and Patty got injured trying to walk out. I found his beer can cozy. </B></div> <div> <B>It had printed on it: "My wife says I don't listen to what she says, or something like that!" How apropos. The last thing I heard was  "Damn it Carl, don't go in there!"</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>First you take an 8 hour breakfast. Then you come back to camp for an hour and a half, have a little lunch, and then go out for a prime rib dinner. After that, return and slug back copious amounts of adult beverage! The hell with the South Beach Diet! Give me the Linesville Beach Diet!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Meanwhile back at the birthday bash...</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I saw a 5 year old draw a better draft beer then many a bartender. Luckily, we caught her in the act, stopped her, and explained the concept of the adult beverage. Pepsi was fine for her. She thanked me, both for the Pepsi, and for lighting her cigar. Damn, they grow up quick. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Somebody please, upload or send me pictures of the Birthday Party Stripper! You never know when you will need a little black mail material. </B></div> <div> <B>No, this was not a Wally's type dancing girl, it was more like a Crystal Springs type dancing bear. On a picnic table.  In boxers. With the fly open.  No wonder the 5 year old needed a drink.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You know, when you get right down to it, the C.S. dancing bear was more entertaining then Wally's dancing heifers. Go figure.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Another good D.J. job by Smitty. Not too loud, good selection, good time! </B></div> <div> <B>Too bad half his crowd went out to watch The Zom-b puke for a while. Now that's family entertainment!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Strawberry Hill. Maybe I shouldn't comment, I can't play </B><I><B>any</B></I><B> instrument. But I have some sage advice for the boys in the band. You will notice, when I sing, it is at Karaoke. That is because, if I get it right, I sound great. If I suck, that's to be expected, because nobody there is a pro. Same goes for a live band. </B></div> <div> <B>You can't have a D.J. playing the same gig as you, because as soon as he plays the music of a professional artist, you instantly suck, no matter how good you are. </B></div> <div> <B>Better luck next time.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>9/23/2008</B></div> <div> <B>Round Up Dinner!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>They call it that because when you are done, you can round up your weight a few pounds.</B></div> <div> <B>Thanks to all that helped, and thanks to the Campground owners for providing the party.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Did you know that the Kalico Band has been playing here for 25 years? Every year for 25 years? Sometimes twice a year in that 25 years?  That's a lot of playing. And a lot of listening. And listening. And listening. Oops! The dance hall lights went out!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>There will be a September Birthday Bash Saturday 9/27/08, open to everyone! It seems there are a lot of September birthdays here. Must of been one hell of a New Year's party. </B></div> <div> <B>D.J. by "Smitty". </B></div> <div> <B>Beer by "Doug" (I think!)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Pool Doctor says the patient will be well for next year. Apparently, a previous repair was done improperly, and caused the leak. Oh Lenny, wherefore art thou? One again, he gave the gift that keeps on giving. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>If a person buys a trailer in a campground where his cousin has one, and the cousin immediately sells, wouldn't that make a great conversation topic at Thanksgiving Dinner?</B></div> <div> <B>It's all in the timing.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>After all the "Ike" wind, John and Vivian have found that the Sword Of Damocles can be very un-nerving, even if it is only made of pine. Wood Guy to the rescue!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Look at everybody Googling "</B><A HREF="http://ancienthistory.about.com/od/ciceroworkslatin/f/DamoclesSword.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://ancienthistory.about.com/od/cicer"><U><B>Sword of Damocles</B></U></A><B>"! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I got the Peterbilt rebuilt. I still need a seatbelt for Doug. </B></div> <div> <B>Speaking of seat belts, you folks be careful doing the Evil Kneivel golf cart jump out there. We don't need them banned next.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Pencil pregnancy test? Don't get sucked in, little mommy to be. I tested that I was having a girl. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Don't worry, Marlene. We've got you covered.</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="418fafa0.jpg" border=0 width="250" height="250" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>9/16/08</B></div> <div> <B>It Rained.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>And in true camp fashion, it rained all day Saturday and cleared up Sunday. </B></div> <div> <B>Mother Nature can be a miserable bitch.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I will say, the weather was excellent at 3:30 or 4:00 am on Sunday.</B></div> <div> <B>Warm, nice breeze, full moon. Truly romantic. Unless, of course, Karen and Karen are out bushwhacking.</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>Remember, children must be on their own lots after midnight. Even if they are forty something.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Yes, that trailer said Ducks Unlimited all over it.</B></div> <div> <B>Ducks may be unlimited, but hats, T-shirts and stickers are not. They will take donations, however.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I know Les is a natural leader, and he led the Ducks Unlimited Crew to a safe haven, but buddy, even Moses couldn't part all the water in that field. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Ok, explain the logic one more time...</B></div> <div> <B>You leave your most treasured possession (beer) in your front yard, literally with in arm's reach of the road, and are surprised when it is stolen? </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Must have been the damned squirrels. To much coffee, I guess.</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="41948470.jpg" border=0 width="328" height="327" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>"Better than beer!"</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>9/9/2008</B></div> <div> <B>It's Invigorating!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>You just have to love that Propel Fitness Water! It's invigorating!</B></div> <div> <B>Want to make it even better? Dump the stupid Propel down the drain, and refill the Propel bottle with Goon Juice! The strawberry-kiwi flavor Propel should be the right color, and no one will know what you're drinking! That is, until you do what ever it is you usually do to embarrass yourself when you're drunk! (Like trying to say Invigorating 3 times.)</B></div> <div> <B>I know it works,as it has been fully tested by the Crystal Springs Adult Beverage Labs.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Camp style drive-by? Line up all the carts you can and just drive by someone's trailer and wave. Well, Keith did say stop by sometime. Ok, we didn't stop but at least we slowed down.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The drive-by was such a success, they all took a Victory Lap around the campgrounds. Although it defies description, B. Short said it best: "You're all a bunch of fucking idiots." </B></div> <div> <B>That's why I still love her.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>In case you are wondering, I have sent my cart out for repair work. I'm NOT getting seat belts installed.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Camp wives' complaint department. </B></div> <div> <B>Why can the old man cook a 4 course meal for 150 drunken campers, yet forget how to boil water at home?</B></div> <div> <B>It's hard to explain, this strange phenomenon. I wonder, if you invited 150 drunken campers to your home this winter, would the hubby spring into action? Damn right he would. If he feeds them, they'll drink less of his beer.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>While searching for the 10 lost tribes of Israel, we found, under the bed, the infamous missing Walk/Don't Walk sign! </B></div> <div> <B>THE HOLY GRAIL OF STREET CROSSERS EVERYWHERE!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>What I would like to know is, what was it doing in the bedroom in the first place? </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>9/2/2008</B></div> <div> <B>I can't believe labor day came and went already!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Pressures at home have kept me away from camp, and this web site, but I should be up to speed now.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Did you get any of Big Bill's Bean soup? Not only was it great as usual, it was, shall we say, fast and efficient.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So what did you buy at the auction? Slim Jim's? Hats? The ever popular Dolphin Clock? A combination shoe horn, back scratcher and laser pointer?A genuine American Indian Dream Catcher (made in China)? Hey, you just can't have enough claw hammers, not to mention a Jeff Gordon -DuPont #24 rod and reel, ya know?</B></div> <div> <B> </B></div> <div> <B>OK, so I bought a die cast 1/35th scale 2000 Harley Davidson Fatboy. It was a gift for a friend. No, really, it was, I swear.  </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Lots of musical campers going on. You buy mine, I'll buy hers, she'll buy theirs and move it to that lot, because they sold theirs to his niece, and she moved it to the other spot, that came open when what's his name bought that green one ,that used to belong to that other guy. You know, the one with the thing a ma jigger on it. </B></div> <div> <B>Understand? No? See Lee - he'll draw it out for you.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Listen girls,the next time there is a clothing optional pajama party, </B></div> <div> <B>TELL ME</B><I><B> BEFORE  </B></I><B>IT STARTS!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Oops! I missed the dance! How can I go on without hearing the EI-EI-OH Polka? </B></div> <div> <B>Again. And again. And again. And again. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>And where was I, you ask? </B></div> <div> <B>I was engaged in a game of Golf Cart Hide & Seek! We had a blast! </B></div> <div> <B>A few notes:</B></div> <div> <B>-Never hide in poison ivy. </B></div> <div> <B>-When pushing a stuck golf cart, somebody still has to steer.</B></div> <div> <B>-It is possible to hide a golf cart under a beach towel. Just not in an open field.</B></div> <div> <B>-It's GOLF CART hide and seek. Park the Suburban, OK? </B></div> <div> <B>-If you plan to hide with Special Ed, assume you will laugh so hard your sides will hurt, and you will most likely get caught, if not arrested or injured.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>During the game, I had learned something special about Doug.</B></div> <div> <B>Not only is he pleasant, friendly, intelligent, easy going, generous, and an all around nice guy, he is also very aerodynamic.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>In our ongoing search for scientific knowledge, Doug and I have disproved the theory that the worst thing in a fall is always the sudden stop at the end. </B></div> <div> <B>We have discovered that a sudden stop at the beginning can be just as bad.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>No, I didn't kill him, and no, Sandy didn't pay me.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>8/19/2008</B></div> <div> <B>Now that was a Halloween Party!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Thanks to all who helped! Check out Smitty's (who, by the way, did a super D.J. job) comments on 'Your Eye View'. I can't say it any better then he did.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Taking a look around, I noticed a disturbing amount of men in dresses at this party.</B></div> <div> <B>I'm not worried about them, and I'm not worried about me, but if Boy George shows up, you guys have to deal with it.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The baby costumes were cute. I'm glad you two got into your parts, but I'm not your daddy, and I'm not changing your diapers, no matter how bad you need it!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Peg and Al Bundy. I mean really, guys. Why didn't you wear costumes?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I thought Vampiress's were supposed to be scary? That's the cutest one I ever saw. She could take my blood any time. Or at least what my ex-wife left in me. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It was nice to see Cruella DeVille out on the town with her husband, Coupe. I only saw one little Dalmatian, though. You owe us 100.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Of course we have to mention the largest group-theme costumes. An all P.C. Halloween.</B></div> <div> <B>That's right, we were dressed as "Professional Campers".</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>And last but not least, Cleopatra. </B></div> <div> <B>Lord, have mercy.</B></div> <div> <B>Now that was a dress, and it was properly filled. Liz Taylor could not do it better.</B></div> <div> <B>Mark Anthony liked it, too. There for a while, we thought he was carrying two swords.   </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>8/10/2008</B></div> <div> <B>Now this is a pool party!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> <embed src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/1590829/boob_talent.swf" width="400" height="345" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"> </embed><br><font size = 1><a href="http://www.metacafe.com/watch/1590829/boob_talent/">Boob Talent!!</a> - <a href="http://www.metacafe.com/">The best video clips are here</a></font>  </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>8/5/2008</B></div> <div> <B>Don't ask me, I wasn't there.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Did they play Bocce last weekend? Don't ask me, I wasn't there.</B></div> <div> <B>Did they lower the price of crude oil? Don't ask me, I wasn't there.</B></div> <div> <B>Did it rain last weekend? Don't ask me, I wasn't there.</B></div> <div> <B>Did Barack really ignore the troops in Afganistan? Don't ask me, I wasn't there.</B></div> <div> <B>Who won the race? Don't ask me, I wasn't there.</B></div> <div> <B>Who won the Pirate's game? Don't ask me, I wasn't there.</B></div> <div> <B>How was the big party? Don't ask me, I wasn't there.</B></div> <div> <B>What went on at camp? Don't ask me, I wasn't there.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Are you looking forward to the Pool Party? Yes, but I can't be there. </B></div> <div> <B>Take notes, see you on the 15th, if possible.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>7/29/2008</B></div> <div> <B>The Ax Men cometh.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Want to impress me, television loggers? Work at night like our ax men. What job was done! If that was me trying to climb those pines, and drop them from the top down, the best thing in my day would be that the chain saw only cut off my arm, not my head, when I fell out of the tree.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Did you know that there are no scholarships for college Bocce Teams? That is so unfair.</B></div> <div> <B>Lacrosse? Yes.</B></div> <div> <B>Curling? Yes.</B></div> <div> <B>Jai Alai? Si.</B></div> <div> <B>Horseshoes? Yes.</B></div> <div> <B>Bocce? NO!</B></div> <div> <B>I'll bet there are none for Caber Tossing, either. </B></div> <div> <B>Bastards.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>We'll keep playing Bocce anyway. Even with a rain delay. No ground crew to tarp our court, buddy. Unlike candy ass baseball players, we're not afraid of a little water on the field. The competition goes on, regardless. (No splashing players while inside the court.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Speaking of competition, word is there was more Flip Cup games going on. It's not as physical as Caber Toss, but just as dangerous.</B></div> <div> <B>Come to think of it, there are no scholarships for Flip Cup, either. Strange, because you will see Flip Cup games in college long before you see Jai Alai.</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>Check out the official Bocce rules on Your Eye View!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="41bce730.jpg" border=0 width="462" height="115" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <A HREF="http://www.bocce.com" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.bocce.com"><U><B>www.bocce.com</B></U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>7/21/2008</B></div> <div> <B>Fishes and Loaves? Not next year...</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>From Wikipedia:</B></div> <div> Pymatuning Lake was formed in the 1930's by a dam on the Shenango River the lake features multiple beaches and camping areas in both states. The northeastern part of Pymatuning Lake, east of the spillway and three miles south of  Linesville, Pa. is a protected game land where colonies of 20,000 Canadian Geese and many more ducks winter each year. The lake is the result of an earth dam three miles north of Jamestown, Pa. whose outflow forms the Shenango River. A north-south spillway crosses the northern part of the lake, with the game land on the east side.</div> <div> Along this spillway are a wildlife museum and the Linesville spillway, a site famous as "The Place Where the Ducks Walk on the Fishes' Backs". In warm weather, many people throw bread into the water here, and the resulting density of fish (carp) causes ducks and other waterfowl to walk over the carp and vie for the thrown food. The spillway was renovated in 2007. <FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#FF0000" FACE="Arial" >Beginning in 2009 visitors will be prohibited from feeding bread to the carp and ducks. Commercial fish food will be permitted. This change is taking place as part of an effort to clean up the area and increase it's wild nature.</FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B>Increase the wild nature of the area? Have you seen lots of concrete and railing in the wild? Is that what all those shining new State owned buildings are doing at the spillway? I suppose they needed some place to sell their state approved, environmentally sound, politically correct fish food. They can tell that the bread is bad for the fish. They say it will kill them all. Its been over 70 years and they are not gone yet! The fish know the truth. See how they swim away when you toss it in the water? Uh huh. Notice how they immediately die when they eat it? Yeah, right. And don't worry about the Geese. They shit no matter what they eat, and if it weren't for the bread, the filthy vermin Sea Gulls would be swarming at the dump. Oh, I'm sorry, the </B><I><B>land fill</B></I><B>. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Pardon my rant, I feel better now.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B> </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>7/14/2008</B></div> <div> <B>It's Dog Eat Dog out there...</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Quite literally. At least one of them got something to eat. </B></div> <div> <B>Hey! It's Dakota the crime dog! Go ahead, take a bite out of mine!</B></div> <div> <B>Ok, I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I was watching some folks play Booze Ball. In case you don't know what that is, you have 2 golf balls connected with about 6" of rope, and you toss them across a distance (still being fought over) and try to hang them on a 3 level plastic-pipe frame work about 4' tall and 3' wide. Scoring is about the same as horse shoes. So is the hyper-competitiveness, verbal abuse, and alcohol consumption. And every time those balls hit the rack, I get a little spike of pain in the groin. (Some women absolutely love the game. Go figure.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Adventures in texting department.... </B></div> <div> <B>It all started with a married couple.</B></div> <div> <B>\ Hey Babe u look GR8 in nat bikini!</B></div> <div> <B>* Don't bother. I already did my nails.</B></div> <div> <B>\ Can I rub U wth sun block? </B></div> <div> <B>* R U fix-n my lunch? Bring me more beer.</B></div> <div> <B>\ Will I get lucky?</B></div> <div> <B>* U will get dead if U don't bring beer.</B></div> <div> <B>/ Yes, dear.</B></div> <div> <B>* Cold beer.</B></div> <div> <B>/ Yes, dear.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>You have to love technology. Now you can sit 100 yards away from the pool, ogle the girls with a digital camera, and text them salacious remarks. No risk of retaliatory splashing!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Welcome to the </B><I><B>Den-Mar All Night Burger Joint. </B></I></div> <div> <B>Are you going to have Cart-Hops in miniskirts and roller skates?</B></div> <div> <B>Bet you do more business then Wally's Bait, Exotic Dancers and Craft Shop.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Speaking of Wally's, all Crystal Springs Campers get  $5.00 off the cover charge!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So, just what the legal occupancy limit of your porch, Frank? I think we had about 15 on there with some room to spare. With the help of a silver tarp, it makes a good place to hide from the rain. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>By the way, Doug and Don rode their bikes, Jim waxed his, and mine sat at home filthy. This time, the rain is not my fault. So there.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Yes, I did this Monday night. If I'm late for work, it's Vonda's fault.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>7</B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#FF3300" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B>/7/2008</B></FONT></div> <div> <B>Happy Birthday Dear United Staaates...</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Another explosive Fourth of July goes by. At least it was dry, not like last week. Maybe too dry, considering the water was missing from the plumbing that serves one third of the camp ground. </B></div> <div> <B>Not too dry to prevent a little Golf Cart Mud Bogging, was it Sandy? Be careful, gang. We may all wind up with Memory Helmets. </B></div> <div> <B>It's all fun until you get rammed.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Speaking of rammed, Pierro roasted a pig on the spit of his new high tech roaster. It was good tasting, considering it was 3 hours late from the butcher. Better luck next time. I'd say better butcher next time, too.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It must have been food preparation competition week. Not only was there Pierro's Pig, there was also Smitty's Stolen Secret Recipe Chicken Noodle soup, which was superb, Big Bill Miller's Patented Bean Soup at it's usual high standard, Jacky's Homestyle Scrambled Eggs, and Vonda's Special Recipe Beef Tips and Noodles with Grandma's Old Fashioned Brown Gravy. It was all just too good!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Speaking of food, who would have thought there was something funny about cantaloupes?</B></div> <div> <B>Speaking of more food, most guys already know the Viagra-like effect of a nice pair of melons.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>No one, however, wanted any of my Flame Roasted Muffler (a true camper delicacy). Anybody can cook food, you know. With Roasted muffler, you have no worries about cholesterol or triglycerides, not to mention trichinosis, botulism, salmonella, or hepatitis. Ok, maybe your heavy metals blood count goes up a bit.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Who were the winners at Flip Cup? Those who watched with out joining. Maybe not then, but next morning, definitely. Little Rob is the best cup flipper of the bunch, I think. He got it on the first try, most times, and rarely needed more than 3. </B></div> <div> <B>Isn't wonderful watching a true athlete at the top of his game? This was like watching a 25% scale model of a true athlete at the top of his game.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>For those who don't know what Flip Cup is, it is a team relay alcohol drinking game that is being taught at higher learning institutions all over America today. Now that's getting your $10,000 per semester money's worth. It's fun to watch, but can run a little long. It's worth the time, if you stick around and see the Team Projectile Vomiting Play Offs after the game.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I hear there was a "Redneck Party" this weekend. As opposed to any other weekend? I mean, are not all camp parties kind of Rednecky?</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>7/1/2008</B></div> <div> <B>Thank God for roofing.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Enough all ready.</B></div> <div> <B>The animals are pairing up. I saw a goose with an umbrella. I saw ducks in rubber boots. </B></div> <div> <B>One more hole in the dike, and the Dutch boy will have to take off his pants.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It's raining:  </B></div> <div> <B>Cats & Dogs/in buckets/like Niagara Falls/like a tall cow pissin' on a flat rock/pitchforks and pick handles/like the 39th day/like the dickens/like hell/like a sumbitch/a down pour/a frog strangler/an one hundred year storm/a storm of Biblical proportions. And what about those poor tenters? Yes, they are out on the point. Now that's camping!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG SRC="41c80e00.jpg" border=0 width="640" height="480" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>6/22/08</B></div> <div> <B>A Dog Tail.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Why would you give a person a dog toy for a birthday gift?</B></div> <div> <B>Why would you give your gift (hand made, no less) to the dog?</B></div> <div> <B>Why would you take the gift back from the dog, and try to burn it?</B></div> <div> <B>Why would you rescue the gift, snuff the flames, and give it back to the dog?</B></div> <div> <B>It's not the action, it's the innuendo. What does the gift look like?</B></div> <div> <B>Now I get it! Dogs like bones too!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Nice to see Deb & Jim back at camp. Welcome home, friends!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Speaking of dogs...ahh nevermind. They can't help it. The hair got brushed off and the poop got scooped. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Love/Hate Department:</B></div> <div> <B>The Emergency Broadcast System buzz tones.</B></div> <div> <B>I hate to hear it, I love the fact that they do it.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Joining the Army.</B></div> <div> <B>I hate to see him go, I love his patriotism.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Hate/Love Department:</B></div> <div> <B>I hate theives. Here or anywhere. I love seeing them getting caught and locked up.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>To the miserable, stinking, vermin who stole the golf cart charger from a handicapped women, who needs the cart to get around the campgrounds:</B></div> <div> <B>I hope you plug it in, it shorts out, and you get electrocuted. </B></div> <div> <B>As you are twisting in high voltage pain, and your wasted life is passing before your eyes, I hope one of the images is of the collected campers applauding your end, because we will be.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Please stop falling from your golfcarts. I helped fight the state for 30 years to end helmet laws, I don't want to start again in the campgrounds. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Remember, the safest places at camp during a tornado, are the showers in the main building. I'll be in the ladies.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>One last comment:</B></div> <div> <B>There is no dress code here. </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>6/10/08</B></div> <div> <B>Sleeping Beauty Shop?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Must be the latest thing. Guy falls asleep, wakes up in make up. It's got me worried, I don't drink like that any more, but at my stage of life the impromptu nap is a way of life.</B></div> <div> <B>There was a bit of friction over the incident, but it seems everyone made up, and made nice. I suppose there are some pay back plans afoot. Pay attention, people, this is how the cold war got started. Ya see, in 1945, Joe Stalin got drunk at the Yalta Conference,Churchill gave Roosevelt some mascara, and well, the rest is history. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Speaking of paybacks, it started with a wedgie, escalated with a de-pantsing, and round 1 ended with a tender butt with gravel sticking all over it. That's right, round one. You know this one won't end. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Did anybody else see a bald kitty, or was it just me? </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>FYI: The pond is 2.18 acres in size. </B></div> <div> <B>Thanks to tons of caustic chemicals and diligent labor, it is once again greener then the pool.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>On the move: Smitty moved down next to Critter and the gang. I think it's a good idea. You won't need as big of a net to catch them all. And, if the State Police get called for anything we'll have a good idea where they will stop first. Of course, Smitty may be the voice of reason for that crew. Wait... Voice of reason? Did I just say that? Excuse me, it must be time for my medication.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Good night, Stagger D, where ever you are.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>5/26/08</B></div> <div> <B>Lest we forget...</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Before I start, let us all give thanks for those who have given their lives in service to our country, remembering that they died to protect our lives and freedom.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>A big thanks to Kenny and Denise for the outstanding dinner they put on! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Belonging to a campground: $925.00</B></div> <div> <B>Used Golf Cart: $1000.00</B></div> <div> <B>3 Gallons of Gas: $12.00</B></div> <div> <B>Global Positioning Satellite Receiver: $300.00</B></div> <div> <B>Spending all of that to play hide and seek: Priceless!</B></div> <div> <B>Did you ever think that people would spend so much time searching for red clothes pins?</B></div> <div> <B>Hey, it was fine with me. I thought it was fun! I was glad to cancel my pedicure to play it.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Speaking of pedicures, Pierro was worried Brian caught him napping and painted his toe nails. Not to worry, my friend. In his condition last night, he could have only used spray paint, he would have masking tape all over the place, and he could never put your shoes & socks back on. Besides, he was sleeping with Guyasuda, the Concrete Indian.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I hear the Dance crowd was light. I was going to go, but I got overpowered by my power nap. I did hear of some unlikely dancers down there. The report is they were pretty good!  But, you have to consider the condition of the dancers and the viewers, especially after 3 or 4 jars of Cherry Bombs, a.k.a. Terpsichore's little helpers. The Cherry Poppin' Daddy has a bum ankle, so the goods were distributed buy The C.P.D. Jr., whom, I understand, is a good understudy.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>When it's Hockey night at Crystal Springs, we like to quote Mike Lang, the voice of the Penguins:</B></div> <div> <B>"HEEE Shoots and Scores! OH, Grandma take a detour, 'cause THE ROAD IS CLOSED!"</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It's a holiday. If the dozer don't move, decorate it.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Here is a game we can all play!</B></div> <div> <B> PICK THE POOL! </B></div> <div> <B>Just study the pictures below, and scroll down and select which picture is the actual pool!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>1<IMG SRC="41d20db0.jpg" border=0 width="288" height="219" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> 2<IMG SRC="41e20da0.jpg" border=0 width="288" height="218" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>3<IMG SRC="41f20da0.jpg" border=0 width="288" height="218" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> 4<IMG SRC="42020da0.jpg" border=0 width="288" height="218" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>5<IMG SRC="42120da0.jpg" border=0 width="288" height="218" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"> 6<IMG SRC="42220da0.jpg" border=0 width="288" height="218" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>(Voting has ended)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Ok, Ok. So they have a little problem. I'm sure they are diligently working to straighten things out. We do have absolute proof that the water/pool problem is getting better.</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="42320da0.jpg" border=0 width="288" height="218" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>See? Nice and clear!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Photo Display Credits:</B></div> <div> <B>Terry ~ Co-Producer, Photography</B></div> <div> <B>Frank ~ Co-Producer, Technical </B></div> <div> <B>Rocky ~ Co-Producer, Sarcastic Visuals</B></div> <div> <B>Strange Green Stuff ~ </B></div> <div> <B>Crawford County Pond Scum Supply, Inc.</B></div> <div> <B>Providers of top quality Pond Scum & Sphagnum</B></div> <div> <B>for over 10 Billion years.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>5/18/08</B></div> <div> <B>Miss me?</B></div> <div> <B>I'll bet.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I had me one nasty cold going on. I opted to stay home and be miserable, instead of driving 100 miles and being miserable. Hopefully, I'll be up to speed by next week end.</B></div> <div> <B>See ya all up there!</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>5/11/08</B></div> <div> <B>Happy Mothers's Day!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Happy Mother's Day, Hap-py Mother's Day!</B></div> <div> <B>I am your son, I am a run away!</B></div> <div> <B>Living on the East Side, always getting stoned,</B></div> <div> <B>Always getting high, I'm glad I'm not home!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>If you can name the name of the group who sang those lyrics,(Yes, it's from a real song!)</B></div> <div> <B>I'll give you a cookie.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Don't Get Fresh Department ~</B></div> <div> <B>I've heard these around a campfire: </B></div> <div> <B>I'm not your slave!</B></div> <div> <B>I'm not drunk!</B></div> <div> <B>I'm not sober!</B></div> <div> <B>I'm not asleep!</B></div> <div> <B>I'm not going!</B></div> <div> <B>I'm not coming! (note spelling)</B></div> <div> <B>I'm not cold!</B></div> <div> <B>I'm not warm!</B></div> <div> <B>I'm not ...etc...etc..etc...</B></div> <div> <B>BUT! This is the first time I ever heard-</B></div> <div> <B>"I'm not a Zip-Lock Bag!" </B></div> <div> <B>Defies explanation, don't it?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>We tried to do breakfast in the 'ville Saturday. First we went to Rebecca's, to try their highly rated food. The place had a nice crowd, which is a good sign. The problem? Only three menus, but about six tables full of people waiting to use them. And one waitress.</B></div> <div> <B>I was happy to see that the Driftwood was open, I guess under new management. Thankfully, breakfast with Elvis is still possible.</B></div> <div> <B>All was well there, except for the homefries. </B></div> <div> <B>I did like the part where the waitress walked on the saladbar. Maybe Wally took it over.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Oh, by the way, the actor in the first picture on the wall of fame at The Driftwood is Pat O'Brien. That's one for the Gipper.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>"What should I do with these paper plates?"</B></div> <div> <B>Indicating the fire ring, he said "Toss them in the dishwasher!"</B></div> <div> <B>Later that evening, two ladies complain that the fire isn't warm enough.</B></div> <div> <B>"Hellooo, you're sitting by the dishwasher!"</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Ladieeeesss and Gentlemen! It's time for our Main Event!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Marquis of Queensberry Rules will be observed. Non-belligerents will kindly refrain from getting involved. No more then 9 referee's in  the ring at a time. Round one ends when the belligerents sober up. </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>5/4/08</B></div> <div> <B>Welcome back!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Oh, the wonder of spring, and the first official weekend at camp! </B></div> <div> <B>Note to the weatherman:</B></div> <div> <B>It's April showers, and May flowers! How many times we gotta tell ya?</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Just for your info, Ohio has no official state color. So if we like the green that the weather radar showed Karen, we will accept that. Funny, they have no designated official state color, but they have an officially Adopted state Invertebrate Fossil. The Trilobite (</B><I>Isotelus Maximus</I><B>) was adopted by Ohio House Bill  145, June 20, 1985. </B></div> <div> <B>Once again, I'm glad I live in Pennsylvania.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>As I drove through the dark, murky, night on Friday, I followed a glow in the sky, which led me right to Crystal Springs. </B></div> <div> <B>I felt the joy and wonderment of the 3 wise men, as they followed the star to Bethlehem.</B></div> <div> <B>What could this wondrous glow be? </B></div> <div> <B>A Heliport? A new Night Club? Movie premier? Twi-Night Double header at a new baseball stadium? A nuclear power station in full melt-down?</B></div> <div> <B>Nope. </B></div> <div> <B>Doug H. fixed the outdoor lights on his trailer. (I think he's been hanging around with Lee again.)</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Cryptic message #1: </B></div> <div> <B>The Indian of Stone rests. Soon he shall rise in all his glory.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Cryptic message #2:</B></div> <div> <B>I wasn't going to mention you, until you asked if I was going to, and then gave me the material to use here. Your miss-hap was part of a process that will be valuable to every one at camp, and you are to be commended for being one of the few who lent a hand.</B></div> <div> <B>Hey, it could have happened to anybody. Thank God, no one was hurt. There was no negative environmental impact. National security was not effected. No animals were injured. All people involved were American Citizens, no illegal aliens were involved. The laws of the United States of America, the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, or any of it's socio-political/governmental sub-divisions were not broken. </B></div> <div> <B>You say the only thing broken was your pride. Don't worry about it. </B></div> <div> <B>Pride is like an acorn. It has to be broken to grow an Oak tree, and in a short time, you will have your acorn back.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>4/12/08</B></div> <div> <B>New website!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Check out this site, ran by some of my friends, who are also cousins to Frank & Terry.</B></div> <div> <B>The fisher men & fisher women will find it entertaining, but everyone go take a look.</B></div> <div> <B>The Webmaster has spoken!!</B></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="http://www.offthehookboyz.com" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.offthehookboyz.com"><U><B>Off The Hook Boyz</B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="http://www.offthehookboyz.com" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.offthehookboyz.com"><U><B>Bass Fishing and Outdoors</B></U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>4/6/08</B></div> <div> <B>Camping Tips</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Here is a list of tips to help with the upcoming camping season:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800660000.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Hanging a road kill in a tree will insure that no other campers will encroach upon  your campsite, and the circling buzzards will help lead you back from your hike.</B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800660000.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">The best Recreational Vehicles have "woodsy" or "outdoorsy" names (Ie: Wilderness, Mallard, Timberland, etc.). Steer away from names like Anthrax, Implosion, or Hiroshima.</B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800660000.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Use treated lumber for cooking when annoying guests stay to dinner.</B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800660000.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Forget your Down Filled Sleeping Bag? Just fill a trash bag with several geese.</B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800660000.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Baked potatoes forgotten in the campfire make good Bocce Balls.</B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800660000.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Upon arrival, do not allow use of the toilet, until camp is set up. The time involved for set up will decrease 70 to 80 percent.</B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800660000.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">To prevent other camper's pets from urinating and/or defecating on your camp site, simply shoot the first one. (Pet, not camper.)</B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800660000.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Do not camp at campgrounds that are sponsored by "Hezbollah". </B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800660000.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">To save clean up from marauding Raccoons attacking your trash, simply dump it behind someone else's trailer.</B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800660000.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">When collecting firewood late at night, start at campsites that are farthest from your own. This would also be a good time to dump your trash,then use the empty trash can as a handy firewood container.</B></div> <div> <B><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b7011800660000.png" HEIGHT="19" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Avoid fishing in ponds that ripple when the toilets are flushed.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>4/1/08</B></div> <div> <B>Order to cease and desist.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It has been ordered by the I.D.10 T Court in and for the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, that the owner and operator of "The Crystal Springs Eye" cease operation forthwith, and answer charges forsworn before this judicial body.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Charges as defined:</B></div> <div> <B>1. Harassment by Electronic Media and/or Device.</B></div> <div> <B>2. Defamation of Character.</B></div> <div> <B>3. Slanderous and/or Libelous Statements by Public Media.</B></div> <div> <B>4. Verbal Assault.</B></div> <div> <B>5. Unlawful Virtual Sexual Contact with an Unwitting Online Partner.</B></div> <div> <B>6. Failing to Maintain "Redeeming Social Value" under FCC guidelines.</B></div> <div> <B>7. Unlawful Excessive Discharge of Carbon Dioxide by Exhaling.</B></div> <div> <B>8. Risking an Environmental Catastrophe, By Virtue of Golf Cart Exhaust.</B></div> <div> <B>9. Public Drunkenness.</B></div> <div> <B>10. Felony Removing of Mattress Labels.</B></div> <div> <B>11. Conspiring to, and Manipulating Bidding to Create Unlawful Price Controls on E-Bay.</B></div> <div> <B>12. Abuse of Animals by Cookery.</B></div> <div> <B>13. Creation and Distribution of Lame April Fool's Jokes.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>3/30/08</B></div> <div> <B>You campers are the best!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>The "Buy Me A Beer" drink-links have been up less then 24 hours, and people are already trying to use them, and  complaining that they don't work! Not to worry, faithful friends. It may take a day or two for the host server to update, as I built that part today, which is Sunday. I thank you for your attempts. </B></div> <div> <B>And, a special note to Smitty: Thanks, bro. I'll take a live coffee, instead of a virtual beer! </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I see the Your Eye View forum is gaining in popularity. I hope you folks like it. I updated from the free version, so the pop ups will go away, and you can post "Adult Language and Situations" on there.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Check the photos, there are newer canyon views from D.J.     </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>3/23/2008</B></div> <div> <B>Easter Sunday</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Happy Easter to all my Christian friends!</B></div> <div> <B>Happy Feast of Purim to my Jewish friends!</B></div> <div> <B>Happy Pagwah/Holi-Festival of Colors to my Hindu friends!</B></div> <div> <B>Happy Sham Al Nassim to my Arabic friends!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>To all my Militant Environmentalist friends:</B></div> <div> <B>How dare you use electricity which may have been produced with fossil fuels, thereby increasing your carbon footprint, to read such an unimportant website as this? </B></div> <div> <B>As penance, you will donate 2 Carbon Credits to the 3rd world nation of your choice, sit in an energy neutral darkened room for 20 hours next week, and walk to work or school 4 days next month. </B></div> <div> <B>Your enviro-abuse will be reported to the U.N. </B></div> <div> <B>(Which, if you have your way, will be able to punish American Citizens someday.) </B></div> <div> <B>Thank you for saving the Earth.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>3/16/2008</B></div> <div> <B>Clarification</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I was asked to clarify some issues with the countdown timer. Always happy to respond, I have contacted top NASA time annalists, who have yet to return my calls.(Can you imagine that?)</B></div> <div> <B>So, I will endeavor to explain it on my own.</B></div> <div> <B>When I checked the timer, it was reading: 45 Days, 19 hrs, 32 min, 5 sec's left.</B></div> <div> <B>Remember, today, 3/16/08, is the 46th day, with 19 or so hours left. </B></div> <div> <B>The time we are counting down to is 8:00 am on May 1, 2008. That is supposedly when the camp officially opens. When the counter hits Mid-night April 30th, there will be 8 more hours to count. The day has to change at 8:00 instead of midnight, so that the second by second countdown is correct. </B></div> <div> <B>Understand? </B></div> <div> <B>Me neither, just trust me.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>3/11/2008</B></div> <div> <B>I want to be the Governor of New York!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Just think of it! Tens of thousands of dollars for top quality hookers! What an expense account! </B></div> <div> <B>Gov. Eliot Spitzer should have gave me the $4000 he paid for that last honey. I would have went on PriceLine.com and me and ole' Captain Kirk (the Price Line Negotiator) would have booked him a flight and a stay at one of the finest brothels in Nevada, where it's legal. He would have got a nut, he'd still be the Gov., and I could have easily put a grand in my pocket!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Is it possible that Gov. William J. LePetomaine of Blazing Saddles fame was based on a real person? Is Gov. Spitzer that Person? </B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B><IMG SRC="424faa40.jpg" border=0 width="250" height="164" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <div> <B>LePetomaine and his secretary, Miss Stein.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Oh, by the way: The Emperors Club VIP, Spitzer's high level Personal Interaction Mediation Provider (P.I.M.P.)'s web site has been taken down. Once again, I'm just doing my job to keep you informed.</B></div> <div> <B>Let's look at the bottom line. At $4000 a crack (Uh...yeah) times the number of times, costs could add up pretty quick. Once a month=$48000 a year. Once a week= $208000 a year. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>If it is my sex life, they owe me $3995 and a pack of chewing gum. </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>3/1/2008</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>Hello, Bro.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Welcome back to the website to my ole' buddy, Bill. (This would be Big Bill to the campers.) Haven't been here in a while? Tsk. Tsk.</B></div> <div> <B>Our condolences go out to Kenny and Kevin and their family, on the passing of their mother. Knowing those two guys, she must have been quite a lady. Perhaps even a Saint.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>2/23/2008</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>On the forum.</B></div> <div> <B>We've had a couple of intrepid souls try it. I've noticed when you use the forum's "back to website" link, you get a page within a page. I'm working to correct that. In the mean time, if you refresh your browser instead, it will bring you back to the original page.</B></div> <div> <B>I've posted some winter pictures from camp, sent by Karen and Frank. We have our own canyon. Don't say anything, everybody will want one. Even as I type I hear Trish's voice saying "Awww, I want one!" </B></div> <div> <B>See that? I haven't seen her in 4 months, and she still makes it on here. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>2/17/2008</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>Your Eye View.</B></div> <div> <B>That's right, now you can post your eye view for all of us to see! You can give suggestions, give Hell, or give laughs! Click Here:</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B><U>Your Eye View!</U></B></div> <div> <B><U>Free Forums by Bravenet.com</U></B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#008000" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B> </B></FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B>A new </B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#0000FF" FACE="Comic Sans MS" ><B><U>Dr Campo</U></B></FONT><B> letter has been posted. Read and learn, my friends.</B></div> <div> <B>Race day.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>The Daytona 500 launches the new NASCAR season. We have a fervent wish for the safety of the drivers and crews. </B></div> <div> <B>The mover's and shakers in this sport get picked over and bandied about as much as any other sport. Cheating, over the years, has been part and parcel in auto racing, and has, at times, led to advances in the car's performance. NASCAR has extensive rules covering cheating, and punishes the cheaters when they deserve it. </B></div> <div> <B>Football and Baseball have rules, and punish the cheaters, too. </B></div> <div> <B>Why, then, is the U.S. Congress wasting it's time on the steroid issues in baseball, and the cheating in football? When the cheaters get caught, they should be fined by their respective governing bodies. That should be the end of it, but, the politicians didn't get any of that fine money. They hate a missed opportunity. </B></div> <div> <B>If they gain anything from this inquisition, then the rest of the sports world had better watch out.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>Send letters to your Representatives and Senators, and remind them that we are at war, that we are being over run by illegal aliens, that the tax system is choking us, that we sit on pools of oil and natural gas while we make ways to convert our largest food source into fuel for our cars. </B></div> <div> <B>It's too late, anyway. Bellechek lost the Super Bowl, and Bonds got his asterisk. In 10 years or so, as we struggle to learn to speak Arabic and Spanish, paying more taxes, and paying twice as much for food, who took what steroid or filmed who's signals won't matter much.</B></div> <div> <B>Oh, by the way...</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>I see St. Valentine's Day is the latest casualty in the "Politically Correct" war. It is being replaced by "Hearts Day", just like "Sparkle Season", "First Night" and "All Saints Day" (which was the first,usurped by Halloween). God forbid, (oh excuse me, Deity or Deities forbid) we may insult some non-Christian or heathen. Sorry, Habib. Go back to your tax-payer installed footbath. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>2/12/2008</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>Did you miss me?</B></div> <div> <B>I wasn't gone, just lazy.</B></div> <div> <B>Political Observation: I see Hillary is getting her proverbial ass handed to her. </B></div> <div> <B>I have mixed emotions. I'll admit, I want no liberal in the White House, and I am happy to see Hillary losing ground, but I don't care for Barack Hussein Obama, who is taking it from her.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>It's sort of like watching your mother in law drive into the lake with your new golf cart.</B></div> <div> <B>Why would anyone vote for someone named Hussein,anyway? Are we not at war with radical Muslim terroists? It's like voting for a guy named Adolf at the height of World War 2. </B></div> <div> <B>Women pay attention! Muslim law is slowly working it's way into our country. Remember, YOU will have to wear a Burka. YOU will be treated as a second class piece of property. YOU will have to accept abuse from the men in your life. YOU will work like a slave. </B></div> <div> <B>YOU can prevent it. Be careful with your voting.</B></div> <div> <B>Anyway, I know Barack's brother, who lives down south, and have been to his place many times. You may have heard of him. Al Obama. He's got a big place just east of Mississippi.</B></div> <div> <B>Speaking of golf carts, Lee mentioned that he would like to get involved in a "golf cart rodeo" thing this summer. I'm up for that, and let one of us know if you have any ideas. I would like to do it around Independence Day, which is conveniently on the Forth of July again this year. </B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>1/30/2008</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>In search of pictures.</B></div> <div> <B>Does anyone have pictures of the old bus, converted to a motor home, that was up at the camp for many years? My boss just got a 1953 GM motor coach that is converted to a motor home. How many can there be, right? </B></div> <div> <B>An interesting point: this bus was originally a local transit bus, so it has no speedometer, or fuel gauge. Not broken, just never installed. They were options in 1953,and not needed in a city bus. It would fuel at the end of every shift, and would not likely get up any amount of speed, in town, on a bus run. The conversion on this one is pretty good,the previous owner said that in the last few years it made trips to Florida and California. I'll try and talk them into coming to camp some weekend, so we can all enjoy a taste of true Americana. </B></div> <div> <B>I like that bus. I like anything that is 4 years older then me and still works.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>1/19/2008</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>This was sent to me, from my friend Mark, in Florida. It came, I think, from Australia. I have American-ized it, and added a little. Have fun!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>School 1960 vs. School 2008</B></div> <div> Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.</div> <div> 1960 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up friends.</div> <div> 2008 - School is locked down. Police are called, S.W.A.T. team arrives and arrests Johnny and Mark. Cell phones with video of the fight are confiscated as evidence. Johnny and Mark are charged with assault, plead guilty and are sentenced to 25 hours of community service and must attend anger management classes. Counseling is made available to entire school district. Video of the fight appears on You Tube.</div> <bR> <div> Scenario: Jeffrey won't sit still in class, disrupts other students.</div> <div> 1960 - Jeffrey is sent to the principal's office and given a good paddling. He returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.</div> <div> 2008 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin and tested for A.D.D. School gets extra funding because Jeffrey has a disability. Jeffery receives counseling for his self esteem. He drops out of school, to become a heroin addict.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#330099" FACE="Tahoma" > </FONT></div> <div> Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car.</div> <div> 1960 - Billy's father whips him with a belt, and makes him pay for the window. Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.</div> <div> 2008 - Billy's father verbally scolds Billy, takes away Billy's cell phone, pays for the window. Billy's father is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. School psychologist convinces Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself, and their father goes to prison. Billy's mother has an affair with the school psychologist. Psychologist gets a promotion.</div> <bR> <div> Scenario: Charles, a college student, brings cigarettes to school<FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#330099" FACE="Arial" >.</FONT></div> <div> 1960 - Charles enjoys a smoke with his professor in the smoking lounge.</div> <div> 2008 - Campus security detains Charles, and confiscates tobacco. Subsequent dorm search finds a Zippo lighter and fuel. Charles is charged with possession of drug paraphernalia, risking a catastrophe, and improper storage of flammable material. Charles receives 25 to life in prison, becomes a Muslim Cleric, and is released in 2 years. Charles joins an Al'Quida sleeper cell and disappears.</div> <bR> <div> Scenario: Juan fails high school English.</div> <div> 1960 - Juan goes to Remedial English, passes and goes to college.</div> <div> 2008 - Juan's cause is taken up by Al Sharpton. Newspaper articles appear nationally, explaining that making English a requirement for graduation is racist. A.C.L.U. files class action lawsuit against state school system and his English teacher. English is banned from core curriculum. Juan is given his G.E.D. anyway, but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.</div> <bR> <div> Scenario: Allan takes apart leftover firecrackers, puts them in an aspirin bottle and blows up an anthill.</div> <div> 1960 - Ants die.</div> <div> 2008 - S.W.A.T., P.E.T.A., and Homeland Security are called and Allan is charged with domestic terrorism, willful destruction of private property, and abuse of insects. Teams investigate parents, siblings are removed from the home, computers are confiscated. Allan's dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.</div> <bR> <div> Scenario: Bruce falls during recess and scrapes his knee.</div> <div> 1960 - His teacher, Mary, finds him crying and gives him a hug to comfort him. Bruce soon feels better and goes back to playing.</div> <div> 2008 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces ten years in prison. Mary contacts Bruce, sexually assaults him, sells story to movie producer for a cool $15 million. Bruce undergoes five years of therapy, accepts $7.5 million settlement from Mary, becomes gay, and appears on Oprah.</div> <bR> <div> Scenario: Sally and Sam go to a drive in movie.</div> <div> 1960 - Sally and Sam perform kissing and light petting. Vow to save themselves for marriage.</div> <div> 2008 - Sally and Sam make pornographic video for Internet viewing. Sally becomes pregnant, appears on Maury Povich, and is embroiled in a controversy between pro-life and pro-choice advocates. School provides daycare so Sally can attend classes, and gives condoms to Sam. Sam fathers 3 more children, is arrested for distribution of child pornography, goes to prison and becomes a deadbeat dad. Sally and Sam's child is raised by it's grandparents. Sally becomes an erotic dancer, using the name "Tiffani". She will be held over this week at Wally's Paradise.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>1/9/2008</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>Just got the word.</B></div> <div> <B>Anyone need a nice mobile home up at camp?</B></div> <div> Hi - We're really doing it this time. No time, and it irritates us that we spend all the camp fees and never get a chance to use the place. </div> <div> $6,000.00 OBO - call Gary after 6:00 p.m. 724-622-7902</div> <div> <B>This is from Merran & Gary Metz. They have a good mobile home, 2 doors up from camp owner Ron. It has an addition with an extra room and an enclosed porch, and I believe a shed, too. I'd buy it, but I just hate to leave the Hill District, plus with all that space I just might get lost in that trailer.</B></div> <div> <B>Of course, someone told me that if I had that trailer, I could have my family come to camp and stay with me. I thought, "You know that's true."</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>I'll keep my camper, thank you.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>It's not that I dislike my family. They need a break from me. </B></div> <div> <B>Besides, I know how my luck runs. First time I spend a little money for a big trailer, a tornado will come and relocate it to Frewsburg, NY. </B></div> <div> <B>You have to be careful moving up to those luxury homes. First you buy the place, then you have to invest in furnishings. New couch, new carpet, panel the bed room, "Oh! I need new kitchen curtains!" </B></div> <div> <B>Then comes the maintenance. Mow the grass, put up skirting, mop the floors, wash the windows, you know that porch could use a coat of paint. </B></div> <div> <B>Next thing you know, you stay at home so you can rest.</B></div> <div> <B>I'll just keep my simple little hovel. The spiders and occasional mice are house guests enough for me. </B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>Ethel Zeidler</B></div> <div> <B>Our prayers and thoughts go out to Marlene Marree, Karen Toia and their families with the passing of their Mom, Ethel. </B></div> <div> <B>I remember the first time I met her, at the camp. She reminded me of Maxine, the cartoon lady, but with more attitude. Ethel did not call a spade a spade, she called it a fucking shovel. </B></div> <div> <B>After the shock wore off, and you saw a bit of real lady inside, you naturally had to love her, just like Maxine. If nothing else, you just had to see what was next.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>Ethel truly had a style that she carried very well. She was a straight from the hip shooter who called things, situations and citizens the way she saw them. </B></div> <div> <B>Working for years as a waitress at Eat-N-Park, she pretty much had heard it all, and had a come back for most of it. Remember the "Kiss My Grits!" waitress on the </B><I><B>Alice </B></I><B>show? Ethel would never tell you that, unless the grits were strategically placed on her backside. </B></div> <div> <B>I saw her at her best, being lucky enough to be invited to some of her family's functions. She loved being with her children and grandchildren, and you could see the effect on them and her.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>I will always have fond memories of Ethel, and think about her when ever I wear a pair of sweat pants, and a baggy T shirt. </B></div> <div> <B>Questions? </B></div> <div> <B>That's </B><I><B>Ethel Wear, </B></I><B>dude. It don't get any better then that.</B></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>1/1/2008</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>Happy New Year!</B></div> <div> <B>121 days till camp. Damned leap years. We have to wait a whole extra day. Stupid February 29 th. They should open a day early! We didn't write that calendar! </B></div> <div> <B>I shouldn't bitch. Better to be here waiting an extra day to get to camp, then waiting an extra day to push up spring daisies.</B></div> <div> <B>New year = new slate. If any one wants a copy of last year's Eyeview page, e-mail me, and I'll send you a copy. Just click on the mailbox.</B></div> <div> <B>So how many hangovers out there? Not me. Last night I watched what was left of Dick Clark, bless his heart. I had a glass of water and a ham sandwich.</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <B>I have to admire your devotion to duty, but let's face it Dick. You have more money then some countries. Go enjoy it. </B></div> <div> <B>First night. Shouldn't that be Last Night, or First Morning? Wait...Last night was First Night? </B></div> <div> <B>Regardless what it's called, the whole deal is a politically correct wimp out. "Well, not every one celebrates January 1 as the beginning of the new year. We don't want to injure their self-esteem." </B></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B>Fine. Then give me a day off on Chinese New Year. My self-esteem is drifting downward, too, ya know?</B></div> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>